LostInLimbo Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 Hi All, been so long since I have posted and I will try and make this as short as possible. I am dating a woman 43yrs old and have been for 6 yrs, I am a 47 year old male both living together in Canada, seeking advice from others...here goes... My GF belongs to a group with members based all over the world, she has a chance to goto a 3day event (done once a year) in the USA which is still to be confirmed if it will be paid for (another member (male) won an all paid for 3day package to this event) and has said if he is able to take a guest and can get it paid for the the event hosters, she (GF) is welcome to attend as his guest. (there are other winners in this event as well, not just the one individual) so there will be a group of them Here is where I would like feedback, I have an issue with this because I don't feel comfortable for a couple of reasons 1. She doesn't know him, only as another Member 2. Its a Male which kinda bothers me. I told her how I felt about this and she said ok she wouldn't go (not angrily) but I feel if she doesn't go, I am going to feel very guilty because its a one in a lifetime chance for her and feel it could be selfish on my part? I would love feedback from others outside my circle as I know my friends most likely will say its wrong, which doesn't make their opinion necessarily right.. If that makes sense? Thanks Everyone... LiL
Art_Critic Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 Don't you trust her ? you have been together 6 years. Are they to have separate sleeping quarters ? If they are I think you are freaking out over nothing, you need to learn to trust her and her decisions... Now.. if she has given you reason to think she will cheat, such as done it before then my advice isn't good...
Author LostInLimbo Posted July 3, 2018 Author Posted July 3, 2018 Don't you trust her ? you have been together 6 years. Are they to have separate sleeping quarters ? If they are I think you are freaking out over nothing, you need to learn to trust her and her decisions... Now.. if she has given you reason to think she will cheat, such as done it before then my advice isn't good... Thanks Art Critic..your right, a bit of it is a trust issue and thank you for that feedback, what concerns me is she doesn't know the person making this offer which I am looking as more as a safety issue than trust issue, because she has never really given me any reason to not trust her... We both came from a relationship where we have been cheated on, so I won't deny, it enters my mind, but I also won't let it come in the way of my decisions.... Thnx
Lotsgoingon Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 (edited) Look tell her how much you like her ... and own up to your fears ... including your fear that your fears are unwarranted. Tell her you want to support her in her growth and advancement. Explain nondefensively that going as this guy's guest just triggers something in you ... This kinda reaction can happen ... because ... well ... because we're still f-ing mammals ... Don't be afraid to take the long way around this problem. Can you guys afford paying for her to go to this convention? ... Might be worth it for your piece of mind. The truth is ... the guest thing does have baggage ... and lots of guys try to slyly use "guest" gifts to home in on a woman ... But the other truth is that this guy may be an ok guy and have no sights at all on your partner. Indeed were the tables turned and some hot looking woman (you didn't necessarily know) invited you to a convention as her guest, might trigger your partner's fears as well ... Can you guys pay for this yourselves ... especially if this is a great thing for you partner? Any chance you can give her this trip as a gift? Edited July 3, 2018 by Lotsgoingon
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