Sgthaytham Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 My brother’s ex openly admitted to liking me the other day. I told her that I was flattered but that I was seeing someone who I really like, and, as a matter of fact, I am falling for. I’m going to tell my GF in person what happened. Do you think it’s a good idea?
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 No do not tell your GF. This info will only annoy your GF & cause drama. She's your brother's EX GF. Why are you even in touch with her, unless she is the mother of your niece / nephew? Ignore her. Resume your regularly scheduled life & pretend she never said anything because she should be a non entity in your life. 4
Author Sgthaytham Posted July 12, 2018 Author Posted July 12, 2018 No do not tell your GF. This info will only annoy your GF & cause drama. She's your brother's EX GF. Why are you even in touch with her, unless she is the mother of your niece / nephew? Ignore her. Resume your regularly scheduled life & pretend she never said anything because she should be a non entity in your life. She’s part of the same social group.
Gaeta Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 No! There is no reason to!! On top of that you heard it from a third party! Go on with your business as if nothing happenned because nothing happenned. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 Not a good idea. Listen, people get flirted with and hit on all the time unless you want occurrences like this to disrupt and add doubt to a good relationship, there is no reason to bring them up. Trust me, somewhere someone is probably hitting on your current girlfriend. Don't bring it up. Unnecessary. I realize you might be taking the "being honest" part to the nth degree and super seriously. You are not hiding this by omission or lying by not telling her. You shut it down with your brother's ex so it's handled. If at some point for some reason your girlfriend asks, of course, be honest and CLEAR that you shut it down. Don't plant seeds of doubt or try to show that you are desirable by passing on this info. If your current gf is as great as you say, she might be turned off by the drama--i mean it is your brother's ex-gf AND the passing on of the info to her. Trust is not specifically telling your partner everything. But it's doing the right thing, even when they are not around/won't find out. You already did that since you shut down the other girl. You're good. 2
Gaeta Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 No! There is no reason to!! On top of that you heard it from a third party! Go on with your business as if nothing happenned because nothing happenned. It was too late for me to correct you did not hear it from a third party. My answer remains the same. You declined and this woman will go on with her life. No one needs to know.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 What would be your motivation in telling her?
Ruby Slippers Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 No, it will come across as weak/beta, which is a great way to deaden your gf's desire for you. It should be a non-issue, not even worth mentioning. What do you think is the benefit of telling her this? 2
Lotsgoingon Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 So you're wondering whether to tell your gf that your brother's ex hit on you. First, did you tell your brother? ... If so, did your brother tell his current gf that his ex hit on his brother? ... Or how about this: don't tell your gf ... instead, call your gf's sister ... and tell her that you are thinking of your telling her sister (your gf) ... that your brother's ex hit on you.
O'Malley Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 (edited) My brother’s ex openly admitted to liking me the other day. I told her that I was flattered but that I was seeing someone who I really like, and, as a matter of fact, I am falling for. You handled it well, but the art of shutting down unwanted overtures is also knowing what to not divulge to your partner. Unless your brother's ex and your girlfriend are good friends (in which case, it would have been even more crass for her to approach you) I'd just keep quiet about it and be "busy" anytime you're around your brother's ex socially. Edited July 12, 2018 by O'Malley 2
Highndry Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 Telling your girlfriend is an extremely poor idea. What are you thinking?
basil67 Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 I completely understand where the others are coming from when they say to not tell your girlfriend. But I'd like to offer a different perspective. This girl clearly has no boundaries. Even if she didn't know you were dating, she was hitting on her ex's brother. Ew! I think you need to unfriend her from social media and block her on your phone. If you see her at an event, but polite but actively distant. She needs to have the message about your unavailability reinforced big time. Of course, if you do all this, people will know. And your brother and girlfriend would need to be told why. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 She’s part of the same social group. So what? You already shut it down. She should have found another group once she & your brother broke up. Hitting on siblings is just wrong; it's even worse when she knows you have a GF. If your GF asks you have to admit that the brother's EX hit on you but if your GF gets upset your answer must be something along the lines of "It was a total non event in my life. I am committed to you (your GF), I could care less about my brother's EX. Besides even if you don't believe I would never pick her over you, do you really think I'd do that to my own brother?" Down play it. It really was nothing for your GF to worry about. If your GF fusses after that answer, you need to think about why she has so little faith in you.
