He won't introduce me to his friends.

[rosequarts]

Why do they need to be 100% horrible for you to dump them? I'd dump a guy that's just 25% horrible.

 

Are there people out there who have a Horrible% lower than 25 though? I feel like everyone's been through this and everyone will go through this and we just keep trying with new people to see if they're different, and it always ends up the same.

 

I feel like I want to understand them completely and see if it's an issue that we can work on together first, before leaving. I don't know if that's the right move on my part but I don't know how to just.. protect myself.

[Gaeta]

Are there people out there who have a Horrible% lower than 25 though? I feel like everyone's been through this and everyone will go through this and we just keep trying with new people to see if they're different, and it always ends up the same.

 

I feel like I want to understand them completely and see if it's an issue that we can work on together first, before leaving. I don't know if that's the right move on my part but I don't know how to just.. protect myself.

 

 

There are many many people that are honest, grounded, sincere. If you always end up dating liars then you're picking the wrong men to date.

 

Dating is about finding a suitable partner. Yes you date and change till you find one that fits you like a glove. When issues like lying, cheating, disrespect, differences in values rise up you terminate the relationship and move on to next. You don't fix major issues like 'lying' at 7 months dating, you dump the liar.

 

Trying to understand them is a waste of time. You are not a psychologist to understand the mind of a chronic liar, or someone with a trouble past, or someone with fear of commitment. It's up to them to figure themselves out, not up to you to dissect their mind and fix them.

 

 

Men are not a rare commodity, they are replaceable when they don't treat you the way you want to be treated.

[rosequarts]

There are many many people that are honest, grounded, sincere. If you always end up dating liars then you're picking the wrong men to date.

 

 

 

Dating is about finding a suitable partner. Yes you date and change till you find one that fits you like a glove. When issues like lying, cheating, disrespect, differences in values rise up you terminate the relationship and move on to next. You don't fix major issues like 'lying' at 7 months dating, you dump the liar.

 

 

 

Trying to understand them is a waste of time. You are not a psychologist to understand the mind of a chronic liar, or someone with a trouble past, or someone with fear of commitment. It's up to them to figure themselves out, not up to you to dissect their mind and fix them.

 

Thank you, I will try and talk to myself about this and buck up the courage to do the right thing. And no, I don't mean just people I've dated, just everyone in my life, from family to best friends, they've all been like this. So I think I have to start looking to myself to find the source of the issue.

 

I just don't know how to go through so much emotional trauma alone, these past couple years have been traumatising and meeting this guy was what kept me afloat. Now I have another thing to break me further.

[Gaeta]

Thank you, I will try and talk to myself about this and buck up the courage to do the right thing. And no, I don't mean just people I've dated, just everyone in my life, from family to best friends, they've all been like this. So I think I have to start looking to myself to find the source of the issue.

 

I just don't know how to go through so much emotional trauma alone, these past couple years have been traumatising and meeting this guy was what kept me afloat. Now I have another thing to break me further.

 

 

I am sorry to hear that. When we have not been loved properly as a child it's hard to make the right choices as an adult as we have no reference to what is a good relationship and what is a good boyfriend. You can only gain from doing some introspects with a counselor maybe.

 

 

 

When I read your story it's like you're dating someone with serious personal issues. You talk about him having a tough life, having male friends that are like brothers, and him wanting to better his life, it almost sounds like you're dating the member of a gang.

 

 

 

How old are you 2 ?

[rosequarts]

I am sorry to hear that. When we have not been loved properly as a child it's hard to make the right choices as an adult as we have no reference to what is a good relationship and what is a good boyfriend. You can only gain from doing some introspects with a counselor maybe.

 

When I read your story it's like you're dating someone with serious personal issues. You talk about him having a tough life, having male friends that are like brothers, and him wanting to better his life, it almost sounds like you're dating the member of a gang.

 

How old are you 2 ?

 

Yes, I have been considering therapy as well, but I've been putting it off due to financial issues. I'm hoping once I get a stable job, I'll get myself a proper therapist.

 

Yeah you could say that. He comes from a tough background and he's pretty much been on survival mode his whole life. His friends were really open and nice to me, they were really excited to meet me tbh.

 

I've never been so open and vulnerable to anyone as I have with this guy, I've never trusted anyone until him. and I feel like this is probably going to be the worst heartbreak I'll ever endure if it comes to that and I don't know how to go through that alone.

