Why did they ask me this question?

[RILEY82]

I have been chating to a shy girl at work (and teasing her a little)

The question is another work colleague (female) has been asking if i have a g/f.

Did they ask for her or are they being friendly.

Also one of the company gossip asked me.

[d0nnivain]

When you first start dating a member of the opposite sex it's common to ask if they have a GF/BF. That way you learn whether the other person is truly available to go out with you.

 

The co-workers might be asking if you are available or they could be seeking gossipy confirmation that you & your shy co-worker are an item.

[kendahke]

I have been chating to a shy girl at work (and teasing her a little)

The question is another work colleague (female) has been asking if i have a g/f.

Did they ask for her or are they being friendly.

Also one of the company gossip asked me.

 

 

They asked because they're too nosy and it's none of their business if you're not trying to chat them up.

 

No one you work with is owed any information on your private life.

 

That needs to be your policy at your job, otherwise, you're going to be the constant topic of idle minds.

 

Keep your work colleagues out of your business.

[maxi105]

hi riley82, I agree with the other two posts here, good advice there . I think maybe it might help you if you are bothered by the other person's personal question to maybe see the interest as a way to tone it down a bit, and maybe if you can take the chatting out of the office so that you are not becoming the focus for other peoples boredom or unwanted interference.

 

 

kendahke's advice seems like a good rule of thumb. when I say tone it down I'm not suggesting you are going over the top or anything (especially as she is shy); I'm just saying you've caught their attention already and so now they will be setting their own agenda's to try to find out what is going on!!!! Pretty sad really, but that's how some folks are.they have to be part of something that actually they are not wanted to be part of!!!

 

..are these people that are asking you in relationships? ....hhmmm...I suspect they are!!!!

 

are they young people or middle-aged adults!!!!!! again...I kind of wonder whether they are older??? especially the gossipy one??? if they are young, just tell them to mind their own business politely in a way that wont induce a work place revenge. If they are older...just tell them to grow up and then not indulge their childishness or manipulative games.

 

who knows....it may be that they are actually nice people and genuinely want to see you and the shy girl do well together...(I don't know...only you know if they are good or well intentioned or not!!!!!) even so, I think if you are interested in this girl keep it just you two and don't share your business with them, it does sound like they have an agenda!!!! and that could already bring problems if you don't shut this thing down.

 

if I've read it right????? two women have already been looking into your business (to a degree) one of them a known gossip!!!!!! take care and maybe talk to the girl, ask her if she'd like to go for a coffee/beer after work and see what she says, just be honest with her and tell her that these people are starting to make you feel uncomfortable. and together you should be able to kill this thing off quickly whilst the silliness is in its early stages.

 

don't find yourself in a position where you lose respect at work from those that matter at work, don't be in a situation where you (or her) lose your self esteem because of their immaturity and thoughtlessness, don't let other people add things or spread things around that they are merely just guessing about, wanting to be true but don't know or allow anything to be built up and certainly don't be in a situation where you lose this close friendship or possible relationship over what others who don't really know you think! people that like gossip are often only too too quick to believe all kinds of rubbish just to keep things going and to keep the focus of someone else having the pressure on them (INSTESD OF THEM BEING THE ONES TALKED ABOUT NEGITIVELY as they know they wouldn't like it if it was happening to them!!!!) so it's easier to just idly pass it on instead of thinking, I don't really know this person, I don't know what has been said and what hasn't in this situation, I don't want be involved as this is someone else's life!!!!! and I have no right to trash them or spread this on...and would I want others to be talking behind my back in this way too????!!!!...

 

you don't have to tell them anything and often people getting involved can be a recipe for disaster, especially where gossipy people are looking to stir things up and add details that suit themselves rather than what the truth is or what is just a close friendship they have to make out they know when they don't!!!! there may be plenty of people willing to carry the gossip idly and will do it without any thought for you or her, you need to keep bigmouths, manipulators and egomaniacs out of things to do with her as it could cost you more than you think if things start to turn.

