My girlfriend broke up with me, but said that there is a chance of us getting back to

[fg19]

So about a month ago, my girlfriend broke up with me. I was going through a pretty rough time, as my parents had separated around the start of our relationship, and I had been recovering from surgery for over a year. So I had been talking to her a lot about my issues. She never seemed to show an issue with it, so I though everything was fine. So when she broke up with me, she told me that she was feeling quite **** because of me talking about my issues all the time. This was the first time I knew how she felt about me talking to her about my issues. Upon reflection, I can see how this was draining, but not how it caused a breakup. For about a week after the breakup, we talked in patches, I just checked in to see how she was. During this time, she told me that there was a possibility of us getting back together. I became determined to get her back, as this is the girl I love to bits, and I feel for her like I never have for another girl. So we had a break from talking, so she could think things through. Then, just recently, she told me that she couldn't be with me now, but the future could bring us back together. She said we could be friends, but then not long after telling me that, she blocked me. I know not to wait around for her, to go out and find another girlfriend. But if the opportunity did arise, should I take it? And if we were both single, should I try to get back with her if everything was ok with her, and we were friends and getting along quite well.

[Estuaire]

All you can do is live your life and try to improve. Go no contact and if she still loves you she will reach out.

[fg19]

We already have no contact. She has blocked me, and we aren't talking.

[Adiron]

Dude you have been dumped. It's over. Act accordingly.

[CantTakeMySmile]

So about a month ago, my girlfriend broke up with me. I was going through a pretty rough time, as my parents had separated around the start of our relationship, and I had been recovering from surgery for over a year. So I had been talking to her a lot about my issues. She never seemed to show an issue with it, so I though everything was fine. So when she broke up with me, she told me that she was feeling quite **** because of me talking about my issues all the time. This was the first time I knew how she felt about me talking to her about my issues. Upon reflection, I can see how this was draining, but not how it caused a breakup. For about a week after the breakup, we talked in patches, I just checked in to see how she was. During this time, she told me that there was a possibility of us getting back together. I became determined to get her back, as this is the girl I love to bits, and I feel for her like I never have for another girl. So we had a break from talking, so she could think things through. Then, just recently, she told me that she couldn't be with me now, but the future could bring us back together. She said we could be friends, but then not long after telling me that, she blocked me. I know not to wait around for her, to go out and find another girlfriend. But if the opportunity did arise, should I take it? And if we were both single, should I try to get back with her if everything was ok with her, and we were friends and getting along quite well.

 

No use to try to speculate what may or may not happen. Believe what he told you. You are not together NOW and that is all the information you have. Speculation is pointless. Deal with that if it happened. And if it does, I would guess it would be quite a long time from now. I believe if she “were on the fence” then she wouldn’t not have told you it is over.

[CantTakeMySmile]

But good for you for not contacting her. Make sure you block her

[valdano]

That's a tough one. I wouldn't trust that "Let's see what the future holds." I too am in somewhat of a similar situation. It's a tough place to be in, and I find comfort in talking to people just to get my mind off things. I don't understand why she would be blocking you, but don't worry too much about it. As the other poster said, see if she comes back around to talking to you. Until then, find new people, hang out, and take things slowly.

[basil67]

Given that she's blocked you, I wouldn't hold much faith in her changing her mind and trying again in the future.

[preraph]

It usually takes a couple of years or more to see a person's worst side, their weaknesses, the things they can't tolerate. That's why I always say you need to date someone at least that long until you have seen them under adverse circumstances. Like when their car breaks down, do they go into a rage or take care of business? When they're sick, do they get short-tempered or do they act like a baby? If they lose their job, do they go to bed depressed or do they get out of bed and saddle up?

 

In this instance, you have seen early on that this person is either not mature enough or balanced enough to handle your bad situation better. Yes, it is draining to listen to someone's problems too often, but a savvy person might find a way to distract you out of doing that or lead you to seek outside help so you do have a sounding board if it's really affecting you. It's true when you're focused on health issues and your own problems, you very well may be neglecting her smaller less consequential issues she wants attention on. Maybe she feels she can't bring up the annoying thing that happened to her at work because you already have too much on your plate. So maybe you examine that possibility and see if you have any ownership there.