basil67 Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 Slightly changing my previous response. At this point in time, don't tell anyone. But if she hits on you AGAIN, then I think the block/tell response is appropriate. She may well feel ostracised from the group, but that's a risk we take when we do something inappropriate to a group member. 1
Author Sgthaytham Posted July 12, 2018 Author Posted July 12, 2018 So you're wondering whether to tell your gf that your brother's ex hit on you. First, did you tell your brother? ... If so, did your brother tell his current gf that his ex hit on his brother? ... Or how about this: don't tell your gf ... instead, call your gf's sister ... and tell her that you are thinking of your telling her sister (your gf) ... that your brother's ex hit on you. I haven’t told my brother. My brother knows that his ex likes me, because she told me that she told him. Worst thing is, is that I think my brother still likes the ex, because he’s bought her some stuff. What a mess. 1
Author Sgthaytham Posted July 12, 2018 Author Posted July 12, 2018 You handled it well' date=' but the art of shutting down unwanted overtures is also knowing what to not divulge to your partner. Unless your brother's ex and your girlfriend are good friends (in which case, it would have been even more crass for her to approach you) I'd just keep quiet about it and be "busy" anytime you're around your brother's ex socially.[/quote'] We’re all part of the same social groups: my bro, his ex, my girlfriend, and me. We live in a small village, so we all hang around because we’re the same age group. I’m just hoping she said she liked me because she was drunk.
Gaeta Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 There is no mess. She liked you, she told you and got it out of her system, she took a chance she did nothing wrong! Even if you are in a relationship she did nothing wrong. She expressed her feeling in case you felt the same. You turned her down and life goes on. No one needs to know. This is a private moment between her and you. If one day you take a chance on a woman you've been liking would you like she tells everyone around after shutting you down? 2
preraph Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 God, no, don't tell her. Handle it. Be firm with the woman if she ever starts up again. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 No mess at all ... don't take this on ... as if you did something wrong. Say no and move on ... There will be many times in life when we simply say no to someone.
basil67 Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 I haven’t told my brother. My brother knows that his ex likes me, because she told me that she told him. Worst thing is, is that I think my brother still likes the ex, because he’s bought her some stuff. What a mess. Oh dear....she's all class isn't she [sarcasm] 1
snowboy91 Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 I'll play devil's advocate relative to the other posters here. Let's say you don't tell your GF, and some time in the near future your brother mentions it in conversation. The fact that you actively hid it from her is going to reflect poorly on you - she will be wondering why you didn't tell her when it happened. The tricky thing is that your relationship is fresh and you don't know how she will react. How you say this to her is key. Be absolutely clear that it was unwanted attention and that you have no interest in going there. 2
Versacehottie Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 I think the brother's ex gf took her chance. She may not have realized how close or serious OP is with his current but new gf. He set her straight by turning her down and telling her why. He doesn't need to tell his gf but if she asks at anytime or even if she "finds out" later he has a perfectly reasonable response for how he handled it. He could bring it up if the brother's ex gf doesn't stop pursuing him but I think one conversation where she made an attempt is harmless. I certainly wouldn't be mad at that if that's how my bf handled it and i found out way later. Small town, same friend group, trust me, the gf already knows this girl is sketchy and I doubt she would be surprised. I echo what some of the others have said: what benefit do you think you will gain by saying something? Like what is your real intention?
OatsAndHall Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 Option 1: You keep quiet about it, keep things quaint and polite with her and life goes on peacefully. Option 2: You tell you girlfriend and now you have to deal with her potentially hurt feelings and mistrust. It gets back to your brother and you have drama coming from that end as well. He's going to be furious with her and I guarantee he'll let her know it. Your "social circle" might go to hell because your girlfriend isn't going to be comfortable around your brother's ex and your brother may not be comfortable with you being around his ex. Take your pick. (Hint: Option 2 is a Pandora's Box you DON'T WANT TO OPEN.) 2
ExpatInItaly Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 I haven’t told my brother. My brother knows that his ex likes me, because she told me that she told him. Worst thing is, is that I think my brother still likes the ex, because he’s bought her some stuff. What a mess. Why is it a mess? It doesn't need to be. You shut her down. Keep your boundaries firm and don't engage with her personally. This doesn't need to be complicated. Are you flattered by her crush or something? I'm wondering if that's really the issue here. 3
Author Sgthaytham Posted July 13, 2018 Author Posted July 13, 2018 Option 1: You keep quiet about it, keep things quaint and polite with her and life goes on peacefully. Option 2: You tell you girlfriend and now you have to deal with her potentially hurt feelings and mistrust. It gets back to your brother and you have drama coming from that end as well. He's going to be furious with her and I guarantee he'll let her know it. Your "social circle" might go to hell because your girlfriend isn't going to be comfortable around your brother's ex and your brother may not be comfortable with you being around his ex. Take your pick. (Hint: Option 2 is a Pandora's Box you DON'T WANT TO OPEN.) I will opt for option 2. I’ve realised now that telling my girlfriend will cause unwanted issues. My brother knows that she likes me. She told me that she told him a few weeks back. I really don’t want my GF to feel uncomfortable.
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