Me and my girlfriend , financial & emotional situations around her job

July 15, 2018

I met a lovely woman socially through a meetup group late last year. We enjoyed the event and really hit it off. We saw each other fairly regularly over the course of a few months through this group, and continued to enjoy our time together and build our friendship with a lot of shared interests.

I told her earlier this year the way I felt about her, and we started seeing each other pretty much as friends with benefits. After a month or so I asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes, but said she had something she had to tell me.

On and off for the past 5 years, she told me her main form of employment has been working in an adult massage shop where she gives massages/body slides/ happy endings and was earning many thousands of dollars a week tax free. She has hated the work from what she has told me, and has being seeing a psychologist but feels traped from her lack of formal education and real work in previously doing bar work, etc.

She however gave it up at the beginning of our relationship and I've helped her out a little financially, while she's been looking for alternative employment. No other job yet. She went back to her home country for a month to see her Dad who is quite sick and got back last week. Mid-way through the trip, she told me she needs to send $2,000 a month back to her Dad for health related expenses and is going to have to go back to work to do this.

My feelings for this woman have developed a lot over the course of the past 10 months but that kind of shocked me but I kind of understand her reasoning to do this for her father.

However, I now feel kind of trapped in whether she expects me to help her with this $2,000 a month and the thought of her going back to work and doing this sort of job kind of sickens me. If I'd known about this last year or knew she would go back, I probably wouldn't have started anything, but with where we're at now, I feel emotionally connected to her and really like it. My thoughts are just totally clouded with the whole situation.

I'm not sure what it is I'm asking here, but any thoughts/comments feel free to offer. It's not something I feel I can share with any close friends or family obviously.

July 15, 2018

I wonder where she is from. All European countries have Universal health care, all communist countries also have free health care, as well as middle east. The only place I heard people going in debts for health reasons is the US.

The way I see it each time she'll be faced with financial problems she'll want to go back to that job because it pays well and quickly. I am not gonna get to the part where she works under the table and rob society of thousands of dollars meant to take care of the poorer.

So finally my advice would be to break up with her and find someone that shares the same values as you. Sure it will be hard at first but you'll get over it and you'll be glad you let her go down the road.

July 15, 2018

Thanks for your thoughts Gaeta. Appreciate it and yes some interesting comments there.

She's originally from South Korea and that is where her father is. I'm from Australia.

It is very hard to meet people outside of the dating apps these days....

July 15, 2018

South Korea health care is free and cover 97% of all health expenses.

Your girlfriend sounds like a big liar and I imagine it's not the only lie she is feeding you. There are plenty of women to date in Australia whether it's on apps or not. You'll meet someone new you just need to put in some efforts.

July 15, 2018

This woman knows one way to make money. . . .she was using strangers for money as a profession & now she's using you.

I don't see her changing her value system permanently. If she has no income now for a year, how does she live? How much financial help are you giving her?

While she was making "lots" of money if she really wanted out why didn't she put herself through some kind of school when she had tuition money? Assuming she even likes massage or helping people over the course of 5 years she could have become a licensed massage therapist or a nurse. The reason she didn't do that is her job was easy money. Now she sees you that way.

July 15, 2018

Good god man!!!!! Don't let your heart overrule your brain.

You're about to be played for a fool if you let it happen

July 15, 2018

Thanks for the comments everyone. It's a reality check and something I appreciate hearing. Because she's lived with me regularly over the course of the past few months , it's become a real heart type situation for me.

Its only the second relationship I've had in my life after being married for 15 years. I'm 39 now, and generally quite a lonely guy so it has been nice having someone in my life again.

July 15, 2018

Its only the second relationship I've had in my life after being married for 15 years. I'm 39 now, and generally quite a lonely guy so it has been nice having someone in my life again.

She will stay as long as you continue to pay. That is a very one sided relationship. As lonely as you may be when she leaves, you will be better off with somebody who loves you not just your money.

July 15, 2018

This woman knows one way to make money. . . .she was using strangers for money as a profession & now she's using you.

I don't see her changing her value system permanently. If she has no income now for a year, how does she live? How much financial help are you giving her?

While she was making "lots" of money if she really wanted out why didn't she put herself through some kind of school when she had tuition money? Assuming she even likes massage or helping people over the course of 5 years she could have become a licensed massage therapist or a nurse. The reason she didn't do that is her job was easy money. Now she sees you that way.

