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Working through hardest BU of my life. Did I blow it by being interviewed?

Estuaire

By Estuaire
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Adiron Established Member

Adiron

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She cheated on you AND dumped you AND left you for another, younger guy and here you are second guessing decisions that might make it less likely that she'll get back with you?

 

 

You really need to rethink this.

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Estuaire Member

Estuaire

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I can't wait to get to that point. I should hate her. But I still miss her. I need to get it in my mind that it's over. These last three weeks have been hell.

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Estuaire Member

Estuaire

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Doing a lot better. Seeing a girl, she's alright. A question though... I bought tickets to see Radiohead at the end of July, but she has them. I kind of want to go still. Is breaking no contact to get them a bad idea? I don't think I want her back now that my attachment is starting to diminish. Should I gather all of her things and offer to bring them?

 

 

My friend saw her on tinder so I guess she and guy didn't last.

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CantTakeMySmile Established Member

CantTakeMySmile

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Please ask your friend to not tell you things. Yes, it appears she did not work things out with the other man. But, it looks like she still doesn't want to come back to you... so... no, I would not ask for the tickets. Were they super expensive?

 

 

IF she wants her stuff, let her ask for it.

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Estuaire Member

Estuaire

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Alright. Def want say anything. They were like 100 a piece though.

 

I'm doing okay today.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Please ask your friend to not tell you things. Yes, it appears she did not work things out with the other man. But, it looks like she still doesn't want to come back to you... so... no, I would not ask for the tickets. Were they super expensive?

 

 

IF she wants her stuff, let her ask for it.

 

This. Then give it to a mutual friend to deliver, if possible. This transaction doesn't need to happen in person.

 

As for the concert tickets? I would skip it. I say that because any healing you have done will be completely undone the moment you talk to her again. You think you can handle it, but this thread is evidence that you can't - not yet, anyway.

 

Her being on Tinder is a clear indication she is truly done with you, though. She didn't come back even though she is on the market again. That tells you everything you need to know, if you needed further confirmation.

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Estuaire Member

Estuaire

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Damn. I can't believe that is it huh. Time to move on.

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Estuaire Member

Estuaire

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This relationship is perfectly described here.

 

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ending-anxious-avoidant-dance-part-1-opposing-attachment-styles-0518174

 

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ending-anxious-avoidant-dance-part-2-built-in-path-to-healing-0518175

 

Is there any chance if I sent these to my ex that she would read them? Could I convince her to go to couples therapy even if the intent is still to break up?

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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This relationship is perfectly described here.

 

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ending-anxious-avoidant-dance-part-1-opposing-attachment-styles-0518174

 

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ending-anxious-avoidant-dance-part-2-built-in-path-to-healing-0518175

 

Is there any chance if I sent these to my ex that she would read them? Could I convince her to go to couples therapy even if the intent is still to break up?

 

No, man. Just no.

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Estuaire Member

Estuaire

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Ex sent me an email that just said "Tickets attached." With the radio head tickets out of the blue. Shes always so cold during conflict lol. They were technically hers as I borrowed the money from her to buy them, and also the show isn't for two weeks so the timing feels weird.

 

I can't figure out if this is reaching out... "Do I just go, this was nice of you, thanks." And send her the money? Or is this reaching out in a way I should try to make a date?

CantTakeMySmile Established Member

CantTakeMySmile

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Ex sent me an email that just said "Tickets attached." With the radio head tickets out of the blue. Shes always so cold during conflict lol. They were technically hers as I borrowed the money from her to buy them, and also the show isn't for two weeks so the timing feels weird.

 

I can't figure out if this is reaching out... "Do I just go, this was nice of you, thanks." And send her the money? Or is this reaching out in a way I should try to make a date?

 

 

 

Are you asking if you should ask HER on a date for the show? If so, ABSOLUTELY NOT! There was no indication, clear or otherwise, that may suggest she would go with you.

 

 

You has mentioned before that she had your tickets and wanted them back. So, now that part is taken care of.

 

 

What do you mean the timing feels weird?

 

 

The only action would be to send her the money you owe here through an app.

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Estuaire Member

Estuaire

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Well if she didn't care about me she'd not have contacted me and let the tickets expire, but she has two weeks before the show and it seems premature to do it now. I guess it puts me in a sticky spot....

