h.rassy Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 I’ve been in relationship with my gf for more than 2 years. In the beginning, I was working and I was able to handle my expenses and pay for the dates or buy her gifts. Currently, I am studying my master’s degree and I work part-time. I don’t earn much money but I earn enough to pay for the dates, movies, etc. I never ask my gf to pay, she thinks a man should be the one to pay in her culture, I don’t mind that and I am happy to pay for the dates. Once in a while, I do buy her gifts. I never buy anything for myself and eat my food in budget so I can save money for her. My parents are well off but I am 25 now and I don’t want to ask them for money at this point of life. Lately, I have been feeling a lot stressed with my finances and she mentioned she feels like she is dating a “poor” bf. I never take her to cheap restaurants or ask her to spend money. She says I should just ask my parents for more money but I don’t want to do that and she says I’m being egoistical. She works full time job and earns 60k a year. She does buy me nice clothes even though I tell her not to, I feel like I can’t return the favour and buy her gifts. Sometimes she asks me to buy certain things and gets pissed when I tell her she needs to wait so I can earn money for her gift. I don’t know what to do, I feel like she will leave me for another guy who has lots of money. I don’t know if she will wait 1 more year till I graduate. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 (edited) Lately, I have been feeling a lot stressed with my finances and she mentioned she feels like she is dating a “poor” bf. Well, let's face it. She is dating someone who is not financially well off. The fact that after 2 years, she says things like this to you, would indicate to me that she is not a good partner and is more interested in what you have rather than who you are. I would dump her and find someone who is more of a team player. Unless, you want your whole life to be like this! I don't see her changing even when you do graduate and get a good job she will still get annoyed when you can't afford to buy her a new yacht... But you've been told that many times in your previous threads yet here you are. Edited July 2, 2018 by PegNosePete 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 (edited) I never ask my gf to pay, she thinks a man should be the one to pay in her culture, I don’t mind that and I am happy to pay for the dates. ...she feels like she is dating a “poor” bf. I never take her to cheap restaurants or ask her to spend money. She says I should just ask my parents for more money but I don’t want to do that and she says I’m being egoistical. She works full time job and earns 60k a year. [...] Sometimes she asks me to buy certain things and gets pissed when I tell her she needs to wait so I can earn money for her gift. I don’t know what to do, I feel like she will leave me for another guy who has lots of money. I don’t know if she will wait 1 more year till I graduate. OMG! This is the perfect example of why those antiquated, 19th century attitudes should be dead and buried. What culture is she from if I may ask? So there are two sides to this thing, and unfortunately you are on the same side as her... which is the wrong side in my opinion. But you are right about one thing; you absolutely should NOT ask your parents to finance her rigid, selfish bullish*t. You're right to stick by your values with respect to paying your own way and prioritizing your education. The part you're screwing up is buying into her belief that paying for pussy should be your first priority. That's it in a nutshell. There are only two ways to resolve this, and both will require an adjustment on your part. 1) explain to your parents that you need financial help because your girlfriend has expensive tastes, traditional beliefs, and although she makes good money she prefers to bank her's and spend your's. 2) tell your little princess that she can either do her fair share or find another sucker with a bottomless bank account to drain. I hope you wise up man. And it's not that I don't feel for you... I know when you have feelings for someone that rationality often goes out the window. I don't give a damn what culture she's from, she's selfish and irrational... and this is the 21st century in the Unites States of America. I honestly think that you should have more self-respect than to be afraid she'll leave you for a guy with more money and be all stressed about not being able to pay up... why would you even want to keep a girlfriend on those terms? Edited July 2, 2018 by salparadise 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 I don’t know what to do, I feel like she will leave me for another guy who has lots of money. I don’t know if she will wait 1 more year till I graduate. Let her go. When she discovers he treats her like crap, she's going to be running back to you--and hopefully she will run into that locked door back to you because you went on to graduate, find a great paying job and a new girlfriend who isn't materialistic. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 If she is going to leave you for a guy with more money, well, she's not with you for the right reasons to begin with. Her attitude reeks of entitlement. Do not go asking your parents to bankroll her demands. If she can't understand why that is absurd, it's not your problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 I'm a woman and I'd never treat a guy that way. I met my ex-h when we were college-aged and was with him through his college/masters/law school. We never had any money during that time and I had no problem with that. After I finished law school he stayed home with no income for two years so he could write. I felt like we were on the same team, not like he should be footing the bill. I can't even imagine treating someone the way your gf is treating you. It's not just about her ethnicity. I have no doubt that there are plenty of that ethnicity that don't buy into that. Find a new gf. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 I think it's very reasonable to expect that she will be considerate during this time in your life when school is the focus, and finances are tight. I'm a woman, and I would never expect this of the man I was dating. She is showing you who she is and what is important to her. If your financial well being is not as as important to her as fancy dinners, well... that's not a good thing. It tells you what to expect in the future - you will carry the financial burden for the family and you will spend your life working to maintain her quality of life. Think about that, is that what you want for your life and your life partner? Link to post Share on other sites
