Midnightfvkgirl Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 Think me and a guy have had crossed wires about this that only became evident yesterday. But what is your definition of "seeing someone". We are from 2 different countries, for him "seeing someone" seems to mean exclusively, whereas with me it means if you go see someone, like hangout, go on a date, spend time with someone, sex. So when ive asked if he's seeing others, he's said no. Which is truthful by his definition, but not mine. So confusing! Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 If I say I'm "seeing" someone, it would mean exclusivity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 Think me and a guy have had crossed wires about this that only became evident yesterday. But what is your definition of "seeing someone". We are from 2 different countries, for him "seeing someone" seems to mean exclusively, whereas with me it means if you go see someone, like hangout, go on a date, spend time with someone, sex. So when ive asked if he's seeing others, he's said no. Which is truthful by his definition, but not mine. So confusing! So did you tell him this? If you are not looking for an exclusive relationship you need to let him know that you only want a FWB type relationship that is not exclusive. Is this the FWB that wasn't giving you enough sex? Drop him already and get a new one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 For me, "seeing someone" is dating someone, and it's more exclusive and serious. No matter the interpretation, there is someone else in the picture, and it's more than "just friends." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 Like the others, I think the definition is that you are seeing someone exclusively. There is a + or- to this ... it's in the period right before the two people agree to be exclusive ... but it's clear that they are on the way to "seeing" each other. This is something you would say to a friend. "You're seeing John. How is that?" May not be exclusive yet ... but it's clear that the person is interested in exclusively seeing John ... and there's a good chance he is too. So are you interested in or open to dating this guy exclusively? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 "Seeing" someone can be defined as almost anything. You need to clarify when having this discussion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 "Seeing someone" can be an ambiguous statement and will mean different things to different people. So it can't hurt to clarify such things with whoever you may be with. As for me I use and often presume (absent further clarification) that "Seeing someone" means having sex with someone on an on-going basis which may or may not be exclusively. If I were seeing someone exclusively i.e. having sex with only one person, I would say "I am seeing someone exclusively". Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 Seeing someONE. Not seeing somePEOPLE, right? It means exclusivity to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 'Seeing someone' implies exclusivity 1 Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 "I had sex with someone today, and had sex with someone else yesterday." A: "Do you want to have sex with me?" B: "I'm seeing someone, but yes if you're up for it." Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 Think me and a guy have had crossed wires about this that only became evident yesterday. But what is your definition of "seeing someone". We are from 2 different countries, for him "seeing someone" seems to mean exclusively, whereas with me it means if you go see someone, like hangout, go on a date, spend time with someone, sex. So when ive asked if he's seeing others, he's said no. Which is truthful by his definition, but not mine. So confusing! If I was seeing someone that means I was with someone already dating, having sex etc also means in a relationship.. I didn't say hangout with someone means what you said. I go out have fun with someone but no sex. More like a buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightfvkgirl Posted July 5, 2018 Author Share Posted July 5, 2018 I guess me and him have had totally crossed wires then! For me in my country "seeing someone" equates to "MEETING someone". So if i went on a date, drinks, dinner, sex with a guy, you're meeting/seeing them, to see what happens. And i guess I thought he wasnt cos he said he wasnt seeing others. Note the plural.. because that then blows his explanation out of the water doesnt it? He sees it as being exclusive.. but Ive said "others" as in plural... so he was lying anyway? So confused. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 I don't see a problem here that can't be cleared up by telling him what the definition of "seeing someone" means in your country and then just telling him what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightfvkgirl Posted July 5, 2018 Author Share Posted July 5, 2018 I don't see a problem here that can't be cleared up by telling him what the definition of "seeing someone" means in your country and then just telling him what you want. Yes, I will be doing that. I just wanted to confirm the definitions were different I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 I guess me and him have had totally crossed wires then! For me in my country "seeing someone" equates to "MEETING someone". So if i went on a date, drinks, dinner, sex with a guy, you're meeting/seeing them, to see what happens. And i guess I thought he wasnt cos he said he wasnt seeing others. Note the plural.. because that then blows his explanation out of the water doesnt it? He sees it as being exclusive.. but Ive said "others" as in plural... so he was lying anyway? So confused. Sounds like you don't want to be exclusive with him? He told you he wasn't seeing anyone else. How is he lying then. You do not understand what it means to be seeing someone. He's seeing you silly. What about you are you seeing others? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 It depends. To me seeing someone means I'm dating someone exclusively but that's because I'm not comfortable (and don't have time lol) to date more than one person at a time. Communication is key in relationships and your best bet is to start early so sit down and talk with the person about where this is going. