uncertainperson Posted July 8, 2018 Posted July 8, 2018 Hello I’ve been working with a girl at our office for 7/8 months now. She’s great, and unfortunately I’ve got myself into a situation where I’m pretty into her. She has a boyfriend. I appreciate the moral element to that but I need a bit of general advice on the situation. I just can’t figure out where she stands with me. She’s flirty with me, always smiling when she sees/talks to me (which in turn makes me stupidly grin ), she’s a chatty fun girl but I feel like she acts differently around me. Gut instinct says there’s something but I might be wrong. Recently when we’re chatting she’s been touching me on the arm etc. Having spoken to others at work she hasn’t done this the other guys. The other night at a bar with others after work she said she “really likes me” (twice) and that I was her “cup of tea”... she’s foreign and we’re in the uk haha, it’s a phrase. Am I mad or does it seem somethings there. Gah.
Lotsgoingon Posted July 8, 2018 Posted July 8, 2018 How do you know she has a bf? You ever talk to her about the bf?
Author uncertainperson Posted July 8, 2018 Author Posted July 8, 2018 How do you know she has a bf? You ever talk to her about the bf? Ha, out desks are next to each other, she had a boyfriend and lives with him..
Author uncertainperson Posted July 8, 2018 Author Posted July 8, 2018 She doesn’t talk much about her boyfriend (to me anyway), apart from the the odd generic conversation where it’s relevant to mention him.
act00 Posted July 8, 2018 Posted July 8, 2018 It doesn't matter if "something is there" or not. She not only has a boyfriend, but she lives with him in a committed relationship. The work place is not a meat market. Put on your professional pants and stop flirting. This woman may be into you but if anything happens, she's cheating, and you don't want to get sucked up into that mess. If she's unhappy with her relationship, she needs to separate herself from it and move out before she embarks on a new relationship. Don't even consider her a prospect romantically.
Logo Posted July 8, 2018 Posted July 8, 2018 (edited) I appreciate the moral element to that but I need a bit of general advice on the situation. First there's the fact that you're co-workers. That complicates things and it's usually not a good idea. Second, as you've stated, there's the moral element. If she likes you enough and if she's serious about this, then she should or would first break up with her current boyfriend before she pursues anything romantic with you. I do have one question, though. Are you in any position where you have the means or ability to help her with her work? What I'm getting at, and this is the cynic in me asking, is it possible she's trying to get you to do her "homework" for her? Has she asked for any help with work in the past? Are you closer to the boss than she is? Edited July 9, 2018 by Logo
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 As long as the BF remains in the picture this is a no go. She's flirting with you to boost her ego. There is nothing else there. 2
smackie9 Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 I agree, she's just sucking up the attention you give her so work isn't so boring. On the romantic side, most likely it means nothing. You see if you are confused about the signals, that's because those actions don't have any real meaning....it's your brain trying to make it into something because you want it. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 If someone is partnered ... I don't care what energy she gives out to me ... I start with the basics. She is partnered. I don't wanna date people who are partnered. I can be good friends, and there can be some flirtation ... playful ... with someone who is partnered. But if sense the flirtation is really strong and literal, I shut down. There are lots of reckless people who chronically flirt. For these people flirting means nothing special other than that you're there.
Author uncertainperson Posted July 9, 2018 Author Posted July 9, 2018 Thankyou for your views - and very mature they are too! I do appreciate the situation, I’m sure I’m not the first to be tempted by someone “taken”. I guess I’m quite hardened to that stuff through various relationships but I’m not a dick. I don’t think We did have an “almost” kiss would be the best way to describe it a while back. In that we were out on a dance floor together on our own and then only time I have women look at me like she did is when they’re about to go in for a kiss. You know the look. But I resisted that as I had this stuff in my head. The flirting happens in a low key way at work, the main stuff has happened at after work drinks. In terms of work, we have complete different roles/skillsets, technically I’m senior but not particularly close to my boss so she’d get no professional benefit from me. There’s been numerous signs but I think what really made me question was the “I really like you” line. But I get that it could be an ego boost or whatever. She’s within my “league” (I have been with more physically attractive girls but am very attracted to her as a package) if that makes sense so I’m not particularly doing the chasing. But even so you’re probably right I should back off, it’s not my place to **** up a relationship.
ElKay Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 In short, even if she liked you enough to want to cheat on her bf, how would you feel if she did all of this with someone else while dating you? Once a cheater, always a cheater.
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