Author rosequarts Posted August 8, 2018 Author Posted August 8, 2018 I tried talking to him today about how he's made me feel, and as usual, instead of trying to comfort me or do better - he just starts snapping at me and ignores me. I'm done, I am really done. I've always thought his reactions were my fault but he clearly has zero concern for me. I think he cares more for my perception of him. If he doesn't look great in my eyes, he doesn't want me. So it's nothing to do with me. I don't know how to deal with this. I am literally so, so scared of breaking up with him. My brain keeps replaying moments from earlier in our relationship, when he was so loving and nurturing and selfless. I keep thinking that it's my fault that he changed all of a sudden. I'm scared because I'm about to lose the only person who gave me hope for a better life. The only person I have. I know, he could never give me a better life, but I had so much hope. He made it seem so real. I don't know how to deal with this, I'm so scared. I'll be ready to break things off and the moment I hear his voice, I go weak, I feel comforted. It's so stupid and I don't know how to get past this.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 I'm scared because I'm about to lose the only person who gave me hope for a better life. The only person I have. In what way could this dude give you a better life? You have placed way too much value on him. It isn't his responsibility to give you a better life, either. This is a terribly unhealthy approach to a relationship, as it makes one cling on to dead ends. Again, this is less about him and more about you. You have to take control of your own life and your own happiness. A partner should add to your life in a positive way, not function as a lifeboat out of unhappiness. So, what are you going to do moving forward, to improve your own emotional well-being? What are you going to do to rebuild the friendships you've lost along the way, and develop new ones? 1
Author rosequarts Posted August 9, 2018 Author Posted August 9, 2018 In what way could this dude give you a better life? You have placed way too much value on him. It isn't his responsibility to give you a better life, either. This is a terribly unhealthy approach to a relationship, as it makes one cling on to dead ends. Again, this is less about him and more about you. You have to take control of your own life and your own happiness. A partner should add to your life in a positive way, not function as a lifeboat out of unhappiness. So, what are you going to do moving forward, to improve your own emotional well-being? What are you going to do to rebuild the friendships you've lost along the way, and develop new ones? I just mean that being in love with him and doing normal every day things with him made life so exciting to me. It made me appreciate the little things in life more, that's what I meant. I don't know what I'm going to do yet. I want to overcome my fear of leaving him first. My birthday is coming up and we were going to celebrate it together, it'd be my first birthday celebration ever. I'm thinking of joining classes, hopefully that'll help. And work longer shifts maybe. I don't know, I feel like I'm losing everything I've ever had.
CKJD Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 You're doing great, rosequartz; all of these thoughts are normal as you are really just beginning the process. Patience with yourself is key here. Might I reccomend checking out Craig Kenneth's Youtube channel? He's a psychotherapist who specialises in break-ups. A lot of his work centers on the subject of re-attracting exes through self-improvement, but he also has a lot of content about understanding attachment styles which I think you will find enlightening given your situation.
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