I'm beginning to see that at last. It sounds pathetic I know and it's something I need to work on but I lack self confidence in the dating scene and don't come across overly well as I stutter.

Large majority of people in the dating scene I can tell are put off by this and think I'm stupid I'm very good at reading people . Little do they know I'm actually extremely successful in my field.

I've given her around $8k AUD up to now . She has said constantly if we ever break up I will pay you back.

Yes I've mentioned that to her around studies and she did study for a while before stopping as she said she had to return to work for her dad. I setup a meeting with the head of nursing at an organisation to possibly get some work experience and then an entry level role. Never followed through on it unfortunately after I went out of my way to do it. Was paying around $600 a week which she said was too little for her lifestyle so it all goes round in circles.

July 15, 2018

She has said constantly if we ever break up I will pay you back.

The correct answer is "I am paying you back"--there's no "if we break up". DF?

Yes I've mentioned that to her around studies and she did study for a while before stopping as she said she had to return to work for her dad. I setup a meeting with the head of nursing at an organisation to possibly get some work experience and then an entry level role. Never followed through on it unfortunately after I went out of my way to do it. Was paying around $600 a week which she said was too little for her lifestyle so it all goes round in circles.

So it's a lifestyle now that she's trying to maintain? She makes more money hand jobbing men than she will doing something that will make you feel comfortable with her means of earning a living. You have to get good with that if you want to continue with her. She's basically telling you this is how she rolls--despite her dad, she doesn't want to put the time in to learn a trade so she will never be at any man's mercy for a place to lay her head at night. She figures she'll find a guy who will fall for her ruse as the hapless girl on a visa who has to pay for dad's medical bills.

I'd back up really fast and do not put your heart on this table. She's being shady, IMO.

July 15, 2018

OP, I strongly suspect you are being taken for a ride here. Stop giving this woman money.

As others have pointed out, South Korea offers universal health care to its citizens. What type of health problems does she say her dad has that require an additional $2 500 a month?

Edited July 15, 2018 by ExpatInItaly

July 16, 2018

I'm beginning to see that at last. It sounds pathetic I know and it's something I need to work on but I lack self confidence in the dating scene and don't come across overly well as I stutter.
Large majority of people in the dating scene I can tell are put off by this and think I'm stupid I'm very good at reading people . Little do they know I'm actually extremely successful in my field.

I've given her around $8k AUD up to now . She has said constantly if we ever break up I will pay you back.

Yes I've mentioned that to her around studies and she did study for a while before stopping as she said she had to return to work for her dad. I setup a meeting with the head of nursing at an organisation to possibly get some work experience and then an entry level role. Never followed through on it unfortunately after I went out of my way to do it. Was paying around $600 a week which she said was too little for her lifestyle so it all goes round in circles.

I hope you are realizing what she is doing for work is prostitution and you're just another kind of 'john' for her.

July 16, 2018

Stuttering is not an intelligence marker. It's a tough thing to overcome though. I recently met a man at Church. We're both married to other people & our interactions are not romantic or sexual but I like his mind. Other people have asked me why I even talk to him. His stuttering is tough to get past. I feel bad because sometimes when we're talking I finish his sentences because I get impatient. I immediately regret doing that; now he's less upset by it because he gets that I just am enjoying our discussion so much I want it to go faster. Still I'm bad for doing that.

I get that you may feel held back by the stuttering. I hope she's the person you want her to be & she pays you back but I'm skeptical.

Does she have any means of support? Is she contributing to the household? If not, . . . this may be a much more of an economic transaction then you want. If she's pulling her weight somehow, other then in the bedroom or just being a companion, OK fine. If not, kiss the $8k goodbye & kick her out.

July 16, 2018

Something tells me, she's playing you like a fiddle.

July 16, 2018

First up, thanks for all your comments and feedback everyone. I do appreciate it. I feel like a total clueless idiot.

The correct answer is "I am paying you back"--there's no "if we break up". DF?

Yes, sure is a harsh lesson I'm beginning to learn.

