Friend is butting in...

[Ronen]

I have a friend who's always giving me love advice. She thinks I don't give guys a chance and that I write them off too quickly. She literally gets mad at me if I don't want to go out w/ someone or if I say "I'm just not into him." I know she just wants to see me happy, and she knows how lonely I am, but I know what I want and I'm picky and if I don't feel that warm fuzzy feeling (that makes me want to smile all the time)... then I'm just not into him. How do I explain this to my friend? She gets mad at me and doesn't ever hear my side.

[RainyDayWoman]

i am sure she thinks she's helping, but i can see how that would be beyond irritating for you to deal with.

 

think of it in her shoes...if you're always complaining you're lonely, or unhappy, whatever, it can be just as frustrating for her that you're never satisfied with anything (or anyone, in this case) because then the melancholia continues.

 

what it might come down to is you saying in a firm, but not mean way, "listen, lay off." if she seems surprised, look her in the eye and say "i'm not kidding."

 

it might cause a discussion, and maybe not a pleasant one, but at least she'll know how you feel, and she can start minding her own business.

 

if you still feel the need to vent about being lonely, do it to someone else. you're not getting what you want from this friend in this situation, so just subtract this part from your friendship.

 

you may both be happier as a result.

 

think of it like this....someone constantly complains to the same person they that are overweight. they're miserable, tired, unhappy. the friend sympathizes for a while, until they want to grab the midnight chicken-leg from their mouths and say "stop it!"

 

people can only be sympathetic for so long. then they get annoyed, even if it's really not your fault.

 

see what i mean?

 

however, if you never complain about the issue of not finding the right person, then mentally delete my words and add this in its place: tell your friend she needs to find a new project that doesn't involve telling you how to live and who it should be with.

 

good luck.