indifferenceiskey Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 I’ve never asked questions nor posted anything on such forums, but I’m pretty much stuck in a pickle hah...this has probably been one of the best and worst relationships I have been in, and it’s really had me scratching my head especially these last two days. So me and my ex broke up 6 months ago, it was an up and down rollercoaster for a few months with on and off contact. I won’t bore anyone with the details, but we got to the point where we agreed we’d be more than friends (I know stupid decision) and decided to meet up in person as she lives in another state. We made plans and agreed we’d meet up keeping in mind the meet up date was a month later (hindsight bad idea, as we all know how feelings change in a matter of a week). Anyways things seemed alright and we’d talk, but I never got the sense she was willing to put in effort, so I’d constantly try talking to her and try to be understanding while getting my point across. So 2 weeks before we were supposed to meet up she decided the best idea was to simply ghost me, I tried reaching out but nothing, I had already made reservations and was kind of blindsided. I decided I’d stop reaching out after I kept my word and went to our meeting sight in her state. Since then I kept no contact for around 6-7 weeks...here comes the slap in the face, I was doing alright, still am, but she somehow thought it was I guess “noble and kind” of her to decide to call me and wish me a happy birthday 2 weeks before my birthday. The day she called me just happened to be the day me and her had made plans 7 months prior to attend a concert overseas. I’m not overthinking the call, honestly it’s just curiosity and I would like an unbiased woman’s opinion on the situation. -much appreciated and best of luck to anyone facing difficulties when it comes to relationships
PegNosePete Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 I’m not overthinking the call Yes you are. She's made it perfectly clear she's not interested in reconciling or even being friends. The call was just to check you don't hate her. Exes don't like it when the person they treated like rubbish thinks badly of them. NC and move on!
DKT3 Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 Honestly, it sounds like another guy in the picture. I betting her relationship got abit rocky and she started reaching out to you for a quick ego boost. Once she had her fill, or new guy behaved better she no longer needed you. The call of happy birthday wishes two weeks early and on the met up date was to maintain some kind of contact and to see if you would respond. She likely wants you to still like her. I say cut her off completely.
Author indifferenceiskey Posted July 10, 2018 Author Posted July 10, 2018 Yes you are. She's made it perfectly clear she's not interested in reconciling or even being friends. The call was just to check you don't hate her. Exes don't like it when the person they treated like rubbish thinks badly of them. NC and move on! I agree, well put. I just thanked her and asked her how her and the family is doing. Forgot to mention she was tipsy and it was 2 in the morning...maybe that’s why I overthought it, hormones or like you said she knew she acted immaturely (if I were to put it nicely) and wanted to save face
Author indifferenceiskey Posted July 10, 2018 Author Posted July 10, 2018 Honestly, it sounds like another guy in the picture. I betting her relationship got abit rocky and she started reaching out to you for a quick ego boost. Once she had her fill, or new guy behaved better she no longer needed you. The call of happy birthday wishes two weeks early and on the met up date was to maintain some kind of contact and to see if you would respond. She likely wants you to still like her. I say cut her off completely. Yep...it’s cute isn’t it. Hey I acted needy and desperate for a while, at this point I picked up and answered out of curiosity. I didn’t delve deep into the convo because she was tipsy. If she calls me sober that’s when I’ll give it to her straight. At this point I’m just curious, I’m just waiting on that “I’ll call you later” to quote her words...thanks
Author indifferenceiskey Posted July 10, 2018 Author Posted July 10, 2018 I agree, well put. I just thanked her and asked her how her and the family is doing. Forgot to mention she was tipsy and it was 2 in the morning...maybe that’s why I overthought it, hormones or like you said she knew she acted immaturely (if I were to put it nicely) and wanted to save face FYI she was the one who wanted to remain friends but I turned her down...still acted needy but eventually I told her I can’t be friends once we became intimate
