First date

[MACO]

I met a girl a couple of weeks back andown since then we have been texting. We went out on a date for the first time last night and I am unsure about how it went. We chatted for a solid 7 hours of over drinks. And the following day she seems to answer my texts. She would say she enjoyed the night but she wouldn't ask me back did I enjoy it. Or if I asked how she is feeling today she wouldn't ask how I'm feeling . Below is our conversation today...

 

Me:

 

Yeah most of them are abit far fetched in fairness haha How we feeling today? Delicate?

 

Her:

 

Haha was a bit dehydrated waking up but I'm actually fine think drinks ended at the right time

 

Me:

 

That's good We went for a spin out to beach earlier so that cleared away any hangover Yeah I think the 4th option was most sensible minus the chicken!haha How did you find the evening/night despite any misconceptions..?

 

Her:

 

Aw nice! Haha it was a good night! I really enjoyed myself. Time flew. Didn't think we'd be out that late.

 

 

 

I feel like not even replying to that last text. Is it game over?

[act00]

I'm not privy to your relationship or history, so that text exchange is pretty meaningless to me.

 

You talked about being drunk and hungover...oooh, romance abounds with that topic <sarcasm>.

 

Just ask her out again, and if alcohol was a major player, plan a venue or activity with less of a party atmosphere and less (or no) alcohol.

 

Don't expect anyone to get all up in your sh** after a first meet. It's not appropriate, it's not their business, and they expect you to be responsible on your own...they are not a babysitter or a parent...it's one freaking date. If your whole dating experience is comparing hangovers and offering condolences on such...maybe you need to rethink your relationships and your lifestyle.

 

Is it game over? No. Ask her out again, and in between dates, see if you can get to know her beyond these parties and getting plowed...daily life, work, family...the boring stuff...the real life.

[kendahke]

You met her how? Online or in person?

 

 

This is your first date? Just one? I think you're expecting devotion after a first date and that's unreasonable.

 

 

Heck I just met a new guy the other day and I don't expect devotion after seeing him in person once.

 

 

I agree with act00---you need to ask her out again and do something that doesn't involve alcohol.

[hohoit]

Honestly first conversations can be a bit awkward.

Also text messages are hard to read someone since you don’t know the tone they are using.

 

I see nothing wrong with her response. Personally if i wasn’t interested, i wouldn’t have responded to you at all.

 

I went out on a first day with a guy once, had the worst time. After he dropped me off i never spoke to him again. He tried reaching out and asking me what he did wrong but i was just too turned off to offer an explanation even.

 

If she’s responding that’s a good sign she had a good time. Maybe she’s just trying to feel out how you will act now that it’s after the date and neither of you are intoxicated.

 

Ask her out again. If she makes an excuse/says no, you move on.

If she says yes then there’s your answer

[MACO]

Appreciate your reply.

 

I only know this girl 2 weeks from texting. But do not think her not asking back did I enjoy our night but instead putting a full stop after that last text is a bad sign?

 

Maybe things went well but the one thing I don't want to do is come across as desperate. Because previous to this I had a girl who would not stop texting me when I was showing no interest and I found it extremely off putting. So the one thing I don't want to do is look desperate.

 

Does it look bad saying....''Is the part coming where you say I am a lovely guy or we could try another date without drink if you where interested?"

[MACO]

I approached her in a night club and got her number

[alphamale]

talking for seven hours over drinks is a great way to become friends

[Sbla22]

7 hours is a really long time for a date! What time did you meet? Usually.my first dates will typically last from 8 pm until around 11. I think 3 hours is enough to get a flavour of each other and ensures the conversation doessn't run dry.

 

The texts seem ok. If a girl isn't interested the next day you get a lot less than that. Either no response at all or in the first 2 messages often they'll give you the 'you're a nice guy, had a great time but didn't feel a connection' so I would say you are safe. I would back off for a day, then arrange another date, anything less than a firm yes and you can start doubting.

[CollegeKid101]

Appreciate your reply.

 

I only know this girl 2 weeks from texting. But do not think her not asking back did I enjoy our night but instead putting a full stop after that last text is a bad sign?

 

Maybe things went well but the one thing I don't want to do is come across as desperate. Because previous to this I had a girl who would not stop texting me when I was showing no interest and I found it extremely off putting. So the one thing I don't want to do is look desperate.

 

Does it look bad saying....''Is the part coming where you say I am a lovely guy or we could try another date without drink if you where interested?"

 

You are overthinking the text message. Your sample message isn't needed. Just say you had a good time and would like to take her out again or "we should get together again soon." If she says yes, suggest a date.

