john9999 Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 I am 51. Been single for 10 years with 3 long term Relationships along the way. Even engaged. I used to do great with online dating. It worked and was worth the time Invested to look at profiles, send messages, etc. I met all three of my relationships online. I would say about 1 to 2 years ago that all changed. It seems like a huge waste of time now. Any men out there having this happen? Anyone got solutions?
shydad Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 Hi John9999, I was following one of your other postings and you had mentioned finding a woman and you have been dating her for awhile. You sounded pretty happy with her. Did something change? To respond to your question though, my understanding is that the older you get, the fewer single people there are available, so the harder it gets. I'm really new to this, but one of my biggest mistakes was being over eager and rushing through opportunities. I should have come to this dating site first for advice, so I think you're doing exactly the right thing. Regarding it being a waste of time, I think it depends how much time you spend. My goal is to write one quality message to a woman each day. This takes me about an hour and I have had some reasonable success receiving responses. The responses themselves are valuable to me, as I enjoy learning about other people. I have been able to meet a woman for coffee, which was my initial goal when starting online dating. Was the woman you met someone you found through online dating? If yes, isn't that an achievement? Have you had any conversations through online dating, and have you enjoyed the conversations? I think these are ideas worth thinking about. 1
Gaeta Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 Through the years the good places to online date have change. You need to try new dating sites and find one that suits you. Try to avoid swipe app like Tinder and aim at real dating sites with real profiles. Have you tried ourtime? Also I don't beleive as we get older there are less single people. People divorce at all age. I was online in my late 40s and there were lots and lots of singles-divorced people.
Zippy2000 Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 Yes, this happens as you grow older. I was 30 when I started online dating. Back then online dating was more serious. A lot of people were serious into looking for a relationship. Fast forward to today there are hundred or even thousands of dating sites including APPs on phones so you can meet someone at a swipe of your phone screen. A lot of APPs were focus on quick fix hook ups but that where the lines get confused. Some people want a relationship but others want a quick hook up. I'm now 44. Ive had relationships online but a lot of people who I meet from don't last. I m aware as I'm older. Your dating pool shrinks. A lot of people our age have been there and done that so aren't so focused on wanting to be with someone but wants some "me" time. It will get harder as you get older for online. There is a lot more younger people on there. That doesn't mean there aren't older people on there. Its just some older people prefer to meet in real life. Good luck out there though.
coolheadal Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 I am 51. Been single for 10 years with 3 long term Relationships along the way. Even engaged. I used to do great with online dating. It worked and was worth the time Invested to look at profiles, send messages, etc. I met all three of my relationships online. I would say about 1 to 2 years ago that all changed. It seems like a huge waste of time now. Any men out there having this happen? Anyone got solutions? OLD = Online dating use to be the best thing on this planet. But others have spoiled it. That's why it's what it is today! OKC = Ok Cupid the guy that started that told me he want everyone to have free dating thus making it simple. Yet a few years later he sold the entire OKC to Match.com and look how they managed it they ruin free dating and remove likes thus you don't know who the heck like you. Mingle2 gone to the scammers of Nigeria and Ghana Africa. They have gone to Face Book. OKC, Tinder, Bubble Bee, Yo Cutie and also POF that too. E-harmony just money cow.. All these women on these sites so many into bad boys, jerks, a lot still married so many things just don't want to get on there. I think you should try going outside and see what you can find so many places. Shoot try Thailand you never know who you'll meet up in the hotels. Those that work at the hotel. Some guy on Youtube did just that. He was lucky to find a young girl. There is always hope for us men. I had decided to try my prior job and met a woman who knew me at work. Ask her out to Denny's for Breakfast heck things happen. No one is perfect get that out of your head. With a little effort and time you can meet the women you want. If you make the time to do so..
