Made out on first date, but she is "unsure" about going on a second?

[Justletgo]

So I went on a great date with this girl. Great banter, joking and eye contact/physical comfort level. At one point I could sense her moving closer/getting more comfortable and eventually we made out in the corner of a rockbar.

 

Spontaneously she said that I was a good kisser (so I am guessing it cannot be that I was a bad kisser).

And because it was the middle of the night 1Am, I walked her to the train station. To which she said "guys usually don't do that".

Whilst parting ways we both agreed it was a great evening and "see you soon".

 

A day later she was kind of busy with a deadline, so I only texted her twice.

The second day after we texted a bit more, and I mentioned I had bought a ticket to the concert she was playing at (she sent me a link to buy a ticket before our date. And if she would like doing something again sometime.

 

Last App convo (yes I should have called her instead, but didn't want to seem clingy):

Her: "To be honest I am unsure, let's wait and see?"

Me: "Nah, I had a great evening. But let's leave it at that then"

Her: "I also had a great evening! Dating is just difficult for me"

(I didn't care to reply - since I have already felt not a priority/interest)

 

 

Why would she do this? And should I skip the concert or suck it up and go?

[coolheadal]

I walked her to the train station. To which she said "guys usually don't do that".

 

Because she said this to you?

 

Your too nice of a guy for her. She doesn't want a nice guy and she's not attracted to nice guys. Not your fault the way you are how you were raised. Some women are not raised correctly or don't come from a loving family where both parents were in love and shared the love with their kids. You seem to fit that bill or just the way you are inside and out. You have met a woman that might only know aggressive leadership men. They just say we're doing this and this and kiss make out and get up and go. They let the woman call and text them first. They never do it first. She's not use to a guy like you and doesn't feel like she can continue with you. So in other words she's not interested in seeing or being with you.

 

Take the hint and move on.. Of course next time you could change and don't walk them to their door an etc. i don't do this myself anymore because got to be more of the leader type a bit more aggressive. Take charge and lead. Just can't be too nice and please them also. I know but unless you met that sort of woman that was just like you then it would sync. But you didn't meet that sort though.

[Art_Critic]

The whole app conversation kinda puts the nail in the coffin on that and basically says let's not go out again.

 

 

The tickets.. go if you want to hear the music but if you are only going to get on her good side then forget about it, NEXT....

[d0nnivain]

Say something like "I'm sorry to hear that dating feels difficult for you. What can I do to make it easier? Seriously, I'd love to take you out for a drink or coffee or just to wind down after your concert. What do you say? No pressure."

 

I used to hate Valentine's Day. I'd have all these expectations & I'd get so disappointed. I met this guy one summer. Things were progressing nicely. He was babbling about the future . . . nothing serious . . . just talking / dreaming out loud. I told him that I didn't like Valentine's Day. He look so concerned & promised me that he'd make it the best Valentine's I ever had. We didn't make it that far but the sincerity of his offer to try touched my heart.

 

So try to reassure your scared little rabbit. See where it goes.

[coolheadal]

Say something like "I'm sorry to hear that dating feels difficult for you. What can I do to make it easier? Seriously, I'd love to take you out for a drink or coffee or just to wind down after your concert. What do you say? No pressure."

 

I used to hate Valentine's Day. I'd have all these expectations & I'd get so disappointed. I met this guy one summer. Things were progressing nicely. He was babbling about the future . . . nothing serious . . . just talking / dreaming out loud. I told him that I didn't like Valentine's Day. He look so concerned & promised me that he'd make it the best Valentine's I ever had. We didn't make it that far but the sincerity of his offer to try touched my heart.

 

So try to reassure your scared little rabbit. See where it goes.

 

 

V-Day I like that day wow you had a bad experience that day it should have turned out wonderful. My first V-DAY I got overboard and surprise the woman I would marry. Before that I told her to close her eyes walk over with me open up the hatch back and open her yes said surprise V-Day Balloons flown out and all sorts of cool things just to make your feel special. I have to admit after that experience I never did that for anyone else I've dated on V-DAY. But one rose for each year we are with each other for the others. Dinner at best place in town. But no more creative surprises though.. I wish you had what I had offered by you man back then you would have felt special and still like V-DAY even in 2018!