d0nnivain Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 My heart breaks for you because you described this as one of the best relationships you ever had: long distance, rollercoaster, she was indifferent, it was hard for you to get your point across, she ghosted you, then she played emotional games & drunk dials you. Oh honey, if that is the best, please don't tell me what your worst looked like. This is not a sticky situation at all. This woman played you like a fiddle. Disconnect from her on all platforms & never look back. She is not kind or noble. Yikes. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 My take, as a woman? She has been dating someone else and didn't have the stones to tell you. So she took the coward's way out and simply didn't show up and didn't bother to tell you she wasn't coming. She had a fight with her new guy, or things are a little less certain there than they were before. So, she got a little tipsy one night, and she thought, "Hey! I know who will give me attention! Time to give ol' indifferenceiskey a call! He'll answer!" Worked like a charm. She was very disrespectful to you, and she is still toying with you. But she will disappear again. Don't give her a platform to break your heart again. 1
Author indifferenceiskey Posted July 10, 2018 Author Posted July 10, 2018 My heart breaks for you because you described this as one of the best relationships you ever had: long distance, rollercoaster, she was indifferent, it was hard for you to get your point across, she ghosted you, then she played emotional games & drunk dials you. Oh honey, if that is the best, please don't tell me what your worst looked like. This is not a sticky situation at all. This woman played you like a fiddle. Disconnect from her on all platforms & never look back. She is not kind or noble. Yikes. Again you’re right and I didn’t see all that at first, but I do now. I took a long time contemplating everything and thought things through. That’s why I’m cautious now, and that’s why I came here...I just wanted to get some advice and reinforce my thoughts and opinions on the situation as a whole. Even though some details are missing you seem to get the jist and have the same ideas I have after months of reflection and self improvement. I’ve moved on, dated, and slept around...I’m just curious because she was the first woman I truly loved, but yes I can see that she’s toxic for me. Thanks for the input 1
Author indifferenceiskey Posted July 10, 2018 Author Posted July 10, 2018 My take, as a woman? She has been dating someone else and didn't have the stones to tell you. So she took the coward's way out and simply didn't show up and didn't bother to tell you she wasn't coming. She had a fight with her new guy, or things are a little less certain there than they were before. So, she got a little tipsy one night, and she thought, "Hey! I know who will give me attention! Time to give ol' indifferenceiskey a call! He'll answer!" Worked like a charm. She was very disrespectful to you, and she is still toying with you. But she will disappear again. Don't give her a platform to break your heart again. Dating someone else or not, doesn’t matter to me. I did the same...in the end you’re right her actions were cowardly and should be taken so lightly. Yet is such a good idea to take a pesmistic view on it? I did answer, but I’m pretty sure my tone may have been caring, that’s just who I am, but I’m pretty sure she sensed the tension. What would you reckon I do? Ignoring her would just send a message...I’m still hurt...good job I still have feelings for you. I knew answering her was the best option, asking her how she was while she did the same despite her being tipsy, she’ll wake up the next day and still remember that she called but did she say what she wanted to say despite calling me...highly doubt that. She did not get the satisfaction I’m sure, I did not give her anything except that part of me she fell for in the first place. I appreciate your input, but think my thoughts on this are valid?
PegNosePete Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 Ignoring her would just send a message...I’m still hurt...good job I still have feelings for you. No no no! Ignoring her would send her a message "I don't want anything to do with you". She drunk called her ex. Your username quite nicely sums it up. Indifference is what you should show. The best way to show indifference is to not reply.
