How do I end things with a girl that I’ve been seeing for 3 months? (Updated)

[HumanMachine]

I’ve never had to do this before and I feel awful and guilty. I’m not happy with the girl that I’m seeing but she’s fallen head over heels for me. How do I do it? Face to face? It so where? What do I say!?

 

Thanks for any help

[Gaeta]

You go see her and tell her. She will be shocked and sad so it's better she be home when she gets the news. Just tell the truth in a gentle and kind way, it's been 3 months and your feelings haven't developped so it's better to part so she finds true love.

 

 

 

Out of curiosity why did you wait 3 months? Years ago I remember being dumped at 3 months and I felt very betrayed for the guy to wait a whole 3 months to tell me his feelings weren't developing.

 

 

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Edited July 9, 2018 by Gaeta

[stillafool]

Why are you not happy with her?

[HumanMachine]

Out of curiosity why did you wait 3 months? Years ago I remember being dumped at 3 months and I felt very betrayed for the guy to wait a whole 3 months to tell me his feelings weren't developing.

 

 

.

 

Thanks. She’s such a nice girl and I was trying to force myself to like her. I should’ve ended it sooner but honestly I haven’t had the balls to.

 

Why are you not happy with her?

 

There’s no spark/excitement. Friends were telling me “this is how a normal relationship is” so I stuck at it.

[Zippy2000]

Before we break any relationship we need to find out what is wrong with it.

 

 

Whats happened for you to think this way?

[stillafool]

 

There’s no spark/excitement. Friends were telling me “this is how a normal relationship is” so I stuck at it.

 

You were right not to settle. This is not how a normal relationship is.

[Gaeta]

Relationships dom't all start the same. Some starts with lots of sparks and others start with an intense feeling of respect BUT both must evolved, if you like someone and you don't feels a type of escalation happening in a short period of time then don't force it. I consider 5 dates the top.

[miss2017]

I’ve never had to do this before and I feel awful and guilty. I’m not happy with the girl that I’m seeing but she’s fallen head over heels for me. How do I do it? Face to face? It so where? What do I say!?

 

Thanks for any help

 

Why do you feel guilty and awful? You're honouring yourself and what you feel, and allowing both you and her to be free to meet someone who is a better match.

 

You should feel guilty and awful if you continue with her out of pity, which you don't want to do.

 

So, just be honest and tell her exactly how you feel and that you don't wish to continue. The way she takes it is her responsibility, not yours.

 

Best of luck and good for you for having integrity.

 

Oh by the way, maybe you should make new friends and not having people in your life telling you that is how a "normal relationship" feels like. You clearly want more of life than vanilla boring sh**.

Edited July 9, 2018 by miss2017

[d0nnivain]

It's no fun to hurt somebody else's feelings. That is what is making you feel upset. You hate to be the bearer of bad news. However, you can't keep dating her just to keep from hurting her; that's worse. By setting her free, then she can find somebody who is totally into her & head over heals for her.

 

Meet her somewhere quiet & public but semi private, like a park bench. Tell her that she's a nice person but you & she just don't click & it's not working for you. Use the clichés like it's not her it's you. It is you because you don't feel the spark. Don't give her false hope. Keep it quick but be decisive.

 

No part of a breakup is happy but you can't stay in a relationship that isn't bringing you joy.

[Gaeta]

Meet her somewhere quiet & public but semi private, like a park bench.

That would offend me after 3 months dating. She will be emotional and she doesn't deserve to be left alone on a public park then cry her way home. He said she's always been an amazing person so he can stop by her house for a few minutes and let her be sad in private. He owes her that much.

[d0nnivain]

That would offend me after 3 months dating. She will be emotional and she doesn't deserve to be left alone on a public park then cry her way home. He said she's always been an amazing person so he can stop by her house for a few minutes and let her be sad in private. He owes her that much.

 

But where? I just don't think he should invite her to his house then make her drive home. I also don't want him to dump her in house because then she has to look at the couch & relive it. I'd go for a walk in her neighborhood or something. There really are no good places to do this.

[Gaeta]

But where? I just don't think he should invite her to his house then make her drive home. I also don't want him to dump her in house because then she has to look at the couch & relive it. I'd go for a walk in her neighborhood or something. There really are no good places to do this.

Never in a million year I'd suggest his house. He needs to drive to *her* house. Then she can call a girlfriend and they'll come over. Someone broke up with me and offered me the respect of coming to my house, I don't have any bad memories linked to my front door because of it.

[d0nnivain]

Never in a million year I'd suggest his house. He needs to drive to *her* house. Then she can call a girlfriend and they'll come over. Someone broke up with me and offered me the respect of coming to my house, I don't have any bad memories linked to my front door because of it.

 

One guy broke up with me in my living room. I thought he was coming over to propose. I practically puked every time I walked in the living room for the next month. Eventually I got new furniture.

 

I don't think at 3 months this girl should be that attached. He does have to go to her.