 

We're in our early twenties.

[ExpatInItaly]

Thank you, I will try and talk to myself about this and buck up the courage to do the right thing. And no, I don't mean just people I've dated, just everyone in my life, from family to best friends, they've all been like this. So I think I have to start looking to myself to find the source of the issue.

 

I just don't know how to go through so much emotional trauma alone, these past couple years have been traumatising and meeting this guy was what kept me afloat. Now I have another thing to break me further.

 

It won't break you to end something that is making you feel not good enough. And that can be very empowering.

[rosequarts]

I love my boyfriend very much, not as a boyfriend, but almost like family. I made another thread a month or so ago about him and how he'd been keeping me a secret from his friends. Now everything's been settled but despite that, I feel so unsafe and unhappy.

 

I love him and I keep hoping that he'll realise what he's doing and change but at the same time, I don't think he sees anything wrong with his ways. I just don't feel like a priority in his life anymore. Every time he's out with his friends, he just forgets about me.

 

He'll post on social media but will only text me back hours later. He used to secretly stalk girls on social media, but promised to stop when I found out. But I just don't trust him anymore. I told him that it's normal to want to look at other girls as a guy, but he still was so ashamed to tell me about what he was doing.

 

And as much as I love him, I just can't bring myself to rebuild that trust I had for him. Every time he goes silent, I imagine the worst. I spoke to him about my fears and he said that if I kept bringing his mistakes up, I wasn't allowing him to repair the damage.

 

But I don't even feel the repair. I don't know if I'm being ungrateful, because he's done so so much for me. So much that I don't know how I could repay all his kindness. But I can't trust him. I don't know how to. And it breaks my heart.

 

A part of me wants to see if my paranoias are true, to ask him to reveal all the contents of his phone. But I feel like if I got to that point, it wouldn't be a healthy relationship anymore.

 

But he's all I have. I literally have no one, my mental illnesses has been bad lately, and I don't have even one person to talk to, online or in real life. So every time I see him, I freeze. I pretend like everything is fine because if I lose him, I lose everything.

 

I don't know what to do.

[rosequarts]

I'm worried. What if we have a chance? What if I'm wrong and he's changed? What if it's all because of my lack of trust? What if I'm asking for too much?

 

He's been so kind to me too. What if I hurt him by doing this? What if I regret it?

[darkmoon]

if you want to leave, take a few months to build an alternative via making new friends, do this before you split, so that you have a new life waiting, some company

 

 

the few months will also give you a chance to decide if you really want to split

 

 

you do not seem to understand each other which is why you argue, so stop bringing up his repair efforts, he sounds sensitive, which is ok, but tbh, it looks like you upset him when you do and you throw him off track, so be more tactful

 

 

 

most people forget their partners when out, which sounds harsh, but is alright, for they do come home in the end, make some friends, whether you stay or split, you will see, for nights out can be quite absorbing, and you will do some temporary forgetting of your own

Edited August 4, 2018 by darkmoon

[rosequarts]

if you want to leave, take a few months to build an alternative via making new friends, do this before you split, so that you have a new life waiting, some company

 

 

the few months will also give you a chance to decide if you really want to split

 

 

you do not seem to understand each other which is why you argue, so stop bringing up his repair efforts, he sounds sensitive, which is ok, but tbh, it looks like you upset him when you do and you throw him off track, so be more tactful

 

 

 

most people forget their partners when out, which sounds harsh, but is alright, for they do come home in the end, make some friends, whether you stay or split, you will see, for nights out can be quite absorbing, and you will do some temporary forgetting of your own

 

Thank you for this, I was thinking of doing this too and needed reassurance that it was the right call.

 

I'm too alone that sometimes everything feels so much more painful. I was worried that the stalking other girls thing was going to be a red flag, but I know so many guys in loyal relationships who do it too. But I keep reading online that it's a bad sign. So i'm so confused.

 

I love him very much and want a future with him and I'm willing to wait for him to better himself too. I just need to know that it's the right call..

[guest569]

I love my boyfriend very much, not as a boyfriend, but almost like family.

 

Is this good or bad? I can't tell what exactly that means. Can't you love him as both of those things? Or does your love for him seem more like love you would feel for a friend/relative than a partner?

 

He'll post on social media but will only text me back hours later. He used to secretly stalk girls on social media, but promised to stop when I found out. But I just don't trust him anymore. I told him that it's normal to want to look at other girls as a guy, but he still was so ashamed to tell me about what he was doing.