Author indifferenceiskey Posted July 10, 2018 Author Posted July 10, 2018 No no no! Ignoring her would send her a message "I don't want anything to do with you". She drunk called her ex. Your username quite nicely sums it up. Indifference is what you should show. The best way to show indifference is to not reply. Ya deep down I know that. I held the phone for a few seconds bewildered as to why’d she’d called. Looking back at the moment...I was also drunk and my dumb*** shouldn’t have answered. It’s all good though, I made way too much progress to let this call affect me as much as I let it so far. Part of me is still curious and in love with the idea of her, I figured at some point she’ll try to wriggle back into my life seeing how well I treated her, and that part of me wanted that knowing full well how bad it would be for me. I’m flawed but I know I was a great bf to her and she doesn’t deserve someone like me, thanks Peg...moment of weakness I just don’t know how to handle it, sometimes your emotions get the best of you even after you’ve healed and moved on. Like I said, she was the first woman that I truly loved
Author indifferenceiskey Posted July 10, 2018 Author Posted July 10, 2018 What is it that you want advice on here? How to handle the situation Smile, I’m just conflicted as to what her intentions are, and wanted some input on what her reasons for reaching out may be
CantTakeMySmile Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 How to handle the situation Smile, I’m just conflicted as to what her intentions are, and wanted some input on what her reasons for reaching out may be I don't think you will ever know her true intentions so speculation will cause confusion for you. Look at it for what it was, a phone call. The why part doesn't really matter. ya know? How to handle it? I think you already made that choice. You chose to answer the phone and talk to her. That is neither a good thing or a bad thing, it is just factual. Now, you don't really have anything else to "handle" when it comes to her.
CantTakeMySmile Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 I’ve never asked questions nor posted anything on such forums, but I’m pretty much stuck in a pickle hah...this has probably been one of the best and worst relationships I have been in, and it’s really had me scratching my head especially these last two days. So me and my ex broke up 6 months ago, it was an up and down rollercoaster for a few months with on and off contact. I won’t bore anyone with the details, but we got to the point where we agreed we’d be more than friends (I know stupid decision) and decided to meet up in person as she lives in another state. We made plans and agreed we’d meet up keeping in mind the meet up date was a month later (hindsight bad idea, as we all know how feelings change in a matter of a week). Anyways things seemed alright and we’d talk, but I never got the sense she was willing to put in effort, so I’d constantly try talking to her and try to be understanding while getting my point across. So 2 weeks before we were supposed to meet up she decided the best idea was to simply ghost me, I tried reaching out but nothing, I had already made reservations and was kind of blindsided. I decided I’d stop reaching out after I kept my word and went to our meeting sight in her state. Since then I kept no contact for around 6-7 weeks...here comes the slap in the face, I was doing alright, still am, but she somehow thought it was I guess “noble and kind” of her to decide to call me and wish me a happy birthday 2 weeks before my birthday. The day she called me just happened to be the day me and her had made plans 7 months prior to attend a concert overseas. I’m not overthinking the call, honestly it’s just curiosity and I would like an unbiased woman’s opinion on the situation. -much appreciated and best of luck to anyone facing difficulties when it comes to relationships How long were you a couple? How much time to you spend together? You went to meet her even though you hadn't spoken in weeks? SHe never told you why she didn't show up? If I hadn't spoken to someone in weeks that I was seeing as more than a friend, I would have been so worried that I would have gone to their home to make sure they were ok? So you went to meet her, she didn't show up, and neither of you texted or called again?
preraph Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 She just sounds selfish and self-absorbed. She isn't a responsible person. What she did was very rude. And then the cherry on top is she decides to see if you'll pretend it never happened when she offers you birthday breadcrumbs. She's just not a very nice responsible person. You seem to be, so you can do better. Block her and just move on with your life. That way you walk away with your dignity and also show her you can't treat someone like your puppet and get away with it.
