Ivy1609 Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 I don’t understand what happened. At first he was the most amazing person that I have ever met but now he is like a different person. He does things like lying and then he manipulates me to making me feel is my fault. He accuses me of doing things that I haven’t done. Sometimes he says hurtful things to me and he watches me crying and does nothings, he just stares at me with a straight face, with zero emotions or gets annoyed and calls me crazy or tells me that I need a psychologist. Is hard for me to leave because other times he is sweet as he was in the beginning and I’m more confused everyday. I just need an advice. He doesn’t understand when I try to tell him that is hurting me.
mortensorchid Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 He was probably always like this but you didn't see it yet until you "get to know each other" better. I was with someone years ago in a LDR who showed me his true colors one day before he broke it off. Before he was fairly happy, borderline goofball, and we were kind of an odd match in many ways, but one day I arrived and he was miserable. He was angry, screaming at me and others around him, telling me how his friend Bob was angry with his wife and all the things they were saying to one another. It was super uncomfortable, he practically shoved me out of his way and out of the car when I left. He ended up marrying a real shrew later on who took him for a ride, but that's another thread.
basil67 Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 Sweetie, what you're describing isn't a lack of empathy. It's a lack of being a decent human. 5
guest569 Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 Good riddance. Sooner the better. How often is he nice, and how nasty were his comments? 1
Author Ivy1609 Posted July 9, 2018 Author Posted July 9, 2018 Good riddance. Sooner the better. How often is he nice, and how nasty were his comments? When is good he is really nice and caring but when is bad is awful. Sometimes we fight and he says bad things about my family, he criticizes my job because he believes his job is better and he makes more money than me, he can be very cruel when he is angry.
basil67 Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 When is good he is really nice and caring but when is bad is awful. Sometimes we fight and he says bad things about my family, he criticizes my job because he believes his job is better and he makes more money than me, he can be very cruel when he is angry. And here we have even more reasons to leave him. Being nice and caring some of the time isn't enough to compensate for his bad behaviour. Imagine you have a daughter in this scenario. What would you advise her to do? 1
Author Ivy1609 Posted July 9, 2018 Author Posted July 9, 2018 And here we have even more reasons to leave him. Being nice and caring some of the time isn't enough to compensate for his bad behaviour. Imagine you have a daughter in this scenario. What would you advise her to do? I am just 21 years old but if i had a daughter i would not like to see her in this situation, I would advice her to leave as soon as the bad treatment start because then it becomes more addictive and hard to leave. That it doesn't get better, it only gets worse. 2
BaileyB Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 I would advice her to leave as soon as the bad treatment start because then it becomes more addictive and hard to leave. That it doesn't get better, it only gets worse. Are you going to take your own advice? What you are describing is not a lack of empathy. A lack of empathy is - you had a bad day and he doesn't care to hear about it. What you are describing is emotional abuse. 4
basil67 Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 I am just 21 years old but if i had a daughter i would not like to see her in this situation, I would advice her to leave as soon as the bad treatment start because then it becomes more addictive and hard to leave. That it doesn't get better, it only gets worse. In that case, you could easily by my daughter. And I'd be strongly supporting her to leave. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 Yes, you need to end this relationship. He is emotionally abusing you. It won't get better. Good times don't make up for the damage he is inflicting on you. 1
BaileyB Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 Good times don't make up for the damage he is inflicting on you. That is the cycle of abuse. The good times keep you hooked on the relationship. The bad times reveal the true character of the man you are dating. The bad outweighs the good. Relationships are supposed to lift you up. Never stay with a man who hurts you. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 That is the cycle of abuse. The good times keep you hooked on the relationship. The bad times reveal the true character of the man you are dating. The bad outweighs the good. Relationships are supposed to lift you up. Never stay with a man who hurts you. Very true, and I know it all too well. My ex was the same. Abusive people are not abusive 100% of the time, OP. They can be some of the biggest charmers you'll ever meet, and it's part of their manipulation. 1
GoreSP Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 What happened: he worked hard to make you fall for him and now that he thinks/feels like you're «hooked» he can throw the manipulation in to deepen his grasp on you. It will only get worse. Break up. Go NC.
Gaeta Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 I don’t understand what happened. At first he was the most amazing person that I have ever met but now he is like a different person. He does things like lying and then he manipulates me to making me feel is my fault. He accuses me of doing things that I haven’t done. Sometimes he says hurtful things to me and he watches me crying and does nothings, he just stares at me with a straight face, with zero emotions or gets annoyed and calls me crazy or tells me that I need a psychologist. Is hard for me to leave because other times he is sweet as he was in the beginning and I’m more confused everyday. I just need an advice. He doesn’t understand when I try to tell him that is hurting me. Ivy: you are in a full blown abusive relationship. They are always amazing at first till you fall for them. Then when you're hooked they start with little control & abuse and you let it slide. That tells them you're the type that will endure bad treatment. Soon they escalate their abuse and you find yourself being controlled and abused on all facets of your life. The name calling and his indifference is all about destroying your self-worth. He wants you to believe you are nothing and no one else will want you so you stay and continue taking the abuse. These type of men make it difficult to leave them. Do you live together? You need to confine in someone close to you like your mom and tell her you need her support to leave that monster. . 1
Author Ivy1609 Posted July 9, 2018 Author Posted July 9, 2018 Ivy: you are in a full blown abusive relationship. They are always amazing at first till you fall for them. Then when you're hooked they start with little control & abuse and you let it slide. That tells them you're the type that will endure bad treatment. Soon they escalate their abuse and you find yourself being controlled and abused on all facets of your life. The name calling and his indifference is all about destroying your self-worth. He wants you to believe you are nothing and no one else will want you so you stay and continue taking the abuse. These type of men make it difficult to leave them. Do you live together? You need to confine in someone close to you like your mom and tell her you need her support to leave that monster. . We used to live together for some months because of school but not anymore so I think that is a good thing. I know I have to leave, I broke up once with him and I blocked him from everything but he convinced me not to do it and I though that maybe I was overreacting. But thanks everyone for all your comments, I think the most I talk about it, more open my eyes.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 We used to live together for some months because of school but not anymore so I think that is a good thing. I know I have to leave, I broke up once with him and I blocked him from everything but he convinced me not to do it and I though that maybe I was overreacting. But thanks everyone for all your comments, I think the most I talk about it, more open my eyes. Please, save your sanity and end this relationship for good. It's so beyond unhealthy that it could leave you with lasting emotional scars for years. I speak from experience.
Calmandfocused Posted July 10, 2018 Posted July 10, 2018 Op, I’ve lived this. I married a guy like this only he was worse than you described. Ive two children with him. I strongly advise you to read “why does he do that”. It will open your eyes and tell you all you need to know. Get out whilst you can. Trust me when I say it gets worse. Much worse. It took me 4 court appearances to get away from my ex and divorce him. I literally had to fight for my freedom. You see, once they have you it’s too rewarding for them to want to let you go. Do not be me.
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