Haven’t heard back from my guy am seeing. Should I go ahead and make other plans?

[Navybluegal]

I started seeing a guy whom I like so far. We’ve been on two dates and he’s been really nice and interesting. I would definitely like to continue seeing him.

 

After we last saw each other, he texted that he was going out of town to another state and suggested to meet next Saturday. I replied to him that I would love to meet and suggested to meet Sunday as it would work better due to my work schedule.

 

So far he hasn’t gotten back to me. As we are not committed and I am talking to other people and being asked out, I am trying to decide if I should go ahead and make other plans since I haven’t heard back from him. Or should I keep my Sunday open?

 

I doubt he is the kind of person to play games. Not sure why he’s hasn’t responded though. Either he’s not that into me ( which doesn’t make sense as he offered to meet up again ), or is not in a cell phone range which is hard to believe .

 

Thoughts?

[FMW]

Certainly don't hold your time open if someone else has invited you out for something you think sounds like fun. If the other guy gets back to you too late you can just tell him since you hadn't heard from him you assumed he wasn't available. Express your interest in seeing him another time and suggest he contact you with plans for a date/time he is free.

 

Sitting around waiting will most likely make you feel kind of bad about yourself. And you don't want to start a bad pattern of him thinking you are available without effort on his part.

[central]

I always made backup plans, and set a time when I would implement those if the original person/plans have not been finalized. I will usually give them another chance (maybe even two), but not this time. I will do the alternative plan and tell them I made other plans since they had not gotten back to me.

 

Being too available and apparently without other options let people think they can abuse your time and patience.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Yes make plans w/someone else. I learned when starting to date, do not put all your eggs in one basket. There were a couple times where I really liked the guy, he would ghost me or have intentions, so I started multi dating (sex wasn't involved though). Nothing wrong w/making plans as he doesn't seem super interested anyways because if he was he would respond pretty quickly.

[mortensorchid]

Make a back up plan. And have a good time. Don't hang on this guy (or anyone else) for your entertainments. You've only had two dates with him, he may not be interested enough to follow through. But hopefully he'll be courteous enough to get back to you soon.

[preraph]

He should let you know if he's free Sunday. Be aware that some people are real defensive and he might have thought, I asked you out for Saturday, not Sunday. Some people would take that wrong. He's out of town so maybe his mind isn't on contacting you -- he could even be dating someone. I don't think I'd sit around and wait for him on Sunday, but neither would I make other plans since you offered Sunday to him. I would just wait until Sunday and see if you hear from him and if you don't, then don't hang around moping.

[snowboy91]

Yes make other plans if you want. I would do the same thing whether it was a friend or someone I was dating. If someone doesn't get back to me in a reasonable amount of time (say that evening), I won't wait any longer and they run the risk of me making other plans. It's hard for me to put 3 or 4 things on hold for 1 person.

[ExpatInItaly]

When did you last speak to him, OP?

[d0nnivain]

Do you mean this Saturday, as in tomorrow? If you really want to see him you reach out & say "Are we still on for tomorrow?"

 

If you don't care enough to reach out, make other plans. If he does reach out, say "sorry when I didn't hear from you I assumed you lost interest. I'm glad I was wrong. Would you like to do something on [another day] instead?" That ought to teach him to confirm in advance.

[coolheadal]

I started seeing a guy whom I like so far. We’ve been on two dates and he’s been really nice and interesting. I would definitely like to continue seeing him.

 

After we last saw each other, he texted that he was going out of town to another state and suggested to meet next Saturday. I replied to him that I would love to meet and suggested to meet Sunday as it would work better due to my work schedule.

 

So far he hasn’t gotten back to me. As we are not committed and I am talking to other people and being asked out, I am trying to decide if I should go ahead and make other plans since I haven’t heard back from him. Or should I keep my Sunday open?

 

I doubt he is the kind of person to play games. Not sure why he’s hasn’t responded though. Either he’s not that into me ( which doesn’t make sense as he offered to meet up again ), or is not in a cell phone range which is hard to believe .

 

Thoughts?

 

Why are you waiting for him to return? How do you know he's not having run without you while away. You need to have other options. Your not steady yet. So your open go have fun until he comes back this way you know you'll being taken care of just in the event he doesn't call you back when he returns from where ever he decided to go without you!

[Navybluegal]

Thanks for replies everyone. He did finally text me back suggesting to meet on Sunday but I already made other plans. I will let him know I’d like to see him some other day next week

To be honest, I am glad that this came up because it’s an opportunity to get to know the other person better and see if we’re compatible. I would definitely be not comfortable down the road with this little communication.

[kendahke]

I vote for make plans.

 

Don't put your life on hold waiting for someone who may not come 'round.

