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Losing out on dates due to politics

max3732

By max3732
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salparadise Established Member

salparadise

Posted
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When should you mention it though? I've always heard to not mention politics on a first date. I'm going out with someone on a 2nd date and am not sure when to broach the subject.

 

After reading the replies here and giving it some thought I think there's a huge difference between not wanting to date someone because of underlying political differences on issues that are important to you and flatly dismissing dating someone for voting for someone different than you in an election.

 

I get this issue dealt with before messaging –– I have in my profile that I am not interested in trumpeteers or hard-core conservatives generally.

 

I might have been moderate on this (2nd para) in previous decades, but 2016 changed things. I really don't care what anyone's reasoning might be. Politics are polarized beyond anything I thought imaginable previously, and after the Access Hollywood tape came to light there's just no excuse. If you voted for him you either endorsed the misogamy or were willing to give it a pass because you are aligned with some of his other equally despicable attitudes.

 

 

So you're not open minded enough to listen to why you might be wrong about your characterization of what you think other people believe? [...] ...you think it's right to condemn him and you won't listen to why he voted the way he did?

 

Hell no! I won't listen to anyone trying to redeem her/himself or convince me that it was somehow justified. Nope. Just not interested.

 

I went out with a Trump supporter about a year ago, before I started screening in advance. She was nice enough, semi-good looking and seemed to be interested in a few of the same things as me. But after she told me that she voted for Trump I just could not view her with positive regard. She said that she didn't really like him that much, but disliked Hillary more. I don't care. How could any self-respecting woman could do that knowing what was known prior to the election.

 

The fact that you're even asking these questions indicates that you really don't get how distasteful this is for so many people, women and men. I've looked at a lot of dating profiles and have yet to see one that said if you voted for Hillary they aren't interested... but it seems like as many as half or a third say no Trump supporters. Bottom line is, nobody owes you a chance to explain. It is what it is.

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Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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People have the right to whatever dealbreakers they want in dating and if that includes politics especially in these polarized times then so be it. I see my brother and sister in law being torn apart over this and I perfectly understand why some people want to avoid it completely.

losangelena Established Member

losangelena

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In this day and age, politics are so polarizing, I think you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn't have an opinion on our current administration. I'm definitely not a supporter of our current president, and I wouldn't automatically write off someone who was, but I'd be very curious to know how and why they do support him. I hooked up with a trump supporter a few months ago, but I had trouble squaring his political beliefs with what he told me of his personal life—has one kid who's transgender, and another one who identifies as pansexual. We got into quite the heated discussion about it, which might have been what made the sex so good, lol.

 

Anyway, all this to say that I'm sure my liberality is a turn off for some, and if that's the case, then I guess we were not compatible!

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max3732 Established Member

max3732

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I get this issue dealt with before messaging –– I have in my profile that I am not interested in trumpeteers or hard-core conservatives generally.

 

I might have been moderate on this (2nd para) in previous decades, but 2016 changed things. I really don't care what anyone's reasoning might be. Politics are polarized beyond anything I thought imaginable previously, and after the Access Hollywood tape came to light there's just no excuse. If you voted for him you either endorsed the misogamy or were willing to give it a pass because you are aligned with some of his other equally despicable attitudes.

 

 

 

 

Hell no! I won't listen to anyone trying to redeem her/himself or convince me that it was somehow justified. Nope. Just not interested.

 

I went out with a Trump supporter about a year ago, before I started screening in advance. She was nice enough, semi-good looking and seemed to be interested in a few of the same things as me. But after she told me that she voted for Trump I just could not view her with positive regard. She said that she didn't really like him that much, but disliked Hillary more. I don't care. How could any self-respecting woman could do that knowing what was known prior to the election.

 

The fact that you're even asking these questions indicates that you really don't get how distasteful this is for so many people, women and men. I've looked at a lot of dating profiles and have yet to see one that said if you voted for Hillary they aren't interested... but it seems like as many as half or a third say no Trump supporters. Bottom line is, nobody owes you a chance to explain. It is what it is.

 

This is too specific about a specific politician and does not answer my initial question, but in a way deals with the follow up question of "what if your values align 95% with someone but he voted differently than you?" You just said you don't want to listen, understand, or reason but just want to hate people based on something as simple as how they voted.