So it's a lifestyle now that she's trying to maintain? She makes more money hand jobbing men than she will doing something that will make you feel comfortable with her means of earning a living. You have to get good with that if you want to continue with her. She's basically telling you this is how she rolls--despite her dad, she doesn't want to put the time in to learn a trade so she will never be at any man's mercy for a place to lay her head at night. She figures she'll find a guy who will fall for her ruse as the hapless girl on a visa who has to pay for dad's medical bills.

I think you've more or less hit the nail on the head there and it's hard to disagree. What gets me is the deception surrounding it in taking my money for months, saying she wants to break free, and was studying, and is now using her Dad's illness as the reason for returning to work and quitting her studies. She was preparing for an English language test that would allow her to go to university here. All my support, care, and motivation appears to have been for nothing. Now I'm hearing comments about buying expensive bags, clothing, etc once she returns to work and starts earning apparently $600-$1,000 a day tax free cash in hand. My morals and belief system are really against these cash-in-hand businesses/employees that pay basically no tax while people like myself pay tens of thousands of dollars a year in tax.

I'd back up really fast and do not put your heart on this table. She's being shady, IMO.

My heart is already broken and she's acting as though everything is perfectly normal.

OP, I strongly suspect you are being taken for a ride here. Stop giving this woman money.

I haven't given her any money for three weeks now, and she left yesterday to return to her shared accommodation which apparently is close to her job. My place is too far apparently (30 mins by train). I'm not desperate for money but my up-bring and general way of handling money is to be careful. Amazing what someone can do with you to override this. This money I was going to put towards a holiday and a new bike but I decided to put my faith in her.

As others have pointed out, South Korea offers universal health care to its citizens. What type of health problems does she say her dad has that require an additional $2 500 a month?

Apparently it's for specialist alzheimer's care. That's what I have been told.

I hope you are realizing what she is doing for work is prostitution and you're just another kind of 'john' for her.

Yes I do realise that. Her not talking to me at all about her job or trying to ease my stress and anxiety surrounding it doesn't help in the slightest.

Stuttering is not an intelligence marker. It's a tough thing to overcome though. I recently met a man at Church. We're both married to other people & our interactions are not romantic or sexual but I like his mind. Other people have asked me why I even talk to him. His stuttering is tough to get past. I feel bad because sometimes when we're talking I finish his sentences because I get impatient. I immediately regret doing that; now he's less upset by it because he gets that I just am enjoying our discussion so much I want it to go faster. Still I'm bad for doing that.

I get that you may feel held back by the stuttering. I hope she's the person you want her to be & she pays you back but I'm skeptical.

My stuttering isn't bad, and is only really noticeable when I'm nervous . Most of the time, a lot of people don't really notice, and I'm pretty clever in substituting words I know I struggle on. Ironically enough, the hardest word to say is my name which gets first dates off to a wonderful start, haha !

Does she have any means of support? Is she contributing to the household? If not, . . . this may be a much more of an economic transaction then you want. If she's pulling her weight somehow, other then in the bedroom or just being a companion, OK fine. If not, kiss the $8k goodbye & kick her out.

Since she's been staying with me the past few weeks, I've been incredibly busy with my 3 businesses and working 12-14 hour days. A lot of the time I head off to bed around 10-10:30pm as I'm just mentally and physically shot from the days activities. She usually stays up gone midnight, and wakes up around midday. She's cooked dinner a few times for us, done some washing, and cleaning. Mostly I just make something quick and easy when I get home late.

Edited July 16, 2018 by ConfusedSituation

July 16, 2018

Something tells me, she's playing you like a fiddle.

Yes that is my thought too. I think this whole story, from the "job" to the illness, is totally concocted in order to scam you out of money. It all seems a little too convenient.

I used to make lots of money but I gave it up for you! Oh I need some money for my sick father........

July 16, 2018

It's very unfortunate because as much as this story and my comments paint otherwise , she is a friendly nice person and makes me smile. But I'm realising it can't continue down this path for my own mental health and financial well being.

Any suggestions on how to approach this with her ?

July 16, 2018

It's very unfortunate because as much as this story and my comments paint otherwise , she is a friendly nice person and makes me smile. But I'm realising it can't continue down this path for my own mental health and financial well being.

Any suggestions on how to approach this with her ?

Tell her:

It was good while it lasted but now it's over.

You will never see that money again and you know it deep down. Just consider that's how much it cost you to learn that lesson.

I am sorry this is happening to you. You will meet someone nice you just need to beleive in it.