 

I do not think it is normal at all for a guy/girl to stalk people they're attracted to on social media at all. Even worse when they're in a relationship. It's called emotional cheating. He was rightly ashamed because he knows that what he was doing was wrong.

 

 

And as much as I love him, I just can't bring myself to rebuild that trust I had for him. Every time he goes silent, I imagine the worst...

 

A part of me wants to see if my paranoias are true, to ask him to reveal all the contents of his phone. But I feel like if I got to that point, it wouldn't be a healthy relationship anymore.

 

I can understand why it is hard for you to trust him again. He is shutting you out of his life in a big way. I still find it really off that he is not introducing you to his friends as his girlfriend. That is just really crap. So you have spoken to him about that, and he has done nothing about it. You spoke to him about his stalking of random women on social media. He is the source of the problems and he is the only one who can fix this. Yet, here we are still. I am not sure what else you can do. But I agree that the point where you have to ask to look at his phone, it is done and dusted. It won't fix things or help rebuild trust. He needs to gain your trust. He needs to work on his behaviour and earn it back.

 

But he's all I have. I literally have no one, my mental illnesses has been bad lately, and I don't have even one person to talk to, online or in real life. So every time I see him, I freeze. I pretend like everything is fine because if I lose him, I lose everything.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

This is not a good reason to stay in a relationship. But I understand it makes it all a lot harder. A breakup is hard to deal with and when you're already going through a lot it can feel insurmountable. Is your deteriorated mental health anything to do with your relationship issues? I feel hesitant to even label it as 'relationship issues' because he is being a selfish and inappropriate and shady git! It's not about you both, it's about him.

 

I really don't know what else to advise but hang in there, you don't have to break it off immediately, but prepare yourself that he might not change and it might be your only option. Do you have anyone who can support you? It's hard to go out and make friends when you're feeling low but I think you should start to work on it now. It might help distract you for a while and will do good to build a support network for when times get tough.

[guest569]

most people forget their partners when out, which sounds harsh, but is alright, for they do come home in the end, make some friends, whether you stay or split, you will see, for nights out can be quite absorbing, and you will do some temporary forgetting of your own

 

I forgot to raise this point too. I wondered if maybe rosequarts' expectations were too high on the amount of contact that he should have with her while he is out. In which case, this could be helped by making your own plans and keeping busy with your own friends and your own life while he is out with his friends.

 

However, the other issues are the main problem here in my view.

[rosequarts]

Is this good or bad? I can't tell what exactly that means. Can't you love him as both of those things? Or does your love for him seem more like love you would feel for a friend/relative than a partner?

 

I do not think it is normal at all for a guy/girl to stalk people they're attracted to on social media at all. Even worse when they're in a relationship. It's called emotional cheating. He was rightly ashamed because he knows that what he was doing was wrong.

 

I can understand why it is hard for you to trust him again. He is shutting you out of his life in a big way. I still find it really off that he is not introducing you to his friends as his girlfriend. That is just really crap. So you have spoken to him about that, and he has done nothing about it. You spoke to him about his stalking of random women on social media. He is the source of the problems and he is the only one who can fix this. Yet, here we are still. I am not sure what else you can do. But I agree that the point where you have to ask to look at his phone, it is done and dusted. It won't fix things or help rebuild trust. He needs to gain your trust. He needs to work on his behaviour and earn it back.

 

This is not a good reason to stay in a relationship. But I understand it makes it all a lot harder. A breakup is hard to deal with and when you're already going through a lot it can feel insurmountable. Is your deteriorated mental health anything to do with your relationship issues? I feel hesitant to even label it as 'relationship issues' because he is being a selfish and inappropriate and shady git! It's not about you both, it's about him.

 

I really don't know what else to advise but hang in there, you don't have to break it off immediately, but prepare yourself that he might not change and it might be your only option. Do you have anyone who can support you? It's hard to go out and make friends when you're feeling low but I think you should start to work on it now. It might help distract you for a while and will do good to build a support network for when times get tough.

 

 

Oh sorry, I typed that out wrongly. I meant, I love him more than just as a boyfriend, as in more than for what he makes me feel. I love him as a separate individual and always will, even if this relationship ends up dying. I hope that makes more sense! As in.. a whole lotta love.

