lakerman34 Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 So, I've been dating this girl for about 9 months now, and neither one of us have used the "L" word. I'm, personally, fine with this because I have definitely showed her through my actions (my love language is definitely one of action), and I, too, feel love from her through HER actions (her love language is the same as mine). However, part of me worries that she might be upset that we haven't used "the word" yet. She might not be. I'm wondering -- is it weird that we don't say "I love you" to each other? How long do others take to use the word?
Penguin_hugs Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 I was recently in a similar predicament- I really wanted to say it to my BF of 6 months but I'm aware he is a bit of a relationship skeptic. He'd only had 1 GF for a few months when he was 18 and then not really dated in 10 years for a variety of reasons. I didn't want to rush him by saying it too soon, and I wanted to make sure it wasn't lust or infatuation on my part when I said it. I've been thinking it so much recently- but it just never seemed the right time. In the end I reached a point where I felt I didn't want to waste time with him not knowing how I felt and I ended up just saying it late one night when we were in bed- which is NOT what I had planned in my head at all! I wanted him to say it first and to be in a non sexual environment- but hey ho! He immediately said it back and we actually had a really interesting conversation about it all. He'd been feeling that way since as soon as we met- but didn't really understand it because he doesn'y know how to define love etc. (As you can gather our relationship consists of a lot of critical thinking). He told me that statistically guys are earlier than girls- 88 days for guys and 134 for a girl. I think at the end of the day- say it when you feel it- but don't feel bad if not reciprocated
Lotsgoingon Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 Nine months and you still like this person ... a lot? ... time to say the words ... assuming you feel the words ... It's not necessarily weird that you two don't say this ... apparently you both have some hesitation about using the words ... so in that sense you are matched up well. But ... it sounds like YOU now think it IS weird to not be saying this to each other ... So ... maybe the next time you feel that feeling... instead of suppressing it ... say it ...
kendahke Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 So, I've been dating this girl for about 9 months now, and neither one of us have used the "L" word. I'm, personally, fine with this because I have definitely showed her through my actions (my love language is definitely one of action), and I, too, feel love from her through HER actions (her love language is the same as mine). However, part of me worries that she might be upset that we haven't used "the word" yet. She might not be. I'm wondering -- is it weird that we don't say "I love you" to each other? How long do others take to use the word? Only say it if you truly feel it for her.
Author lakerman34 Posted July 3, 2018 Author Posted July 3, 2018 Only say it if you truly feel it for her. Good advice. There were moments when I almost said it, but caught myself, then didn't. I think, deep down, I don't feel that she has fully committed yet. I'm waiting for that. Or maybe, it's the lack of my saying it that has kept her from committing? Who knows.
kendahke Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 Good advice. There were moments when I almost said it, but caught myself, then didn't. I think, deep down, I don't feel that she has fully committed yet. I'm waiting for that. Or maybe, it's the lack of my saying it that has kept her from committing? Who knows. Let me ask you: how is she otherwise? I mean, does she do loving, caring things for you without being prompted? Where is she on the selfless-selfish continuum? Going from your other post, I'd say that she's more invested in her manipulation games than she is being real and authentic with you. Could be that her real and authentic self isn't as invested in your relationship as you are and the trip to her parents put her in a bad mood because they're asking her questions about your relationship's development (a natural question coming from parents) and she's really marking time with you, not investing---hence her bad mood. She's telling them one thing and telling you another. I hope you can work it out.
Author lakerman34 Posted July 3, 2018 Author Posted July 3, 2018 Let me ask you: how is she otherwise? I mean, does she do loving, caring things for you without being prompted? Where is she on the selfless-selfish continuum? Going from your other post, I'd say that she's more invested in her manipulation games than she is being real and authentic with you. Could be that her real and authentic self isn't as invested in your relationship as you are and the trip to her parents put her in a bad mood because they're asking her questions about your relationship's development (a natural question coming from parents) and she's really marking time with you, not investing---hence her bad mood. She's telling them one thing and telling you another. I hope you can work it out. Very often does loving/thoughtful things for me. I am generally thoughtful/loving/doing things for my partner in a relationship, and she realizes this, so she always tries to sort of "pay of the balance" when she can. She's a good listener, always gives me back massages, will occasionally pay for dinner or make breakfast, honestly, she's pretty great. I feel well attended to. My thing is, I know she loves me, but like you said, I don't know if she's investing in me or just letting the time pass with me. I have felt both ways, depending on the day. The parent thing is interesting. The last day we were there, her mom introduced me to a family friend as her "friend." I asked about this, and my gf laughed, saying, "did she? I guess it's the safest response." About a month ago, her aunt did the same thing, so part of me thinks it's just a weird family thing. Who knows.
kendahke Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 Just one last observation: liars generally get pissed off when caught in their lie. I've yet to see one dance a happy jig over being outted. Her mom and her aunt are going off of information about you that she's given them. I'm not surprised they introduced you as her friend---that's what she's calling you to them. When my daughter has introduced me to her boyfriends throughout the years, she called them her boyfriend, not her friend.
Author lakerman34 Posted July 3, 2018 Author Posted July 3, 2018 Just one last observation: liars generally get pissed off when caught in their lie. I've yet to see one dance a happy jig over being outted. Her mom and her aunt are going off of information about you that she's given them. I'm not surprised they introduced you as her friend---that's what she's calling you to them. When my daughter has introduced me to her boyfriends throughout the years, she called them her boyfriend, not her friend. I was her +1 at her sister's wedding. Her parents and aunt saw us together romantically before. We also share a bed at her parent's house. I do thank you for your questions/observations though. I think they are pretty spot on (although I don't think they are the issues with my relationship).
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