MaleIntuition Posted July 15, 2018 Posted July 15, 2018 ENFP and INTJ are considered an ideal match by the widely accepted theory... which prefers the primary function to be the same but opposite i/e expressions (your Ni with his Ne). Usually we think of the man being the rational and the woman the feeler, because it fits the common gender stereotypes, but in reality it works either way. Congratulations. Marry him, they're hard to find. Is there a systematic explanation of how you do the matching such that you end up with iNtuitives and Sensors being great matches? I've always subscribed to the theory that prefers matching the dominant function but with opposite i/e expression. I am INTJ as well, and it's almost like I can smell the difference. Ask a question about an idea or system to a N and you get a lively discussion... ask the same question to a S and you get an eye-roll and a comment about something needing to be dusted. So, like Central, I have assumed that my best matches will always be xNFx types, and experience has pretty well confirmed it––married and divorced an ESFP, now dating NF when I can find them, and wishing for an ENFP. My systematic method is to pair what’s referred to as the parent function (the second function in the cognitive stack) with the eternal child function (the third function in the stack) in such a way that we have a match between how we prefer to receive comforted and how we prefer to give comfort and support. For you that would be ENFP and ESFP. The former would be more of a best-buddy kind of relationship with great discussions while the latter might be more complimentary if the couple learns how to recognise their own strengths and weaknesses. At one point you did love an ESFP, so perhaps this theory holds some merit. The method of pairing the reversed dominant function works for the intuitives, INTJ/ENFP and ENTP/INFJ but intuition is special in this regard because they will be able to “fuel” one another’s ideas. But is the same true for F-dom? I don’t think so, Fe seeks to make decisions based on external harmony - whats best for the group; while Fi looks internally; which decision best harmonies with my internal values. To me, that seems to be a recepie for conflict. The problem with exclusively looking at xNFx is that it assumes to much similarity between the xNFx. For example, an INFJ will have a hard time working well with ENTJ but ENTJ could probably work well with INFP. There are a lot of factors to consider when theory crafting about optimal matches.
salparadise Posted July 15, 2018 Posted July 15, 2018 My systematic method is... Well, you seem to know a lot and have confidence in your theories... where did you learn about all of this? I have searched for alternative matching methods and found some suggesting what I consider non-standard advice, but without much explanation. I want to understand so as to not be closed minded. Are you familiar with the Socionics website? They characterize all possible matches using fourteen intertype relational dynamics. Like Myers-Briggs, this is based on Jungian typology but it seems to be a completely different system. I haven't decided how much validity to attribute to it. I bought the book Psychological Types by Jung (translated and revised), but it's so dense, abstract, and written in such a different style that it's extremely difficult to absorb in a useful way. And it's mostly about describing the characteristic of the types and not much about intertype dynamics. I'm still on the lookout for a really great book that makes it digestible without over simplifying everything.
introverted1 Posted July 15, 2018 Posted July 15, 2018 INTJ female here and I've yet to find the perfect match. I'm a social introvert inasmuch as I can enjoy time with others, although large crowds are not my thing. I have not had good luck with extroverts because they tend to resent the alone time I need.
MaleIntuition Posted July 15, 2018 Posted July 15, 2018 Well, you seem to know a lot and have confidence in your theories... where did you learn about all of this? I have searched for alternative matching methods and found some suggesting what I consider non-standard advice, but without much explanation. I want to understand so as to not be closed minded. Are you familiar with the Socionics website? They characterize all possible matches using fourteen intertype relational dynamics. Like Myers-Briggs, this is based on Jungian typology but it seems to be a completely different system. I haven't decided how much validity to attribute to it. I bought the book Psychological Types by Jung (translated and revised), but it's so dense, abstract, and written in such a different style that it's extremely difficult to absorb in a useful way. And it's mostly about describing the characteristic of the types and not much about intertype dynamics. I'm still on the lookout for a really great book that makes it digestible without over simplifying everything. I was introduced to MBTI 7 years ago and had some formal education as a part of a management training program. Like many others I started out believing that Js are organised while Ps are messy. Then I started to learn more from a range of sources online, observations and some of my own theories. One issue with jungian typology is that it is theoretical rather than scientific which makes thing hard, or even impossible, to prove (some sources will therefore just be... well... someone else’s theories). Today I focus mostly on trying to understand how the different cognitive functions manifest, and how they affect relationships. In my opinion, the biggest difference between MBTI and socionomics is that they switched the meaning of the last notation for dominant introverts: INTJ = INTp. I wasn’t familiar with this site but interestingly enough they theories that an optimal match indeed is to match dominant intuition with dominant sensing. Relations of Duality between psychological ("personality") types INTJ (INTp in their notation) is matched with ESFP. Their theory is to simply match what they refer to as the Ego-function (your first two cognitive functions) with a partners super-ego-function (third and forth). In your case: Ni - Te (your strongest self) with Fi - Se (areas where you are less strong) so you’ll wind up with a match that has the same cognitive preference as you do, but in the opposite order. It’s an interesting thought, but they also highlight some of the issues; namely for the dominant extrovert to See the value of their introverted counterparts and for intuitives to realise that sensing can be useful. Haven’t seen a book yet that explores these ideas - if you find one, please let me know! 1
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