My girlfriend broke up with me, but said that there is a chance of us getting back to

July 7, 2018

Right....
Could she build back the interest for me, or doesn't that happen?
I think this lack of interest was built by my issue, so if I fixed that, could it make her interest in me easier to find?

It can, but when you're talking about a 16-year-old, it's more likely that you will both move on to date other people.

It's not down only to your issues, OP. It's also that she is a young girl and won't actually settle down for a long time yet.

July 7, 2018

It can, but when you're talking about a 16-year-old, it's more likely that you will both move on to date other people.

It's not down only to your issues, OP. It's also that she is a young girl and won't actually settle down for a long time yet.

I understand. Would what you are saying suggest its better to try to get back with her after school, when she is looking for a life-long partner, someone to settle down with?

July 7, 2018

I understand. Would what you are saying suggest its better to try to get back with her after school, when she is looking for a life-long partner, someone to settle down with?

No, that is not at all what I am suggesting.

While I can't rule that out completely, it's also not a very realistic prospect. By that point, you likely will have long moved on yourself too. You will probably both move off to college or work, and your paths just won't meet the same way anymore.

Instead, I am suggesting that you work on accepting that this relationship didn't work out, and focus on your healing.

July 7, 2018

No, that is not at all what I am suggesting.

While I can't rule that out completely, it's also not a very realistic prospect. By that point, you likely will have long moved on yourself too. You will probably both move off to college or work, and your paths just won't meet the same way anymore.

Instead, I am suggesting that you work on accepting that this relationship didn't work out, and focus on your healing.

Fair enough

July 7, 2018

Fair enough

I know it's hard when you really like someone and want to be with them.

The idea of high school sweethearts remaining together forever is nice, but very rare these days. I am in my late 30s and can think of exactly two couples I knew in high school who are still together now. Most broke up after high school, during university. A few got married but later divorced. People just have so many more opportunities to explore and grow in this generation, and few people stay with their teen loves into adulthood. That's not necessarily a bad thing either. As we grow up, we change and expand and want different things than we did as teenagers.

If I think of the guys I dated at 16 or 17, well, they were nice enough boys and I thought my world was over when we broke up. But those relationships were never meant to be permanent; they were life experiences that molded me in to the person I am now. I have no idea what most of those boys-now-men are even doing with themselves anymore, beyond some random tidbits of hometown gossip that occasionally pop up. I can only speak for myself, but the girl I was at 16 is vastly different from the woman I am more than 20 years later (thank god!) The same will almost certainly be true for you.

July 7, 2018

When she said there may be a chance in the future she was lying to you. Young girls are sometimes bad at conflict. She wanted to soften the blow of the break up & she did that by giving you hope. She thought that would make it less hurtful & take the sting out of the break up. She actually made things worse because now you are relying on this false hope.

If she blocked you, just leave her alone. Don't chase. Don't try getting in touch with her.

Live your life. Improve what you want to improve. Grow as a person.

If you see her around school, be cordial. Don't cause a scene.

If she comes back to you, then you can revisit how you feel about everything but you can't initiate anything.

Meanwhile, it's fine for you to seek out a new GF.

July 7, 2018

Okay, now that I know how young you two are, I know for sure she just isn't mature enough to take on this level of problems that you have. She is just young and, probably like you yourself would prefer, just wants to have fun. If this was an older person, she might be expected to hang in there, but not at her age. She isn't having fun. You are having even less fun, and I'm sure she feels bad about that, but she simply isn't old and experienced enough or settled down enough to want to deal with this. She is fleeing because she wants to get back to being a teenager.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with whatever it is keeping you ill. Are you expected to fully recover, or is this something that you may never fully recuperate from? This type serious stuff is what families are for. Young friends can only handle so much. If this is something you may have to live with, talk to your parents about finding you a support group of people who also have to live with similar conditions and at least you'll have an outlet and may meet some people who truly understand and can be your companion.

July 8, 2018

Okay, now that I know how young you two are, I know for sure she just isn't mature enough to take on this level of problems that you have. She is just young and, probably like you yourself would prefer, just wants to have fun. If this was an older person, she might be expected to hang in there, but not at her age. She isn't having fun. You are having even less fun, and I'm sure she feels bad about that, but she simply isn't old and experienced enough or settled down enough to want to deal with this. She is fleeing because she wants to get back to being a teenager.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with whatever it is keeping you ill. Are you expected to fully recover, or is this something that you may never fully recuperate from? This type serious stuff is what families are for. Young friends can only handle so much. If this is something you may have to live with, talk to your parents about finding you a support group of people who also have to live with similar conditions and at least you'll have an outlet and may meet some people who truly understand and can be your companion.

I don't mean to be rude or anything, but is what your saying is that in any relationship I have in my teenage years (or what is left of them), I won't be able to look for my girlfriend for someone to talk to?

I am expected a full recovery, its something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life, but its more prevention.

July 8, 2018

I don't mean to be rude or anything, but is what your saying is that in any relationship I have in my teenage years (or what is left of them), I won't be able to look for my girlfriend for someone to talk to?
I am expected a full recovery, its something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life, but its more prevention.

