deesw8 Posted July 1, 2018 Posted July 1, 2018 Soon I'll be start graduate school after several years of working, I'm having anxiety now about history repeating itself and my dating life at this new stage in life. I am thinking what I should change about myself and so on. when I was in college back then, maybe because I was a small town girl who didn't really know who I was and what I wanted, I was involved in a one very toxic friendship and one bad relationship, I mean there was no abuse, but just those were persons who really didn't deserve my trust and love. Then it definitely left a major wound in me and made me rethink about human nature and what relationship should and could be. Also, I felt like I wasted time on just this couple of individuals as opposed to having lots of friends and dates, if that makes sense. Though after more than six years, I gained back a lot of confidence/positiveness from having better friends from work and society, etc, I have to say the past still haunt me from time to time. On one hand I feel i'm much smarter with people now, but on the other hand, because at this stage in life I am hoping to have a long term partner, I do have anticipations. I feel grad school is one of the best places to meet your future spouse, I want to date many people and have options, etc, but for some reason I'm afraid that I may either be too guarded or vulnerable. I wonder what would be a good approach for this new stage in life, I don't like that I'm having so much worrisome thoughts and fear about it. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted July 1, 2018 Posted July 1, 2018 You have a great opportunity ahead of you. Grad students love to go out ... since people are young and depending on the degree you're pursuing, grad students love to have intellectual discussions over drinks and coffee ... You will also run into people studying other subjects and pursuing different degrees than yours ... you'll see them around ... talk to them while purchasing food ... etc ... make small talk and see what happens. I met one of my best friends while lounging under a treet on campus preparing to teach a summer class ... She had seem me around and introduced herself ... and she became an incredible friend ... and so fun, because she threw parties ... We flirted, but it was clear we weren't meant to date ... It's hard to explain how much fun it was to hang out with this woman ... we would have some intellectual discussions but really we were just silly with each other. The pressure in grad school can be so intense that some people (like me) gravitated towards fun people who made me feel good. But you might also want to hang out with people to have intellectual discussions. Those are cool too ... Also you can go to readings ... lectures ... just chat on the way out ... you'll meet people ... Hint: coffee shops near where you're going to school. Full of graduate students! ... always! ... if you see people in the middle of the day studying ... grad students! If your anxiety gets way out of control, pick up a book on anxiety and Cognitive Behavior Therapy for some quick thinking tips ... or go to a counselor for a few sessions. Basically almost everyone is looking to socialize and have some fun ... and they aren't not necessarily desperate about it ... and people are really trying to LEARN in graduate school, so conversations easily spill out from the classroom. Just show up and introduce yourself ... follow the people who make you feel good ... show up at invites ... show up at department/program gatherings ... go to readings, lectures ... you cannot but meet a lot of people. What will you be studying?
d0nnivain Posted July 1, 2018 Posted July 1, 2018 Dating in grad school is different then dating as an undergrad. Grad students are way more competitive. Many, like you, are returning adult students & are therefore more serious & many have jobs, so they have full lives. There isn't as much down time. There is less of a sense of immersion; you are not all away from home for the 1st time trying to figure out who you want to be when you grow up. When I taught in an MBA program, I didn't see much student interaction. They were there after work, tired & cranky from a long day, wanting to get through the class & head home. Be cordial to your fellow students. If someone is toxic cut them out of your life early. Stick up for yourself. Do not bounce from 1 person to the next or you will get a reputation. Grad school is much smaller in that sense, so guard your reputation. Remember, you may need these people as references or work colleagues in the future.
Author deesw8 Posted July 1, 2018 Author Posted July 1, 2018 hey thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. I'll be studying international relations.
smackie9 Posted July 1, 2018 Posted July 1, 2018 You and everyone else will be at a more mature career driven stage in their life. We are talking about people who know what they want out of life, just like you...all on the same page.......you will do just fine. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted July 1, 2018 Posted July 1, 2018 International relations. You and other students will be barhopping debating how to solve the world's various international crises. You'll have a ton of great conversations .... Grad school does make people more available initially than a lot of other situations ... So ... just know ... it's OK to start with group X ... and then gravitate towards group Y ... as you learn more about the people and about yourself. So here's a tip: don't worry about your first impression ... because you will be around people enough to form second, third, fourth and tenth impressions ... So ... you might see clicks quickly forming ... do not freak out if you're not in the click ... because ... so clicks are dynamic and shifting ... just gravitate towards the people you feel you can trust ... men and women ...
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