ElKay Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 Hi all! So, I've been dating a few different guys, just putting myself out there and making new friends. I met one guy for a mini date when we went for ice cream after work. We talked on and off after that, but our schedules didn't match up often. Since there was a heatwave here and we both like swimming, I asked if he wanted to go to the pool together. He happily accepted (or sounded happy online) and we planned to meet at 11:30am when the pool would open. We talked about it the day before. On the day of, I was heading to the pool since it's about 25 minutes away and, 10 minutes before, he messages me asking if we can go later. I say that I'm already on my way and ask when he meant by later. He apologizes, says that he's still at home and asks if we can meet at 12:45 instead. Plus, he also asks if he can bring his friend if he wants to go... :/ Sigh. Anyways, I ended up swimming for an hour on my own and went home. I enjoyed my time regardless for sure, but he's asking to hang out again and that experience made him way less attractive to me since I'm very punctual. I wouldn't have taken it badly if he had at least told me a few hours in advance or something, not right before we were supposed to meet. Is it bad if I mention that I'm a punctual person and wasn't a huge fan of him trying to move the meeting very last minute? I'm pretty honest when things are annoying me, but I always try to be polite, so I'm not sure in this case.
Gaeta Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 Did he offer any explanation to what happened to him? Did a friend from out of town surprised him and that's why he was in this tight situation?
Author ElKay Posted July 12, 2018 Author Posted July 12, 2018 Did he offer any explanation to what happened to him? Did a friend from out of town surprised him and that's why he was in this tight situation? Nope! Heck, even saying something like he couldn't sleep and overslept in the morning would have been an excuse. It's a shame since he seemed like an okay guy, but he's definitely a bit too young for me emotionally, even if he's a few months older.
preraph Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 He doesn't sound interested. I mean, he was going to bring a friend with him to a date you asked him on. He chickened out all around. Maybe he feels self-conscious in a bathing suit. But I just wouldn't like the flakiness/cancelling of it and that would stop me from contacting him again, because if you do, you're agreeing to being treated that way, even if you gripe about it, if you recontact him.
Author ElKay Posted July 12, 2018 Author Posted July 12, 2018 He doesn't sound interested. I mean, he was going to bring a friend with him to a date you asked him on. He chickened out all around. Maybe he feels self-conscious in a bathing suit. But I just wouldn't like the flakiness/cancelling of it and that would stop me from contacting him again, because if you do, you're agreeing to being treated that way, even if you gripe about it, if you recontact him. Yeah, I feel like he isn't that interested. Interested enough to keep reaching out.. but even then he always asks me to hang out in his area instead of somewhere on middleground... Oh well, onto the next!
OatsAndHall Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 I have very little patience for this kind of behavior when dating. If we make plans at a specific time, then I plan the date starting at that time and work the rest of my day around it. I understand if someone is late or cancels because of an emergency but I will bring it up if it becomes a habit. And, it is a deal breaker for me if it continues. I have always struggled when operating on other people's schedules so it becomes extremely frustrating for me when an individual can't be somewhere on time. 1
act00 Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 I don't think you would be out of line to express your disappointment and frustration about this entire ordeal...nicely and rationally, of course. If he runs for the hills because you're being a "drama queen," then good riddance. Showing up on time and being considerate of the person who is organizing their life around you is just plain common courtesy, but this is a guy who supposedly wants to date you, likes you, and wants to get to know you more and get in your pants...let's bring up the bar. Whether or not you choose to see him again (or attempt to plan again) depends on your desire to see if this was a one-off or not. He chose to contact you all of ten minutes before your date and he hadn't even left the house yet...with plans to have a friend in tow?? This is so "next-worthy," but I can be curious and a glutton for punishment; I would likely see how this plays out once more before tossing in the towel. I'm really glad you continued on your way instead of choosing to wait or go home, just to make the treck again. I'm sooo glad you enjoyed your afternoon and went about your plans, and he missed out because of his immaturity and poor planning skills. It's very disrespectful and uncaring to pull this crap. You organized your time and your day around him and your plans together so that you could be available and be there on time, probably planning extra time in case something went awry...and he hadn't even left the house yet?? Stellar behavior. I'm inclined to say don't bother with this guy, but I know I would see this out just a little longer, and having been around this block before, if planning a specific time and date is anxiety-inducing and difficult, and if you find yourself waiting due to his tardiness or the fact he's leaving the house at 7 when your date was at 7...move on. 1
kendahke Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 It all depends if you actually want to see him again. If what he did bothers you that much, instead of reprimanding him, just block him and keep it moving. If he didn't care to contact you until 10 minutes before--AND he wanted to bring a friend, then he really doesn't care how you feel. He's not considerate of your time. Find someone else who is. 2
Author ElKay Posted July 13, 2018 Author Posted July 13, 2018 Thank you, everyone! I think I'll mention it next time he asks to hang out and then just go from there, but I'll most likely just drop him as a candidate. I've been meeting guys that have been so much better at reaching out to me after and being fun as heck, so I don't know if I'm ready to waste time on another date with him after all of this. ^^;
mortensorchid Posted July 14, 2018 Posted July 14, 2018 Guys who blow things off are not interested in that woman they are to meet. Sad but true.
bene Posted July 14, 2018 Posted July 14, 2018 He’s just not interested. If you say that you chatted on and off and had some scheduling problems then the interest level was not very high to begin with. It’s common decency to be on time and and letting someone know 10 minutes before meeting when the other person is obviously already on their way is acceptable in case of actual emergency. Nobody forgets the date they’re excited about and least a date in swimming pool in bathing suits with the woman you like. Move on and find someone who is more enthusiastic and excited meeting you. If you continue hanging out with this guy you will just drag him along and I doubt that this is what you want.
Author ElKay Posted July 14, 2018 Author Posted July 14, 2018 I agree with what you all said for sure. It's funny since he's the one that reached out to me in the first place. It probably won't help his case that one of my red flags from the start was that, on our first meeting, he mentioned that he's a mama's boy. And she dropped him off... He's turning 28 this year, oh my gosh. Anyways, all this to say is that I've most likely dodged a bullet.
fiskadoro Posted July 15, 2018 Posted July 15, 2018 Yes, it does sound like you have dodged a bullet! Also, you don't need to justify calling him on moving the time at the last moment by saying you are a punctual person. Just stand your ground. Being late and bringing a friend? Yellow card for sure.
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