Unrequitedlover Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 I have lived a very sheltered life with home schooling and going to an all-girls schools. All this changed when I started College for the first time some months ago. I got to know a few people and found my first male friend. I didn’t tell anyone of my past and tried to hide my inexperience with things with just follow the stream (while having a few boundaries). Lets call my guy friend “Jim”. We had an embarrassing drunk experience which I made a big deal out of. He is a chill person and didn’t understand why I was so embarrassed. After that I started to act cold and distant towards “Jim”. A mutual female friend that is not afraid to be very sexual with her joking started paying him attention. I think they became friends-with-benefits or that he really likes her. I got very confused but still liked “Jim”. He seemed to go from being very annoyed with me, being attentive and caring to looking like he wanted F me every other day. He never initiates contact first on social media, and I stopped doing it too. But when I get drunk I start sending him texts. I don’t understand why he engages with me when I have been drinking if he has zero interest in me?? I would have just ignored the person. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Because young men want sex. When they are in college they want to sex as many women as humanly possible. Even the ones who are not in college want a lot of sex. It's just that on campus there are hundreds of girls to want sex with. A guy who actually wants to date you first and spend time with you is what you should be looking for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 He's just hoping you're drunk enough to let him come have sex with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fredflint Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 I have lived a very sheltered life with home schooling and going to an all-girls schools. All this changed when I started College for the first time some months ago. I got to know a few people and found my first male friend. I didn’t tell anyone of my past and tried to hide my inexperience with things with just follow the stream (while having a few boundaries). Lets call my guy friend “Jim”. We had an embarrassing drunk experience which I made a big deal out of. He is a chill person and didn’t understand why I was so embarrassed. After that I started to act cold and distant towards “Jim”. A mutual female friend that is not afraid to be very sexual with her joking started paying him attention. I think they became friends-with-benefits or that he really likes her. I got very confused but still liked “Jim”. He seemed to go from being very annoyed with me, being attentive and caring to looking like he wanted F me every other day. He never initiates contact first on social media, and I stopped doing it too. But when I get drunk I start sending him texts. I don’t understand why he engages with me when I have been drinking if he has zero interest in me?? I would have just ignored the person. You made a big deal out of a situation then started acting cold with him, and then things got weird between you two. I'm not sure what you expected to happen? Of course things got weird. If you are asking whether he's interested in you, yes he might be for sex. But you might have ruled yourself out as relationship material by the way you have acted. Moral of the story is: if you want a straightforward relationship, be straightforward with people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unrequitedlover Posted June 25, 2018 Author Share Posted June 25, 2018 I have made other male “friends” during my semester but the moment I turn them down they slowly fade out of my life – which is fine. It’s different with this guy. I have met his parents, been invited to watch him play and meet his “core” friends. Sure, when I acted cold towards him he shifted his attention, but we remained friends. Not that much changed really, it just became a bit awkward. I haven’t slept with him or anything yet, but it would be weird if he saw me as someone he just wants to sleep with. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 I haven’t slept with him or anything yet, but it would be weird if he saw me as someone he just wants to sleep with. Why would that be weird? Women generally need to feel loved to have sex. Men generally need to have sex to feel loved. Men don't think the same way women do. Especially if he's getting easy sex from other girls at your school he may not want to deal with the commitment & the effort which will be required to date you. You need to stick to your guns & wait for the right guy to have sex but do understand that choice to have some self respect will cause many young guys to opt out because of the effort required. That is OK; it's their loss. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unrequitedlover Posted June 25, 2018 Author Share Posted June 25, 2018 Why would that be weird? Women generally need to feel loved to have sex. Men generally need to have sex to feel loved. Men don't think the same way women do. Especially if he's getting easy sex from other girls at your school he may not want to deal with the commitment & the effort which will be required to date you. You need to stick to your guns & wait for the right guy to have sex but do understand that choice to have some self respect will cause many young guys to opt out because of the effort required. That is OK; it's their loss. Yeah, I see that now.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unrequitedlover Posted July 3, 2018 Author Share Posted July 3, 2018 How to know if a guy is interested or only likes the attention you give him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 Does he talk to you? Does he initiate or is all contact driven by you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unrequitedlover Posted July 3, 2018 Author Share Posted July 3, 2018 Does he talk to you? Does he initiate or is all contact driven by you? Yes, he does talk to me. He only initates when I stop sending him stuff after a while. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 He's interested when he engages in conversation with you, ask you lots about you, and remembers what you tell him. If you feel it's one sided then yes he's a receiver not a giver. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 Yes, he does talk to me. He only imitates when I stop sending him stuff after a while. If this is the case, you are not giving him the right signals.....just because you text him, doesn't mean you interested either. You need to be flirty to entice him...that will pull him in to chase. It's a dance. There are some guys that are unsure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 Are you referring to this guy? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/659048-i-don-t-understand-him I'd reckon it's safe to say that you pulling back turned him off. You could try talking with him. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 Hah well he just wants sex and since you won't shell out he ain't gonna put in any effort. he isn't looking for a GF. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unrequitedlover Posted July 3, 2018 Author Share Posted July 3, 2018 Are you referring to this guy? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/659048-i-don-t-understand-him I'd reckon it's safe to say that you pulling back turned him off. You could try talking with him. Yes, but I have a previous experience from another guy who just liked the attention I gave him. And I see some similarities. He contacted me again first last week because I have been pulling away. He was out drinking but I just kept thinking he contacted me to use as a ego boost because he knows I’ll respond. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 Yes, but I have a previous experience from another guy who just liked the attention I gave him. And I see some similarities. He contacted me again first last week because I have been pulling away. He was out drinking but I just kept thinking he contacted me to use as a ego boost because he knows I’ll respond. Hey if that is what your gut is telling you then stop wasting your time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grey40 Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 Has he asked you out on a date yet? Have you mentioned going out yet? If the guy doesn’t ask you out, he’s not interested or he’s really shy and you’re going to have to do a lot of work to make it happen. Up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 Yes, but I have a previous experience from another guy who just liked the attention I gave him. And I see some similarities. He contacted me again first last week because I have been pulling away. He was out drinking but I just kept thinking he contacted me to use as a ego boost because he knows I’ll respond. Find someone else, someone who doesn't play hot and cold all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unrequitedlover Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 I texted him today, sober, and he answered. I guess I'll try to keep him as a friend again if that works out. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 Why are you trying to keep this guy as a friend if you don't trust his motivations? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 Just be careful about the drinking, ok. Bad things happen when people are drunk and boundaries are forgotten... Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 I have made other male “friends” during my semester but the moment I turn them down they slowly fade out of my life – which is fine. It’s different with this guy. I have met his parents, been invited to watch him play and meet his “core” friends. Sure, when I acted cold towards him he shifted his attention, but we remained friends. Not that much changed really, it just became a bit awkward. I haven’t slept with him or anything yet, but it would be weird if he saw me as someone he just wants to sleep with. You don't seem to be the type to sleep around and best you don't get into that habit either. Really you want a guy to respect you but a lot of guys just want to have fun, drink, sex, drink, sex and then act like a fool. There are real great guys out there for you but got into the drinking crowd already to fit into that lifestyle. To be wanted by your peers. But it comes at a price too. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 (edited) You're dealing with a lot of social crap and the battle of the sexes that most of us experienced and resolve (not really) by the time we finished junior high or high school...alcohol and other "party enhancers" may or may not have played a role...it's a point in life of experimenting and learning social skills and social norms. Living a highly sheltered life and then sprung loose in college puts you behind the game. I was in private, religious school through 8th grade, but I was not highly sheltered otherwise...went to public school starting high school...lots of new things to learn, personalities. It went well for the most part. Went to college, moved from home, I went off the grid a little bit, we all do...some get back to reality faster, others take more time, others never seem to get back. One of the first things you learn when you're drinking is where your limits are...and stop accordingly. Yes, I have done time praying to the porceline god, and I have had sexual encounters I regret and calls, emails, and texts I regret....live and learn and don't do it again...be thankful you didn't pick up a life-long disease or pregnancy...let alone an unhealthy relationship...not yet...just stop. You're unhappy with this guy and this relationship. He texts back and entertains you and entertains the idea of sleeping with you, and the only time you text him is when you're plowed, and he's not interested in you unless you're drunk texting him...catch a clue...not interested...let him go. Texting rule 101: Don't drunk text...period (email, call). Just stop. **Stop drinking so much you're compelled to drunk text him in the first place. Remove his number from your phone so you don't do something stupid when you're inebriated, or change his name to "DO NOT CONTACT" in your address book. Bottom line? Control your drinking. You've gone off the rails, sweetie. You're tasting your first taste of freedom without being highly controlled in all areas of your life, and you, as an adult, for the first time in your life, are REQUIRED to find your boundaries and stick to them, and this is 100% ON YOU. How many drinks did it take you to find yourself either in bed or texting with shame? Stop one drink prior to that tipping point...lots of water and eat something. Own your actions, learn from them, and don't do it again. Life is an experiment, and when something isn't working for you, make a change. Your whole post revolves around excessive drinking and poor choices as a result...stop drinking to excess...you can control your intake and have had enough experience to know when you're reaching excess. Stop texting this guy. You're a mess, and you don't know what you're doing or what you want, and you need to deal with yourself first...he's not it, and he doesn't want to be your social experiment. Get your ducks in a row...then date. Edited July 8, 2018 by act00 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unrequitedlover Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 Why are you trying to keep this guy as a friend if you don't trust his motivations? Because I feel I was the one that messed up, not him. After I turned him down (sex) he didn’t seem that interested but we remained friends. I developed feelings for him but didn’t know what direction I wanted our relationship to move in. I feel like I was all over with mixed signals. Act00's post is pretty spot on about the situation. "Living a highly sheltered life and then sprung loose in college puts you behind the game." I felt really pressured to fit in with the others and try to catch up with what I have missed out on (and still do). I need to get it together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unrequitedlover Posted August 16, 2018 Author Share Posted August 16, 2018 It's so annoying. I feel that he is very responsive, but I'm doing all the esqualating. He kind of mirrors whatever investment I give him (time, attention, texting) right back at me, but never more or less! Like, I don't know if we have fallen into this pattern where he just kind of just go with the flow and I'm the one deciding where I want things to to go. Ugh Link to post Share on other sites
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