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I think she is not interested, but my matchmaker friend thinks it may not be over

runaway

By runaway
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runaway Member

runaway

Posted
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I have gone on a lot of dates over the last few months, and right now there is only one woman I am interested in dating. Once we had our first date, I lost interest in other women or the prospect of meeting other women. People always tell me this is a dangerous place to be in, and I agree. I am really not the type to fall for someone easily though.

 

I just find this woman more attractive in many ways than most women I've met recently. I have gone on two dates with her. First date- My heart almost skipped a beat the moment I saw her. Thought she was so damn beautiful. Despite the initial nervousness, it went very well, a lot of making out and touching. Felt very compatible with her. She def has a lot of characteristics I look for in a potential partner (solid career, financially savvy, polite, kind to others, etc). It lasted nearly 5 hours.

 

Second date was not as great, happened on a week day when both of us were kinda tired and stressed out from work, but it still ended with passionate kissing. We briefly talked about the possibility of doing a 3rd date before the end of the date. She sent me a long thank you text afterward.

 

Tried to set up date #3 with her where we would do outdoorsy stuff. The initial text I got from her (which I got hours later) was, "Will have to get back to you on physical activity things. Took a sick day and will see a doctor tomorrow." Texted her the following day, and I got a text back hours later saying the doctor put her on antibiotics, and she might need to get tonsils removed in a few weeks. Put the ball on the court by saying something like, "Sorry to hear that you may have tonsillitis. I hear it's real painful. Hoping for your speedy recovery, and we'll see each other again when you feel great again."

 

Really wanted things to progress smoothly with this girl. Met up with a female friend who is a professional matchmaker to grab a drink and bitch about the situation. Told her everything I can remember about our interaction and showed her all the texts between me and her. She said, "I know you are kinda cynical about dating, but I think she actually likes you and is being honest with you. It can be scary to tell someone you are sick. I bet she is not really dating other guys, but she also seems like someone who may be fresh off a relationship. You told me the second date didn't go as well as the first one, but she still initiated the kiss. I think she will come back to you when she is ready, and I would be very surprised if you guys don't see each other again."

 

I am keeping myself busy assuming she is not interested, but I can't get my mind off of this situation. Your thoughts?

FMW Established Member

FMW

Posted
Posted

I can see it going either way, but I would try not to get too invested in it right now, try to curb your thinking about her. Be open to getting to know other women if the situation arises.

 

Sounds like she'll be out of commission for several weeks, but maybe check in with her in about a week just to ask how she's doing.

JDJ Established Member

JDJ

Posted
Posted

Your behavior seems pretty cold to me. Are you upset that it took her "hours" to respond to texts when she was sick?

 

She told you it would take weeks until she had the operation. You told her that you were not willing to see her again until she was in perfect condition and ready for outdoor activities, i.e., a fair weather friend.

 

A romantic gesture would have been to offer to bring her chicken soup or ice cream and do something relaxed and quiet while she is sick. Or just offer to stay in touch.

 

She is reading over your old texts right now thinking that it is you who blew her off, and that you are the one who is not interested.

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runaway Member

runaway

Posted
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Your behavior seems pretty cold to me. Are you upset that it took her "hours" to respond to texts when she was sick?

 

She told you it would take weeks until she had the operation. You told her that you were not willing to see her again until she was in perfect condition and ready for outdoor activities, i.e., a fair weather friend.

 

A romantic gesture would have been to offer to bring her chicken soup or ice cream and do something relaxed and quiet while she is sick. Or just offer to stay in touch.

 

She is reading over your old texts right now thinking that it is you who blew her off, and that you are the one who is not interested.

 

I am being cold? Well, I am not so sure. I suggested doing something more low key when she told me she was sick. I will show you what she and I have written to each other.

 

I ask her out on 3rd date suggesting that we do outdoorsy activities

 

Her- I'll have to get back to on physical activity things. I took a sick day and a going to the doctor tomorrow.

Me (following day)- Hope you're feeling better. What did the doc say? If you're under the weather, we can do something more low key. I have an idea. lmk

Her- Hey not really. They put me on antibiotics and it's possible they have to take my tonsils out in a couple of weeks

me- Oh no! So sorry to hear that you may be suffering from tonsillitis. I've heard it can be really painful and debilitating. Too bad we can't kiss while watching fireworks tonight.. That'd be lovely. Hoping for your speedy recovery, and we'll see each other when you feel good again!

 

I'd love to do nice things for her, but I'm afraid that'd only make her see me as a weak man who would do anything to please her.

 

This dating thing makes me feel so confused and frustrated.

fredflint Established Member

fredflint

Posted
Posted

Just wait for her to get back to you. If she doesn't you have your answer.

JDJ Established Member

JDJ

Posted
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I'd love to do nice things for her, but I'm afraid that'd only make her see me as a weak man who would do anything to please her.