July 16, 2018

It's very unfortunate because as much as this story and my comments paint otherwise , she is a friendly nice person and makes me smile. But I'm realising it can't continue down this path for my own mental health and financial well being.

Any suggestions on how to approach this with her ?

Forgot: of course she is friendly and nice to you!! That's how she gets money out of people. I have a feeling you are not the only one she is playing!!

August 20, 2018

Thanks again for all the feedback everyone.

I thought I'd update this thread with what has happened. We broke up yesterday, actually initiated by her. The reason was you're a good person, but I don't think I can ever fall in love with you. I've been acting fairly odd to her, and had a few "remarks" to say about her job which has obviously played its part.

She's been back at work for the past 3 weeks earning many thousands of dollars tax free, and hasn't needed my money at all. I haven't given her anymore since I started this thread but I've been paying for virtually all our meals, etc. She said yesterday she will pay me back the 8k in full, so it will be interesting to see if that actually happens. Said she earns 10k a month cash in hand.

What I've discovered also is that she's actually married (but separated), and putting on a show to get Australian PR by taking fake photos with her ex, fake documents, etc. Again a real red flag and a sign of her true character. Not paying any taxes and trying to stay in Australian illegally doesn't go down well with me as I'm an immigrant and went through the legal way.

I've learnt a lot for the next relationship I get into.

August 20, 2018

You are never going to see the money.

Report her to the tax man.

If she really is earning that much (doubt it) then it's not fair that you and me pay taxes but she gets the benefits offered to society such as police and garbage disposal, for free.

August 20, 2018

She's been back at work for the past 3 weeks earning many thousands of dollars tax free, and hasn't needed my money at all. I haven't given her anymore since I started this thread but I've been paying for virtually all our meals, etc. She said yesterday she will pay me back the 8k in full, so it will be interesting to see if that actually happens. Said she earns 10k a month cash in hand.

If she earns that much money, why does she need to take money from you? She's full of crap. Also, you're not getting your 8,000 back. She's going to just disappear on you.

The fact that you had no idea she was married until now also suggests just how much you cannot trust this person. She has no problem lying to Immigration and tax authorities, so she sure wouldn't have any misgivings about lying to you.

Get her out of your house immediately. Make sure she has zero access to your finances. My assumption is that she's got some other unsuspecting sugar daddy lined up. It's a good thing you are broken up, but concerning that you have hung around until now and ultimately she did the dumping. What were you waiting for?

August 20, 2018

The only way to earn 10k tax free is to deal drugs.

August 20, 2018

You are never going to see the money.
Report her to the tax man.
If she really is earning that much (doubt it) then it's not fair that you and me pay taxes but she gets the benefits offered to society such as police and garbage disposal, for free.

We'll see, she's still got a heap of stuff at my place, and she won't be getting it until she gives me the $.

She's earning that much, I've seen her the past couple of weeks with loads and loads of hundred dollar bills.

Earns $500 a night easily, and spread that across 4-5 nights a week and it comes out at $2,500 a week easily.

All massage/brothels are cash-in-hand and pay little to no tax. I'm not sure what benefit or added drama I'd be getting myself in for there too.

August 20, 2018

If she earns that much money, why does she need to take money from you? She's full of crap. Also, you're not getting your 8,000 back. She's going to just disappear on you.

As per my other post, she's got a heap of stuff still at my place, and won't be getting it back until I get my money that she's promised me time and time again.

The fact that you had no idea she was married until now also suggests just how much you cannot trust this person. She has no problem lying to Immigration and tax authorities, so she sure wouldn't have any misgivings about lying to you.

Yes that's quite right. It's very tempting to make an anonymous call to the Immigration/tax department but I can't be bothered and it seems vindictive which isn't in my personality. As much as I strongly disagree with what she is doing.

Get her out of your house immediately. Make sure she has zero access to your finances. My assumption is that she's got some other unsuspecting sugar daddy lined up. It's a good thing you are broken up, but concerning that you have hung around until now and ultimately she did the dumping. What were you waiting for?

She's gone, and has 0 access to my apartment and finances. Now that she's back working and earning the sum of money she is, she doesn't need a sugar daddy. But you could still be right.

I know, it's very lame of me, and I was just hanging around really because of the great sex.

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Me and my girlfriend , financial & emotional situations around her job

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