gimlynick Posted July 2, 2018 Posted July 2, 2018 Soooo... I've met an amazing woman end of January, she's doing important high end studies, I work as a police officer. We start dating and we fall in love... Hard. Very hard. She tells this to her dad... Which freaks out and says that he is disappointed and that this has to stop. Three very stressy months later; exams are incoming; her dad kinda abuses her psychological to get rid of me... And she breaks ( but really... Her dad was saying horrible stuff as like she is throwing her future away, he isn't going to let me in the family, she will be put out of the family,... ). She breaks so hard that she kinda gets in a mental breakdown. We break up 1 month before exams, thanks to all the stress. We were planning a travel trip, future talks,... All the amazing stuff. And she was so strong back then... Being sure that after exams we will fight hard for it. To show her dad that I'm worth it. We agree to not talk anymore untill after the exams. We were still talking untill the week of her first examn and then we decided to really get silent because for her she couldn't handle the emotions and the stress that she gets from her dad and exams... Now, a couple of days after her last examn, I didn't hear a word from her. My heart is aching. I reached out, asked her to enjoy her time in a foreign country ( she is away for 1 month to do a study job abroad. ) She texted me back 'thanks, you too good luck with this and that'. But that was it... I reached out again and asked her how she was doing ( I asked her once during exams and she just texted 'please, not during exams I can't concentrate it's so hard'. Now she didn't even reply anymore... It hurts. Badly. we cried for each other so much in those messed up times with her dad bringing in trouble, and we cared and loved so much, realizing that we really have a strong connection emotional and psychical. Now things are gone, I feel like I'm very empty and that I can't even trust really amazing women anymore. Why isn't she replying... Even just a small 'hello, I'm fine, but sorry I go on with life and your not in it' would be enough for me now... I know she is struggling. She told me that she rather forgets me but that she can't. But why going for the easy solution... Her friends told me ( before the no contact period ) that she struggles immensely, that she hates her dad but that she can't leave him for a guy... I just don't know what to do. I know that people will say ' no contact, and if she wants you she'll reach out, but maybe then you are allrdy gone'. I'm thinking about blocking her on all social media, because I'm in a huge stalking mood right now and it's not healthy. But then... She doesn't deserve this I think. Thanks for reading this, I really had to vent out. I'm having a horrible time the last week.
d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 You are a cop. By definition you help people. It's what you do. You also rescue people. But she doesn't want to be rescued. She picked daddy not you. Accept that & move on You can't upend her family dynamic even if it's dysfunctional. How many times have you seen a victim run right back to their abusers? I know you want to help. But you are powerless here. Do cut ties & get off her social media before you are tempted to do something that will get you kicked off the force or worse. 1
ItIsNotMe Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 I had a similar relationshup issue. -> https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/656751-mixed-feelings-after-break-up If you have the patience, read it and learn don't to do my mistakes. If you're not patient enough: Long story - short. A year ago I started a new relationship with a girl 2 years younger than me - we both are medical students. First 3 months were like a fairy tale until I met her parents for first time. During our visit there (at her home because she's from another town) I felt that her parents didn't like and after we got home I asked her about it. She got angry, telling me that they have behaved really well to me and that I have no right to tell that. 10 days after my visit at their home, my ex GF wanted a sudden break up due solvable issue but without any warnings. I did my best to make her come back and I succeed. 1 month later we had a fight on the phone but we remained together. After 1 another month, she wanted again to break up so I let her go. But 1 day later we met again to give her back a shirt that she has forgotten at my home (we lived together) and during our conversation she told me that she has a secret from me which she wouldn't tell me. However I continued to try to make her come back and she did. But when I asked about her secret, she told me that she wouldn't tell me about it so I insisted to leave my home in such a case. She started crying and told me that I wasn't patient enough and if I had enough patience, the things would get better but I've messed everything up. We had 1 month of break up during which I was trying to text her, to apologize, to tell her how much I did love her and I will support her no matter of her secret. 