smile95 Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 Ok.....so something odd is going on......as you know, I am usually a mess and missing my ex and crying and wanting to call....this may be a fluke and I may take a step back one day soon, but I thought I would report PROGRESS Ok....so when we were together, I was always waiting on him and his calls and had trust issues and basically made my self sick if he did not call wondering what he was doing. It controlled my mood and mad me a very sad person and not too fun to be around........since the break up- I have been doing NC and athough I am alone and sad at times, I no longer have that pit in my stomach! It is a great feeling. No more worrying and the wondering about what he is up to is fading. I hope this is how healing happens. But I have to say (I thought I would never say it) I am happier without his drama in my life!!! I hope this continues! Is it possible I am actaully seeing him for who he is?
tanbark813 Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 Congrats on the progress. I was thinking a similar thing myself recently. I miss not being with someone but at least when I'm going about my day now I don't have to worry about possibly having the additional burden of that sick feeling after an argument or some sort of suspicious activity or whatever. PLUS, I get extra time on the weekends to watch movies and play computer games.
cubbbb Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 I'd also like to add that you also get to be the Master of the Remote Control.. No more Lifetime Channel man hating movies! Woohoo! LMAO... Glad to hear your doing a bit better.
JS17 Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 YAY! Congrats Beth. I know you were having a really hard time. Guess what, you just made it past the hardest part...it's all sunshine and rainbows from here on out
Author smile95 Posted September 1, 2005 Author Posted September 1, 2005 I guess it can only improve from here????
Beachgrl486 Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 yep...it can only get better. Now I am in the same boat...there might be a day or two where you might miss him or think about him more than usual, but it will pass. You can blow it off much easier and just move on to another topic. If he sees you are moving on and wants to get back together just ignore it. You have realized that you are happier w/o him and you have seen his true colors. So resist if that does happen, you have gone to far to get back into it again. Keep progressing. It is hard though. Break ups are one of the hardest things ever. It will make you a stronger person though. I have been broken up for ex almost a year and I am just getting to the point you are at. It takes time to heal but time does heal. One day you will rarely think about him and when you do you will be like..."oh I wonder how he is doing?" Trust me. You will find someone when you least expect it who will not play games and someone you will not have to worry about and that is a great feeling.
sundrop Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 I'm proud of you Beth, you have taken a step forward. You may have bad days, but instead of calling him, talk to us here on LS. You are doing good and I am happy to hear you are feeling better. Keep taking those baby steps forward.
RainyDayWoman Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 keep reminding yourself that when you miss someone, you're only missing the good parts--and if it was all good, you wouldn't be split up. good luck, you sound like you're on the right track.
crazy_grl Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 I'm happy for you, Beth. You're really much better off without him.
lindya Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 Good feeling to start freeing yourself from all that pain, isn't it! Congrats, Beth
Author smile95 Posted September 2, 2005 Author Posted September 2, 2005 It is amazing...I expect that I will fall back at times, but at least I know that I do not need him anymore. I never did really. It was all in my head. As more time passes, will I think about him even less than I do now? I HOPE! It does feel pretty darn good not to cry everyday and not to chase him and not to feel that rejection!!!!!
Beachgrl486 Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 yes it will do nothing but get better as long as you let it. Yea it is awesome to not put yourself out there anymore to get hurt. Rejection will just make you feel worse and who is he to reject you anyways...Now you should look at it as you are rejecting him. You go girl!! You do not need him. Yes it wil just get better
Fallen_Angel Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 Yay Beth!!!! :bunny: Unfortunately time is the best cure for a broken heart. But it is SO reassuring when you can start to string together entire hours and DAYS where you don't think about your ex! It's empowering!! It sounds like you're taking back control of you, and this is absolutely fantastic news.
Author smile95 Posted September 3, 2005 Author Posted September 3, 2005 I am having a little set back I think....hopefully that is normal.....I am not sure why, but I stared to think of him in a good olight again....my mind is playing tricks on me. I had to force myself to look at the facts and I feel a little better. I hope that my progress was not just temporary.....tryin to stay busy this weekend. It is hard to still not want to hear from him.....I know that once I meet someone else, my attention can be focused on them and I will be ok....meeting this person is the problem.......where do you meet people??????
