How do I ask her out?

[randomencounter9742379548]

First time posting here. Hello everyone!

For the last 2 weeks I've been driving this girl to Church with me. Our Pastor asked me if I can drive her to Mass on Sundays since she doesn't have a car and she really wants to go. She lives in my neighborhood.

 

I drove her to Church the last 2 Sundays and we hit it off very well. She even came over to my house on the 4th of July to meet my family.

 

We have similar interests and careers and our personalities compliment each other. (She being a little introverted and me being extroverted.) In a couple of weeks I want to ask her out. The reason I'm waiting that long is for this to feel natural and not forced. I only text her once a week to make the driving arrangements.

 

I'm not looking for romance initially with her, I'm looking for friendship. If it does lead to romance then so be it. What should be my best course of action? All the other women I asked out in the past was for romance and I rushed into it and got rejected. That was a few years ago. What can I do now that is different?

If you need anymore information that can help answer my question, just ask! I will reply.

[smackie9]

Just ask her if she wants to join you for a bite to eat after church...like ice cream if it’s hot out.

BTW you didn’t rush anything with those other girls. They simply were not interested it wouldn’t have made any difference if you waited.

Edited July 8, 2018 by smackie9

[Lotsgoingon]

So did you enjoy the conversation during the ride to Church today?

 

If you enjoyed the conversation ... then you can send her a text and say you enjoyed talking to her ... and you'd like to meet her for coffee, etc ...

 

Keep it light ... coffee/tea ... if you're really inexperienced, don't go to a bar ... and don't ask her for dinner. Dinner is further down the road.

 

Coffee at a cafe can build on the relationship and conversation you already have ... and then you go from there.

 

Or ... you can tell her you're interested in a particular event at church and ask her if she would be interested in going ... This is a nice move because you're just slightly saying, "hey I'm thinking about you. Would love for you to be at this event" ... without saying too much.

 

Ask her out for coffee ... and don't worry about being awkward ... awkward is fine ... ignore nervousness ... no one cares that we're nervous asking them out.

[randomencounter9742379548]

Just ask her if she wants to join you for a bite to eat after church...like ice cream if it’s hot out.

BTW you didn’t rush anything with those other girls. They simply were not interested it wouldn’t have made any difference if you waited.

 

Thanks for the reply. I'll do that!

[randomencounter9742379548]

So did you enjoy the conversation during the ride to Church today?

 

If you enjoyed the conversation ... then you can send her a text and say you enjoyed talking to her ... and you'd like to meet her for coffee, etc ...

 

Keep it light ... coffee/tea ... if you're really inexperienced, don't go to a bar ... and don't ask her for dinner. Dinner is further down the road.

 

Coffee at a cafe can build on the relationship and conversation you already have ... and then you go from there.

 

Or ... you can tell her you're interested in a particular event at church and ask her if she would be interested in going ... This is a nice move because you're just slightly saying, "hey I'm thinking about you. Would love for you to be at this event" ... without saying too much.

 

Ask her out for coffee ... and don't worry about being awkward ... awkward is fine ... ignore nervousness ... no one cares that we're nervous asking them out.

 

The conversation today was great! We both were more comfortable with each other and were able to laugh and joke a bit. I rather not send her a text this week because I think a woman should be left wondering and thinking about you. I think taking her out for coffee is a great idea! She's off on weekends and she doesn't do anything during the day so I'll ask her as we get out of Church.

 

The Church is having a BBQ in August. I think I'll invite her there eventually. I'll look for a place to have coffee and a light brunch near her home.

 

I haven't done this in a long time. Any suggestions on how to ask her? Thank you!

[Lotsgoingon]

Sure, go slow if that is your comfort level ... but don't wait too long ... If a great conversation doesn't lead the guy to ask them out ... a lot of women conclude that the guy isn't really interested in her ... But a week to wait is fine, especially if that helps YOU regulate your emotions.

 

As for women should be left waiting and thinking about ... hmm ... the best way to get someone thinking about us ... is to spend great time with them.

 

But sounds like you're feeling the chemistry. Good luck.

[d0nnivain]

I haven't done this in a long time. Any suggestions on how to ask her? Thank you!

 

Last minute invites are not that great. You are assuming the other person doesn't have plans.

