Lobouspo Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 (edited) So July 20 will be our 1 year anniversary together. My GF is in her home country since June 20. I am going there for two weeks beginning of August and was going to propose and told a couple of her siblings my intentions. Couple of things have come up. Her mom's health has taken a downtown. Also, she's building a house out there and money has gotten tight. Tight enough that I'm going to have to help her out with $500. Between supervising and paying for her home, and her mom's health with her being stressed, we may not have the time or money for any romantic getaways. I'm just thinking the timing isn't right. Tbh...I even thought about cancelling the trip. She's got so much on her plate with her mom and the house, I don't want to be burden like she has to entertain me. Any suggestions? Advice? Edited July 13, 2018 by Lobouspo
Highndry Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 If she's building a house yet doesn't even have $500 at her disposal, something's not adding up. Building a house will oftentimes incur unforeseen expenses in the tens of thousands of dollars. Her financial acumen and planning is gravely suspect. 1
Author Lobouspo Posted July 13, 2018 Author Posted July 13, 2018 If she's building a house yet doesn't even have $500 at her disposal, something's not adding up. Building a house will oftentimes incur unforeseen expenses in the tens of thousands of dollars. Her financial acumen and planning is gravely suspect. Yes, in fairness, she is building in a third world country at a much cheaper rate than the U.S.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 Looking at your posting history about this relationship - getting married would be incredibly foolish. 1
MidwestUSA Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 Look back at your prior threads regarding this relationship. Do you think things will change for the better if you marry her? It's been a year; people are generally on their best behavior for most of that time. Are you desperate to get married? Is the plan to move to her country, since she's building a house? She has student loans and wants to adopt a child, IIRC. She wanted you to consign a loan. And she's not done with school and practicing as an NP yet! I see a huge money drain in your future. As far as the trip, I suspect she'll throw a fit and call you selfish if you cancel. Go, if you think you can manage to have some fun, but put the proposal on hold. 1
Chilli Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 Really bad time right now and she'll feel as if she has to be all this and do all that but that's gonna be the last thing she'll actually feel like right now , well l'd imagine anyway. l'd just spend time with her right now , you can even talk about it and suss her out with everything she's got goin on , be there for her and lighten her load a little but l'd doubt right now she's gonna feel like worrying about getting married. Though , could be wrong. Talk. but no pressure. Good luck
Zahara Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 Yes, in fairness, she is building in a third world country at a much cheaper rate than the U.S. It doesn’t matter where she’s building. When you undertake such a task, you walk in financially prepared. Financial support seems to be a common theme with your girlfriend. Also, after reading your other threads, I’m not sure what would make you consider proposing. Marriage doesn’t change things.
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 Do go on the trip but don't propose. You have only been together a year. When you "help her out" with this $500 what does that mean? If you have any expectations of getting your money back, make her sign a promissory note before you give her the money. Otherwise it is a gift she doesn't have to repay even if you break up.
Gaeta Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 You voluntarily put blind folders on to not see the red flags flying left and right. You think because you ignore the red flags they mean nothing and will go away? This woman is irresponsible with money, start building a house but runs out money, she goes back to school and runs out of money, instead of budgeting she counts on you to bail her out and she thinks she is capable of handling international adoption when she knows zip about it AND it may cost up to 25K! She is starting to look like a miss-know-it-all. 1
carhill Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 IMO, propose when you feel like it, as there's no fixed marital date attached. I mean don't propose while she's yelling at the building contractor but OTOH don't keep putting it off for the perfect, stars-aligned moment. Life has precious few of those. You can get married anytime, or not at all. It doesn't have to be a romantic getaway. I sat my GF on my lap at a friend's house at a Christmas party, dressed as Santa for the kids, and proposed to her there. The kids asked 'why is that lady kissing Santa Claus?' Consider any money you give her to be a gift. No expectations. Hope the house-building goes well. Those things can turn into time and money sucks. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 Use the trip for a scouting and intelligence mission if you go. You will see her operating under difficult conditions ... well, here's the thing. If a relationship is worth it ... and is going to survive ... we all have to be able manage the relationship and at the same time manage various life challenges. I'm getting that you feel something is off ... maybe she's been quite distant. Don't assume this is all due to circumstances ... Don't go if you really don't feel up to it ... if you go, feel no obligation to propose. Instead, use the time with her to be brutally honest about whether this is a person you want to live with the rest of your life. 1
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