At Peace Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 beth, after reading your post and all the replies, I too can relate. this forum has been a great help in getting over my ex...and now I can say, that though I have moments of thoughts of him, they are just moments. And another thing I've learned to say to myself which could help is the phrase..." it's ok to feel sad about that. It's ok to feel that emotion." And the moment I tell myself this, it lessons that particular feeling of sadness or anger. I accept what I feel and resist fighting the emotions and then I go on. I am beginning to stop judging what I felt...and then I think of something that is going well, no matter how small..that I finally cleaned my closet of sorted through a task I've delayed or finished reading that chapter in a book. Life has other moments to celebrate!
shamen Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 Hi Beth, It's totally normal to have "setbacks." But you've got to recognize them for what they are and not do anything about them. Think about your ex and then put that thought away. Do not hang onto the good thoughts of him. I still occasionally think about my long-term ex. He wasn't really that bad, I miss him, blah, blah. But then I remind myself of why I left him. It really was that bad. He was awful to me in so many ways. Where do you go to meet people? THE question. I tend to meet people in bars, but that's my thing. You? I think that you should probably try to meet people through other people, through a group that you're involved in, something along those lines. It's funny that you mentioned that your attention would be focused on someone else once you met them. That's not really the answer either. The answer lies in being comfortable in your own skin when you are alone...
Author smile95 Posted September 3, 2005 Author Posted September 3, 2005 I guess it is ok to be sad......just not act on it and deal with it. I try to focus on other things, but memories of us i love come back so often! I wish the bad ones wold flow back ya know? Maybe it is just an off day I am having. The weekends tend to do that to me...during the week I am busy with work and now I have time to think. I think what I wonder is if he has anyone else.......
At Peace Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 beth, the last thing you should focus on, and this was hard for all of us on this forum, is to focus on whether he has someone. A. It'll just eat you alive and B. The only reason we do that (and I'm being blunt is because it's easier to make ourselves feel bad than to make ourselves feel good.) Truly. We are so accustomed to feeling unhappy and irritable that feeling good is almost an absurd feeling to us. That is why instead of immediately seeing that a breakup from someone who is not the kindest person to us is a good thing, we would rather see it as a loss. You said it yourself when you are busy you don't think about him...there's your clue. GET BUSY doing something. And when those thoughts of him pop up, it's your deep self wanting to feel hurt again. Remember its easier to feel bad about the bad things and relationship than to really love yourself and want the best that life can offer you. Think about him..THEN let it go. Don't stay in that hurting zone longer than you need.
Author smile95 Posted September 3, 2005 Author Posted September 3, 2005 Funny...when I laugh lately, I feel guilty. I guess I am so used to being down that it comes natural.....you really think I am thinking of things to make me sad??? Hmmmm. I know in my heart I love him, but I also know that he is not right for me and treats me wrong so that is what keeps me in check...to think of the big picture and the fact that our future would not work together
tanbark813 Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 where do you meet people?????? Karaoke bars.
Jtizzle Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 what your going thru is just a step in the healing process.Im glad ur realizing you can do without him...i actually "just" started saying that id rather be alone by myself than to be in an relationship and be alone... like they say you can do bad all by ya lonesome, and thats true..so if im in a relationship where i have to beg him to call me or spend time with me then he's someone i can deal without
Author smile95 Posted September 3, 2005 Author Posted September 3, 2005 I guess the ups and downs are normal. I jusst get discouraged when I have a bad day. No more tears, just sad thoughts. Thoughts about if he thinks of me and if he really will always love me no matter what as he always said. I have to keep rememebring how alone I really was. He was all in my head.
shamen Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 Hi Beth, Don't get discouraged by the up and down days. That's to be expected, really. At least you aren't crying anymore! Yay! He WAS all in your head. Pictures, memories of something that was. I'm so happy for you that you're really starting to realize this. The weekends can be easy to fill up. Gym, friends, walks, reading, etc., etc. You've sometimes just got to force yourself to do these activities. Are you writing in a journal still?
Author smile95 Posted September 4, 2005 Author Posted September 4, 2005 Yes I still write.....it does help.....I have to force myself to see that he was all in my head. How did that happen anyway??? I wish I did not feel for him anymore. I still wonder about him. I have decided that I HAVE to stay busy....like you said...no matter if it is just a walk, at least it is not sitting here thinking of him! I am glad I am not crying anymore. I am sure I will again one day soon, but so far so good. I really hope that he does not try to call me for a very long time! It will relly confuse me at this point. I guess I have to start making myself happy and stop focusing on the fact that I want a marriage and a family NOW! I just have to let God do his thing
shamen Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 I'm glad that you're still writing. I find it really therapeutic. The crying part is natural from time to time. When I feel like there's nobody out there for me, I think, well, maybe I could go back to him. And then I realize that I shouldn't and I can't, and then sometimes I cry over him again. I've dated a few guys and none of them have worked. That's OK. Don't get discouraged if and when you're ready to date when things don't work out. Because I certainly have thought about my ex a lot when things didn't work! Doesn't mean I'll go back to him though. Yes, making YOU happy is what's important right now. I've been working on that too. It's a slow process of recovery. But I know that I'm better off alone than with him. I'll meet someone eventually... and so will you. Please don't cave when he calls you, because I know in my heart that he will. He'll just mess with your healing process.
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