 

If you want to talk about specifics about politicians send me a private message and I'll be happy to explain each and every concern you have with the pros/cons of anyone since I do listen and understand both sides of every issue/politician, but the purpose of this thread is understand how to tread politics in dating, not to discuss politics.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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"what if your values align 95% with someone but he voted differently than you?"

 

I think that within moderate voters, you might find something like 75% of similar values. (I think it would be a stretch to find 95% even with someone who votes the same!) And in this case of moderate voters, a relationship could happen. However, if we're talking far right conservative with far left progressive, the the values of each person are going to streets apart and most likely incompatible.

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max3732 Established Member

max3732

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I think that within moderate voters, you might find something like 75% of similar values. (I think it would be a stretch to find 95% even with someone who votes the same!) And in this case of moderate voters, a relationship could happen. However, if we're talking far right conservative with far left progressive, the the values of each person are going to streets apart and most likely incompatible.

 

Guess I'm thinking that limiting yourself to only people who voted the same way you did will restrict yourself from people with whom you may disagree on a few issues, but may still share the same core values. I don't know what the % would be. You're probably right about the 75%

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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Politics these days isn't even about issues. It's almost pure tribalism and mating with the other tribe is a strict no no to many people and that is their right.

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heavenonearth Established Member

heavenonearth

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So you're not open minded enough to listen to why you might be wrong about your characterization of what you think other people believe? If someone fights racism, loves animals and opposes hunting, is a huge supporter of women who fights sexual assault and voted differently than you you think it's right to condemn him and you won't listen to why he voted the way he did?

 

I think you know exactly what I meant and I don't appreciate you twisting my words to make it sound like I wrote something completely different.

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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I know tons of married people with differing political views...Even now...Some differ radically...

 

I know a lot of people that would consider me a friend(and I the same) that don't share the same political views...yet we are there for one another..

 

A mark of a well grounded and a person of strong character is the ability to disagree on these topics, yet still be able to care for one another either in the context of a relationship or friendship...

 

Believe me, OP....The last thing you ever want is an intolerant person in your life...just move on from those people...And it's probably a very good reason they are single...

 

TFY

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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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A mark of a well grounded and a person of strong character is the ability to disagree on these topics, yet still be able to care for one another either in the context of a relationship or friendship...

 

The mark of a well adjusted adult is to know what they require in their lives for peace of mind, home and heart and avoid anything or anyone that interferes or threatens that peace.

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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The mark of a well adjusted adult is to know what they require in their lives for peace of mind, home and heart and avoid anything or anyone that interferes or threatens that peace.

 

I'd never want that weak of a person in my life, because life,work, family, etc will present the same obstacles...What do you do then?? Hide in the closet?

 

But hey, if that suits you, have at it...;)

 

TFY

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JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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Just from this site, I learned that there’re people who don’t date a man below 6’, a woman with big feet, a single mother, a guy who is not black, a woman who is physically out of shape, a guy without a college degree. OP: You’d be really busy if you want to argue with people’s personal preferences. If I recall, you don’t date single mothers, right? Imagine people trying to convince you to be open-minded to single mothers, wouldn’t it be unproductive?

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amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

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I'd never want that weak of a person in my life, because life,work, family, etc will present the same obstacles...What do you do then?? Hide in the closet?

 

But hey, if that suits you, have at it...;)

 

TFY

 

I know a very successful businessman who has NEVER voted. Like EVER! And he's in his 50's.

 

I wouldn't even want to think of the verbal lashing he'd get dating a politically charged person. Truth is he's too busy working hard and making money to care about politics.

 

I envy that. The apathy towards politics, not his money.

 

But you're right, everybody should be able to get along with anyone regardless of party lines. Not being able to would suggest to me a serious character flaw. Like you say, weak.

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Mrin Established Member

Mrin

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I would not date a Trump supporter. A Trump voter yes but not a current supporter. It is a character thing.

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William Established Member

William

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Given two different moderators have posted directives in this thread and I've now suspended a couple members for ignoring us, as promised, let's get back to this:

 

There was someone I really liked who voted differently than me in the past 2 elections but neither of us cared because we understood the reasons for the votes and agreed to disagree on a few issues, but also had a lot of common ground. Do people not think like that anymore?