[Gaeta]

Thanks for replies everyone. He did finally text me back suggesting to meet on Sunday but I already made other plans. I will let him know I’d like to see him some other day next week

To be honest, I am glad that this came up because it’s an opportunity to get to know the other person better and see if we’re compatible. I would definitely be not comfortable down the road with this little communication.

 

 

So how long was there between you offering Sunday and his reply?

[smackie9]

An interested guy nails down a specific date and time, because he DOES want to see you. Anything lukewarm, kick to the curb because he is weighing his options with someone else.

[Navybluegal]

So how long was there between you offering Sunday and his reply?

I offered it on tuesday and he got back to me Friday morning. He said he didn’t want to reply before he knew whether he would be getting back in town for Saturday or Sunday. Not sure how I feel about that reason...

[ElKay]

I offered it on tuesday and he got back to me Friday morning. He said he didn’t want to reply before he knew whether he would be getting back in town for Saturday or Sunday. Not sure how I feel about that reason...

 

If he was really interested, he would have just told you that he'll know when it's closer to when he's coming back. Complete silence for 3 days is either not interested of a way of communicating that may cause problems down the road anyway.

[Navybluegal]

If he was really interested, he would have just told you that he'll know when it's closer to when he's coming back. Complete silence for 3 days is either not interested of a way of communicating that may cause problems down the road anyway.

 

Thank you. That seemed suspicious to me too. Although he did later say that he “should have texted me earlier” in hindsight.

[HiCrunchy]

Do you mean this Saturday, as in tomorrow? If you really want to see him you reach out & say "Are we still on for tomorrow?"

 

If you don't care enough to reach out, make other plans. If he does reach out, say "sorry when I didn't hear from you I assumed you lost interest. I'm glad I was wrong. Would you like to do something on [another day] instead?" That ought to teach him to confirm in advance.

 

I'm with don. Reach out and see what he says. If silence then I would say let it go.

[d0nnivain]

If you like him, keep the lines of communication open. I wouldn't write him off over this one gaff. Do keep your eyes open. If you see this silence again then you have a pattern. But IMO after only 2 dates he was allowed to not communicate for 3 days while he was out of town. It's unfortunate that he wasn't clearer about his plans / return date but had left you with the mistaken impression that you had a date for Saturday. That is a problem but not an insurmountable problem if it doesn't happen again.

[introverted1]

I offered it on tuesday and he got back to me Friday morning. He said he didn’t want to reply before he knew whether he would be getting back in town for Saturday or Sunday. Not sure how I feel about that reason...

 

I thought he initially proposed Saturday, though?

[Lotsgoingon]

If he's interested, skipping the Sunday date won't deter him.

 

Great move to schedule on Sunday when he was slow to confirm.

 

Signals to the other person that you aren't desperate ... and more important, signals to YOU YOURSELF that you aren't desperate and aren't gonna wait around for someone who doesn't nail down a meetup.

 

See what he does next.

 

Express your interest if you still wanna go out ... and then let him come towards you.

 

Very important to avoid these "waiting" dynamics at the very start of the relationship.

[smackie9]

OP you are like me.....first impressions count! And you look for consistent communication, like some kind of chat between dates. It's just an expectation and why should you shove that aside. I have done some reading articles where men write in...one thing that caught my eye that was quoted was: when a man doesn't text or call you, that's because he doesn't want to. I'm sure there are plenty of other reasons BUT I know if I was interested, there isn't a hell of a lot that wouldn't stop me from keeping in contact. Maybe he's busy, maybe this is the way he is, or he's just being lazy or his priorities are somewhere else....the bottom line is this is not fulfilling your expectations. You date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. He's not really doing that. If it doesn't feel right, it's not. Well not right for you.

[Gaeta]

I offered it on tuesday and he got back to me Friday morning. He said he didn’t want to reply before he knew whether he would be getting back in town for Saturday or Sunday. Not sure how I feel about that reason...

 

 

Totally unacceptable and rude.

 

By courtesy he should have told you he'd get back to you later in the week to confirm and not let you hangning from Tuesday to Friday. This man has no manners and no consideration. If his boss text him I don't think he'd let him hanging 3 days EVEN if he didn't know the answer to his question. He'd say Boss I need to double check that and get back to you.

 

My bet is this man will be a huge waste of your time.

Edited July 7, 2018 by Gaeta

[Navybluegal]

So he texted back and said to let him know which day would work best for me next week. I replied that Tuesday evening would work and wished him a good flight home. No response from him.

I don't like this pattern. How should I proceed?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

So he texted back and said to let him know which day would work best for me next week. I replied that Tuesday evening would work and wished him a good flight home. No response from him.

I don't like this pattern. How should I proceed?

 

Well, I'd probably still keep the Tuesday free, but wouldn't text him about it again.

 

Texting back takes less than a minutes, so there isn't really any good excuse unless he dropped his phone in the tub or something!