[d0nnivain]

Your too nice of a guy for her. She doesn't want a nice guy and she's not attracted to nice guys. Not your fault the way you are how you were raised. Some women are not raised correctly or don't come from a loving family where both parents were in love and shared the love with their kids.

 

Alas that may have some merit. Some women think any man with manners is a push over & therefore not manly enough. They think jerks & bad boys are the way to go.

 

Do try my optimistic approach but if you don't get an enthusiastic response move on.

 

coolheadal Thanks to my husband I have learned to cherish Valentine's Day but I despise being given roses on that day (the price hike makes me sick) and I will not set foot in a restaurant on V-Day itself because the crowds & the limited menus ruin it for me. I prefer the sedate pace of the day before or after. DH & I celebrated V-day the Sunday after this year; we'd gotten snowed it the night before. It was so lovely. We practically had the restaurant all to ourselves.

[coolheadal]

Alas that may have some merit. Some women think any man with manners is a push over & therefore not manly enough. They think jerks & bad boys are the way to go.

 

Do try my optimistic approach but if you don't get an enthusiastic response move on.

 

coolheadal Thanks to my husband I have learned to cherish Valentine's Day but I despise being given roses on that day (the price hike makes me sick) and I will not set foot in a restaurant on V-Day itself because the crowds & the limited menus ruin it for me. I prefer the sedate pace of the day before or after. DH & I celebrated V-day the Sunday after this year; we'd gotten snowed it the night before. It was so lovely. We practically had the restaurant all to ourselves.

 

Well a Rose by any color or just plant would do most women. Roses are expensive and worst on V-DAY. She gave me a fuzzy teddy bear and wine glass I thought that was so nice touch on V-DAY 2018. I didn't buy her roses I got her yellow orchids for V-DAY 2018 this is for woman I met/dated at work.

[Justletgo]

I sense you have both been affected by your date's/partners actions. Aren't we all. Personally I will never do anything romantic anymore if they have not specifically asked for it, because it is like it repels women.

 

Yes, I am well aware of the "nice guys" are not hot.

 

That is why I always make sure now that we take turns in paying for the drinks.

It is also why I didn't walk her ALL THE WAY to the station. Just to within where we could see it (say 400meters). Because I was trying to find that mid-way you know. And why I didn't kiss her goodbye.

You really think it is a possibility she got turned off because I walked her there? Personally I doubt it.

 

Furthermore:

If I go to the concert, she will think I am a pushover/nice guy.

If I talk to her again, she will think I am a pushover/nice guy.

 

Only way forward that I see is to act cold towards her. As in treat her like a stranger.

Edited July 12, 2018 by Justletgo

[coolheadal]

I am well aware of the "nice guys" are not hot.

 

That is why I always make sure now that we take turns in paying for the drinks.

It is also why I didn't walk her ALL THE WAY to the station. Just to within where we could see it (say 400meters). Because I was trying to find that mid-way you know.

You really think it is a possibility she got turned off because I walked her there? Personally I doubt it.

 

Furthermore:

If I go to the concert, she will think I am a pushover/nice guy.

If I talk to her again, she will think I am a pushover/nice guy.

 

Only way forward that I see is to act cold towards her. As in treat her like a stranger.

 

Aggressive men, bad boys and jerks are what she wants. Just remember you are not that type so why would you settle for her? She doesn't want your type. Guys she's use to don't want her back to anything you need to understand that. Going to the concert with her another story. Save those ticket for a woman who enjoys you for you. But next time ask them what type of guy they want? Then you know don't waste your time with those who want bad/jerky/aggressive boy's!

[d0nnivain]

I am well aware of the "nice guys" are not hot.

 

 

Furthermore:

If I go to the concert, she will think I am a pushover/nice guy.

If I talk to her again, she will think I am a pushover/nice guy.

 

Only way forward that I see is to act cold towards her. As in treat her like a stranger.

 

 

Nice guys are fine. Doormats are bad.