 

Good luck!

[MACO]

7 hours is a really long time for a date! What time did you meet? Usually.my first dates will typically last from 8 pm until around 11. I think 3 hours is enough to get a flavour of each other and ensures the conversation doessn't run dry.

 

The texts seem ok. If a girl isn't interested the next day you get a lot less than that. Either no response at all or in the first 2 messages often they'll give you the 'you're a nice guy, had a great time but didn't feel a connection' so I would say you are safe. I would back off for a day, then arrange another date, anything less than a firm yes and you can start doubting.

 

We met at 6pm and chatted until almost 2am..went to three different cocktail bars. So you reckon more just genuine chat ? She will be going away abroad for a few weeks so how do I keep the spark for that period? Back off or text Everyday?

[Sbla22]

We met at 6pm and chatted until almost 2am..went to three different cocktail bars. So you reckon more just genuine chat ? She will be going away abroad for a few weeks so how do I keep the spark for that period? Back off or text Everyday?

 

That would be far too long for me for a first date. I'm usually so exhausted after a few hours but I am very anxious and spend the whole time trying to hide it!

 

Oh that might be tough. Personally when a situation like that has happened to me it never worked out. It's like they completely forgot about me over the break and the time away killed any momentum we might have had. Probably text every few days to touch base.

[Lotsgoingon]

The good news:

 

Her:

 

Aw nice! Haha it was a good night! I really enjoyed myself. Time flew. Didn't think we'd be out that late.

 

Saying they enjoyed themselves is what people say after a good time with someone ... so that's good news.

 

Now, here's the counter-intuitive bad news:

 

Seven hours is a long time for a date that doesn't end up in a passionate kiss. I mean depends on the people. I'm a talker myself ... But if I'm not kissing someone after hanging out for 7 hours, there is possibly a lack of romantic spark.

 

How did the conversation feel to you? Did you feel attracted? Not asking whether you LOOKED pretty. I'm asking about what you felt ... Did you feel some excitement and thrill in talking to her? Did you like her voice? ... the way she talked?

 

My guess is that this was more of a friendship date ... doesn't mean you're already stuck in the friendzone ... but a comfy date where you talk and talk and talk ... tends to be that the people have friend energy ...

 

So what did YOU feel?

 

Part of learning how to read another person is to learn to read your own reactions ...

[5x5]

talking for seven hours over drinks is a great way to become friends

 

Indeed. Seven hours of just talking, while drinking is how one does exactly that.

 

I don't know why the OP didn't start snogging her and all the rest, before the seven hours was up or instead just ended it earlier.

 

OP if you are just going to chat on a 1st date, you would do well to make sure you have much shorter dates. That said you would also do well to be more forward.

[Versacehottie]

Appreciate your reply.

 

I only know this girl 2 weeks from texting. But do not think her not asking back did I enjoy our night but instead putting a full stop after that last text is a bad sign?

 

Maybe things went well but the one thing I don't want to do is come across as desperate. Because previous to this I had a girl who would not stop texting me when I was showing no interest and I found it extremely off putting. So the one thing I don't want to do is look desperate.

 

Does it look bad saying....''Is the part coming where you say I am a lovely guy or we could try another date without drink if you where interested?"

 

I'd say her most recent text messages were a little mixed, like maybe she is trying too hard to play it cool, not enthused or is just like that for real. But then she said she had a good time, enthusiastically.

 

Here's the thing, if you liked her and want to date her, don't worry about being desperate off those messages. Being desperate is when someone is giving you negative vibes or throwing yourself at them or coming back for more when they've basically told you to go away. None of that is going on. Soooo what you need to do is take the positive and believe in it and expand on it. Your best asset will be your confidence--that's why you PRESUME she would want to go out with you again and ask as if the answer will be yes, it's just a matter of logistics. Not timid or hesitant, get it? That kinda applies across all walks of life and here as well.

 

For future you can say something on the date about the next one when the moment seems like things are going well. Like hey i heard about this new place, we should go sometime. Let's say if you are talking about cool restaurants or things to do that you heard from a friend or adventures. Or if you are discussing one of the things she likes or also something you like that she seems interested in and can show her about it. Plant the seed. Then the text in the days after will just be to bring it back up and set the plan.

 

And maybe you should have kissed her? I think so. 7 hours is pretty long in a good way. Did you get any signs that she would be good with that? Anyway, proceed like she wants to see you.

