clueless_4ever Posted July 6, 2018 Posted July 6, 2018 I started dating a guy three months ago. We got really close really fast. I was spending 3 days a week with him (sleepovers). Everything was great. A month after we started dating, he told me his friend was in town and he couldn't see me as much. He started having health issues, stress from work, and needed to figure his life out. So we didn't see each other for two months. During this two months, we tried to make plans to see each other twice. Both times he went off the radar on the days we were supposed to actually hang out. Only to call me later at night saying how sorry he is that he got caught up was busy or fell asleep. He doesn't try to reschedule plans. He would also ignore my messages whenever it was leading to making plans (even if he was leading the conversation). We still kept messaging and got along well... Fast forward to last night, I was out having dinner with a male coworker (I am a girl) in the city where the guy I dated lives. I posted on my snapchat story a picture of the food and my coworker was in the background and I tagged the location and put #friends. During my dinner, I get a message from him saying "have fun with that" and he deleted me off of all social media. I tried messaging on different platforms to tell him he's only a coworker. He never picked up my calls. I got crazy and left a note at his house. I regret even doing all these things because he clearly isn't worth my time. But I was wondering... Is he overreacting? Or did I cross a line? Also, we never said we were exclusive or anything. He told me he deleted the app and I did too after him. But he was actively following multiple girls (around 15 girls) while we very close in that first month.
Zahara Posted July 6, 2018 Posted July 6, 2018 What line? There was no line to cross. You gave this man too much power. He was ambivalent with you and dangled you carrots. I'm not sure why you still gave him your time and attention when he started evading you. Now you chase him trying to appease him because his poor little ego couldn't take the fact that there may have been another man paying you attention? You left a note at his house? This is cringeworthy. Stop, stop contacting him. Kick this one to the curb. He's a tool. 2
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2018 Posted July 6, 2018 He over reacted. You two weren't exclusive & they were co-workers. Good riddance 1
coolheadal Posted July 6, 2018 Posted July 6, 2018 I started dating a guy three months ago. We got really close really fast. I was spending 3 days a week with him (sleepovers). Everything was great. A month after we started dating, he told me his friend was in town and he couldn't see me as much. He started having health issues, stress from work, and needed to figure his life out. So we didn't see each other for two months. During this two months, we tried to make plans to see each other twice. Both times he went off the radar on the days we were supposed to actually hang out. Only to call me later at night saying how sorry he is that he got caught up was busy or fell asleep. He doesn't try to reschedule plans. He would also ignore my messages whenever it was leading to making plans (even if he was leading the conversation). We still kept messaging and got along well... Fast forward to last night, I was out having dinner with a male coworker (I am a girl) in the city where the guy I dated lives. I posted on my snapchat story a picture of the food and my coworker was in the background and I tagged the location and put #friends. During my dinner, I get a message from him saying "have fun with that" and he deleted me off of all social media. I tried messaging on different platforms to tell him he's only a coworker. He never picked up my calls. I got crazy and left a note at his house. I regret even doing all these things because he clearly isn't worth my time. But I was wondering... Is he overreacting? Or did I cross a line? Also, we never said we were exclusive or anything. He told me he deleted the app and I did too after him. But he was actively following multiple girls (around 15 girls) while we very close in that first month. Well you know now where you stand with him. You can see anyone friend or more but he did what he did because of his ego was hurt. Who was the friend in town though sounded like he was seeing a woman he knew and cancelled out on you so many times. So again he just ended things with you. Don't worry about all this just remember you were in the right and he was in the wrong. Never leave messages like you did shows weakness on your part.