 

Talking to her will not make her think you are a pushover. Acting cold to her & acting like a jerk, makes you a jerk, not a desirable guy. Actually if you adopt this route she will conclude that you were just after one thing & you are just like all the other jerks she ever dated which is why she finds dating hard.

 

You have to be persistent (to a point before becoming clingy & needy) but confident. Doing what I said makes you both.

 

Blowing her up phone & begging her to let you come to a concert you already paid for would be bad.

[coolheadal]

She is not your type and you are not her type. Do not text, call or do anything else. You can't change her mind because of the man you are she doesn't want you. "Guy's like this don't do these things" Remember what she said, she told you how she feels.. She should have said Jerk don't do this sort and bad aggressive guys is more of what she wants.. Because dating is already hard knots for her. She'll never be happy with any type of guy she only knows this way of living with them not.

[d0nnivain]

Smart women do eventually grow out of the bad boy phase.

[Justletgo]

Visiting her concert to show her I was actually interested in her as a person and the music. Is the only reason that I would visit it.

 

I am no pushover, she would not have been turned on like that if I was.

[coolheadal]

Visiting her concert to show her I was actually interested in her as a person and the music. Is the only reason that I would visit it.

 

I am no pushover, she would not have been turned on like that if I was.

 

No one is a pushover.. Not today and they better not be... LOL

You got your answer already from her just let it be..

[Gaeta]

So I went on a great date with this girl. Great banter, joking and eye contact/physical comfort level. At one point I could sense her moving closer/getting more comfortable and eventually we made out in the corner of a rockbar.

 

 

She had a great time, she enjoyed the kiss but doesn't want to see you again,happens all the time in dating. You did nothing wrong, it's not about walking her to the train, it's her the problem, not you.

 

 

 

*relationships are difficult for me* is an excuse to let you go, sounds like a sentence out of the mouth of a commitment phobe.

 

 

 

I have been to plenty of dates where I kissed the man and once home I changed my mind about him. Don't waste time on her....move to next.

[Miss Spider]

wow.."unsure"? That's um...yeah. Hard pass if I were you

[soyou]

I'm a woman and I've used so many different creative ways to reject guys.

 

Reading her text to you, I think you should move on.

 

No need to text her or go to the concert (unless you're really interested in her music).

 

I think some posters are a bit too fast to jump into conclusions about her not wanting to be with a nice guy!

 

Dating is designed for you to check and see whether you have clicks and chemistry with somebody.

 

In this case, you guys had a good time. She had a good time too I'm pretty sure but she just didn't feel the chemistry or connection for her to go on the 2nd date.

 

There is nothing wrong with you or her.

 

I've had nice dates with plenty of people. But 80% of the time I felt that lifestyle, character, value, personality, stage in life are so different that I didnt want to waste mine and other person's time to go on the second. There was absolutely nothing wrong with them. We were just so different for us to make it work!

 

Move on and NEXT!

[kendahke]

I sense you have both been affected by your date's/partners actions. Aren't we all. Personally I will never do anything romantic anymore if they have not specifically asked for it, because it is like it repels women.

 

Yes, I am well aware of the "nice guys" are not hot.

 

That is why I always make sure now that we take turns in paying for the drinks.

It is also why I didn't walk her ALL THE WAY to the station. Just to within where we could see it (say 400meters). Because I was trying to find that mid-way you know. And why I didn't kiss her goodbye.

You really think it is a possibility she got turned off because I walked her there? Personally I doubt it.

 

Furthermore:

If I go to the concert, she will think I am a pushover/nice guy.

If I talk to her again, she will think I am a pushover/nice guy.

 

Only way forward that I see is to act cold towards her. As in treat her like a stranger.

 

You might want to just see how not playing games works for you.

 

Just be you and try to not act like someone you're not.

 

You bought a ticket? Fine. Go hear some music. You may meet someone there who isn't dented by someone walking her to the train station.

 

BTW--a good kissing session isn't a contract to further interest. It was in the moment--live in the present and stop living in the future/past.

