divorceddaddy Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 Need some advice on what exactly she is saying Met a girl back in the end of May and we instantly hit it off. After the 2nd date, we had a few drinks and flirted but she made sure to tell me that she doesn’t sleep with guys while dating and that wasn’t an issue for me at all. She did however invite me back to her place and let me crash in the guest room. Fast forward to the 3rd date, we went out and had yet another great time and I don’t know what came over her but she initiated the sex and I went along with it. I did question her a few times before to make sure that this was something that she wanted to do and she said yes so I proceeded. Ran into some personal issues after the 1st time and we haven’t had any sex since but we have went on several more dates and fooled around to some degree and she has also invited me to sleep over SEVERAL TIMES. I’m 32 and she’s 35. She hasn’t met my kids and I had zero plans on even talking about that anytime soon and felt like I wasn’t rushing her or myself into anything but regardless, I like her a lot and wanted to pursue this long haul and she has voiced that she felt the same. Last week - She took me out for my birthday, got me a great but small gift and wrote a note saying “these last few weeks have been super fun!” ..all signs that things are going good? I get my kids on a week on and week off type of schedule so the day after my birthday..my week is about to start so of course, I’m not going to see her and she has family visiting in town so we are both busy. I’ll text her throughout the week to see how’s her day going or should we initiate the text and then yesterday…since its my slow week with the kids, I say hey whats up? Wanna get together this week? Her response was “I don’t know how to say this but I feel like my feelings have sort of changed” I’m thinking …what? How is this possible? I just seen you last week and we went out for my birthday on your invite and she says “she feels like we skipped the whole dating process and almost got into a relationship and moving too fast?” “It was overwhelming for her and etc and she doesn’t just have dudes sleep at her house that she’s not in a relationship with” To me - this is all out of the blue and I’m trying to decipher exactly what is being said cause its conflicting. We never had any relationship talks We are supposed to meet up and talk in person but she has told me several times that she is a pessimist and a worrier. Need some advice here - totally confused - should I walk and take it for face value or just see whats going on and share my points on it and see if she’s still interested? If she met someone else, that’s fine but I was under the impression that we both were still dating other ppl.. Wondering if she’s just sabotaging this because she’’s battling with her choices internally? Her explanation for us having sex was “she felt such a strong connection and couldn’t help herself”..
Gaeta Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 How long has she been single? A similar thing happened to me a few years ago. I met a man that was head over heels for me. He took me out almost each night then after 2 weeks he took me out to breakfast and said he didn't know why but all his butterflies were gone. Poof! just like that. Usually it happens to people that aren't ready to date. They're out there seeking some thrill and go to next. They're not even aware of their own behavior.
Author divorceddaddy Posted July 10, 2018 Author Posted July 10, 2018 How long has she been single? A similar thing happened to me a few years ago. I met a man that was head over heels for me. He took me out almost each night then after 2 weeks he took me out to breakfast and said he didn't know why but all his butterflies were gone. Poof! just like that. Usually it happens to people that aren't ready to date. They're out there seeking some thrill and go to next. They're not even aware of their own behavior. She's been single for about a year and half to 2 years. I've been single for about 2 and 1/2. Just seems odd to me that she said she doesn't have guys sleep over..or sleep with them unless they are in a relationship but then we met and we went to that level naturally. I apparently was the 1st guy to sleep in her new place that she moved into a year and a half ago? So odd. Makes you think about so much and you kind of get lost in your thoughts lol
Gaeta Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 She's been single for about a year and half to 2 years. I've been single for about 2 and 1/2. Just seems odd to me that she said she doesn't have guys sleep over..or sleep with them unless they are in a relationship but then we met and we went to that level naturally. I apparently was the 1st guy to sleep in her new place that she moved into a year and a half ago? So odd. Makes you think about so much and you kind of get lost in your thoughts lol I think her heart isn't free and she thought sleeping with you would help her get over it, or something similar. We know it doesn't work that way. 1
ChatroomHero Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 Anyone that says, "I absolutely do not..." and then immediately does what they say the never do, is not being honest with you or themselves and relationship-wise is not fully mature. Someone that willingly does A,B then C and then uses that as an excuse to keep their distance from you, because "you did A, B and C...", is not being honest and not mature relationship-wise. Frankly she either has waning or low interest, is not ready to date, or is just the type to be all into it until she has a few days for herself and figures she is not that into it, just as fast as she was. Regardless of the reason, this is not someone you could trust or ever feel comfortable in a relationship with. You'd always be waiting for the other shoe to drop no matter how much she professed her love to you. My advice, forget the meetup to talk and move on. She will say nice things and not tell you outright that you aren't the one for her, you will think, "there's a chance in the future if I slow down", she will probably agree so she can just peacefully ghost you...there is no point in meeting or discussing. You will probably have more questions and less 'closure' if you do meet with her. Whatever her reason was, she is not into it. You'll probably never know the true reason. You don't need to know the true reason. If you want to say, "But we had such a great couple of weeks and ….", and you believe it as genuine, you also have to accept her losing interest and telling you so as such as genuine too. I wouldn't spend another minute thinking about her. It was in the early stages, you could probably completely erase her from memory in a couple of weeks if you just let it go.
rightondude Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 Hey Divorced Daddy, dude you could be me with that story. This has happened to me about 4 times since my divorce. And as the poster above me stated, you'll never know the true reason. Hell this chick may not even know. Does she have kids? It's possible she just doesn't want to deal with a Divorced Daddy. Sucks, but it happens. She may think she can do better. She may have issues. I wouldn't sweat it more than 5 minutes (easy for me to say). Move on. Chances are you will hear from her again. What you do then is dependent on where you're at at the time.