CloudyHead Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 If this is an issue now, it will remain an issue in the future. Should you choose to get married, finances will come up at some point in the future (i.e. someone is ill, gets laid off, an expected standard of living cannot be met anymore, etc). You do not want a relationship wherein you have to work all the time to make your partner happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ElKay Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 My ex's were poor and, while it didn't bother me since I didn't mind paying for our dates and getting them things, that ended up wearing away at them. I often got told that they didn't deserve me. :/ Unequal finances can cause rifts, especially if it bothers one of the two or both in the couple. If it's a problem at this point, you need to address it or leave her. It's only going to cause more pain down the line. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 If she is making 60k a year and saying this about you while you go to school then she is showing you who she is... it's up to you to see and listen to it or not. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 I'm probably from the same culture that she is, and even I will say that her behaviour is indefensible. Yes, I've seen some of the other girls behave the same way, and I never understood why the guy puts up with it. In your place, I would tell her that if she cannot appreciate that you are already doing your best with what you have, she is welcome to look for another man. You would be dodging a bullet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 (edited) I’ve been in relationship with my gf for more than 2 years. In the beginning, I was working and I was able to handle my expenses and pay for the dates or buy her gifts. Currently, I am studying my master’s degree and I work part-time. I don’t earn much money but I earn enough to pay for the dates, movies, etc. I never ask my gf to pay, she thinks a man should be the one to pay in her culture, I don’t mind that and I am happy to pay for the dates. Once in a while, I do buy her gifts. I never buy anything for myself and eat my food in budget so I can save money for her. My parents are well off but I am 25 now and I don’t want to ask them for money at this point of life. Lately, I have been feeling a lot stressed with my finances and she mentioned she feels like she is dating a “poor” bf. I never take her to cheap restaurants or ask her to spend money. She says I should just ask my parents for more money but I don’t want to do that and she says I’m being egoistical. She works full time job and earns 60k a year. She does buy me nice clothes even though I tell her not to, I feel like I can’t return the favour and buy her gifts. Sometimes she asks me to buy certain things and gets pissed when I tell her she needs to wait so I can earn money for her gift. I don’t know what to do, I feel like she will leave me for another guy who has lots of money. I don’t know if she will wait 1 more year till I graduate. She's spoiled, you made it worst. You don't have to buy her so many gifts to prove how much you care about her. Why doesn't she help you and cook you dinner and you can save your money. Don't ask your parents for help. You need to work and make the money. If she makes 60K then she could take you out for dinner instead. If she huff and puff at that then she's not for you my friend. Your working hard job and school if she doesn't want to help you then she's no better than a lousy GF. Don't be taken for granted either you stand up to her. Tell her she can buy dinner she can better yet cook dinner. Go shopping for the food to prepare dinner for you both. She needs to grow-up and act like a lady, instead of spoil little brat! Edited July 2, 2018 by coolheadal Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 She says I should just ask my parents for more money but I don’t want to do that and she says I’m being egoistical. Its always going to be about the money with this one... Get rid of her. NEXT!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 I think I know why she's been around all this time...she sees your parents wealth and she wants a part of that action. She is putting the pressure on so you will go to your parents for money. Don't be so blind to this. When a crime occurs, you follow the money. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 I think I know why she's been around all this time...she sees your parents wealth and she wants a part of that action. She is putting the pressure on so you will go to your parents for money. Don't be so blind to this. When a crime occurs, you follow the money. I'm guessing she's just self-centered and entitled, not so much a grand plan for anything. I've seen quite a bit of this in the place where I grew up. One of the cases that sticks in my mind is a rather more insidious form of the same concept - a guy I know had an ex-girlfriend who would let OTHER guys buy her things, and then parade them to her boyfriend. "See, XYZ bought me this, why don't you buy me nice stuff??". It was absolute madness. I'm glad he finally saw the light and broke up with her. Link to post Share on other sites