 

hmmm...I think generally gossips are rather insecure shallow people who are pretty weak inside, and in need of people attention (and followers) just to get a story or more attention. they are also the same people that feel threatened or if they are larger than life will create drama when others look into their lives in the same way they like to nose into other's lives idly!!!...they like to spread it but cannot handle it when people start to look a little closer at their actions...they are actually pretty weak because like bullies they only really thrive if others are also gossiping and keeping others in a form of social control and out of the popular circle that they are seen to be top in. it might be a bit of fun for them, but the problem with gossip it attracts attention and it is a passive thing, there is no intelligence in it, it is designed to put others down and say I'm better than you are, we are stronger than you (because we can only do things behind your back..instead of talking to your face!!!!!) Immature....

 

there may be other people interested in sabotaging things before they start at the work place or via people that know the people gossiping and also feel it their right to gossip, therefore its probably also in your best interest to keep the work place as professional as you can and try to balance things a bit more so people can take their issues elsewhere.

 

 

maybe if you're the sort of person that can tell them to back off then do that...don't let this thing get any further otherwise it could get to your boss or those higher up who may not approve of it or may be influenced by what they are hearing...it could also be fuelled by pure jealousy, do you or this girl work well, are you successful in any way or are you thought of well and are popular (could this be a threat to them)????? sometimes gossip can be fuelled by other people jealous of your personality or how others see you as a nice person, so they have to try to knock you down, make people look not so good, lose the chance for promotion etc....

 

 

I don't have much time for gossipers at all, gossip can really damage so many areas of people's lives (even if people don't realise it), it can really affect people in a number of different ways: sometimes it can be very serious if others believe rumours, lies and others get themselves personally involved to chase or harass others and spread gossip around (when they don't often even know the people involved or what they may be going through in their personal lives....and before you know it, something harmless and just a good friendship or developing acquaintance that is fun can get blown out of proportion and cause others distress or unseen harm: just because people don't care what the truth is, they think they know and the more it gets passed round it can cause upset and harm. people can convince themselves that must be right....but the truth is, only you and this girl know the truth and can stop the gossip if it is getting you down or can come together to sort things for the better...but you have to talk to her out of the office, so you both know where you stand and can deal with things properly. it maybe that she only wants friendship but is happy to flirt at work as she is bored, it might be that she likes you but is too shy to say anything...but whatever it is or is not, you need to talk with her properly and establish the boundaries and be honest with this situation and if it has the potential to go any further (if that is what she wants).

 

 

It might be a harmless thing where they are actually fond of you and would like you both to be together...but as adults...they aren't going about things in the right or honest way...it's a bit childish on their part, and even sadder for all those that follow to continue the gossip!!!!!

 

I guess some folks just don't seem to want to grow up, as long as they can have a bit of a laugh or drama or gossip at someone else's expense and they can still come across as nice then they don't give a **** about the consequences or unseen problems their actions may cause for those involved.

 

 

if you like this girl, or even if it's only a case for friendship, it sounds like you'd be better to get to know her away from their immaturity!

 

if they are gossiping about you now, before anything has even happened, if you do get closer to her and they know it, you might find out that some of them will be sharpening the knives already!!!!.

 

I know people who have lost jobs due to thoughtless gossip, lost friends, lost marriages and been bullied or picked on by people who had an agenda and deliberately got others involved to spread gossip and made stuff up to keep the gossip going and making the person that they didn't really know anyway look as bad as possible!!!!

 

and in most of the cases that I've seen, the people involved in spreading gossip were old enough to know better!!!! what they didn't know was that the people they relentlessly went for had so many other difficult personal things to deal with and it really caused deep problems for them in already pretty tough areas!!!...but they didnt give a ****, just as long as they could be part of a "popular social group" an in crowd, LIKE A PACK OF DUMB ANIMALS and can have a laugh, it meant that someone good suffered!!!!!!!!

 

if you were not there or you don't know a person real well then you have little rights to go on passing any kind of relationship (or any other kind of gossip/speculation) around about anyone....

 

so like I say...keep this out of work unless you get together and are ok with people knowing. peoples motives can drive all kinds of nasty things and make others lives a misery.