Purepony Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 Yeah I wouldn’t even meet up with her just text her that something came up and you wish her luck. Leave with some dignity Otherwise shesll just try to be nice in breaking you apart slowly
smackie9 Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 She gave you a shot, and feelings didn't progress and is being honest about it...you just have to accept that. Just walk away, she has made her decision. Tip: stop with the sleep overs you are not 12. If sex is off the table, you go home and sleep in your own bed or you will end up being a BF without benefits. 2
coolheadal Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 She's been single for about a year and half to 2 years. I've been single for about 2 and 1/2. Just seems odd to me that she said she doesn't have guys sleep over..or sleep with them unless they are in a relationship but then we met and we went to that level naturally. I apparently was the 1st guy to sleep in her new place that she moved into a year and a half ago? So odd. Makes you think about so much and you kind of get lost in your thoughts lol Does this woman know you have kids? You should have told her you do? Why do you lie about them to her? Also she can do whatever she pleases. Say whatever to get you into her bed and see if you would go for it! Yep you did! If that was me I wouldn't do it. You haven't known her too long. Now she see's who you are for real. You should have respect her wishes not to have sex while she's dating.. She tested you out and you failed the test! Nice how she let you off so easy! She had enjoyed the sex test with you but you fail not for the act of sex but the act of not respecting her wishes not too!
JuneL Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 Do you think those “personal issues” are the culprit?
Versacehottie Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 Sometimes when I've known of these situations, the person is still hung up on someone they were together with before, so their heart isn't truly open. Then you are there with open heart and ready to move the relationship forward and it's too much, too soon. Because she might not be ready to move on (even if she is no longer truly with that person or in a back and forth limbo with him). Also sometimes people just go through the motions to see if the feelings will be there (chemistry, emotional feelings) and realize they are not. Sorry this happened to you.
lurker74 Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 Tip: stop with the sleep overs you are not 12. If sex is off the table, you go home and sleep in your own bed or you will end up being a BF without benefits. QFT Stop being so available early on.
Author divorceddaddy Posted July 10, 2018 Author Posted July 10, 2018 Appreciate everyones input. Decided to chalk this one up as a loss and decline the meet up. If she reaches out down the road, then she does.
d0nnivain Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 Sorry it didn't work out but cutting your losses sounds like the most sensible option.
Juha Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 She is telling you she is messed up and you can do better than her. Do yourself a favor, she sounds like a lot of drama, just tell her whatever you feel the need to and do not contact her again. You are wasting valuable time and energy on someone who is not worth it 1
Saracena Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 Her response was “I don’t know how to say this but I feel like my feelings have sort of changed” I’m thinking …what? How is this possible? I just seen you last week and we went out for my birthday on your invite and she says “she feels like we skipped the whole dating process and almost got into a relationship and moving too fast?” “It was overwhelming for her and etc and she doesn’t just have dudes sleep at her house that she’s not in a relationship with” To me - this is all out of the blue and I’m trying to decipher exactly what is being said cause its conflicting. We never had any relationship talk”.. I'm going to give a different interpretation of this BUT of course the only way to know for sure what she meant is to discuss it with her. before jumping to any conclusions. I'm wondering if what she meant is that she has concerns/is unsure about the status of your current 'relationship' and where she stands with you ie in view of way things has developed, she would, in fact, prefer to be in an exclusive RL with you and needs input/ reassurance from you. You said yourself you've never had that talk. Again a possibility but as stated before the only way to clarify what SHE meant is to talk to her! Let us know how it goes!
40somethingGuy Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 Appreciate everyones input. Decided to chalk this one up as a loss and decline the meet up. If she reaches out down the road, then she does. The more she thinks you are interested the less she is. Women are funny like this. They love the chase and to be pursued. Sometimes it is better for you if you let her initiate the texting and you should give off the impression that you like her, and have some time for her, but won't just be available any time she is. This is like a test that men often fail.
newyorker11356 Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 The more she thinks you are interested the less she is. Women are funny like this. They love the chase and to be pursued. Sometimes it is better for you if you let her initiate the texting and you should give off the impression that you like her, and have some time for her, but won't just be available any time she is. This is like a test that men often fail. I sometimes hear this, but it's never been my experience. If a woman doesn't like me, no amount of pretending to ignore her will do anything lol. And really, would you a want a woman that plays games like this? I wouldn't If a man supposedly fails this "test", then it's a good thing.
inpeices Posted July 12, 2018 Posted July 12, 2018 So either she has done something she wouldn't normally do and requires you to open up and make it more than just dating.. or she is as already previously mentioned, not ready, decided a single dad isn't for her or is one of those who had a few on the go and has something or someone else lined up... The best thing to do is what you have done.. no woman likes a doormat at their beck and call, and if intentions are not clear from the very outset, it's easy to get hurt. I, for the record had three amazing dates with a woman who was full on and giving all the right signals.. then her ex came back on the scene and threw her into turmoil.. I cut it there.. said I was in it for the long haul and effectively sent her away.. hardest thing I have ever done to someone I really really wanted to be with.. she came back within a week, we have been together 3.5yrs now and got engaged a month ago.. she is amazing.. not all women are screwed up, some just need to hear you are serious and honest and then they react accordingly.. good luck! 3
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