coolheadal Posted July 2, 2018 Posted July 2, 2018 Background info: We went on one date. It went well. We kissed at the end. This is the conversation thereafter. Her: Let me know when you get home! Drive safely! (11:10 PM) Me: Just made it back! I had a great time. I hope your mom wasn't too mad at you though �� (12:06 AM) Her: I did too! Nah she was half asleep but giving me my list of duties for tomorrow lmao but i'm so sorry you had to drive back and forth and all around! (12:47 AM) Me: Lmao she's soooo extra but no it's fine, it was worth the drive. If you're down, i'd like to do this again. When are you free? (10:10 AM) Her: Yeah I had fun i'm free on Saturdays and Wednesdays (10:06 PM) Me: Great, let's do this saturday. Same time but closer to you lol sound good? (11:19 PM) Her: Yeah sure there's actually a firework show tomorrow in _______ if you want to go to that (1:32 PM) Me: Yeah! I'd be down. Sounds like a plan. (4:37 PM) Her: Hey! So my mom made plans with me so I can't make it tonight! Sorry! (2:23 PM) Me: You're good you're good. Let's reschedule for Wednesday. Does that work for you? So basically she hasn't responded since. I think it's worth saying that her mom is very controlling ( she called 8 times during our date) which is why I even responded. Also, she's very paranoid. I like taking every girl I date down this path near the lake. It's v beautiful. So while we were walking I said, "there's a lot more people that I didn't expect to be here" and then she said "oh so now you can't kill me?" And i was like WTFFF lol so do you think I went wrong somewhere? Did I seem clingy? That was literally our conversation from wednesday night to today (saturday). I'm also thinking her excuse was bs. Idk. I feel like if a girl wanted to see me, she'd reschedule. No plans she use her mom as excuse to tell you no and she's not interested in you. She should have been honest. But this is what they do to play head games on us men.
Grey40 Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 This is actually an extremely common thing, so you should get used to it if you’re going to try and date around a lot. The reasons why could be literally anything and everything, especially in this case with the recent traumatic event. To me, she sounded interested enough, but you did come off as a little desperate trying to plan another date too soon. It made you seem to available and gave her the impression that you’re rushing into it (which you were). I’ve had plenty of dates where the girl wasn’t that enthusiastic afterwards and didn’t text me how great of a time it was, and we still ended up hooking up and dating for several months, so I wouldn’t read too much into it. It’s much more about the woman’s actions not her words. And her actions here are pretty clear that she’s trying to avoid you and hope you get the hint. In my experience when this has happened to me it’s because either an ex came back into their life or they got feelings for an ex back and are recontacting them OR someone new came along and showed interest and they happen to be even more attracted to that person and rather go after them instead. The best thing to do is to just walk away and if she comes back deal with her then. Other fish in the sea and ones that haven’t had a friend murdered in recent months
Logo Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 How to HANDLE people who FLAKE? You don't. You move on and pretend you never knew them.They don't deserve your time or effort.
Logo Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 To me, she sounded interested enough, but you did come off as a little desperate trying to plan another date too soon. It made you seem to available and gave her the impression that you’re rushing into it (which you were). I respectfully disagree. If someone is interested and they're mature adults, they shouldn't be playing these games. The original poster showed interest. If she expects him to play catch me if you can or thinks he's too "boring" because he's not playing hard to get then she's not mature enough and is wasting his time. Healthy adults shouldn't be playing "I'm going to make myself unavailable" just to appear more attractive. It's immature.
Logo Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 The sad reality is that people who flake have the upper hand. They only have the upper hand if one gives them the upper hand. For me, when someone flakes, no matter how much I had initially liked them, I lose respect, interest and attraction for them. So it's not a big loss anyway.
Logo Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 The date should have ended and there should not have been any contact for a couple days. Women fall in love with a guy when they are NOT with you. They need quiet time to think about the date and what they think of you for their emotions to solidify,...if you are chit-chatting with them the whole time afterwards you get in the way of the process. After a couple days you should have contacted her and set the next date with a specific time/day/place where you made the plans yourself. It is not her job to make the date plans, it is her job to show up, have fun, and go on the adventure that you planned yourself. At what point does she step in and start sharing in the responsibility of planning dates? It must be nice to just have to show up for a date. How debutante.
Grey40 Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 I respectfully disagree. If someone is interested and they're mature adults, they shouldn't be playing these games. The original poster showed interest. If she expects him to play catch me if you can or thinks he's too "boring" because he's not playing hard to get then she's not mature enough and is wasting his time. Healthy adults shouldn't be playing "I'm going to make myself unavailable" just to appear more attractive. It's immature. It’s not about Playing games. And women are not conciously thinking “he’s going to have to play hard to get..” but when you do come on strong like that, it doesn’t let attraction build. People want what they can’t have and what they have to work for, and when you do that, it makes it almost too easy and they start to lose interest. If she has a crazy high interest level in you and she doesn’t have a lot of options that are as good as you In her mind, you can get away with being like that, but if this girl was more of “on the fence” or picky one, that’s the kind of stuff that would make her weirded out. “Why does he want to hang out so much so quick?” “Is he using me?” “Does he have a life?” These kind of thoughts start entering their brain, and the amount of doubt makes them just want to give up and move on.
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