Casual sex

[Allonym]

I’m sure this is well-trodden ground, but I’ve found most of what I read on the matter unhelpful and figured I’d see if anyone here has any new information. I’m also not sure if this is the right section for posting this, but anyways...

 

I’m not interested in a long term romantic relationship; at the moment I’m really just interested in casual sex or a ‘friend with benefits’ type arrangement, but am not really sure how to meet women for this sort of thing. Tinder and online dating sites haven’t been very useful, so I’ve decided to try ‘real life’, which I guess mainly means chatting up women in bars and cafes and whatnot. I’ve taken to going to a couple bars on weekend nights and just sort of sitting down and talking to women who are sitting alone (or at least not with their boyfriends). It’s been a great way to converse with random strangers, but not much beyond that thus far.

 

So, does anyone have any advice? Some specific questions I have (putative advice on this topic tends to be vague to the point of uselessness): what are the best places to meet people (well, women), big loud dance club type locales? Or sit-down bars? I personally prefer quieter, “swankier” bars, both because the atmosphere is better and because I could bring a book and read during the down time; but there’s also less volume. In big dance clubs, there are more women one can approach and you can wander around without it seeming weird. Also, do you just sit down and wait for someone you’re interested in to sit down next to you? And do you just say “Hi, I’m X, what’s your name?” Typically I’ve instead just wracked by brain for a pretext for starting a conversation (e.g., ‘are you a fan of Canadian football’, if that’s what’s playing on TV; that’s an actual example by the way). Another question, what’s the best time? Earlier in the night, like 8 or 9? or later?

 

Any advice is appreciated, but please include details. “Just be yourself and have fun” is uselessly vague. In cases of successfully meeting someone, what did you talk about? What about them made you decide to approach them, or made them seem approachable? How many times did you “strike out” first? Do you stay at the same bar all night or go from one to another? So, yeah, details.

 

Lastly, I’m not really interested in debating with anyone who thinks sex is only appropriate in a serious relationship, so if that’s your comment, you should probably just save yourself the time.

[d0nnivain]

Every time I ever had one of those relationships it was with somebody I already knew. Do you have any opposite sex friends you don't want to date but who you would be DTF?

[carhill]

I had good luck when flying a lot staying at the crew hotels. There were plenty of opportunities. Just be friendly and let nature take its course. In general, traveling alone was a boon to meeting new and different people. For giggles I'd sometimes wear my old wedding band and make up stories.

 

The cool thing about casual sex, though it's not my cuppa, is relationships are irrelevant. It's two adults spending a moment in time together then moving on. Throw out all the rules and niceties and see it for what it is, animal behavior. Leave strategies at the door and just let it flow.

[jjb117]

The way I see it is this.

 

Basically, it's the way you approach a girl & communicate with her. If you want something casual, you aren't taking her to these expensive places for dates. Maybe you can do it for the first date, but definitely not every time.

 

You definitely don't want to text her all the time. Maybe in the start, to create rapport, but if you want something casual then you can't try hard in whatever "relationship" you have. You have to be "that" guy. The guy that just hits her up for sex. It's not a bad thing if she's down for it to. But you can't give her mixed signals - you must be consistent. Because if you portray yourself with boyfriend vibes, and then hit her with the 2 AM text (You up?) then intrinsically she won't trust you. I know, it's stupid but it's true.

 

The last thing you can do is voice you want something casual after the 2nd or 3rd date. I believe it's best to be honest with someone and you don't want to lead anyone on. If she isn't down for it, then you shouldn't waste her time.

 

Just be that guy she has fun with. For a good time

[smackie9]

Look in the personals on craigslist........

[Lotsgoingon]

If you don't know how to do this already ... then your odds are gonna be way lower than they are on Tinder.

 

Keep trying Tinder and find some other sites ... google for these sites ... and keep trying ...

 

In real life, it's really hard to generate the energy with a stranger for a fwb ... unless you are outgoing ... and really socially skilled at reading women and connecting with them ...

 

Now a longer term strategy (if you insist on going about this in the "real" world) would be to first meet a lot of women as friends ... and start hanging out with some of them ... Occasionally you may notice some attraction and you go from there ... But that takes time ... to build up a network of fun women friends.

[act00]

It seems like online would be the easiest path. You put in your profile what you are seeking and your search results should lead straight to women who are seeking the same thing.

 

I have had a few men reach out to me for casual, FWB type relationships. They don't hit my searches because my searches are for long-term. I hit their searches because their searches are more broad. They have approached me online and have been very straightforward. "I like your profile and you are beautiful. I'm seeking a casual, sex-only relationship, more of a FWB, and I'd like to take you out for dinner and we can meet. We can plan some dates and go out, but I'm not interested in anything committed right now. If this is something you're interested in, please have a look at my profile and write me back."

 

And that's it. Take it or leave it. I have been intrigued, but not interested...men seeking sex-only are not that great in bed...just a pump and roll over, and thanks but no thanks. You'll just have to keep on trying until you get a hit that works. There are no magic words or lines. Some men are more suave and can charm the panties off of anyone.