CollinW Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 (edited) You just need to rip the bandaid off and end this without ruining your financial situation even further. This is exactly why it's dumb for men to take on this outdated idea of financial submission. What ends up happening is you spend thousands in the relationship and due to investing so much, you feel pressure to keep it up even under financial stress so your investment doesn't go to waste. This also causes men to put up with emotional abuse and disrespect. The woman nothing tangible so she has no problem challenging his contributions and causing tension since she has nothing to lose. At the end of the day if you break up the woman walks away with thousands saved and the man ends up either broke or in debt with nothing to show for it. At best he's out of money that could have been better invested in himself or the stock market. Stop allowing yourself to be a doormat under the societal pressure of old simps who associate masculinity with sacrifice and women who look to further sexist double standards that benefit them. Edited July 2, 2018 by CollinW 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 She's a gold digger & a mean spirited one that that. For your sake I hope she leaves you so that you can find a kinder partner. This chick will spend you into the poor house will always expect more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 Which part of the world is that? I've seen it with East Asian friends and thought it is crazy that they list what their BFs make and what they buy to them but seems like it's socially acceptable to do it there... However, it IS a major incompatibility. I've been doing that for an ex bf that was raised thinking he's entitled to other's people money (seriously if I was to go out to eat with him, he'd expect me to pick the whole tab, and same if he goes out with any of his friends /family - he'll offer to pay his part if and only if they complain about it ). Gosh I still remember how resentful I was towards the end. In the big scheme of things it was not that big of an expense, but the whole feeling of entitlement of him just burned my respect to him... BF and I now spend so very little on dating it makes me happy... makes me happy because it shows that dating doesn't need to be pompous and pretentious and grabbing some fast food and getting lost in the woods can be equally good if not better than eating out in expensive places. I wonder if the need to get outwards 'prove' of affection (with money or anything else) is a sign for a deeper issue in the relationship... I'm guessing she's just self-centered and entitled, not so much a grand plan for anything. I've seen quite a bit of this in the place where I grew up. One of the cases that sticks in my mind is a rather more insidious form of the same concept - a guy I know had an ex-girlfriend who would let OTHER guys buy her things, and then parade them to her boyfriend. "See, XYZ bought me this, why don't you buy me nice stuff??". It was absolute madness. I'm glad he finally saw the light and broke up with her. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 My cousin used to have a high maintenance gf like that. Both of them had a good job then, but his money is theirs and her money is hers. In fact, this mindset extended to other areas: She would insist that my cousin pick her up and drop her back home every single time. My cousin was a very generous guy, but it got old quick... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 Which part of the world is that? I've seen it with East Asian friends and thought it is crazy that they list what their BFs make and what they buy to them but seems like it's socially acceptable to do it there... Yes, East Asian society (although physically in a different part of Asia - long story, lol, suffice to say Asians move around a lot). It can get pretty insane. Like, an acquaintance of mine once posted a screenshot on FB of a bank transfer that her boyfriend made to her while she was studying overseas!! Of course she didn't say "LOOK AT THIS MONEY!", and was laughing about the sentence he wrote for the bank transfer details - but still. C'mon, girl. In that society, men do typically express love by buying gifts for the girls they are courting, or taking them out to dinner. I don't see anything wrong with that per se... but when it's mixed up with general selfish behaviour and entitlement it can get very, very ugly. I personally believe, and have always advised my male friends, that a girl who truly loves you will be OK with the gesture of gift-giving or treating her, in and of itself. She won't complain about the dinner costing too little or the gift being smaller in value than her friend's - because what matters is the thought behind it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 I don't buy this "this is her culture" thing. She knows she's not living in her culture and home country and she knows you're not a member of her original home group ... Can she figure out the stop lights here? ... The way the roads here are different than back home? ... That cars are different? ... If she can figure all that out, she can figure out that men and women are different here. She's using subtle psychological pressure on you. You got to take a stand. You don't owe her nice dinners ... If you and she are real ... you should be able to take her on a walk to the park ... and a low-budget place and she will still appreciate the time with you. Take a stand brother! ... Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 I don't buy this "this is her culture" thing. She knows she's not living in her culture and home country and she knows you're not a member of her original home group ... Can she figure out the stop lights here? ... The way the roads here are different than back home? ... That cars are different? ... If she can figure all that out, she can figure out that men and women are different here. She's using subtle psychological pressure on you. You got to take a stand. You don't owe her nice dinners ... If you and she are real ... you should be able to take her on a walk to the park ... and a low-budget place and she will still appreciate the time with you. Take a stand brother! ... While I agree with your advice in general, I think he's actually living in her country, if his previous posts are any indication. Link to post Share on other sites
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