 

But for the long-term, you need a person who can handle whatever comes down the pike -- but you also need to be a person who does all he can to get well, see doctors, seek help, take your meds, and who shoulders as much of it as you are able. No one has any patience for the person who complains but doesn't do what is necessary to improve himself.

 

Hope you feel better soon. Take this time to just heal. I would say this isn't who you need to grow old with, obviously....

Edited July 7, 2018 by preraph

[fg19]

It usually takes a couple of years or more to see a person's worst side, their weaknesses, the things they can't tolerate. That's why I always say you need to date someone at least that long until you have seen them under adverse circumstances. Like when their car breaks down, do they go into a rage or take care of business? When they're sick, do they get short-tempered or do they act like a baby? If they lose their job, do they go to bed depressed or do they get out of bed and saddle up?

 

In this instance, you have seen early on that this person is either not mature enough or balanced enough to handle your bad situation better. Yes, it is draining to listen to someone's problems too often, but a savvy person might find a way to distract you out of doing that or lead you to seek outside help so you do have a sounding board if it's really affecting you. It's true when you're focused on health issues and your own problems, you very well may be neglecting her smaller less consequential issues she wants attention on. Maybe she feels she can't bring up the annoying thing that happened to her at work because you already have too much on your plate. So maybe you examine that possibility and see if you have any ownership there.

 

But for the long-term, you need a person who can handle whatever comes down the pike -- but you also need to be a person who does all he can to get well, see doctors, seek help, take your meds, and who shoulders as much of it as you are able. No one has any patience for the person who complains but doesn't do what is necessary to improve himself.

 

Hope you feel better soon. Take this time to just heal. I would say this isn't who you need to grow old with, obviously....

 

She never really suggested anything to try to help me out. The most she said was that I just needed to stop, nothing really to help out with stopping, things to help get those thoughts off of my mind. She was always there to comfort me, but thats about it.

[fg19]

Given that she's blocked you, I wouldn't hold much faith in her changing her mind and trying again in the future.

Would I bother attempting to be friends with her, or would that be something I would have to judge over time?

[ExpatInItaly]

Would I bother attempting to be friends with her, or would that be something I would have to judge over time?

 

You have to judge that over time, OP. You shouldn't plan for that now.

 

Imagine that she gets a new boyfriend in a few months. Would you still want to be her friend then? My point is that you are worrying about something that might just naturally never happen. Focus on recovering; forget about trying to be friends for the time being.

 

See how you feel in several months. Reassess when you're emotionally detached. Until you reach the point of indifference about whether or not she is dating again, you're not ready to be friends with her.

[fg19]

I run scenarios through my mind, its just something that I do, and I can't really stop. Its kind of like forward planning, it kind of just helps me so that if something was to happen I would already have an idea of what to do. The one that always runs through my mind is if she did so interest in me again, what I should do?

[ExpatInItaly]

I run scenarios through my mind, its just something that I do, and I can't really stop. Its kind of like forward planning, it kind of just helps me so that if something was to happen I would already have an idea of what to do. The one that always runs through my mind is if she did so interest in me again, what I should do?

 

You should ask her what has changed for her that made her want to try again. And then see. You can't plan these things out in detail, really.

 

Alternatively, what are you going to do if she doesn't show interest again? What's your plan in that case?

[fg19]

You should ask her what has changed for her that made her want to try again. And then see. You can't plan these things out in detail, really.

 

Alternatively, what are you going to do if she doesn't show interest again? What's your plan in that case?

If she doesn't show interest again, I'll either just leave it be, or re-show my interest in her. Ask if she wanted to catch up sometime for a coffee or lunch.