Veronica73 Posted July 6, 2018 Posted July 6, 2018 This guy is awful. He completely overreacted. In fact, I’d go further. I think he is living in crazy-land if he thinks he can duck out of seeing you for two months and then behave as if YOU were doing something wrong when you go out with a friend/coworker. Be glad he deleted you off of social media. He is wacko. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted July 6, 2018 Posted July 6, 2018 As soon as this guy disappeared those times, that was the time to notice the problem and realize he was a loser for you.' I don't get what you question is here. You didn't cross a line. He was treating you like dirt for a while ... What line are you talking about? You had the right to go out with anyone you want ... any time you want ... Lose him! He just used this incident as a reason to officially pull away. But he had already pulled away from you. And he got an extra bonus: he has you questioning yourself ... and he probably figured out that you were gullible and wouldn't stand up for yourself much earlier. Come on now, treat yourself with more respect than that. You didn't anything wrong--other than to persist through his cold spells when it was clear he was not safe or reliable for you. Happily move on ... and learn from this ... to not keep going when guys disappear on you. Period. 1
fredflint Posted July 6, 2018 Posted July 6, 2018 I started dating a guy three months ago. We got really close really fast. I was spending 3 days a week with him (sleepovers). Everything was great. A month after we started dating, he told me his friend was in town and he couldn't see me as much. He started having health issues, stress from work, and needed to figure his life out. So we didn't see each other for two months. During this two months, we tried to make plans to see each other twice. Both times he went off the radar on the days we were supposed to actually hang out. Only to call me later at night saying how sorry he is that he got caught up was busy or fell asleep. He doesn't try to reschedule plans. He would also ignore my messages whenever it was leading to making plans (even if he was leading the conversation). We still kept messaging and got along well... Fast forward to last night, I was out having dinner with a male coworker (I am a girl) in the city where the guy I dated lives. I posted on my snapchat story a picture of the food and my coworker was in the background and I tagged the location and put #friends. During my dinner, I get a message from him saying "have fun with that" and he deleted me off of all social media. I tried messaging on different platforms to tell him he's only a coworker. He never picked up my calls. I got crazy and left a note at his house. I regret even doing all these things because he clearly isn't worth my time. But I was wondering... Is he overreacting? Or did I cross a line? Also, we never said we were exclusive or anything. He told me he deleted the app and I did too after him. But he was actively following multiple girls (around 15 girls) while we very close in that first month. I think he was already unsure of you and that picture probably was the straw that broke the camel's back. But you didn't say whether you viewed your dinner with the coworker as a date or not. ie. whether you saw romantic possibility there.
Author clueless_4ever Posted July 6, 2018 Author Posted July 6, 2018 Thank you guys for confirming my thoughts. I'm not angry or sad about losing him. I am relieved this whole thing is over. I feel like this was the start to an abusive relationship. But I am just feeling so emotionally drained right now. How do I get back to who I was? 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 6, 2018 Posted July 6, 2018 Thank you guys for confirming my thoughts. I'm not angry or sad about losing him. I am relieved this whole thing is over. I feel like this was the start to an abusive relationship. But I am just feeling so emotionally drained right now. How do I get back to who I was? You were, and it was probably all stemming from his own insecurities. And perhaps a personality disorder.
Author clueless_4ever Posted July 6, 2018 Author Posted July 6, 2018 I think he was already unsure of you and that picture probably was the straw that broke the camel's back. But you didn't say whether you viewed your dinner with the coworker as a date or not. ie. whether you saw romantic possibility there. Oh my coworker is just a friend. That's why I put #friends on the picture.
Lotsgoingon Posted July 6, 2018 Posted July 6, 2018 Ah, you don't want to get back to the naive person who put up with these disappearing spells ... and then took you off social media as if you had betrayed him. Take that painfully won savvy you have acquired and bring that to your future dating. Keep your heart in check ... until the other person wins you over. Talk to girlfriends, friends, guy friends ... share this story with others ... and sharing can take the sting out of it ... You'll see other people have their versions of this story ... Your friends will build up your confidence ... if you get thrown for a real loop, don't be afraid of therapy ... You're still a good person ... just one with some more savvy.
smackie9 Posted July 6, 2018 Posted July 6, 2018 Here's a guy that saw you a lot in the beginning, then it fritters out with excuse after excuse, (should have dumped him then) but keeps you dangling on the hook by sending you sweet messages, all the while he indulges in following a multitude of girls on social media, then wigs out on you for having dinner with a male coworker. He's a jerk. You have been nothing but a saint through this whole thing. More patience than I would ever have. Just shake it off! BTW, if I were you, don't be so public with your personal life....saves you a lot of bs.
Versacehottie Posted July 6, 2018 Posted July 6, 2018 Yes he overreacted. Lot of nerve disappearing on you for two months and then being jealous of a guy friend. Lame. Sounds like he would be headache to deal with as a bf so consider yourself lucky it didn't work out. And of course you can get back to being yourself!