 

best wishes, I know this is early stages, but I'm just trying to highlight how insidious gossip can be and how hard it can be to shake a reputation that that a bunch of thoughtless ********** have built themselves up on to trash someone then move on to target the next person they can get away with manipulating or try to dig dirt on!!!!!!

 

although it is deeply childish and shows people for what they really are....(it often gets forgotten that gossip can also have so many affecting consequences and destroy things that should otherwise be good for people).

 

ok, hope with the others advice too it all helps you. see ya. maxi.....

[Logo]

How old is the woman you like?

 

They asked you because they’re either nosy, jealous, or both.

[Logo]

Maxi,

 

I know a good publisher if you’re interested.

[coolheadal]

I have been chating to a shy girl at work (and teasing her a little)

The question is another work colleague (female) has been asking if i have a g/f.

Did they ask for her or are they being friendly.

Also one of the company gossip asked me.

 

So what did you tell the colleague female?

[act00]

If this female coworker is friends with the shy girl, she might be asking on behalf of the shy girl whether or not you're in a relationship.

 

If this female coworker is interested in you, she might be asking your status so she can ask you out or actively flirt so that you ask her out...what vibes are going on with that?

 

Female coworker could just be making conversation.

 

The female coworker could have noticed this little flirty-thing you have going with Shy Girl and is all over office gossip.

 

Here's the deal...it's a slippery slope to get involved with a coworker, and there has to be some discretion. If Shy Girl can't be discrete and your relationship becomes office gossip, don't even go there. I'm sorry, this isn't high school, this is your future and career; don't shoot yourself in the foot over some puder.

 

I had a friend fix me up with a guy friend of hers...we communicated about this in the beginning, but at some point, she was off the grid -- one reason is to not put her in the middle, for my sake, her sake, and the guy's sake. The mediator drops out. If things didn't work out, she could not be actively involved in a triangle. If there are problems or insecurities, she cannot be put on the spot when either one of us complains and anyone asks, "What's going on with so-and-so?". I trusted my friend to be discrete and private, but I also know that sometimes information spills and sometimes they get invested in making this work and act as a mediator...take out the middle man...I'm not interested in a trio...him and me, but thanks for introducing us.

 

This also creates bad blood and conflict...Shy girl is upset at you for something and tells her coworker/friend, who then proceeds to give you flak for being a dick, protective of her friend (even if ShyGirl is being unreasonable) and it affects your work and professional life...gossip ensues, telling other coworkers what a dick you were (when you weren't), and life at work becomes hostile.

 

I think you need to stop flirting with people at work or think long and hard before pursuing a romantic relationship with someone who has loose lips and questionable judgement. Your flirtatious behavior with ShyGirl put you on the radar.

[preraph]

I have been chating to a shy girl at work (and teasing her a little)

The question is another work colleague (female) has been asking if i have a g/f.

Did they ask for her or are they being friendly.

Also one of the company gossip asked me.

 

Is there a big age gap between her and you? That could be causing people to become protective of her.

 

Also, I always question when someone says someone at work is shy. Sometimes it's not shyness -- it's polite disinterest. It's the absence of friendliness to discourage your advances. Just a thought. So tread carefully here in case you're misreading the situation. People are taking notes.

[RILEY82]

Hi thanks for the reply she is a couple years younger than me.

One of the girls who asked me questions is starting to have a joke with me but bringing her in the conversations i am having a joke teasing the girl herself and they are asking me questions.

But I have a strange feeling that she is seeing someone else from work but she rarely talks to the guy if at all (i have had this happen before and they were seeing each other) it feels like something is happening with them maybe i am getting paranoid as it has happened before to me but it feels very similar.

[RILEY82]

Hi thanks for the reply she is a couple years younger than me.

One of the girls who asked me questions is starting to have a joke with me but bringing her in the conversations i am having a joke teasing the girl herself and they are asking me questions.

But I have a strange feeling that she is seeing someone else from work but she rarely talks to the guy if at all (i have had this happen before and they were seeing each other) it feels like something is happening with them maybe i am getting paranoid as it has happened before to me but it feels very similar.

[smackie9]

Whatever.....you shouldn't date coworkers, especially with a gossipy group workin there.