 

But next Sunday as you are headed home it's OK to say "Hey I was thinking about heading over to [café / diner in her neighborhood] for breakfast. Would you like to join me?" See what she says. If you get a no, ask about following Sunday, a week in advance. If you get a no to that too without an offer to reschedule then you know this has no traction. Leave it alone.

 

 

After you get brunch under your belt, suggest a Friday or Saturday evening meeting.

 

 

Then you can ask her to the picnic.

[randomencounter9742379548]

Sure, go slow if that is your comfort level ... but don't wait too long ... If a great conversation doesn't lead the guy to ask them out ... a lot of women conclude that the guy isn't really interested in her ... But a week to wait is fine, especially if that helps YOU regulate your emotions.

 

As for women should be left waiting and thinking about ... hmm ... the best way to get someone thinking about us ... is to spend great time with them.

 

But sounds like you're feeling the chemistry. Good luck.

 

Thanks for the great advise! I'll keep updating as I go along.

[randomencounter9742379548]

Last minute invites are not that great. You are assuming the other person doesn't have plans.

 

But next Sunday as you are headed home it's OK to say "Hey I was thinking about heading over to [café / diner in her neighborhood] for breakfast. Would you like to join me?" See what she says. If you get a no, ask about following Sunday, a week in advance. If you get a no to that too without an offer to reschedule then you know this has no traction. Leave it alone.

 

 

After you get brunch under your belt, suggest a Friday or Saturday evening meeting.

 

 

Then you can ask her to the picnic.

 

Good advise! She always asks me if I'm doing anything today and this week and I always ask those questions back. She told me she doesn't do anything on Sunday mornings after Church, so I really won't be assuming anything.

If I do get rejected, I'm just gonna go to breakfast by myself. I feel like that confidence is important to have, especially when handling rejection.

As for the weekend get together, I'll play that by ear, but I'm feeling pretty confidant and hopeful. Thanks!

[smackie9]

She told me she doesn't do anything on Sunday mornings after Church, so I really won't be assuming anything.

Dude, she's hinting to go do something after church.

 

 

Confident guys don't question or look for clues on interest...they like someone, they simply ask them out...they just go all ballzz in.

 

 

rejection is just part of life. No one dies, the sun still comes up the next day, and no girl ever dwells on it.

[Lotsgoingon]

This experience isn't about rejection. The experience is about letting yourself explore ... and finding a woman who is a good fit for you and you for her.

 

All you're doing is paying attention here ... and she says she has open time X day and Y day ... women don't say that to guys they don't wanna hang out with.

 

Now ... forget about dating yet ... yeah, it's there ... but it's sorta like any complicated multi-step task ... focus on the next step ... The next step is to say you'd like to get together sometime (on some of the open slots she's announcing) ...

 

Remember, you don't really know her yet. She could be a serial killer wanted in ten states. (Remind yourself of this humorously when you find yourself getting really nervous.) So you just wanna sit down with her ... and learn more ... and share more ... you'll learn more, you'll experience her in a different way ... and she you ... and then if you feel good after that coffee meeting, whatever, you say you'd like to see her again ...

 

By the way, do NOT bring up your fear of rejection ... you can bring up shyness if you want ... but do not bring up rejection ... and in your mind, no need to go to rejection ... really enjoy this moment right now ... and this experience right now ... and this nervousness right now ... Great place to be ... And go the next step and see ... Later on, depending on what happens, you can share your rejection story with her. But not now.

 

Sounds great to me. And remember, nervousness is OK. She'll also be nervous.

[randomencounter9742379548]

Dude, she's hinting to go do something after church.

 

 

Confident guys don't question or look for clues on interest...they like someone, they simply ask them out...they just go all ballzz in.

 

 

rejection is just part of life. No one dies, the sun still comes up the next day, and no girl ever dwells on it.

 

Whoa. You can tell I'm rusty, thanks for pointing that out! I'm not that nervous or worried anymore lol.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I rather not send her a text this week because I think a woman should be left wondering and thinking about you.

 

Ggggggrrrrrrrooooooooaaaaaaannnnnnnnn.......

[randomencounter9742379548]

This experience isn't about rejection. The experience is about letting yourself explore ... and finding a woman who is a good fit for you and you for her.