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightfvkgirl Posted July 5, 2018 Author Share Posted July 5, 2018 Sounds like you don't want to be exclusive with him? He told you he wasn't seeing anyone else. How is he lying then. You do not understand what it means to be seeing someone. He's seeing you silly. What about you are you seeing others? But he's not "seeing" me, as he sees seeing someone as being exclusive. and we are not. We just had an arrangement that if we wanted to see other people, we would tell each other. In my mind, if he was going on a date or hanging out or going for drinks/dinner with a potential female interest then thats seeing someone, so i didnt understand why he wasnt telling me.But then hes not telling me cos he isnt exclusive with anyone, so therefore in his definition he isnt "seeing" anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 (edited) "Seeing someone" doesn't on its face mean exclusivity--"I'm in a relationship" says that. To me, "seeing someone" means you're in fact-finding mode to determine if you want to continue into something deeper with them. I just met a lovely gentleman this week--for me, I'm "seeing" him, as I'm finding out if we are even compatible enough to go further. Once that is established to my and his satisfaction, then we're in a relationship/with one another. I think what you need to do is to let him know what "seeing someone" means for you so that he can decide if it's something with which he truly wishes to get involved. Edited July 5, 2018 by kendahke 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 There are no universal definitions to most of this stuff, except maybe marriage. So what you have to talk about is what you both want / your expectations. If you want exclusivity, specify that. If you want to see each other when you see each other but be free to see others talk about that. If you want the freedom but don't expect to exercise it, talk about that. You can define the parameters of your relationship anyway you both agree. However, until you both promise fidelity & that you are not talking to, kissing, hugging, or having sex with others it's not cheating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightfvkgirl Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 well i mucked that right up. Woke from a bad nightmare last night, and jetlag and exhaustion and cos of the nightmare i got anxious, fired off a text that said the opposite of what I meant and he's taken offence. I feel like such an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 well i mucked that right up. Woke from a bad nightmare last night, and jetlag and exhaustion and cos of the nightmare i got anxious, fired off a text that said the opposite of what I meant and he's taken offence. I feel like such an idiot. Why would all of that make you contact him if you two aren't serious? Why not contact someone who is closer to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightfvkgirl Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 Why would all of that make you contact him if you two aren't serious? Why not contact someone who is closer to you? was the middle of the night in my country and earlier in his, and also he knows how it gets and he said he is always there for me if that happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightfvkgirl Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 There are no universal definitions to most of this stuff, except maybe marriage. So what you have to talk about is what you both want / your expectations. If you want exclusivity, specify that. If you want to see each other when you see each other but be free to see others talk about that. If you want the freedom but don't expect to exercise it, talk about that. You can define the parameters of your relationship anyway you both agree. However, until you both promise fidelity & that you are not talking to, kissing, hugging, or having sex with others it's not cheating. I asked for a facetime after my horrendous text last night and he's agreed to one today Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 I asked for a facetime after my horrendous text last night and he's agreed to one today That's a start. Open with an apology for the text. Then just talk about what you each want. Communication is the key. Specifying what you want does not make you needy or clingy. You become those when the other person doesn't meet your expectations but you sit there begging. If you are not getting what you want & can't find a way to compromise, get out. It really is that simple Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightfvkgirl Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 That's a start. Open with an apology for the text. Then just talk about what you each want. Communication is the key. Specifying what you want does not make you needy or clingy. You become those when the other person doesn't meet your expectations but you sit there begging. If you are not getting what you want & can't find a way to compromise, get out. It really is that simple Thank you. The horrible text was due to my confusion as to the american terms for things, but now i understand them and what he was originally saying at the beginning, I get it. And cos we are currently in different countries, I have no issue with getting together when we can, as we always have a great time, and I now know he has been on a few dates and hungout a few times with 2 separate people. Im always fine when I know whats going on (hence the extra confusion cos I had no idea how americans work the dating/friend thing). He has anxiety and doesnt let the dates/hangouts go further cos he then starts feeling weird around people, with me its been a lot longer and he said its different with me as I dont set his anxiety off (probably until that text!) He says sex causes complications for him (im the opposite, sex with him is just that, like an extension of the good time out we've had, doesnt give me more feelings or anything) but I suspect it might do for him? I guess we have to discuss that. Im happy to go with the flow and if it happens after a great time out fine, if it doesnt always then thats ok too (thats how it has been with us). I would prefer if he didnt completely take sex off the table, which i suspect he might do. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts