Midnightfvkgirl Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 I went on a date last night. Now, ive always felt a spark if i meet someone i like. I didnt last night on this date, but on paper the guy would seem a perfect match for me. And the date went well, same sense of homour, very open and talked for hours. I think Ive always tended to go for the guys that Ive had a spark with from the beginning (which has probably led to all my problems with falling for them early on etc). This guy didnt even attempt to kiss me last night. Should I go on a second date to see if something develops? (it just seems out of my comfort zone, but im aware my comfort zone needs to change or ill keep attracting guys that are just after one thing)
basil67 Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 Has he asked you on a second date? If the chemistry was lacking, he may not 1
act00 Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 He sounds great. I think another date or two would be worth it. You'll know soon enough if you don't see it going anywhere, and certainly don't prolong it if it's just not taking off. Given you feel as though you follow the spark to the wrong kind of guy, it would good for you to experience something different, and those sparks could kick in on date number two. Don't be too premature in calling it a day. 1
Author Midnightfvkgirl Posted July 13, 2018 Author Posted July 13, 2018 Has he asked you on a second date? If the chemistry was lacking, he may not He kind of left it with me, he said "i enjoyed that. Really nice to meet you. Gve me a nudge if/whenever you fancy"
Miss Spider Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 I guess another date or two wouldn't hurt, but I wouldn't. I feel like it should be there after a first date. 1
MaleIntuition Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 What is the spark? Is it the same feeling for everyone? Is it a chemical mix of nervousness, endorfines and oxytocin perhaps?
kendahke Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 He kind of left it with me, he said "i enjoyed that. Really nice to meet you. Gve me a nudge if/whenever you fancy" Then he's indifferent about you if he's not saying "Let's go do _____ on Saturday" or something definite like that. He didn't feel enough of a spark to arse himself to asking for the second date. I need to feel a spark, but I've known sparks to happen on the second meeting and not the first---how open I am to arranging my kindling for the spark has to do with if/how the guy and I click. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 (it just seems out of my comfort zone, but im aware my comfort zone needs to change or ill keep attracting guys that are just after one thing) Because you said you are trying to break out of a routine that hasn't been working, yes I think you should try a 2nd date with this guy. I need that spark but I always had a "good picker" so there was no need to change. 1
Andy_K Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 For me, no. Sometimes it takes a few dates to develop the right level of comfort/rapport with someone for that to appear. Also it's not a massive priority for me in any case... if I find her attractive, we get on well enough that I'd like to spend more time with her, and I don't see any obvious deal-breakers, then I'll give it a shot.
Gaeta Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 I did not feel a spark the first time I met my BF and everyone knows I am crazy about him. I'd say something switched in me on our 3rd date. When I met him the first time I even told myself on my way out I'd decline a 2nd date if he ask. When he called for the 2nd date I felt I had no 'real' reason to decline and I went. The rest is history. Now, if you go on 2-3-4 dates and you don't feel any interest growing in you just don't force it and abort. You're out there to meet someone don't put obstacles in your journey like 'no spark on a first meeting'. That's a detail. .
carhill Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 What is the spark? Is it the same feeling for everyone? Is it a chemical mix of nervousness, endorfines and oxytocin perhaps? The OP's post tripped a switch based on a recent experience but I'll share on this first. When I meet a lady I'm attracted to immediately, which is super rare, like less than ten fingers in some sixty years, the rest of the environment kind of slips away and it's just us. I get really calm and not nearly as chatty as I normally am with women. Don't know the brain chemical part. Would be kinda fun to wear the gear and measure brain activity and physical changes. I'm sure they've done studies on that stuff. Anyway, OP, IMO, if you need that first 'oomph' of immediate attraction to build upon, go with that. It's your style. I would be especially confident in it if you meet and feel it with a variety of men, not primarily one 'type'. Something your post caused me to reflect on is how we can pick up on each other's vibes. I've done this in the past with dates and more recently, and markedly, with a MW. As example, you shared you didn't 'feel it' upon meeting this new guy. He can pick up on that subconsciously and it can affect his perception and reaction. The difficult part, for me anyway, is sorting out the incoming information from one's own feelings (of attraction, or not) My usual advice is if it doesn't flow, let it go. 1
Mx12345 Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 I had the same thing happen with my boyfriend that I have now been with for 8 months. The first date went well, but there was no spark. We went on a few more dates and I found myself thinking about him more and more in between the dates. He was so nice and genuine and sweet and caring, but that SPARK just wasn't there. It wasn't until six weeks of dating that I felt butterflies before our dates. Now 8 months in I still get giggly when I see a text from him. Give him another date or two at least, esp if you had a good time on the first one. As you get older you start to appreciate the other things just as much as that spark. and hey maybe the spark will develop, even if its a little late like me. 1
carhill Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 I think if one has had positive experiences from waiting and it then happening, one will be more open to the possibility. OP, how has it gone for you? Ever had a positive and healthy intimacy come from waiting and a spark developing later? Or, have you not tried that? You mentioned you've 'tended to' go with the first spark. Any exceptions?
preraph Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 Go for a second date and be sure and do something he likes, just in case he was just nervous. Everyone is nervous first date. But that spark is something that is a dealbreaker for me. I dated one guy who was perfect on paper (for someone else apparently - but too preppy/sholastic for me) but man, the conversation was all up to me. I had to quit. It faded away, no hard feelings. But then I dated one guy who was really cute and we had interests in common, but the chemistry just wasn't there, even though he was so attractive. He was like boinking a Ken doll, just not pliable and so rigid, you know, all over. Again, faded away, no hard feelings.