 

More importantly, should I take my political views down from my profile on eharmony/match? How should I handle it in general both online and in person?

 

You're reminded this is the Dating forum and the focus shall be on relationships, not politics. Thanks!

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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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I'd never want that weak of a person in my life, because life,work, family, etc will present the same obstacles...What do you do then?? Hide in the closet?

 

No--I take precautions to make sure we are completely compatible long before they become that entrenched in my life. I don't just stick my head in the sand about how someone is and hope it'll go away or dissolve on its own. I get clarification from them early on on their views, thoughts, habits, etc., and from there I decide whether or not they get a berth in Kendahke Harbor.

 

If you have the time to sit and constantly argue with someone who doesn't agree with you, then have it--whatever floats your boat.

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
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No--I take precautions to make sure we are completely compatible long before they become that entrenched in my life. I don't just stick my head in the sand about how someone is and hope it'll go away or dissolve on its own. I get clarification from them early on on their views, thoughts, habits, etc., and from there I decide whether or not they get a berth in Kendahke Harbor.

 

If you have the time to sit and constantly argue with someone who doesn't agree with you, then have it--whatever floats your boat.

 

Argue??:laugh:

 

You do realize people can respectfully disagree without getting apoplectic, butt hurt, or argumentative? Hopefully you can find your own little Utopia with all like minded drones...and they won't cause you any unnecessary mental strain..

 

I enjoy a mixed company, myself...;)

 

TFY

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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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Argue??:laugh:

 

You do realize people can respectfully disagree without getting apoplectic, butt hurt, or argumentative? Hopefully you can find your own little Utopia with all like minded drones...and they won't cause you any unnecessary mental strain..

 

I enjoy a mixed company, myself...;)

 

TFY

 

then by all means, you do you...

Veronica73 Established Member

Veronica73

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Speaking as an American... I don’t think politics is THAT much more polarizing than it used to be. And I think often, Democrats and Republicans have very similar values and goals, but disagree with how to get there. If political views are really important to you, why not put them out there? Why waste time getting matched up with somebody you wouldn’t be compatible with? I know politics is one of those things you aren’t supposed to discuss in polite company, but so is religion and not very many people would agree that you should hide your religious beliefs from a partner, or that they aren’t potentially important for a lot of people.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
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Guess I'm thinking that limiting yourself to only people who voted the same way you did will restrict yourself from people with whom you may disagree on a few issues, but may still share the same core values. I don't know what the % would be. You're probably right about the 75%

 

Again, it's going to come down to whether the people identify as moderates or far left/right. Those 'few issues' which the super conservative and super progressive disagree on are really going to come to a head when they have children.

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Juha Established Member

Juha

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Too many people take their politics way too seriously in the grand scheme of things. Meeting people is difficult enough.

 

I totally do not understand how/why people are so militant about this subject.

 

The politicians in Washington do not care about you, they take care of themselves, not us.

 

Life is too short as we have no power over what they do.

 

I have dated liberal and conservative and got along with them without issue.

As long as someone is not a complete loon on the far sides of both I give everyone a chance

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Lilkilgore Member

Lilkilgore

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WHen you say politics, do you wanna who you voted for or what your core beliefs are? The former usually isn’t enough of a reason to not date someone but the latter might be

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max3732 Established Member

max3732

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WHen you say politics, do you wanna who you voted for or what your core beliefs are? The former usually isn’t enough of a reason to not date someone but the latter might be

 

Well said. I think that's the fundamental issue here. If your core beliefs are different from someone I can see that it would not work out. Voting differently doesn't mean your core beliefs are different, but apparently some people are so passionate about voting for/against someone that they don't want to look at the core issues.

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littleblackheart Established Member

littleblackheart

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Unless we are talking very extreme cases, you core values are completely intertwined with who you vote for - I had to vote for the current French president even though I'm not too keen on his politics only to avoid the far right leader, but would never have given him my vote under normal circumstances. My vote in that instance was bound by civic and moral duty to vote against racism, religious bigotry, nationalism and protectionism.

 

My core political (and general) values are fairness, compassion, empathy, cooperation and diplomacy - unless someone can explain rationally how who they vote for tally with that, we are not compatible at all.

 

OP, can you give an example of the 20% that separate you from your date?

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