Losing out on dates due to politics

[max3732]

With both online dating and in person I've run into problems with people refusing to even talk to you based on how I vote. Obviously people have the right to date whoever they want, but it's pretty discouraging to see profile after profile that say things like "if you're a drug addict, unemployed, are violent or vote X then swipe left". In all the profiles I've looked at I've only seen one that said she voted the same way I did (major political party, not an unusual 3rd party).

 

There was also someone I met online and was planning to meet and beforehand she told me her politics and flat out asked me mine and when I told her she said it would be better not to meet.

 

On match and eharmony it asks you your political view and I answered honestly (their question ranges from very liberal to very conservative). Now I'm thinking part of the reason I don't get more responses may have to do with my answer.

 

There was someone I really liked who voted differently than me in the past 2 elections but neither of us cared because we understood the reasons for the votes and agreed to disagree on a few issues, but also had a lot of common ground. Do people not think like that anymore?

 

More importantly, should I take my political views down from my profile on eharmony/match? How should I handle it in general both online and in person?

[Art_Critic]

I would take those views down, I would never put them in a profile and feel those views are better discussed face to face, however political views that mesh seem to be the better match..

 

I couldn't stomach someone who would swipe left because of who you voted for, how judgmental that is and it shows that they are closed minded.

[Woggle]

We live in very polarizing and divided times so just try and find somebody who has your politics or can at least agree to disagree.

[carhill]

I remember my exW told me when we were dating that she almost didn't contact me because my e-mail sounded like a flaming liberal and she was a gun-toting conservative. She calmed down a bit after getting to know me. Myself, I don't pay much attention to that stuff, growing up in a family where disparate political views were expected and respected and overshadowed by the love of the family. These days though, respect is gone and it's a free-for-all, so up to you. I'd probably not get into politics in a dating profile. It's a cruel inhospitable world out there and there are people out to destroy you if you give them an opening. War is coming. Maybe you'll get a war bride out of the deal.

[mortensorchid]

It's so bad to talk politics with anyone anymore. Doesn't matter what side you are/are not on, you'll always find someone who is even further to the left/right then you are. And people are so ignorant, they don't admit that there are things that they don't know or think they know other things. Horrible. But I digress ...

 

How to handle it? I would not include said information on profiles. If someone does include this information on theirs, there are a few things you can do. First if the person is completely opposite of you then you should not pursue it any further. If you do connect with someone, once you meet face to face, then decide to pursue it, you can bring some things up if you wish. If you find this person is not on the same page as you, then you can consider otherwise.

 

I never discuss politics with anyone. I'm right wing and conservative, but I don't bring it up to others. It's not their business how I vote, and it's none of mine what they do either. But then again I've learned many a lesson in being burned / hurt by others in many ways as to talk about myself as little as possible to others so they don't take things and use them against.

[Lotsgoingon]

I hear you brother ... But here's the thing ... I think politics was a factor before the present before XX was elected and things became so loudly polarized.

 

In fact, it was such a rare thing that James Carville was married to Mary Matalin ... Carville who ran Clinton's 92 campaign and Matalin who ran George H. Bush losing campaign to Clinton.

 

Their marriage got lots of attention because people were already sorting based on politics.

 

The new development is that people aren't even going on first dates with people who voted for a different person ... In the past, I think people got first dates ... but then largely didn't click ...

 

Keep looking ... You'll find some confident people out there ... Lead with your strengths in your profile ... whether your humor, your warmth, your kindness, your fun side ... Lead with that ... and you might wanna say you don't expect to agree with your date's politics ... if that is indeed the case.

 

That's my best try at a nonpartisan, non-polarizing answer.

[snowboy91]

These days politics divides people in a pretty major way. I'd say that differences in political opinion could be a type of incompatibility in a relationship, so even if you decide to keep it hidden from a dating profile, the difference will manifest itself further down the track anyway. Which is why it's put there as a description on a dating profile in the first place, people with differing political views generally have different outlooks on life that are hard to reconcile.