[5x5]

We met at 6pm and chatted until almost 2am..went to three different cocktail bars. So you reckon more just genuine chat ? She will be going away abroad for a few weeks so how do I keep the spark for that period? Back off or text Everyday?

 

More genuine chat!!!!! Do you talk underwater?

 

As to that spark, if you couldn't get it together to have a go at shagging her, through seven hours of talking you've already done a lot to extinguish that spark.

[d0nnivain]

You can't run a relationship through a device. Ask on another date & see how that goes.

 

Texting is the world's worst form of communication. Stop over analyzing everything.

[BaileyB]

Aw nice! Haha it was a good night! I really enjoyed myself. Time flew. Didn't think we'd be out that late.

 

I feel like not even replying to that last text. Is it game over?

 

I'm totally at a loss here... What is it about that last line that makes you think it is game over? She said it was a good night, and she enjoyed herself.

 

To me, that's an invitation to ask her out again.

 

Relationships develop - in person. This texting banter is indirect communication and it's easily misconstrued... If you want to see this girl again, call her and ask her out!

[MACO]

It looks like this is over. Because I text her last before she went on holidays 10days ago and she hasn't even text me how she's getting on. She went travelling for 3 weeks and hasn't even bothered to text me. The last text was the following..

 

Her:

Haha stop! If your chat wasn't up to scratch I would of being home and in bed by 9

Speaking of bed.. I'm heading there now. Heading to the airport early enough tomorrow to check in and get some last minute bits.

Goodnight

 

Me:

Haha well that's good to hear If was to do something again it be a none alcoholic activity

Yeah sure if I dont text before you go enjoy and make the most of it and don't be a stranger Good night

 

 

...Is it up to me now to follow up about how she's getting on ? Or should she have replied to that last text? Maybe this ship has sailed?

[d0nnivain]

It looks like this is over. Because I text her last before she went on holidays 10days ago and she hasn't even text me how she's getting on. She went travelling for 3 weeks and hasn't even bothered to text me. The last text was the following..

 

 

...Is it up to me now to follow up about how she's getting on ? Or should she have replied to that last text? Maybe this ship has sailed?

 

No it's up to you to be patient. On vacation many people unplug. Date other people then see where you are in 3 weeks after she gets back.

[MACO]

She's back a few days and she hasn't wrote to me. Would I be foolish to write a catch up text? Maybe I should just leave it?

 

I have been on 2 other dates since and I still prefer this girl

[PRW]

1. Date lasted 7 hours:

Very bad. First Dates should be between 1 and 2 hours. Both should go home "wanting more". That is fuel for the 2nd date.

 

 

2. You both got "wasted"

Very bad. Shows lack of class, shows lack of discipline. First dates should create a positive impression. Save the getting wasted after you are exclusive.

 

 

3. I never do the "after-date text". I text a few days later to specifically set the next date. If you both left the first date wanting more, the 2nd one will happen.

In spite of the "haha's" in the text you basically reiterated all of the irresponsible bahavor, which helps her to remember it now that she is sober. You also directly or indirectly reminded her of her own irresponsible behavor now that she is sober and can think clearly about it.

 

 

The comment of "How did you find the evening/night despite any misconceptions.." can be interpreted as you wanting validation that she thought everything was "ok". You should have the frame of mind that thinks "of course she had a good time". It is a different mindset. But like I said, I never do the after-date text, although I will respond to her if she texts me. So when I text a few days later (or if I reply to a text she initiated) I take that as the opportunity to simply set the next date.

 

 

After-date texts do more to prevent the next date than they help with anything else. women fall in love with the guy when they are NOT with them. This is when they are able to process their emotions about the guy and their experiences with him, bad emotions will fade (if not excessively bad) and the good emotions rise to the top (same way the "good ol' days" seemed so good, we forget the bad). If you keep texting them you keep interrupting that process and after a while become a nuisance. It is like baking a cake,...you have to let it finish,...you can't keep opening the oven door to check it.

[PRW]

I have been on 2 other dates since and I still prefer this girl

That is what you should be doing. Keep doing it. You don't narrow down to one until she brings up exclusivity and you agree to it.

[MACO]

That is what you should be doing. Keep doing it. You don't narrow down to one until she brings up exclusivity and you agree to it.

 

 

So you reckon I should not text her in maybe a week to 'catch up' after her holiday?

 

Or did she use the 3 week holiday as an opportunity to break contact of texting?

 

As I said previously in this thread the one characteristic I hate from a girl is her not getting the picture and being desperate. I think so far I am not being a nuisance as I am spending more time on plotting next move rather than constantly initiating conversation