 

That's what everyone online's been saying, that it's emotional cheating but so many guys I know do it too. Just to admire them. I don't understand at all, because I have never done anything like that - when I like someone, I have tunnel vision. But it's not something he started doing after we got together. It's been a normal thing for him for years.. I don't know what to think of it. Should I let him fix this issue? Or can I never trust him again? I feel like I can but I so naive, I don't know.

 

He's so used to his old ways, that he feels weird letting me in even though he says he loves me so much. Which I think I understand. Every best friend I've ever had, no matter how much I loved them, I could never tell them anything about myself because I felt like a burden. I feel like that's what he's feeling too. But it sucks that he feels that with me.

 

His friends know of me already, and so does his family. They're really nice and cool with me too and are so excited for him.

 

Yes you're absolutely right, I never want to stay out of loneliness alone. But I feel like if I broke up with him and realise I made the wrong call, it would mess me up even more. No, no, my mental illnesses were triggered by other events that happened recently. It's been a rough couple of years and it's rendered me almost completely alone.

 

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to type so much out for me, it means so so much. Thank you.

[rosequarts]

I forgot to raise this point too. I wondered if maybe rosequarts' expectations were too high on the amount of contact that he should have with her while he is out. In which case, this could be helped by making your own plans and keeping busy with your own friends and your own life while he is out with his friends.

 

However, the other issues are the main problem here in my view.

 

Definitely. My loneliness makes his absence so much more apparent, and it brings out so much of my negative side, which I hate. I will work on meeting new people, it's going to be hard because of everything that's happened. But maybe I will join a class or society or something to meet people. I'll try. I have to.

[ExpatInItaly]

Your previous thread in conjunction with this one tells me you're not happy with him, OP.

 

I don't think your paranoia is coming out of nowhere, considering how long he pretended to be single and actually lied to people about having a girlfriend. Anyone would feel suspicious if their partner behaved the way yours did. By your own admission, it wasn't until very recently that he acknowledged to his closest friends that you were his girlfriend. His active exclusion of you from his life compounded the problem.

 

Regarding social media stalking, well, what does this mean exactly? Is she just consistently looking at attractive women online? Is he communicating with them? How did you come to know about it?

 

Anyway, I think the current issue is twofold: you have nothing else going on in your life, and he hasn't done much to integrate you and give importance to your position as his girlfriend.

 

I would start with what you can change, which is your lack of a social circle and support network. What happened that your friends all drifted out of your life? You said you mental illness has been bad lately too - what type of condition do you suffer from, and are you in any treatment for it?

 

Next, I would sit back and really evaluate whether this guy is boyfriend material for you and if you are both truly ready for a committed relationship.

[rosequarts]

Your previous thread in conjunction with this one tells me you're not happy with him, OP.

 

I don't think your paranoia is coming out of nowhere, considering how long he pretended to be single and actually lied to people about having a girlfriend. Anyone would feel suspicious if their partner behaved the way yours did. By your own admission, it wasn't until very recently that he acknowledged to his closest friends that you were his girlfriend. His active exclusion of you from his life compounded the problem.

 

Regarding social media stalking, well, what does this mean exactly? Is she just consistently looking at attractive women online? Is he communicating with them? How did you come to know about it?

 

Anyway, I think the current issue is twofold: you have nothing else going on in your life, and he hasn't done much to integrate you and give importance to your position as his girlfriend.

 

I would start with what you can change, which is your lack of a social circle and support network. What happened that your friends all drifted out of your life? You said you mental illness has been bad lately too - what type of condition do you suffer from, and are you in any treatment for it?

 

Next, I would sit back and really evaluate whether this guy is boyfriend material for you and if you are both truly ready for a committed relationship.

 

I am happy with him, but the other half of me is so filled with distrust and fear because of his past actions. I keep thinking that all of this was caused by his intensely secretive nature. He's so cool about his friends knowing now, I believe he was really insecure and wasn't ready to face what his friends might say. One of his friends was quite rude to him and said (in front of us), "Wow, YOU have a girlfriend? An actual girlfriend and not a make believe one? Who would have thought! How much did he pay you (referring to me)?".

 

And as for the online stalking, he doesn't interact with them. He just looks at their pictures on an private account that he shares with his friends. Just your typical, attractive local girls, you know? He accidentally linked his account to his other social media and didn't even realise it until I told him. So silly.