 

All you're doing is paying attention here ... and she says she has open time X day and Y day ... women don't say that to guys they don't wanna hang out with.

 

Now ... forget about dating yet ... yeah, it's there ... but it's sorta like any complicated multi-step task ... focus on the next step ... The next step is to say you'd like to get together sometime (on some of the open slots she's announcing) ...

 

Remember, you don't really know her yet. She could be a serial killer wanted in ten states. (Remind yourself of this humorously when you find yourself getting really nervous.) So you just wanna sit down with her ... and learn more ... and share more ... you'll learn more, you'll experience her in a different way ... and she you ... and then if you feel good after that coffee meeting, whatever, you say you'd like to see her again ...

 

By the way, do NOT bring up your fear of rejection ... you can bring up shyness if you want ... but do not bring up rejection ... and in your mind, no need to go to rejection ... really enjoy this moment right now ... and this experience right now ... and this nervousness right now ... Great place to be ... And go the next step and see ... Later on, depending on what happens, you can share your rejection story with her. But not now.

 

Sounds great to me. And remember, nervousness is OK. She'll also be nervous.

 

Wow, I didn't know what her telling me her availability meant. I'm 21. I'm kind of a late bloomer when it comes to this. Lol. I think something that is worth mentioning is she is always the first to ask me what I am doing today and this week. She also talks a lot about her personal life such as, work, activities, family and sentiments.

 

We only talk for 40 minutes going to and from Church and conversationally, we're doing great laughing, joking and talking.

 

Am I nervous? HECK YES! LOL. It feels better knowing that she is nervous too, I never stopped to think about that. Also, I don't want to talk to her about rejection, at least not now.

This forum has helped me out a lot. Thank you!

[coolheadal]

First time posting here. Hello everyone!

For the last 2 weeks I've been driving this girl to Church with me. Our Pastor asked me if I can drive her to Mass on Sundays since she doesn't have a car and she really wants to go. She lives in my neighborhood.

 

I drove her to Church the last 2 Sundays and we hit it off very well. She even came over to my house on the 4th of July to meet my family.

 

We have similar interests and careers and our personalities compliment each other. (She being a little introverted and me being extroverted.) In a couple of weeks I want to ask her out. The reason I'm waiting that long is for this to feel natural and not forced. I only text her once a week to make the driving arrangements.

 

I'm not looking for romance initially with her, I'm looking for friendship. If it does lead to romance then so be it. What should be my best course of action? All the other women I asked out in the past was for romance and I rushed into it and got rejected. That was a few years ago. What can I do now that is different?

If you need anymore information that can help answer my question, just ask! I will reply.

 

Is she seeing someone? You have to make sure she's not with anyone. No married nor engage or even being saved for a man.

 

If all is a green light then you can ask her out.

 

How would you that is like this:

 

Find out if there is event you to can share interest in. Then ask her would she like to go with you to this event on whatever date and time it's starts.

From there it's pretty simple.. But yes make sure you have something to do plan it all out a head of time. You should be good to go!

[shydad]

Wow, I didn't know what her telling me her availability meant. I'm 21. I'm kind of a late bloomer when it comes to this. Lol.

 

 

Well, if it helps with your confidence, you are doing a better job of this than I am, and I'm 41. I'm totally taking mental notes of some of the things said in this discussion!

[randomencounter9742379548]

Well, if it helps with your confidence, you are doing a better job of this than I am, and I'm 41. I'm totally taking mental notes of some of the things said in this discussion!

 

Awesome! Glad we can all help each other out.

Good luck!

[Lotsgoingon]

Dude, don't worry ... There are so many dating and social cues that I didn't learn to interpret until my 30s and even 40s.

[Doost]

Just ask her out but be casual about it. I wouldn’t play the let’s just be friends angle. I mean you wanting to spend time with her would speak for itself no need to act like it’s all about friendship.

[Lotsgoingon]

Willbeingsilly,

 

Where's our Sunday update? I'm invested in you at this point.

 

How did things go today? ... It's OK if they didn't go so well.

[mortensorchid]

She seems to have dropped a hint that she is free before and after church on Sundays, so I would just go for it. Something low key like go out for breakfast or ice cream. Hope she says yes.