[salparadise]

"if you're a drug addict, unemployed, are violent or vote X then swipe left".

 

More importantly, should I take my political views down from my profile on eharmony/match? How should I handle it in general both online and in person?

 

You think they'll fall in love before they figure out that you're a Trumpeteer? Nope, it's like saying you're 6'4" when you're 5'3". It will soon be obvious. Of course you could then try and convince them that lying is the new normal along with misogamy, xenophobia, racism, narcissism, teensie weensie vocabulary, the evil free press and fake news.

 

Just do as they ask, save them the grief, and swipe left. You made this bed... why do you think you shouldn't have to suffer consequences? If they don't want to date a trumpeteer it's their right to say no. Sheesh!

Edited July 3, 2018 by salparadise

[2much4]

There's a lot of women who voted same as you! Your dating pool really isnt that small.

 

I would still take it away from your profile. You might turn things around with some women. I know for me it's a dealbreaker. I'm not american though.

[Grey40]

Don’t post political views and don’t discuss them with people ever. It’s 100% pointless. You’re not going to change peoples minds, so don’t waste your breath. Vote privately for whoever you want and keep your views to yourself. If more people did that, we would have much happier times.

Edited July 3, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Woggle]

I would just be honest about it. You have your views and if you ever do get into a relationship you can't hide them forever. People can take it or leave it.

 

Another thing is there are plenty of women who like Trump. Not the majority but he got more the white women vote than anybody expected. You couldn't pay me to vote for the guy but facts are facts. I know a few women who voted for him in secret and have only told a few people. What people say and people do is often very different.

[Logo]

 

Don’t post political views and don’t discuss them with people ever. It’s 100% pointless. You’re not going to change peoples minds, so don’t waste your breath. Vote privately for whoever you want and keep your views to yourself. If more people did that, we would have much happier times.

 

 

Political views are going to eventually rear their head in a conversation. Why waste time when compatibility is going to be an issue?

Edited July 3, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Andy_K]

More importantly, should I take my political views down from my profile on eharmony/match? How should I handle it in general both online and in person?

 

Probably, yes. It's unlikely to do you any favours. Especially given the snap judgements you'll be subjected to.

 

In person, feel free to offer your opinions but avoid getting into arguments about politics. They are often caused because most people see politics in either black or white. Anyone who treats politics more like religion than science is not worth debating, if you meet someone like that you need to shut down any political talk ASAP. They don't allow for shades of grey, for seeing flaws on both sides.

 

For example, I think trump is obviously smarter than he pretends to appear, and understands capitalism well. He's very good for your economy, and seems genuinely patriotic. On the other hand, his climate change denial I am strongly against, and I'll quite readily point out he's got some serious character flaws.

[Andy_K]

Psychologically speaking, there's a good explanation for political feeling in the book 'Thinking, Fast and Slow'. Essentially, when you ask someone 'what do you think of policy X', their instinctive (fast) mental reaction is to substitute that question with a different (quicker, easier) one, like 'How do I feel about the politician or party suggesting the policy?'. That leads to near instant feedback that it's a great or terrible idea, and only afterwards do they start to think selectively about what reasons there are to support their feeling.

 

It's all backwards! Have a politician someone hates suggest an idea they should love, and they'll do all sorts of mental gymnastics trying to think of underhand, shady reasons and hidden agendas for the proposal. It's quite a feat to behold.

[act00]

There are things we don't discuss in polite company - religion, money, and politics. I think that it's totally fine to put up in a profile the basics catholic/athiest/democrat/republican, as this brings you more in line with people like-minded, but there will be people who won't even sniff in your direction due to these issues...so choose what to share and what not to share and the things most important to you. You seem to be a someone who is very into politics and talk about these things a lot, and you are likely seeking the same...conversation...so it's more important that these interests are highlighted. It's no different than someone who is highly athletic and is off climbing mountains and riding their bike every weekend...they don't want to be with someone who is less athletic and wants to spend their weekends at home. It's the same as someone who is highly religious and seeks a mate of the same faith with the same values. It's compatibility and deal-breakers...and with certain issues, you're not going to get the interest level because the person simply won't entertain the incompatibility. If politics and discussion of such topics isn't very high on your priority list, I don't see the point in bringing it up, particularly in this divided and highly charged society.