 

I think it's great advice, I should fix my own social life and start building a life of my own outside of this relationship and see how things are then. My mental illnesses are trauma-related and I am so terrified to go out and start living again. I have been getting counselling from a free counselling service nearby, but it's not enough to treat what I have going on but it helps to have someone to talk to.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, I think a lot of your issues with him are indeed connected to previous refusal to acknowledge your relationship to his closest friends. Sure, he's cool with it now but the majority of the relationship he hasn't been. As I have said, anyone would rightly be hurt and suspect of his motives for that. That is going to take some time to overcome.

 

Looking at pretty girls on the internet isn't really the main problem here, but I get why it doesn't foster your sense of security in the relationship. It was already quite shaky so adding this in surely doesn't help matters. You're right that asking him to go through his phone will essentially spell the end of the relationship. When you reach that point, there's generally too little trust to continue. If you truly suspect he's communicating inappropriately with another girl, you had better be sure you have legitimate reason to ask him about it.

 

I personally think you would be better off with someone more mature and available for a relationship, but if you choose to stay, he is going to have to do some legwork here to help you feel more included in his life. Consistently. How often do you have dates or spend quality time together? And you are going to have to accept that you chose to stay when you didn't really trust him. It can be done, but it won't be an easy or fast process. It's going to take some work from both of you. And feel secure enough to walk away if it doesn't feel right.

 

Continue to work on your mental health, regardless. It's never a wise idea to have your significant other as your only social outlet. Can you reach out to any of your former friends to try to rebuild? You didn't really say what happened there, but perhaps you might find someone among them who would be willing to try again. Was there a falling out?

Edited August 4, 2018 by ExpatInItaly

[ExpatInItaly]

I am happy with him, but the other half of me is so filled with distrust and fear because of his past actions.

 

I would remind you that in your first paragraph in this thread, you said exactly the opposite: "I feel so unsafe and unhappy."

 

My sense is that you want to be happy and hope that you can be because you hope he will change, but are generally not as happy as you are telling yourself.

[d0nnivain]

But he's all I have. I literally have no one, my mental illnesses has been bad lately, and I don't have even one person to talk to, online or in real life. So every time I see him, I freeze. I pretend like everything is fine because if I lose him, I lose everything.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

Tell your parents what you told us & go see a therapist for your mental illness. You need to learn coping skills & social interaction. That will take the pressure off.

 

Getting rid of a relationship that isn't working is a net gain, not a loss but you can't see that right now.

[marky00]

if you want to leave, take a few months to build an alternative via making new friends, do this before you split, so that you have a new life waiting, some company

 

That doesn't sound cool. Building up a life just so you feel better about dumping someone If the guy was treating her like dirt and she was madly in love, i'd probably agree. Doesn't sound like that is the case.

 

She can and should definitely do things to improve her life outside of the relationship but I see them as separate things. Not to create a softer landing so you can more easily end the relationship.

Edited August 5, 2018 by marky00

[mortensorchid]

He must be seeing other women and he doesn't want anyone he knows to call you by the wrong name if and when they see you.

 

You said he's a private person. There is such a thing as that. I am a private person - I don't talk a lot about myself to others, especially as to who they are or are not to me (coworkers I keep a wide distance from, students a respectable distance, other random people, etc.). To them I would never mention a bf. But if he won't introduce you to ANYONE he knows, including his family, then he's keeping things casual because he doesn't want to be serious or because he is seeing other women.

[CKJD]

Ah, OP I'm very sorry you are going through this. Being trapped between the head and heart is such an awful, awful feeling. You say you feel like you have little support so please keep us updated so we can support you. You've been given so many good answers here, but I know that the real work is feeling this pain and letting go of something that you really value. It's super hard.

 

My worry here is that he seems to have crafted an image of himself for you and it all revolves around him being a brooding, struggling soul. He's playing the part of an agonised victim and I think tuning into your guilt and clear devotion to him to keep you stuck in an arrangement wherein you are not entirely happy.

 

You've made your needs clear to him, and now he's made good on one of them (meeting some friends)...but it's ok if it's too little too late for you. You've been honest with him and it would be very easy for him to drip feed some of your requests as soon as he senses you pulling away, which I'm guessing he is starting to intuit since you are considering a break up. I think at this point you would need to see a much bigger effort on his part to really get any trust back.

 

Also why would you worry about your identity being revealed if you mentioned what he's done? What, did he commit a famous murder or something?