[Justletgo]

A long make out session, where the woman even initiates tongue and there are no signals that anything is wrong means there was definite physical chemistry (like my gut feeling told me). Unless you perhaps she was a person who did not view it as special and does it often with anyone (which I do not think she was, but hey I could be wrong).

 

The person commenting with the cliche to "be yourself/not playing games" (implying that I was being insincere/ a player), I am myself, I like to adapt if the situation warrants it. Especially if it might otherwise make the person feel awkward.

 

If you ask me it was probably an ex problem/thing. You can have all the chemistry in the world, but it would still have caused problems in the longer run.

Edited July 12, 2018 by Justletgo

[SevenCity]

The best response is “Give me a call if you change your mind” and never speak to her again if she does not initiate.

 

The fact that she made you pay for tickets to her concert sounds like she is looking to fill seats rather than continue a relationship.

 

Women are not as direct as guys and will give you all kinds of bs rather than directly reject you. If you are dating get used to it.

 

My policy is anything other than an enthusiastic yes is a no with women.

 

I had a few that I fooled around with who decided after they didn’t want to see me. I had one give me a bj then ghost me.

 

All doesn’t matter. Keep on dating as many woman as you can until one proves she is worthy of commitment. Don’t chase as you want a girl who is excited to be with you.

[kendahke]

The person commenting with the cliche to "be yourself/not playing games" (implying that I was being insincere/ a player), I am myself, I like to adapt if the situation warrants it. Especially if it might otherwise make the person feel awkward.

 

I was commenting on the really played out ideas you were hatching:

"If I go to the concert, she will think I am a pushover/nice guy.

If I talk to her again, she will think I am a pushover/nice guy.

 

Only way forward that I see is to act cold towards her. As in treat her like a stranger."

 

You don't know how she's going to act. You're speculating.

 

Just go to the show--or don't go to the show. But don't go with a script in your pocket. That's all I'm saying. One make out session shouldn't have you living in the future like this.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

She had a great time, she enjoyed the kiss but doesn't want to see you again,happens all the time in dating. You did nothing wrong, it's not about walking her to the train, it's her the problem, not you.

 

 

 

*relationships are difficult for me* is an excuse to let you go, sounds like a sentence out of the mouth of a commitment phobe.

 

 

I have been to plenty of dates where I kissed the man and once home I changed my mind about him. Don't waste time on her....move to next.

 

This really stood out to me and I have experienced this w/more then one guy. Anytime a person makes any excuse to not to be w/you, they do not want to be w/you. Something I learned the hard way. Do not wait and do not try to convince her how good you are, find someone who wants to be w/you.

[Grey40]

A long make out session, where the woman even initiates tongue and there are no signals that anything is wrong means there was definite physical chemistry (like my gut feeling told me).

 

 

If you ask me it was probably an ex problem/thing. You can have all the chemistry in the world, but it would still have caused problems in the longer run.

 

You’re spot on. There was definite physical chemistry, but for some women that’s not enough to want to continue. Even if they find you extremely physically attractive, if there’s not a mental spark or chemistry where they feel like they can talk to you and have things in common, then they don’t see it beyond physical and thus move on to find someone more suitable.

 

Could also be an ex in the picture for sure. I’ve had that situation a bunch lately where I’m basically the guy the girl used to “cheat”, “get even” with or she was on a break with her guy and we slept together a couple times, she started to get feelings for the ex and felt bad and then ghosted a cut contact with me totally because of it. I’m not 100% sure that’s the reason, but it’s my best guess with the info I have. So it’s definitley more common than you realize.

 

In this case, she’s at least being honest and telling you straight up she’s not ready to date. So you can move on. This is why I’ve adopted the philosophy of going as far as you can with the women as soon as you can, because they can disappear at any moments notice. Try to go all the way on date 1 if you can (don’t be pushy, but ease into it). If nothing happens that’s perfectly fine, but it’ll make her want you even more than the next time usually, and it makes the second date much more likely, if she wants it because you get her emotions going and make her horny.

[ExpatInItaly]

Eh, I wouldn't bother with her again.

 

Commitment-phobe or multi-dating and met someone she likes more or not, this is not a person who is all that interested any longer.

 

Move along, OP.