Madwonderland13 Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 Where to start? I was in a relationship with a person for 9 years, the last 3 were engaged (long term for my schooling) and two days after my birthday in August the "love of my life" tells me he's just decided he's not in love with me anymore. We had been living together for the last three years in our first little apartment and he was the one paying for everything because he wanted me to focus on school. In that three years he (ex-fiance) was working at Walmart and due to the company recognizing common law marriage I was the 'wife' and got to know virtually everyone at the store. Come to find out my ex-fiance had been cheating on me for a YEAR with a coworker dubbed his 'work-wife' that he had actually introduced me to so that I would have more girlfriends. I had actually helped this woman remodel her new house as she slept with my then fiance. The blowout was massive and the whole store knew about it, I couldn't go in there without someone asking how I was doing and being told I had the support of the store because of the ****ty things they had done. One of the people I had met through my ex-fiance was one of his friends and we hit it off instantly. We obviously didn't do anything because I was with then fiance, he was his friend just yeah... Fast forward to a couple of months after the breakup and his friend and I start casually talking. Soon enough that progresses as we realize we do indeed have feelings for each other and we had a thing. Unfortunately, he had all of these rules in play like not dating anybody associated with the Walmart family and by way of my ex had gotten fully dragged into the Walmart family. We stopped talking and it really hurt but I started to move on wishing things were different. Fast forward again to roughly a month and a half ago. He's back and we have basically picked up where we left off at only now there is a catch. I went in for a doctors appointment back in March and got the crushing news that I had HSV-1 Antibodies even though I had never and still haven't had a breakout of anything. I then find out that my ex-fiance had contracted herpes from the girl he had been cheating on me with and passed it on to me. Once I found out I talked to his friend and told him to get tested and he responded with a 'I hope you didn't just ruin my life'. No ****. Imagine my surprise when he recently started pursuing me romantically again! That brings us to now. He tested negative and is worried that if we do anything he could contract it and then have to deal with disclosure and everything if we don't work out. I understand where he is coming from and am doing my damndest not to get too comfortable or get my hopes up but aside from that this guy is simply amazing. We have fooled around a little bit but no sex, and no kissing which kind of hurts that because of my ex I can't even have a simple kiss from the person I care about. He said he wants to take things slow and for us to get to know each other better before that but it is very hard to do. It's been over a month now and I'm still keeping my guard up just in case he decides that it's not worth the risk and calls everything off. What should I do? I'm not about to write him off because I do understand where he is coming from, however I also have needs. Sorry for this being so long!
preraph Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 Well, I have good news. You only have the mouth herpes. 50-80 percent of adults have it. By the time people are 50, 90 percent of them have it! It's not a big deal! Herpes 2 is the kind that is mainly passed through sexual contact and is on your genitals. Now, I don't even know if the doctor will put you on a round of Acyclovir for mouth herpes. But if so, do it, because it is supposed to make it not last as long. Me and a lot of people I've known have had those fever blisters in the mouth that are Herpes 1 since we were kids. I mean, I'd tell you not to kiss when you have one, but they hurt like the devil, so you won't want to anyway. I mean, don't do oral on him if he has a cut or something, which is not likely. I really don't think you have to worry. Just make sure you heard the doc right that it's 1 and not 2.
Author Madwonderland13 Posted July 3, 2018 Author Posted July 3, 2018 It is definitely 1 instead of 2. However there are more and more cases of it being HSV-1 located down there lately so that's his concern. I've mostly come to peace with the diagnosis but it comes down to what he is comfortable with and if it is something he would be willing to risk. It's hard not to get too close because we talk every day, all day from 'good morning' messages to 'good night' messages. I hate that I am being punished for falling in love with someone and believing they were faithful. He acknowledges that I definitely got the raw end here but he still has his reservations. We both had a lot of drama going on recently as well so there hasn't really been time I guess for him to think about it. His 11 son that has been living with him for sometime now actually just moved to Missouri with his mother on Friday so he's dealing with that crushing blow. I'm doing whatever I can to support him through it and just to show him in general that I'm in it for the long haul.
Lotsgoingon Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 (edited) You got a lot going on ... So there's nothing wrong with slowing down. You have the breakup ... the betrayal that is part of the breakup ... You have the betrayal by the woman who hooked up with your ex. You have new relationship with your ex's friend. You have new diagnosis of HPV-1. Slow down ... do some activities, take care of yourself ... I worry that you are simply rebounding ... Regarding the HSV-1 ... you need to schedule an appointment with a doctor ... and clear out like a half our to 45 minutes ... And you need to ask every question you have ... yes, you want to ask all the specific, detailed, intrusive, sexually graphic questions that you want to ask. As another person said, my understanding is that a lot of people have had exposure to HSV-1 ... along with HPV as well ... I have a friend diagnosed with HSV-1 ... and as I remember, she basically decided not to "go down" on a guy ... for fearing of transmitting it ... and she held off on kissing a guy any time she sensed she was developing anything like a lip sore ... Not saying these are the recommended steps--just what she does ... But she encourages guys to go to the doctor before she sleeps with them. Anyway, sorry to hear of this ... but I think you want to chill for a bit ... You've been through a lot!!! Hang in there. This is no time for modesty or embarrassment ... get to a followup appointment with your doctor and ask every graphic question ... every one. Bring a girl friend if you're anxious and think you'll forget a question. Edited July 3, 2018 by Lotsgoingon
smackie9 Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 he's making it out to be YOUR problem and he needs to back off..hey it takes two to tango, and he is intentionally involved no matter what he says. Don't let him dump this on you. He chatted you up as much as you did with him.....it's been a two way street. Don't let him make you feel bad. You had no control over what happened with your ex, and this new guy is just as responsible getting involved as you with him. He's being a jerk IMO. Educate yourself and him with literature from your practitioner to help ease the situation.
Recommended Posts