JuneL Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 Go for a second date and be sure and do something he likes, just in case he was just nervous. Everyone is nervous first date. But that spark is something that is a dealbreaker for me. I dated one guy who was perfect on paper (for someone else apparently - but too preppy/sholastic for me) but man, the conversation was all up to me. I had to quit. It faded away, no hard feelings. But then I dated one guy who was really cute and we had interests in common, but the chemistry just wasn't there, even though he was so attractive. He was like boinking a Ken doll, just not pliable and so rigid, you know, all over. Again, faded away, no hard feelings. Omg, Ken doll is so not my type I’ve always wondered if people really find Barbie that pretty. 1
nospam99 Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 Please clarify an LS definition for my benefit. When I read 'spark', I think it means sufficient sexual attraction that the speaker/writer would be interested in having sex with the other party. Is that it or am I missing something? 1
carhill Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 In a dating situation for myself 'spark' is the feeling of wanting to physically embrace them and kiss them and not in a brotherly-sisterly way On initial meeting that's happened so rarely in life it stands out. Everyone else who might be around fades away and there's only one person to focus on. That's my version anyway. For comparison, it's also occurred with persons I've known for years or decades. At some point, something changed and poof, sparks.
Mx12345 Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 Iva also had the SPARK backfire on me a couple of times too. Went on a first date, everything was going fantastic, felt the spark, kissed at the end, spent the next few days thinking about him and smiling. Then on the second date I guess he got more comfortable, drank way too much, started being rude to the waitress, later on got into a shouting match with some random guy at the bar, then started to grope me as we parted ways. Spark was 100% gone and I never spoke to him again.
OatsAndHall Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 In my opinion, one date isn't generally isn't enough time to develop any kind of connection with a person. If the date went well and you enjoyed yourself, I don't see any reason not to go out with the guy again. Give a few dates and see what happens. And, be weary of the "first date spark" thought process as it can be extremely deceiving. Some people are experienced daters, are solid conversationalists and just know how to make a date enjoyable and that will feel like a "spark". I have been out with a few women like this and ended up disappointed when some serious red flags popped up on later dates. Hell, I walked out of one first date practically head-over-heels only to find out later on that she had just left her husband a few weeks prior.. Bad, bad news.. And, the opposite is true as well: some folks struggle are reserved and/or shy and it takes them a few dates to warm-up and that's when things start to roll. I had a horrendous first date with a woman once as she was painfully shy and the evening was exceptionally awkward. But, she texted me the next day and asked for a mulligan as it was the first date she'd been out on in awhile. The second date was much more enjoyable and the third one was a blast as she had come out of her shell a bit. Things didn't work out between us for various reasons but we had a good time together. 1
TheFinalWord Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 For me, no. Sometimes it takes a few dates to develop the right level of comfort/rapport with someone for that to appear. Also it's not a massive priority for me in any case... if I find her attractive, we get on well enough that I'd like to spend more time with her, and I don't see any obvious deal-breakers, then I'll give it a shot. I'm the same way. I mean there has to be attraction, but it can take a couple dates for the person to open up. I also know people put on a front on the first couple dates, so I don't allow myself to get swept away like that these days. More concerning here is he left it open-ended. He should still initiate the first couple of dates. But I don't think it's too out of the ordinary if you wanted to ask him out these days.
MaleIntuition Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 Please clarify an LS definition for my benefit. When I read 'spark', I think it means sufficient sexual attraction that the speaker/writer would be interested in having sex with the other party. Is that it or am I missing something? + 1 Yes. Girls; you who keep writing this. Spark this, spark that. Is it just code word for being horney? The whole concept confuses the heck out of me. 1
Miss Spider Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 (edited) It means, you know...chemistry. Just kidding. I don't completely get what it means either, but just going off the context I see it used in I think it means strong romantic/sexual attraction. Correct me if I'm wrong. Edited July 13, 2018 by Cookiesandough 2
ElKay Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 My sparks happen on the second or third date if not on the first date, so I would give it one more chance at least just in case. ^^ Spice it up and see if sparks fly!
I'veseenbetterlol Posted July 14, 2018 Posted July 14, 2018 I went on a date last night. Now, ive always felt a spark if i meet someone i like. I didnt last night on this date, but on paper the guy would seem a perfect match for me. And the date went well, same sense of homour, very open and talked for hours. I think Ive always tended to go for the guys that Ive had a spark with from the beginning (which has probably led to all my problems with falling for them early on etc). This guy didnt even attempt to kiss me last night. Should I go on a second date to see if something develops? (it just seems out of my comfort zone, but im aware my comfort zone needs to change or ill keep attracting guys that are just after one thing) That has happened to me as well and it was diff this time around. The feelings developed slowly, but I discovered that my bf really does care for and feelings have not faded on his end or mine. In the past I would fall fast and hard only to find out that after a little while the feelings would fade on his end. Give him another chance, if he flakes or says no just move on, no harm no foul.
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