nospam99 Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 Have you tried ourtime? Yes, I have. IMO ourtime is the worst of the 'search on your own' sites because 1) the relatively high price 2) how little works unless you pay (can't even read your own old sent messages and (most important) 3) poor participation. OLD is a 'numbers game' and, at least where I live, the numbers on ourtime are just not there. All the 'good' women I've seen on ourtime are also on either POF or Match. And most of the 'good' women on POF and Match, even the 'seniors', are not on ourtime. To address the OP's more general question, I'm a 64 y/o male and I've been on OLD for about 10 months. I've had success meeting good (age appropriate, sufficiently attractive, sufficiently nearby, unattached, physically active, healthy lifestyle, not superficially crazy) women. But, since none of the 'relationships' have 'set', I'm finally getting jaded. I've got one moah (sic) woman on Match with whom I've exchanged several messages this past week to the point where she wrote today that she'd like to meet. I've also got one moah on POF and one moah on Match I've yet to contact plus about a dozen who I will probably 'write off' because they haven't read my messages. But other than that, I can see 'the bottom of the barrel' and will have to transition to waiting for 'fresh meat'. Overall, much easier to MEET women who are nominally available but just as difficult to establish a relationship once met as without OLD. I'm kicking myself because I skipped the most recent speed dating event for 'us seniors' because at the time I had just started dating a woman who turned out to be more interested in free fine dining and free movies than in me. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 I did online dating for most of last year, and while I met some decent guys and had some fun dates, I didn't meet anyone I want to be with long-term. I bet the percentage of successful long-term pairings that result from online dating are declining. I think single daters are going through a phase of disillusionment with online dating. Or maybe that's just me
Lotsgoingon Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 Might just be random. There are also sometimes subtle shifts in the culture and the ways people talk about themselves that your profile might slightly be out of tune with. Get a few women you like or trust .... or a stranger who looks friendly and have them look at your profile and offer comments and suggestions.
Doost Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 I always found IRL to be better than online for dating. The beach is a great place to meet girls cause then you already know they have hot bodies. Festivals are also a good way to meet girls. Maybe you could go to a beach festival? Just sending out messages online can often drag compared to going out and having a good time.
Author john9999 Posted July 13, 2018 Author Posted July 13, 2018 See this is what I am talking about. One problemo, is that any decent looking woman has WAY too many options online dating and no shortage of interested men. case #1- gal is chatting me up , wants to meet but left town 2 days after we started talking. Won't give me her phone number. Says she really wants to meet when she gets back. Now gone silent, no response to messages. case#2 - gal is very talkative and gives me her number immediately, I set a date for tomorrow night. text, text , text and alot of it was her initiating. Now gone silent, have no idea if we are still on for tomorrow both women are very attractive, and I am sure they have MUCHO guys talking to them online. it is the idea that "wait a minute, maybe some better guy will come along" attitude
Gaeta Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 See this is what I am talking about. One problemo, is that any decent looking woman has WAY too many options online dating and no shortage of interested men. Now, start having a bit of faith in life. When I was online I had a lot of attention so yes, it's right any decent looking woman is busy but then it doesn't mean she'll find what she's looking for in those David Hasselhoff. She'll date around and at some point she'll slow down and spend time exploring the regular guys of this world. About you, maybe you're searching in the wrong pond? You're looking for that Jane Seymour? or you'll give that regular gal her chance? I have been online 3,5 years and been on 200 dates. I can confirm to you about 20% of those men were genuine, the rest were looking for a good time. I lost a lot of time filtering through that, so yes women have a lot of attention but most of the time it end up not being the right kind of attention. Just be patient.
Doost Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 It seems you wish online dating was an experience it surely isn’t. 1
Author john9999 Posted July 13, 2018 Author Posted July 13, 2018 It seems you wish online dating was an experience it surely isn’t. I wish Online dating was the experience it was like 5 -9 years ago... it was fresh and new and easy
kendahke Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 See this is what I am talking about. One problemo, is that any decent looking woman has WAY too many options online dating and no shortage of interested men. They can't control how many guys have the same exact idea you did to contact them. But I'm curious: how many options is enough in your estimation? case #1- gal is chatting me up , wants to meet but left town 2 days after we started talking. Won't give me her phone number. Says she really wants to meet when she gets back. Now gone silent, no response to messages. case#2 - gal is very talkative and gives me her number immediately, I set a date for tomorrow night. text, text , text and alot of it was her initiating. Now gone silent, have no idea if we are still on for tomorrow both women are very attractive, and I am sure they have MUCHO guys talking to them online. it is the idea that "wait a minute, maybe some better guy will come along" attitude The sooner you disabuse yourself of the notion that you're owed reciprocity or devotion just because you have interest, the happier with the process you'll be. And yeah, someone more compatible with them might come along. They're single, they don't owe anyone anything, so yeah, they're going to field interested men. Nothing at all wrong with that. 1
coolheadal Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 These women online will screw with your head guys. Just don't get it today it's not like was years ago. A lot of married women, and single moms are on there looking for a cash cow. You all if your not bad/jerks just don't have what they're looking for you have no hope to even get that second date. I would really try to get to know them before you start spending your money on them. Do they like you? Do they want to date and see you? Are they just looking for a guy to take them out too dinner? Are they just in for it just to go out and have fun with no strings attached. What are you looking forward to more or less with them. If you had their full name you can get a background check on her to make sure she is who she claims to be. i had one who said she was singled turned out she was still married and just because the husband moved out still doesn't mean she was free and single. What are you suppose to do with her? Plus she thinks being married it just a piece of paper. So if you wanted to marry her this is what you run into.. Do you know how many of this type are online? Plenty and it can be worst than you think. Women will do whatever they want and be whatever they want just to get out and be on a date. They can have 6 kids, grand kids, parents, brothers, sisters still living with them. You just don't know what the heck you getting involved with. Don't forget the Toxic and hot mess traits either. Just maybe you find one that is perfect.. But is she really?