Author indifferenceiskey Posted July 11, 2018 Author Posted July 11, 2018 I don't think you will ever know her true intentions so speculation will cause confusion for you. Look at it for what it was, a phone call. The why part doesn't really matter. ya know? How to handle it? I think you already made that choice. You chose to answer the phone and talk to her. That is neither a good thing or a bad thing, it is just factual. Now, you don't really have anything else to "handle" when it comes to her. Logical approach seems the best at this point, guessing some emotional part of me wanted to put meaning to it and get some validation
Author indifferenceiskey Posted July 11, 2018 Author Posted July 11, 2018 How long were you a couple? How much time to you spend together? You went to meet her even though you hadn't spoken in weeks? SHe never told you why she didn't show up? If I hadn't spoken to someone in weeks that I was seeing as more than a friend, I would have been so worried that I would have gone to their home to make sure they were ok? So you went to meet her, she didn't show up, and neither of you texted or called again? We weren’t together for long, which made things easier. The relationship was an intense one, the kind where things escalated way too quickly. Looking back at it, we both saw things through rose colored glasses, so whenever we’d see a red flag...it just appeared as a regular flag if you understand. She was the first one to come up and visit me, after which I started taking flights to see her. After the relationship ended it was a battle of ego and pride, just a petty back and forth but the feelings remained in both parties. I’d try to work things out, she’d back off so I would and then she’d come back after I’d attempt NC and try to talk to me. Emotional blackmailing, yes, but I understand where she’s coming from. I’ve tried taking the high road and being mature about every situation, but sometime your emotions get the better of you and you’d end up ruining the chance of resolving things by acting like a d*pe. I’m sure you understand. Me being me, I attempted to reach out after the most recent events. After she’d decided to ghost, I reached out a few days before my trip just to see if she’s ok and whether she was going to show up. I got a simple email that just said “No”. So I let it go, took the flight spent a weekend knowing full well she wouldn’t show up, but just hoping she just might change her mind and we’d end up chatting. After that trip I went NC, and it’s been like that for nearly 2 months. That helped a lot, I calmed down and got a better chance to let my emotions settle, dated, and slept with other women, but there was always that feeling of unfinished business and lack of closure you have when you get ghosted by someone you shared a decent amount with and connected with on a deep level. Then I got that call, I was shocked, and I told her that I never expected to hear from her again. She spoke in a nonchalant way, and yes I could sense the selfishness in her voice, knowing full well she might be calling to see if I ended up going to that concert. Anyways I just asked her how her and the family is doing, and pretty much left it that. She said she’d call again, but I’m sure that’s just a formality.
Author indifferenceiskey Posted July 11, 2018 Author Posted July 11, 2018 She just sounds selfish and self-absorbed. She isn't a responsible person. What she did was very rude. And then the cherry on top is she decides to see if you'll pretend it never happened when she offers you birthday breadcrumbs. She's just not a very nice responsible person. You seem to be, so you can do better. Block her and just move on with your life. That way you walk away with your dignity and also show her you can't treat someone like your puppet and get away with it. I agree, she is self absorbed and selfish, but aren’t we all. I know I can do way better. Yet there’s something about this relationship that has taught me so much, left me a tad jaded, but for the better. People who come into your life to teach you lessons are just as valuable as those who stick around and love you. I don’t tend to contemplate my actions until after I’ve done them, because it’s when you put to much thought into the fact that you end up debating whether you’d lose face, dignity, or pride for doing something. I just do what I think would give me peace of mind by the end of the day, not picking up that phone call would leave me feeling worse about the situation than picking it up. She was tipsy and it was 2 in the morning, so I just didn’t delve deep and let her do the talking while showing her I can ask about her and the family without feeling insecure in the fact that I can show care without feeling weak about it. Like I said my head runs a million miles an hour after each encounter I have with anyone, let alone one with an ex. I know it’s a big no no, but that’s how you learn and grow. I lay out all possibilities, words exchanged, reasons, and facts, piece them together and see what I could’ve said, done, or reacted better in that situation. It tends to get old, but trust me, making mistakes and viewing things in such a manner really helps you grow as an individual...isn’t that what one should strive for, not only after a break up. I knew at some point she’d regret her actions, she’s stubborn just like me, and she’s smart I’ll give her those. What’s different is I grow out of a situation, see my mistakes, and mature. She didn’t, and many don’t.
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