1 month after our separation she reached out to congratulate me for my name day. We had a on-phone conversation when she explained me that her secret was that her parents did disapprove me. Especially her father. So we took the decision to have another, may be last, date and to speak in private. And we reunited. Next 2 months she was keeping me in a secret from her parents: - we had no free weekend to spend together - I couldn't phone her whenever I wanted (before our break up I could do it) - I had to wait her to call me when there was no one around - sometimes it took hours to respond my messages - I was really supportive to her for everything I could - exams, driving her with my car, accepting her to live with me, taking care of her for everything I could, making surprises just to see her smile & etc and despite all I was kept in a secret like sort of scumbag or criminal (I'm last year excellent medical student and I'm preparing to become a surgeon) 2 months after our reunion her mother already knew about us and told her husband (i.e. my ex's father) about us and they invited me to visit them because my ex's mother got really sick and I offered my help and the chance to stay at my home while he has been staying in my town for her treatment. However, the father was behaving like an as*h*le, obviously showing me his disapprovement. Then our relationship issues started again with arguments for this and that (small things) which she was initiating every day. Every time I said her that I've enough of her accusements, she would start threatening me to leave me if I can't bare with her behavior. And one day I knew that I had enough of it and when she threatened me to leave me for 4677696886784353-time, I pointed her the door and told her: the choice was yours. And she left in tears. 3 weeks later she started a new relationship. Why did I write all of those words? To show you that when someone truly wants to be with you, she will be, no matter of family disapprovement. If she's so scared from her father, the chances are really bad. You're a transitional person in her life but her father isn't. You could be replaced, but daddy - not. She may love you but her fear of being abandoned by her father is bigger than her feelings for you and she would continue trying to find the Nice Guy who her father would approve. Don't do my mistakes and stay away. It's for your own good. One day you would realize that it was just a waste of time with no perspective.
HumanMachine Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 I somehow don’t think it was her dad pushing to get rid of you....
Author gimlynick Posted July 3, 2018 Author Posted July 3, 2018 I somehow don’t think it was her dad pushing to get rid of you.... What do you mean? If you are saying that she just isn't into me, then I can call it complete nonsense. It was she that was looking for options, trying to convince her dad weeks in a row and even checking out to live in my place, but in the end she realized that she can not run away from her direct family. She has cried for me, trying to let things work out so much. She introduced me to her friends, they all accepted me and thought we were an amazing couple. My friends thought the same. We thought the same... It just works so smooth. Both same ideas about life, future, travelling, carreer... So nice What I think is that right now she wants to go for her studies. No space to fight for a boyfriend whom will never be accepted in her family, so she takes it rational and tries to ignore the heartbreak. Thank you Itisnotme for your reply. I've read your full story and the short one over here, I see my own things in your situation ( my gf is 5th year med school... And when I was 18 I did my entrance tests, was allowed to get in but then followed my dream to become an officier, and did not regret, most of the times ). Thanks for the text. I know that it is up to her. And if she really really wants me she will eventually come back I guess. But I'm afraid that she is to rational, she just skips thinking about her feelings and wants to achieve the goals set from her family ( lawyers, meds,... ) She did get kicked out when she was 18 and introduced a guy whom did not study either... But now she is 23... Crazy. Well I guess that I will have to think that she does not respect me, maybe this way I will let her perfect image fade away and I will see the bad aspects about her. My second relation where the crazy family has something to do with the break up. Great
Author gimlynick Posted August 12, 2018 Author Posted August 12, 2018 Two months later... She sended a postcard out of the place she was working 'a lot has changed, I am not sure that we will meet again when I am back'. So I called her, at the end she got emotional again, but stayed with her decision, but at the very end, her bye was a "hope to see you later"... So again, no closure for me, still with the idea that everything will be allright. 1st of august, she gets home... No text, nothing. I reach out, ask her if she is going to a couple of events that we would have gone to together, but she does not. I ask her to meet casual, her reply "I do not think that it would be a very good idea to meet again". This was 5 days ago, I did not reply anymore. Devastated. Again. 3 days ago, after two days of crying like a little child, I decided to delete her from all social media. I was spying again on all her profiles, wishing that she would make contact to meet... Since yesterday I finally feel relieved. The stress is fading away, emotions are easier to control. Still, since we broke up on excellent conditions ( both saying we still love eachother blablabla ), I still have this feeling that one day we will meet again. In another stage in life, where a daddy doesn't have this influence anymore on her. For now, I need to focus on myself and keep on staying on No Contact. If she wants me, she can call me right away, I did not block her phone number. It feels nice to share a story over here. Even if only 1 person reeds it, it feels good!
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