Purrrfect Posted July 7, 2018 Posted July 7, 2018 How do you go 2 months without seeing someone? Unless he’s out of town that’s ridiculous. Sounds like he was seeing someone else. His reaction was silly considering he wasn’t giving you the time of day. Good riddance to him. 1
TheFinalWord Posted July 7, 2018 Posted July 7, 2018 (edited) I started dating a guy three months ago. We got really close really fast. I was spending 3 days a week with him (sleepovers). Everything was great. A month after we started dating, he told me his friend was in town and he couldn't see me as much. He started having health issues, stress from work, and needed to figure his life out. So we didn't see each other for two months. During this two months, we tried to make plans to see each other twice. Both times he went off the radar on the days we were supposed to actually hang out. Only to call me later at night saying how sorry he is that he got caught up was busy or fell asleep. He doesn't try to reschedule plans. He would also ignore my messages whenever it was leading to making plans (even if he was leading the conversation). We still kept messaging and got along well... Fast forward to last night, I was out having dinner with a male coworker (I am a girl) in the city where the guy I dated lives. I posted on my snapchat story a picture of the food and my coworker was in the background and I tagged the location and put #friends. During my dinner, I get a message from him saying "have fun with that" and he deleted me off of all social media. I tried messaging on different platforms to tell him he's only a coworker. He never picked up my calls. I got crazy and left a note at his house. I regret even doing all these things because he clearly isn't worth my time. But I was wondering... Is he overreacting? Or did I cross a line? Also, we never said we were exclusive or anything. He told me he deleted the app and I did too after him. But he was actively following multiple girls (around 15 girls) while we very close in that first month. Be honest, you knew that would get his attention. Well, you got what you wanted! But no it didn't cross a line. You're allowed to go out with whoever you want especially if there is no relationship. He sounds insecure to me. It sounds like you went through the honeymoon stage and he wasn't sure about getting more serious. Sometimes people freak out when a dating relationship goes from 0 to 60mph in a short amount of time. Suddenly, the reality catches up and they want to take it slower. But it's hard to put the genie back in the bottle. I feel there is more here, but it sounds like you were too invested too quickly. Please try to get to know a person more slowly that way you can see red flags before getting invested. Good luck! Edited July 7, 2018 by TheFinalWord
basil67 Posted July 7, 2018 Posted July 7, 2018 Thank you guys for confirming my thoughts. I'm not angry or sad about losing him. I am relieved this whole thing is over. I feel like this was the start to an abusive relationship. But I am just feeling so emotionally drained right now. How do I get back to who I was? You get back to who you were by using this as a learning experience and venturing back out wiser than you were. Next time a guy can't see you for weeks on end, just end it. 1
act00 Posted July 7, 2018 Posted July 7, 2018 You've already updated and your suspicions have been confirmed, but I'm going to chime in anyway. He was overreacting and overly dramatic. He has spent a considerable amount of time completely blowing you off, being loving here and there, dropping off the planet again, and when he found you were living a life outside of him, he got all butt-hurt over it. I can see that you having dinner with the opposite gender, despite the fact it was platonic, being upsetting, but the guy simply hasn't been around to know you more and know this was platonic, and he got hurt and upset that you have the potential to meet a new boyfriend...and with his behavior, why wouldn't you seek out a new potential mate? It's not like he's around. Not only did he make it clear he's "not ready," but he fully disappears off the planet quite frequently, giving you platitude and then blowing you off. I just recently went through something a bit similar. For me, it was an on-again, off-again situation for 2 years. I made a personal decision to work with it, just enjoy the time, as I enjoyed his company, but resolved myself to the fact we would never be "a thing." I have dated others in between, and there was no overlap to create issues for me and "define the relationship." Apparently somewhere along the way, he expected more and changed all the "rules," and as a result I got a hurtful, judgmental email ticker-taping what a horrible person I am. I'm sorry, but EFF-you...you don't get to disappear off the planet for days and weeks at a time and expect everything to pick up like there's some sort of marriage or pre-marriage or boyfriend/girlfriend, when you have the time and inclination and it suits you and you're feeling a little bit horny...no...and good riddance. I'm done. I'm glad you're done and you see the forest for the trees.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 7, 2018 Posted July 7, 2018 Thank you guys for confirming my thoughts. I'm not angry or sad about losing him. I am relieved this whole thing is over. I feel like this was the start to an abusive relationship. But I am just feeling so emotionally drained right now. How do I get back to who I was? You realize that you had been hanging on to a guy who clearly lost interest a while ago, and that you did nothing wrong. He's a few fries short of a Happy Meal if he really believes you owe him any type of loyalty after he's been avoiding you for months. 1
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