 

Politics is going to be more highly charged than other issues, so expect this to be a deal-breaker, particularly if you are one to want to discuss politics and events related. Be glad you have the ability to weed out the riff-raff beforehand. Sure, you feel like you're missing out on some good people, but vastly differing views is going to be problematic...some can survive it, many don't.

[Robert]

The topic of this thread is not politics, who you voted for and anything like that.

 

 

Let's post on topic posts please, thanks

[kendahke]

 

More importantly, should I take my political views down from my profile on eharmony/match? How should I handle it in general both online and in person?

 

No. That's lying by omission right out of the gate. You're going to have a discussion on it eventually and she will stop returning your calls because you presented yourself one way when you are, in fact, the polar opposite.

 

Why are you now ashamed of your views? Because the women you find attractive don't have the same world view as you? You shouldn't be--it's what makes you you.

 

If you were grown enough to vote for who you voted for, be grown enough to take the buttwhippin' for standing in that truth. That's what being an adult is about. If your convictions are so on the side of right for you, then stand in that until someone who thinks like you comes along and wants to proceed with you.

Edited July 3, 2018 by kendahke

[Zippy2000]

Politics and romance don't mix.

[ElKay]

First guy I dated told me about his voting beliefs and, even if I tried ignoring it and fell for him, his views came out in the relationship in other ways and that caused problems.

I believe that it's good to stick to certain dealbreakers before your heart gets involved.

For example, I spoke with one guy who was interesting, up until he told me he didn't like dogs because he didn't like feeding/walking them... And he felt like his time could be better used reading up trivia... What the heck? As an animal lover, I sticked to my guns and cut it short there.

 

If they're mentioning that politics so early on, it's important for them, so just respect that. Not going on those dates will save you both time.

[SevenCity]

OLD exasperates everything which is often overlooked in person.

 

Your age, your height, your political views, etc. Women are inundated and need to filter, don’t help them.

 

[]

It’s a numbers game. Take the political stuff down.

Edited July 3, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Content ignoring Robert's directive redacted

[stillafool]

Just tell them you didn't vote and see how that one goes.

[darkbloom]

Girls are probably going to examine your character closely based off your political views. []. My advice would be to take it down.

Edited July 3, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Content ignoring Rober's directive redacted

[William]

I saw a report on this thread turning into a bash-fest with the politics of the day at the forefront, not the topic of the thread which is dating, and noted a substantial cleanup and directive by Robert, including disciplining members for private missiles at each other.

 

Here's how it will go, since I do most of the political moderating. Do discuss the politics of the day in our political forum. It's wide open to all points of view. Do discuss personal dating experiences and issues in this forum.

 

Inject politics and political rhetoric into our relationship forums at your own peril. I'd suggest avoiding it. Slippery slope to the ban hammer. Up to you. Enjoy the 4th. Thanks!

[alphamale]

Politics and romance don't mix.

 

I would tend to agree....especially early on in the relationship

[Garlend]

I'm married to a woman who shares virtually identical views on everything anyway, so I don't have to deal with such contention. But, if I were single and seeking a meaningful relationship, I would honestly lay all my cards on the table after the first few dates with a prospective partner, because I NEVER compromise my convictions for ANY reason. And I wouldn't want to share my life with someone who would.

 

However, if I were simply seeking a frivolous date with someone (who was likewise doing the same), I'd simply keep my mouth shut about such controversial matters, because once we both accomplished our temporary intentions, we would be parting company anyway. So why spoil a momentary bit of pleasure by shooting yourself in the foot.