c.a.f. Posted July 2, 2018 Posted July 2, 2018 Anyone get this? It's been over 3 months and we just saw each other for the first time since we split. I kinda initiated it a bit but in the end she invited me to her place at a certain time and I agreed. We met and consumed a burning substance together and spent hours talking about what we have been up to. I was feeling especially charismatic and made some pretty good jokes and mentally patted myself on the back a few times. Then she asked me if I wanted to play a round of a game we used to enjoy together. I hesitated there because in my mind I said I didn't want to be friends with her. So I declined and left. After a couple messages later that night, she's invited me over again next weekend. Is she trying to reconcile, or is she stringing me along? The ease of the conversation and the general comfort level with each other seemed like it kinda meant we're friends again, but that's not what I want. I want to pork her a couple times if she's willing, but other than that I don't want to be that ex she keeps around as a friend. If we were to remain friends, I'd have to at some point encounter a situation where it's been made clear she's boning someone else. I am expecting the situation will make me feel jealous (she was mine dammit), and pretending to be her friend after that would induce only more suffering. So why am I doing this to myself? Can I really handle her, or am I liable to fall into the same traps? Anyone been in this kind of situation, how did it turn out? Any tips to get her to bed?
snowboy91 Posted July 2, 2018 Posted July 2, 2018 The question you need to ask yourself is, what is it you want from her? Who initiated the break up in the first place? If you want to get back together with her, it is likely you will fall into the same traps that led to the breakup in the first place. The time you spent with her sounds a lot like a friendship which is likely how this will turn out, but its clear that you don't want that. As I mentioned, you need to work out what you want and be clear to her about it. 1
ElKay Posted July 2, 2018 Posted July 2, 2018 An ex is an ex for a reason. If you want to just sleep with her a couple times, make it clear, I guess?
overcome Posted July 2, 2018 Posted July 2, 2018 I would tell her that you're not interested in being friends but be civil about it. If she tells you that's all she wants, then it's up to you if you can handle that. I don't know you situation but it sounds like that would not work for you and would be painful. If she is interested in you, she'll let you know. Meet up again but this time make your intentions clear. You might want to leave out that you just want to bone her a few more times
kendahke Posted July 2, 2018 Posted July 2, 2018 Anyone get this? It's been over 3 months and we just saw each other for the first time since we split. I kinda initiated it a bit but in the end she invited me to her place at a certain time and I agreed. Is she trying to reconcile, or is she stringing me along? Why do you feel as if she's stringing you along? It sounds like you are the one who opened the door, not her, so it doesn't sound like she was the one trying to reconcile, but she wasn't going to be hamfisted about things, especially when it was 4:20 time. So why am I doing this to myself? Can I really handle her, or am I liable to fall into the same traps? Anyone been in this kind of situation, how did it turn out? I think you need to be truthful to yourself and to her about what your intention are. Are you trying to turn her into a FWB because sex is thin on the ground where you are and she'll do? Or do you actually want a full on relationship with her again, with its attending obligations? If she's your ex, then there's a reason why and yes, she may have someone else already taking care of that and while she likes you, she doesn't want to deal with all that comes with being with you, just the arm's length friendship you think she's offering. The only way to know is to directly ask her if she's seriously involved with someone else and if she's like to get together on a casual, NSA basis. Any tips to get her to bed? Well, weed didn't do the trick, so you're going to have to find a more ingenious way to get the keys to the sugar shack.
Author c.a.f. Posted July 18, 2018 Author Posted July 18, 2018 It has been 4 months since our breakup and we have only seen each other once, a couple weeks ago. We planned on meeting at a certain place and time again on another night, only she completely didn't show up. I didn't make a song and dance about it, but I texted her asking why she didn't show up. She responded by saying that she's so very sorry, and busy, and for some reason thought we were meeting on a different night. Highly dubious, but fine. I was NC for about a week after, and then she initiated contact letting me know that she hasn't "ghosted" me or anything, she's just very busy and next week she is working all weekend. Okay... and I'm just sitting here thinking why does she even bother to tell me that she's so busy? NC again until she lets me know a time when she's available. I try to confirm the time (actually shifted it a bit to work better in my schedule), but no response from her now for 2 days. She's trying to piss me off, right?
bathtub-row Posted July 18, 2018 Posted July 18, 2018 I'm a little confused. The two of you broke up but you're still making plans to see one another? What's that about? I don't know if she's trying to piss you off or not. She might be. Did you do something to piss her off and make her want to get back at you? Because what she's doing seems like passive-aggressive behavior, a form of retaliation, and/or being deliberately disrespectful.