 

I don't like the way he appeals to your sense of pity. He seems very manipulative to me.

[rosequarts]

Ah, OP I'm very sorry you are going through this. Being trapped between the head and heart is such an awful, awful feeling. You say you feel like you have little support so please keep us updated so we can support you. You've been given so many good answers here, but I know that the real work is feeling this pain and letting go of something that you really value. It's super hard.

 

My worry here is that he seems to have crafted an image of himself for you and it all revolves around him being a brooding, struggling soul. He's playing the part of an agonised victim and I think tuning into your guilt and clear devotion to him to keep you stuck in an arrangement wherein you are not entirely happy.

 

You've made your needs clear to him, and now he's made good on one of them (meeting some friends)...but it's ok if it's too little too late for you. You've been honest with him and it would be very easy for him to drip feed some of your requests as soon as he senses you pulling away, which I'm guessing he is starting to intuit since you are considering a break up. I think at this point you would need to see a much bigger effort on his part to really get any trust back.

 

Also why would you worry about your identity being revealed if you mentioned what he's done? What, did he commit a famous murder or something?

 

I don't like the way he appeals to your sense of pity. He seems very manipulative to me.

 

Thank you so much for this comment, support from this community is something I could really, really use right now. It's all I've got but all of your messages and shows of compassion have really helped me so much.

 

I really do love this guy and I think he loves me too but I think he doesn't know how to be a boyfriend. I've noticed that he plays more of a server role than a lover role. An "I'll do anything for you, if you tell me to - otherwise, I won't do a thing at all," type character. And I completely understand that, I am like that too. I'd do anything anyone asked of me, but never did anything if they didn't, and always assumed I was so caring and generous. But I wasn't. I never planned to do anything for someone out of my own choice. Not because I didn't want to, but because I always felt like no one would want anything from me anyway, that they'd be better off without me butting in. Which is so selfish tbh.

 

I don't know how to describe it, but the underlying cause is that he doesn't think he's good enough and I don't think I am. And we're two people trying to make ourselves feel good enough to each other and it's just a whole mess.

 

Oh no no he's no famous criminal or anything. I just don't want to give too much detail in case someone found this thread and showed it to him.

 

But you're right, I've realised that every single time we have a fight, where he's caused me pain, he uses self-hatred as a way to quell his guilt. "I told you, I'm a piece of sh*t anyway. I always end up messing up and hurting people,". I've pointed this out to him many times.

 

But I care about him too that I can't bare causing more stress on his life. So our fights always end with me comforting him, instead of the other way around.

 

I think he's so lost and needs time away from romance to deal with his issues, and I have to respect that no matter how much it's going to hurt me. I guess if I really love him, I'll have to let him heal instead of causing him more stress.

 

And I'll have to find a way to deal with my own pain. I hope it makes me stronger. So much has happened this year, so much negativity. I hope there's a purpose for all of this.

 

Edit: Wow I just realised that it's exactly a month since I posted this thread.

Edited August 8, 2018 by rosequarts

[ExpatInItaly]

I've realised that every single time we have a fight, where he's caused me pain, he uses self-hatred as a way to quell his guilt. "I told you, I'm a piece of sh*t anyway. I always end up messing up and hurting people,". I've pointed this out to him many times.

 

I have yet to meet a person who says these things and does not wind up doing exactly that. When someone is telling you that they warned you they were going to hurt you, you need to be on alert.

 

Proceed with caution. This relationship has a dynamic that isn't healthy in the long-term.

[Gaeta]

But you're right, I've realised that every single time we have a fight, where he's caused me pain, he uses self-hatred as a way to quell his guilt. "I told you, I'm a piece of sh*t anyway. I always end up messing up and hurting people,".

This is a tactic as old as the world. It means he has no intention of changing the way he behaves and you better be aware of it.

 

 

Oh no no he's no famous criminal or anything.

But he is a criminal. Don't be one of those women that fall for criminals and excuses their bad behavior because they've hurt so much. You will see when you push these people their true nature rise up at the surface pretty fast.

 

 

 

I think he's so lost and needs time away from romance to deal with his issues, and I have to respect that no matter how much it's going to hurt me. I guess if I really love him, I'll have to let him heal instead of causing him more stress.

There you are again romanticizing a bad boy with his bad behavior. Yes it's the best you could do. Please leave him. He may appear attractive to you now but when he reaches his 40s with his same limitations he won't be so cute then.