Malin889 Posted July 5, 2018 Posted July 5, 2018 Sorry - what does "white collar job" mean? I do feel bad for his daughter - what happened there that he had no relationship with her growing up, then didn't talk to her for 4 months and didn't even attend his grandkid's birthday? That to me is a red flag.
Happy Lemming Posted July 5, 2018 Posted July 5, 2018 Sorry - what does "white collar job" mean? Traditionally, a "white collar" job refers to an office job, clerical type work. A "blue collar" job is one in which the employee performs factory or manual work. OP stated, in a later post, that this was this gentleman's first "white collar" job. Based on my interpretation, I'm thinking it is a "desk job".
kendahke Posted July 5, 2018 Posted July 5, 2018 Yeah, there is no way in hell I'd ever do that either. The guy's self esteem is probably suffering from it. BF made the decision to work for me. I was looking to hire someone. He wanted a job change. It is his first white collar job. It is a drastic change for him but he likes it. This clown isn't some hapless git. He had a part in where he finds himself today. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 5, 2018 Posted July 5, 2018 I guess one interesting question is: BEFORE he worked for you, have you ever asked him to help by picking up your son? And did he agree? If yes, then the problem leans toward him not liking that you are mixing his work and boyfriend stuff (would be compounded by the fact that he thought maybe he was "moving up" in life and he is sensitive to the fact that you don't seem to need him for the job per se but to round out your family duties & authoritative about the things you ask/tell him to do; also your reaction would indicate that it's not ok to say no). If no you asked before he worked for you but he had resisted, then the problem leans toward him being selfish. I'm glad you talked to him about it & came to a semi-resolution. I think in my heart though that him working for you is going to be the death of this relationship. It can create a lot of resentment, imbalance, etc that will bleed into your relationship in spite of your best efforts to keep the lines from being blurred. It doesn't matter that he agreed. Sometimes people see an opportunity (easily handed to them and a jump up) but don't really consider the negatives or conflicts that will arise in taking the opportunity. They worry about those later & voila here we are. They will try to re-balance things once the initial excitement and positiveness of the obtaining the opportunity has passed. This is normal human behavior. Definitely in a workplace between normal boss/subordinate relationships and in your situation further complicated by your romantic relationship. Some bosses, by the way, feel like you always owe them--for the opportunity , for the break from blue collar work let's say--when in fact, if you feel the person is qualified and doing a good job and respectful, it's a pure exchange. His work for your paycheck to him. No one truly "owes" more than that. Some bosses have a tendency to insinuate or act as if more is "owed". This creates resentment and is common in corporate psychology. The moment you mix personal requests with work requests during work time in a boss/subordinate relationship it's a fast track to him feeling like that (or any other employee, I might add). Maybe because you have a personal romantic relationship with him it complicates you being able to see this. To you it's just all stuff you need to get done and he's your bf first and foremost. It'd been different if you had started the company together and were equals--guessing he would be able to see the pick up as purely as favor that you think it was. Anyway good luck
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