[ItIsNotMe]

OP, I'm really sorry to read that but if she did really love you, she wouldn't block you. It smells like there's someone else. A loving person could separate from you just to give you some time to think about your issue and the probability you were constantly talking about them. It's annoying and exhausting to constantly listen to someone complaining. Think about the chance that you could be such a person and improve yourself based on her negative feedback. And again - if she did love you for real, she wouldn't block you or offer you a friendship when you need love. It's miserable and gross. Let her go, take a note and take some time to heal yourself - physically and mentally

[fg19]

OP, I'm really sorry to read that but if she did really love you, she wouldn't block you. It smells like there's someone else. A loving person could separate from you just to give you some time to think about your issue and the probability you were constantly talking about them. It's annoying and exhausting to constantly listen to someone complaining. Think about the chance that you could be such a person and improve yourself based on her negative feedback. And again - if she did love you for real, she wouldn't block you or offer you a friendship when you need love. It's miserable and gross. Let her go, take a note and take some time to heal yourself - physically and mentally

 

I was prepared to improve myself for her as well, and she knew that as well.

To me, her blocking me seems like she wants no contact. She could have just asked me not to contact her for a while, instead of blocking me.

She isn't the person to cheat or rebound. She is respectful of others, and that's just something she wouldn't do. She let herself get to a point of no return, not telling me how she had been feeling about my "complaints" and for her it just got too much. She told me that after breaking up with me, she didn't feel like crap anymore.

 

If I showed her I have improved, could there be a chance?

 

Also, everyone is saying give up, let it go, etc. but I want to give it a chance. To a point, I will get over it, but I want to be able to show her that I have changed, I am in a better place than I was before, and if you don't believe me: give me a chance.

Edited July 7, 2018 by fg19

[ExpatInItaly]

For context, how old are you both, OP?

[fg19]

I'm 17, she is 16

[ItIsNotMe]

giving a chance is a 2-sides process. If she doesn't want, you couldn't do anything. You're a man and she expects you to be strong and supportive instead of being weak and complaining about your issues too often. May be she has found it repulsive. It's ok to speak sometimes about your issues but if you have been doing it too often, she has had the need to search for someone more alpha-male, may be.

[fg19]

giving a chance is a 2-sides process. If she doesn't want, you couldn't do anything. You're a man and she expects you to be strong and supportive instead of being weak and complaining about your issues too often. May be she has found it repulsive. It's ok to speak sometimes about your issues but if you have been doing it too often, she has had the need to search for someone more alpha-male, may be.

 

But if someone was going through what I am currently being going through, and have been for literally my whole life, wouldn't you expect them to want to talk? Then add on top of that being unemployed, and no one showing any interest in employing you.

 

Also, this was really my only weakness. I looked after her when she wasn't well, cooked her dinner, supported her, gave her plenty of hugs, was there for her whenever she needed me.

 

I think I can get that second chance. I can show her that it wasn't a good time, but now is. I am better than I was then. I completely understand that she doesn't want to, there is nothing I can do.

 

I am not ready to give her up. I can move on from this relationship, but not from her. I think our relationship was cut very short, and from something that could be improved, if I knew that it was an issue with her.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm 17, she is 16

 

I would let this go.

 

You are both very young, and you will both date others. I don't mean to sound dismissive, but this is very typical in the teen years. It ran its course for her.

[fg19]

I would let this go.

 

You are both very young, and you will both date others. I don't mean to sound dismissive, but this is very typical in the teen years. It ran its course for her.

 

It ran its course for her-what is meant by this?

 

I have had 4 girlfriends in 4 years. Each one I have loved very much. But with this one, it felt different. I felt like she was the one. The one I could spend the rest of my life with. We wouldn't have any problems. We would make every day we spent together memorable. The high school sweethearts who stayed together.

[ExpatInItaly]

It ran its course for her-what is meant by this?

 

I have had 4 girlfriends in 4 years. Each one I have loved very much. But with this one, it felt different. I felt like she was the one. The one I could spend the rest of my life with. We wouldn't have any problems. We would make every day we spent together memorable. The high school sweethearts who stayed together.

 

It means she had fun, but she has lost interest now.

[fg19]

It means she had fun, but she has lost interest now.

 

Right....

Could she build back the interest for me, or doesn't that happen?

I think this lack of interest was built by my issue, so if I fixed that, could it make her interest in me easier to find?

Edited July 7, 2018 by fg19