[Gaeta]

One guy broke up with me in my living room. I thought he was coming over to propose. I practically puked every time I walked in the living room for the next month. Eventually I got new furniture.

 

I don't think at 3 months this girl should be that attached. He does have to go to her.

 

 

aaawwww I am so sorry!!

 

 

OP will have to take everything into consideration.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I would rather be broken up with over text.

 

 

That way I can cry if I feel like it in private and think that it's no big loss since no decent man would break up with a woman over text

[ExpatInItaly]

Do not do this over text, whatever you do. You have no idea where she'll be when she gets the message. Imagine she's at work, or out with friends, sees your name light up her screen and she's excited to read it. Then - heartbreak. And she might not even be able to take a moment in private to process. Just don't.

[ElKay]

Tell her you swiped right on your ex's tinder profile last month, it'll help her have a reason to move on. ^^' heh

[CaliBabe]

It doesn't have to be in person. You could call and tell her. Its one step above a text. I think its important to do it as soon as possible as to not make things worse on either of you. Good luck!

[HiCrunchy]

What is wrong with her and the relationship?

Make sure u can articulate that because she will ask you.

 

I would go with what don said. Dont go to her house or make her come to urs.

Do it in a semi public place.

Park bench, steps on a stoop etc.

 

No text or call. In person.

Let her cry and say her piece.

[Lotsgoingon]

I have found women are expert at the setup to a breakup.

 

"We need to talk." That's the magic phrase.

 

"We need to talk" = I'm breaking up with you and I want to do so in person. "We need to talk" never means "I wanna tell you how great you are, and how happy I am in the relationship. And I just wanted to give you a heads up on all the compliments to come."

 

You wanna be humane, use words like that before you meet in person. I think it's OK to text those words, in fact. Others may disagree.

 

You don't want to be nasty ... or call her names or belittle her, but it's actually not your job to prevent her from feeling sad and disappointed and all of that.

 

So don't even make that a goal. She will be sad. And that's OK.

Edited July 10, 2018 by Lotsgoingon

[Iris The Butterfly]

Good on you for being respectful of her feelings and being a decent person.

 

I dated a guy for 5 months who to me and everyone around me seemed TOTALLY into me. After 3 months of dating exclusively, consistently, multiple times a week, days on end, by his own pursuit and progression... he called me on the phone.... when I thought everything was going great, we were getting closer, heck I even thought he was falling in love... to say something along the lines of "I'm not sure I can date you anymore....I'm heartbroken and in a vulnerable place over my ex. But I love you, I still want you in my life." I was dumbfounded and said if he was breaking it off with me he was going to have to do it to my face. I think at 3 months a face to face is warranted. As I think you should do here.

 

So he basically said the same thing to me in person, how great I was, how much he liked me, how he wanted to continue... but he "Wasn't looking for a relationship right now, he just got out of one... he still needs more time, he cares for me....etc". After 3 months. Like suddenly he realized it after spending the better part of 3 months with me. Unfortunately he dragged it out still pursuing a romantic relationship with me for another 6 weeks and apparently he couldn't continue on being an a#% and taking advantage of me and my deeper feelings for him. So we spent an evening together, same as always, nothing different. Then he left. He texted me a couple days following, then he left on vacation, returned, and we haven't spoken since. Nothing. I would have rather he dumped me like a man, to my face.

 

Do it. Just say: "I've really enjoyed our time together and I think you are a great person, pay her a compliment. But I don't feel it's a good match between us and I wanted to give it a fair shot. I hope there aren't any hard feelings and I wish you the best."

[alphamale]

just make up some reason for a big argument and then never contact or see her again

[Whodatdog]

Before we break any relationship we need to find out what is wrong with it.

 

 

Whats happened for you to think this way?

 

No, its not that theres something wrong with the relationship. Its that theres nothing right with it.

[HumanMachine]

I’ve done it. She has since text me twice, obviously angry and upset, I feel like I don’t need to explain myself further - there is nothing more I can say. She told me that I’ve broken her heart, which made me feel nauseous with guilt. I have no intention of responding to her, as I feel any further communicated from me could potentially lead her on even further. Is this ok or should I respond out of courtesy?

[central]

It does not matter WHY you aren't happy with this relationship, just that you are. If there is something she is doing that she can change, that might help her in the future, then tell her if you can do so kindly, otherwise, just say that you're feelings aren't growing for her, and you realize it won't work out from your perspective.

 

It's best to break up with someone as soon as you realize that it won't work for you, unless you are both only wanting and expecting a casual dating relationship without further development.

 

Realizing things won't work can take a month, 3 months, and sometimes even a year or two. Some issues won't even become obvious until after 2 years. It's harder to break up then after so much investment of time and energy, but it is still the right thing to do. And it's far better than struggling along only to divorce a few years later, when there may be kids in the picture, too!

 

And do this in person, probably at her home, and then leave - do not get into a debate or fight. Be kind, but firm.

Edited July 11, 2018 by central