phineas Posted July 14, 2018 Posted July 14, 2018 I wish Online dating was the experience it was like 5 -9 years ago... it was fresh and new and easy Are you in shape? I was out on a date last night with a woman I met through friends. She was showing me pics and messages from the guys hitting her up on match aged 35 to 60. 95% were FAT and out of shape and sent her war & peace length messages with no punctuation or bad punctuation, leet speak, misspelled words and then the actual content of the message.... Honestly if this doesn't go anywhere i'm thinking of trying match again considering how horrible my competition would be. Also, i've been losing out on women in their late 30's / early 40's to guys in their 50's because they can afford to show them good times and take them on weekend trips. you must just be having a bad run
Author john9999 Posted July 14, 2018 Author Posted July 14, 2018 Are you in shape? I was out on a date last night with a woman I met through friends. She was showing me pics and messages from the guys hitting her up on match aged 35 to 60. 95% were FAT and out of shape and sent her war & peace length messages with no punctuation or bad punctuation, leet speak, misspelled words and then the actual content of the message.... Honestly if this doesn't go anywhere i'm thinking of trying match again considering how horrible my competition would be. Also, i've been losing out on women in their late 30's / early 40's to guys in their 50's because they can afford to show them good times and take them on weekend trips. you must just be having a bad run Yup. Life long gym rat. Very muscular. In shape. I’m told by women I am handsome
rightondude Posted July 14, 2018 Posted July 14, 2018 (edited) I've been divorced for close to 2 years. With online dating, I have met some very attractive women and gone out on multiple dates, had sex, got the feelings, etc ... but none have become long term. I'm tired of introducing myself over and over and over, having the same starter conversations, etc, but I keep doing it because it's so easy to meet and establish things vs approaching someone cold in real life. As a previous poster mentioned, women have sooooooo many more options. At least more than me. I pay for Bumble and Tinder so I can get the advanced features and be more selective based on location and seeing beforehand who likes me. I am picky but at most I actually match up and chat with maybe 1 woman a week. Once I get to know these women the subject comes up of how many matches they have and it's 99+. Now picture yourself on a game show with a prize in front of you and then 99 doors from which you could also choose. Would you be happy with the awesome dishwasher or would you wanna at least peek at what's behind those other 99 doors? That's what you're up against on these apps. So you better be good at presenting you if you want to succeed. The last woman I went out on a date with (and it was one hell of a date) said she no longer had any intentions of a LTR just because there were so many options and experiences out there. So, even if you get the date, good luck staving off that curiosity to peek behind the other doors. Good luck brother. Edited July 14, 2018 by rightondude
mortensorchid Posted July 14, 2018 Posted July 14, 2018 OLD has changed certainly since it began. Way back when (which was what, a scant 15 years ago or so?) people got on because they were looking for a relationship. Then, like a lot of products out there (ex. tooth whitening strips), you try them out and find out it's really otherwise. The websites have changed in their nature and how they work, people's wants, needs and intentions have changed, and it's all just plain bad and disappointing : You meet someone in a bar / restaurant / coffee shop, have a food/beverage, then you depart - and you never hear another word from them again. It's depressing anymore. I'm done with it. 1
OatsAndHall Posted July 14, 2018 Posted July 14, 2018 I have backed off of online dating but it wasn't because I wasn't successful with it. I just found that the time I was investing into OLD wasn't generally worth the return. I get on there, message dozens of women, get ten responses, land a few dates, -maybe- see someone for a few weeks and then start all over again. I had one decent relationship, some good dates and fun times while dating via OLD but it just becomes too much of a grind. And, I'm not a huge fan of texting/messaging as there is a lot lost in translation. Many of the women that I met via OLD communicated almost solely via text even after they gave me their number and I struggled with that to an extent as well. 1
dude360 Posted July 14, 2018 Posted July 14, 2018 Most online dating services have turned into validation tools for women so yes, it's a waste of time.
Recommended Posts