 

Ok, runaway, I take it back. You were not cold. With the more complete version you posted, yours looks like a pretty normal response.

 

Unless you are a complete redpiller, nice/good does not equal weak. It would be fine to just ask her how she is feeling in about a week and if there is anything you can do. Eventually she will have to initiate more contact if she is really interested, but since you really like her, I would give her the benefit of the doubt for a while that she is really sick.

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runaway Member

runaway

Posted
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Ok, runaway, I take it back. You were not cold. With the more complete version you posted, yours looks like a pretty normal response.

 

Unless you are a complete redpiller, nice/good does not equal weak. It would be fine to just ask her how she is feeling in about a week and if there is anything you can do. Eventually she will have to initiate more contact if she is really interested, but since you really like her, I would give her the benefit of the doubt for a while that she is really sick.

 

Thank you. Kinda want multiple people’s opinion.

 

If you were in this situation,

1) text her in a week to see how she’s doing?

2) just do nothing and see if she reaches out?

coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

Posted
Posted
Thank you. Kinda want multiple people’s opinion.

 

If you were in this situation,

1) text her in a week to see how she’s doing?

2) just do nothing and see if she reaches out?

 

Odd one, but you need to wait for her to contact you. Yes you can send one text saying how are you feeling and I hope you get better soon. Do not repeat this and let it be. Wait for her to text you back. We men are so impatient with women to respond to our text, like the world it about to end if they don't answer us in a timely matter!

fredflint Established Member

fredflint

Posted
Posted (edited)
Thank you. Kinda want multiple people’s opinion.

 

If you were in this situation,

1) text her in a week to see how she’s doing?

2) just do nothing and see if she reaches out?

 

This is how I look at things

 

If she doesn't get back to you she's either not interested, or she's trying to get you to pursue her

 

In both cases, (for me personally) I'm not interested in a woman like that

 

In the first case, you can find someone who's more interested. In the second case, its manipulative and a power play

 

If you text her, you might not be able to rule her out on those counts until you're more invested. That's not an ideal place to be

Edited by fredflint
coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

Posted
Posted
This is how I look at things

 

If she doesn't get back to you she's either not interested, or she's trying to get you to pursue her

 

In both cases, (for me personally) I'm not interested in a woman like that

 

In the first case, you can find someone who's more interested. In the second case, its manipulative and a power play

 

I see your point here but he just has to wait this out and see what happens? The woman mind is complex already for us men. LOL

fredflint Established Member

fredflint

Posted
Posted (edited)
I see your point here but he just has to wait this out and see what happens? The woman mind is complex already for us men. LOL

 

Yeah he should just forget her temporarily and talk to other women. If she wants to take her time for whatever reason, she risks losing him. And that's a natural consequence. Her being sick is unfortunate but he can't wait around on that basis. He has no idea at this point if she's telling the truth really.

 

I have a simple rule. If she's not staying in touch with me, there are plenty of other women who are willing to. Its different if she's texting him and showing active interest

Edited by fredflint
coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

Posted
Posted
Yeah he should just forget her temporarily and talk to other women. If she wants to take her time for whatever reason, she risks losing him. And that's a natural consequence. Her being sick is unfortunate but he can't wait around on that basis. He has no idea at this point if she's telling the truth really.

 

I have a simple rule. If she's not staying in touch with me, there are plenty of other women who are willing to. Its different if she's texting him and showing active interest

 

True I see where you going with this one. Yeah we men do some long wait and see modes but sometime they do pay off if we do and other times it's a bust!

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runaway Member

runaway

Posted
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Yeah he should just forget her temporarily and talk to other women. If she wants to take her time for whatever reason, she risks losing him. And that's a natural consequence. Her being sick is unfortunate but he can't wait around on that basis. He has no idea at this point if she's telling the truth really.

 

I have a simple rule. If she's not staying in touch with me, there are plenty of other women who are willing to. Its different if she's texting him and showing active interest

 

Def wondering if she actually is sick. I hate that I actually wanna pursue her this much. I normally forget about a girl who doesn’t wanna see me in a day, but there are unfortunately a lot of things about her that I find attractive...

fredflint Established Member

fredflint

Posted
Posted
Def wondering if she actually is sick. I hate that I actually wanna pursue her this much. I normally forget about a girl who doesn’t wanna see me in a day, but there are unfortunately a lot of things about her that I find attractive...

 

I know it's hard sometimes. I've done enough chasing and feeling like a stupid puppy dog in the past to stop myself doing it really early now. I don't even go there from the get-go. She's either making this easy for us to build a connection, or she's not the one for me.

Highndry Established Member

Highndry

Posted
Posted

Women who have high interest show it. Always. They really don't leave much to the imagination.

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