What I am about to write goes for both teenagers and adults: It's great to have someone to talk about our problems with and a partner can meet this need. But if our problems get so significant that we find ourselves wanting more support than our partner can reasonably give, that's when we need professional help. It's not fair to our partner to put all our burdens on them.

You mentioned that she didn't suggest anything to help you out. That she only told you to stop. Mate, she's only 16 - she wouldn't have a clue what to suggest. For adults this kind of information comes from life experience. Or at your age, that information comes from your parents, school counsellor, trusted teacher or relative. I know it's been a really tough time for you, but you're expecting too much of her.

July 8, 2018

Would there ever be chance for us to get back together again. Could this have done too much damage, or could our relationship be restored again?

July 8, 2018

Would there ever be chance for us to get back together again. Could this have done too much damage, or could our relationship be restored again?

We have answered this question.

It's impossible to say one way or the other, but the likelihood you will reunite and stay together forever is very slim.

July 8, 2018

I'm glad you are not going to be in this situation for life and wish you well. Basil's advice is exactly right. Your 16 year old gf isn't a doctor or a nurse or a psychiatrist and can't be expected to know how to handle this. We have no way to know what level of complaint you put on her. We don't know if it was just constant lowkey complaining or angry and scared her or if you talked about you wanted to die or kill yourself or if you just stopped talking about anything but your illness, but we do know she told you to stop and set a boundary there.

You need to find an adult to talk about this to, a counselor, or a support group, but you can't expect teenagers to know what to do with this. You could see your school counselor and she might refer you to someone else.

Main thing is concentrate on getting better. Your life is on hold for now, but it won't be forever.

July 8, 2018

Is the reason you haven't told us what your condition actually is because you're afraid someone who knows you will see it here? If we knew the details, we might be able to offer better advice and also some forum companionship during your recovery.

July 8, 2018

I'm glad you are not going to be in this situation for life and wish you well. Basil's advice is exactly right. Your 16 year old gf isn't a doctor or a nurse or a psychiatrist and can't be expected to know how to handle this. We have no way to know what level of complaint you put on her. We don't know if it was just constant lowkey complaining or angry and scared her or if you talked about you wanted to die or kill yourself or if you just stopped talking about anything but your illness, but we do know she told you to stop and set a boundary there.

You need to find an adult to talk about this to, a counselor, or a support group, but you can't expect teenagers to know what to do with this. You could see your school counselor and she might refer you to someone else.

Main thing is concentrate on getting better. Your life is on hold for now, but it won't be forever.

My "complaining" wasn't really bad. I never got angry. I never said I wanted to kill myself. It was mostly me being sad when I didn't hear back from jobs, kind of loosing hope of actually getting a job. And I had talked about how annoyed I was about my recovery. I am recovering from surgery I had over a year ago, as the wound hadn't fully healed up yet. I am set to be healed very soon though. I am quite a physically active person, and this surgery has kept me away from any form of physical activity. I told her that when I was physically active, I was a different person, as I was a lot happier, I didn't think about these things I was "complaining" about as much as I have. I told her that she should give me a second chance when I get back into physical activity, so she could see the change, see how much better I was.

July 8, 2018

Well, no, that's not bad complaining, but you've got to mix it with some happy talk like you would normally have had with her if things weren't turned to crap for you too.

She just isn't ready for hardship. Maybe it brings her down. I don't know. Maybe she just wants to go have fun and you can't go and so she broke up so she could do it. She's not old enough for me to say she is a bad person too shallow to see you through what admittedly has been a long recovery. I would listen to what your other friends have to say about it. See what their read is on it, those that know it.

Meanwhile, just concentrate on getting well. Think of it this way. Once you are back on your feet, there will be other girls. If there's any (who aren't friends of hers) that you want to talk to, now while you're confined might be a good time to gradually build a communication with her. You could ask if one wanted to come over and play a game or watch a movie. Just an idea.

I'm curious. Are you on any kind of narcotic pain pills? I ask only because they are so addictive that they can alter your personality, so I want to rule that out.

July 8, 2018

Well, no, that's not bad complaining, but you've got to mix it with some happy talk like you would normally have had with her if things weren't turned to crap for you too.

She just isn't ready for hardship. Maybe it brings her down. I don't know. Maybe she just wants to go have fun and you can't go and so she broke up so she could do it. She's not old enough for me to say she is a bad person too shallow to see you through what admittedly has been a long recovery. I would listen to what your other friends have to say about it. See what their read is on it, those that know it.

Meanwhile, just concentrate on getting well. Think of it this way. Once you are back on your feet, there will be other girls. If there's any (who aren't friends of hers) that you want to talk to, now while you're confined might be a good time to gradually build a communication with her. You could ask if one wanted to come over and play a game or watch a movie. Just an idea.

I'm curious. Are you on any kind of narcotic pain pills? I ask only because they are so addictive that they can alter your personality, so I want to rule that out.

Thanks for the advice. No, I'm not on narcotic pain pills, and never have been.

July 10, 2018

The only reply to 'I've dumped you, maybe I'll take you back later,' is 'You've dumped me, and I don't take back dumpers.'

July 10, 2018

The only reply to 'I've dumped you, maybe I'll take you back later,' is 'You've dumped me, and I don't take back dumpers.'

good point

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