 

I feel like responding breaks no contact, and if a girl reaches out you're supposed to try to set a date. But it doesn't feel appropriate here, and ignoring her is rude. I guess be cordial and go back into NC? I don't get why she's being so cold she dumped me, not the other way around. Yeah I guess I just go back into NC... But knowing her part of me is thinking she's acting pissed to stay emotionally guarded and if I can just try to break that wall down....

CantTakeMySmile Established Member

CantTakeMySmile

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Well if she didn't care about me she'd not have contacted me and let the tickets expire, but she has two weeks before the show and it seems premature to do it now. I guess it puts me in a sticky spot....

 

I feel like responding breaks no contact, and if a girl reaches out you're supposed to try to set a date. But it doesn't feel appropriate here, and ignoring her is rude. I guess be cordial and go back into NC? I don't get why she's being so cold she dumped me, not the other way around. Yeah I guess I just go back into NC... But knowing her part of me is thinking she's acting pissed to stay emotionally guarded and if I can just try to break that wall down....

 

 

 

It doesn't seem premature if the concert is in two weeks. Plus, why wait? What is the benefit in that? And I think she gave you the tickets because it was the right thing to do, and you can't get angry at her for not giving them to her. Has she made any indication of wanting to go with you, I think she would have said anything besides "tickets attached".

 

 

She may have her guard up, but if she is the one that broke up with you, it is probably so she doesn't give you any false hope. That is the kind thing to do. Just because a girl emails you tickets to a show that you asked for doesn't' not mean you are supposed to ask her out on a date. IF she wanted to go, it would be very easy to say something like " Have fun! I am jealous you are going but have a great time??"

 

 

Not paying her the money back is rude, so yes, I would use zelle or something to pay her the money you owe her, and a simple thanks will do.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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It doesn't seem premature if the concert is in two weeks. Plus, why wait? What is the benefit in that? And I think she gave you the tickets because it was the right thing to do, and you can't get angry at her for not giving them to her. Has she made any indication of wanting to go with you, I think she would have said anything besides "tickets attached".

 

 

She may have her guard up, but if she is the one that broke up with you, it is probably so she doesn't give you any false hope. That is the kind thing to do. Just because a girl emails you tickets to a show that you asked for doesn't' not mean you are supposed to ask her out on a date. IF she wanted to go, it would be very easy to say something like " Have fun! I am jealous you are going but have a great time??"

 

 

Not paying her the money back is rude, so yes, I would use zelle or something to pay her the money you owe her, and a simple thanks will do.

 

All of this. This isn't a sign she wants you to ask her out, OP. From what you have written, she's just taking care of a logistical issue. She gave no indication otherwise.

 

But the real problem? You are still trying to think up ways to resuscitate things with a woman who clearly doesn't respect you or love you anymore. That is where you should be concentrating, not on suggesting couple's therapy or asking her out.

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Estuaire Member

Estuaire

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Yeah I realized this. I sent her the money on venmo. I also decided **** it I was gonna do whatever. So I sent her an email back that said

 

"Thank you attached."

 

With a .jpg of Thank you typed out in mspaint attached to the email. I think it's playful and if she takes it as petty that's on her. I am proud of that one, back Into NC for me.

CantTakeMySmile Established Member

CantTakeMySmile

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Yeah I realized this. I sent her the money on venmo. I also decided **** it I was gonna do whatever. So I sent her an email back that said

 

"Thank you attached."

 

With a .jpg of Thank you typed out in mspaint attached to the email. I think it's playful and if she takes it as petty that's on her. I am proud of that one, back Into NC for me.

 

 

 

I think this appears (to her) that you would like to remain friendly with her. If that is the case, then if she wanted to be friends as well, I think she will take this opportunity.

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Estuaire Member

Estuaire

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It was meant as playful. If she reaches out I'll try to set a date. If not I'm moving on with my life at this point. One of the girls I'm seeing's favorite band is actually Radiohead lol

CantTakeMySmile Established Member

CantTakeMySmile

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I think that is a great idea!! Good for you for letting it go now!

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Estuaire Member

Estuaire

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Yeah this sucks I feel like I set back my nc. What should I have done, ignored the email and just sent the money via venmo?

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Yeah this sucks I feel like I set back my nc. What should I have done, ignored the email and just sent the money via venmo?

 

Just a simple "thank you, and your money is on its way to you." No funny pictures attached.

 

Trying to set a date with this woman would be absurd and desperate, man.

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Estuaire Member

Estuaire

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Yeah I dont know what I was thinking. No contact definitely works though. Not even 5 weeks and I'm starting to feel okay again. Like actually okay. I don't know where my self respect went.

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