coolheadal Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 I googled those 4 traits, and I'd say I'm definitely a cross between entertainer and feeler. I'm definitely not a controller. I'm not too much of a thinker (even though I can be logical at certain times). I was very much like you my friend, but I've learned to be a bit harder on myself. Nice Guys Finish last we men who are like this will never be happy. So to fix this you have to learn how to deal with a Controller, Feeler. These type want a man to lead not be lead by the woman. I am not saying to go after a toxic woman. These dates you had they want strong confident man. I know you want to be nice but listen it's not working. Got to quit being so nice and be more like a alpha male leads the pack. Be a leader instead of follower. Herd you lead a herd of women. You can do it. Change the way you dress also.. Your hair and everything. Be more of lover something these women want. Have a don't care attitude. But tell them your taking them to this place and we're going to have fun okay babe! Pick her up and don't open the door for her you can do it once if you want too. To many of these women are independent. They don't know the traits of a nice guy, but cross that out New Confident Guy can lead and she'll follow you. Lets go here and lets do this. We're going dancing you lead! Do you see where I getting at. This is what I do it works. You'll get all sorts of women too all traits..
coolheadal Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 Be more of a prick and let them know you have a dick. Sounds rude but it works. OMG, OML this crack me up LOL!
Versacehottie Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 Just taking a guess (and i will go back and read rest of thread to see if i can help more). a) don't ever go to coffee--that's an interview not a date. Choose an activity that at least has potential environment for romantic vibe. Trust me, starbucks is not it! b) speaking of interviews, make sure you don't do an exchange of info like an interview, literally a vibe killer. Naturally and playful conversation bounces all over the place. Not you ask a question, she responds and expands, then one of you in return. Blech, boring. c) you said you were polite. try to push things on your spectrum a little more toward playful or cheeky. In your way. Sometimes too polite loses momentum. d) take pressure off the dating by having other interests that you really care about. That positive energy transfers and i swear people are addicted to try to pull your attention (more so than someone who is singularly focused). Also when you are talking on a date it makes you seem more well-rounded and attractive bc you are! e) try to meet girls through friends and your activities. online or app dating can be soul-sucking and dismissive. when people actually know you as in friends or acquaintances or through them, they get more attached. I'll see if anything else on your thread gives some clues and write back if i notice anything. But yeah try to expand how you meet people too, a more well-rounded approach. Just even talking to all sorts of people in an outgoing manner will transfer to your dating--like charming, flirty stuff. Promise. 1
Els Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 Just taking a guess (and i will go back and read rest of thread to see if i can help more). a) don't ever go to coffee--that's an interview not a date. Choose an activity that at least has potential environment for romantic vibe. Trust me, starbucks is not it! Well, "coffee" doesn't have to mean "Starbucks"... I agree that Starbucks is a pretty bad place for a date (unless you're really young), but coffee at a nice cafe or roastery isn't all bad. Especially if he's finding the girls online, it's a bit much to do a full-on romantic dinner on the first date IMO. That said, I do agree with you that meeting people IRL almost always trumps online dating sites/apps. I know some people have had success with the latter, but every time I hear a story like that, it almost always seems to be that they dated about 500 people before meeting someone who clicked! I admire their patience, but it must be soul-sucking to have to do so much weeding. OTOH people who meet their dates organically seem to require fewer first dates to find the one whom they're compatible with.
No_Go Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 Well, "coffee" doesn't have to mean "Starbucks"... I agree that Starbucks is a pretty bad place for a date (unless you're really young), but coffee at a nice cafe or roastery isn't all bad. Especially if he's finding the girls online, it's a bit much to do a full-on romantic dinner on the first date IMO. IMO the problem of coffee dates is that is in the middle of the day and gives a business vibe regardless... A full on romantic dinner on first date (honestly within the first month of dating) to me is a turn off... It's too formal. I'm more of a walk/hike type, if food will be involved I'm very happy with ice cream or random fast food. But walk&talk is on the top of my list, I think all the times I fell hard for the guy this is what we did the first few dates. It is very much a personal preference obviously. As previous posters said, for some it's the physical contact, for others- the gestures. For me it's the conversational chemistry PLUS physical attraction. Both I don't think one can control too much... it's just about finding the right match that appreciates your personality&looks.
rightondude Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 1) "How's match.com working for you?" 2) "Wow...I bet you get lots of crazy messages, then...what's your craziest?" 3) "How did I find myself so lucky that you weren't already taken then?" (The last one is slightly self-deprecating but be careful with that...it can backfire.) You do you, keep going with what works obviously, but I would avoid these questions. I have had it be awkward when the usage of dating apps, time spent on dating apps, etc is brought up. I've suspect some women will find you to possibly be a player or wonder what the hell is wrong with you if you share too much about the experience. Of course all people are different. FWIW this is coming from a guy who the last 5 women I've dated I've had 4 or 5 dates with, gotten to different levels of physical, but then have been ghosted or dumped. Somehow I start off hot and heavy then end up a buddy or FWB.
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