Author c.a.f. Posted July 18, 2018 Author Posted July 18, 2018 I'm a little confused. The two of you broke up but you're still making plans to see one another? What's that about? I don't know if she's trying to piss you off or not. She might be. Did you do something to piss her off and make her want to get back at you? Because what she's doing seems like passive-aggressive behavior, a form of retaliation, and/or being deliberately disrespectful. Yes, well, we have known each other for years before we started dating, and we were together for many years so I don't know, we met up only the one time like 3 months after we broke up... I told her I don't want to be her friend, and she is blocked on my social medias still. She is aware that I do not want to reconcile. Before we met up we both kinda agreed it would be a bad idea, but once we actually met our conversations flowed. It felt like near the end of our relationship we kinda ran out of things to talk about, and so there was a lot of silence in our day to day lives. When we met we burned a couple hours just talking about stuff and I was the one to bring it to a close and part ways because I didn't want to drag the night out too long (and since I don't want to be her friend, staying too long might make it seem like we're friends). I don't think I did anything deliberately to make her mad, but I think for her she doesn't even need a justification for it, she just wants to piss me off or something.
PegNosePete Posted July 18, 2018 Posted July 18, 2018 It's very unlikely that she is deliberately trying to annoy you. Much more likely that she simply does not give 2 hoots about you, doesn't have any respect for you, and not much interest in actually meeting up with you. She gives it a bit of lip service to make herself feel better but then makes other plans with people she actually cares about. You were right when you said it was a bad idea to meet up. Why do you keep trying to do it if it's such a bad idea? 1
Author c.a.f. Posted July 18, 2018 Author Posted July 18, 2018 It's very unlikely that she is deliberately trying to annoy you. Much more likely that she simply does not give 2 hoots about you, doesn't have any respect for you, and not much interest in actually meeting up with you. She gives it a bit of lip service to make herself feel better but then makes other plans with people she actually cares about. You were right when you said it was a bad idea to meet up. Why do you keep trying to do it if it's such a bad idea? I'm not so sure. If she really didn't care about me, why did she break NC to tell me that she's been busy? Seems like if you don't care about someone, you wouldn't go out of your way to let them know how busy you've been. She wants me to believe she's living a crazy hectic life and maybe she'll have time for me if she can ever find the time in her hectic day. As for why I'm still contacting her: She's sexy so I'm interested in porking her a few more times before she finds another boyfriend.
d0nnivain Posted July 18, 2018 Posted July 18, 2018 I'm also in the camp of she's not deliberately trying to piss you off but you are also not a high enough priority for her now. She is somewhat polite & gave you a halfassed apology / explanation. You need to not bother about her at all.
Author c.a.f. Posted August 2, 2018 Author Posted August 2, 2018 I saw her again last night, and we both had a good time (but no sex). Today she's now asked if I want to either hike with her or visit an aquarium this weekend, or go to her place, or whatever I want (her words). I told her last time we met that I do not want to reconcile and I don't want to be friends, but I am okay with meeting and chatting like we had done. Why is she pushing these activities, it seems like she's trying to be friends with me? I think she is still feeling really guilty and she's trying to make herself feel better. But when we met it was obvious that I was not mad or anything, as the night was just as lighthearted and fun as when we were first dating. So she doesn't need to ease her guilt anymore that I think, but she could still be making sure I don't hate her or something? I'm not interested in a relationship with her, she is out of the books for potential mates for me. But the thing is, she's sexy so I want another crack at her crack. Does this seem possible, or is she really just trying to be nice and go out as friends?
Robert Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 3 running threads on this subject have been merged into one, thanks
Author c.a.f. Posted August 2, 2018 Author Posted August 2, 2018 3 running threads on this subject have been merged into one, thanks My bad, I'll try to keep this topic contained 1
Highndry Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 Today she's now asked if I want to either hike with her or visit an aquarium this weekend, or go to her place, or whatever I want (her words). This doesn't seem difficult at all. You go to an aquarium, you go get something to eat, then you go back to her place and shag her. What's the problem here?
Author c.a.f. Posted August 2, 2018 Author Posted August 2, 2018 (edited) This doesn't seem difficult at all. You go to an aquarium, you go get something to eat, then you go back to her place and shag her. What's the problem here? So you think I should choose to go the aquarium? I thought maybe the smell of fish, and ya know... might put her off. Was going to accept just going to her place from the start, what's wrong with that? Also, her asking to do something like this and knowing where I stand means she wants to get porked right? Edited August 2, 2018 by c.a.f.
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