Author Lexxi Posted July 4, 2018 Author Posted July 4, 2018 I feel like you're kind of saying two different things. On the one hand, you say you thought it'd be a fun casual thing you guys could keep doing, but you're also disappointed in his behavior. Which is it? How would you have expected him to act after the fact? I've hooked up with enough coworkers to know that little to no contact after the fact is the norm, and I think unless you're willing to keep your expectations to a minimum with casual sex, I think you're going to continue to be disappointed. Yes, I did say I wanted something fun and casual, but thought we would make it a regular thing when he’s in town. Nothing serious, but meaning he wouldn’t just cut off all contact with the snap of a finger. In other words, I thought we could continue, of course not expecting the communication to be the same prior to us hooking up, but also not completely stopping. This was BEFORE the ring incident.
stillafool Posted July 4, 2018 Posted July 4, 2018 I feel like this guy tricked you. Worked his magic on you for two months Then he used you and finally disposed of you in a gentle way just so that you don't cause him any drama. If you want to preserve your dignity, put him on the block list and ignore him! You deserve better than a supposedly separated guy with two kids! He didn't use her. She wanted the sex as much as he did. This was a hook up and that is all he saw it as. He let OP know he was down for another hook up when he comes back to town if she's with it. Other than that, dude is off to be with his wife. 1
BaileyB Posted July 4, 2018 Posted July 4, 2018 Yes, I did say I wanted something fun and casual, but thought we would make it a regular thing when he’s in town. Nothing serious, but meaning he wouldn’t just cut off all contact with the snap of a finger. In other words, I thought we could continue, of course not expecting the communication to be the same prior to us hooking up, but also not completely stopping. But, that's what you got, so why the upset? Something fun and casual. He told you, he is married but ten bucks says he is probably down to do it again next time he comes to town... Nothing serious. You are upset because he stopped communicating and walked away. Your feelings, and more importantly - your ego - has been hurt by the fact that he walked away and didn't give you the validation you expected. This is the risk that you take when you are hooking up with random men. If you want more, you have to expect more - of men, and yourself. 1
Author Lexxi Posted July 4, 2018 Author Posted July 4, 2018 He didn't use her. She wanted the sex as much as he did. This was a hook up and that is all he saw it as. He let OP know he was down for another hook up when he comes back to town if she's with it. Other than that, dude is off to be with his wife. He said he was down for another hookup while he was out here with me. But appears to no longer be, as his tone was different the very last day, along with putting on his ring, and hasn’t reached out to me at all. So no, I don’t exactly feel used, I wanted it too. Just didn’t think he would cut off all communication so suddenly. But the bigger issue is that he’s not a single man.
stillafool Posted July 4, 2018 Posted July 4, 2018 He said he was down for another hookup while he was out here with me. But appears to no longer be, as his tone was different the very last day, along with putting on his ring, and hasn’t reached out to me at all. So no, I don’t exactly feel used, I wanted it too. Just didn’t think he would cut off all communication so suddenly. But the bigger issue is that he’s not a single man. He will want to hook up again when he comes to town, married or not. 1
BaileyB Posted July 4, 2018 Posted July 4, 2018 (edited) He will want to hook up again when he comes to town, married or not. Of course he will. Married or not, it makes no difference to him. I would bet money that he will contact you again. He's just put you in your place because he doesn't want you to cause him any trouble. And, if you are a good girl, the next time he is planning to come to town... He will drop you a line, to see how you are doing... And then, he will see if you are interested... And thus begins the push and pull dynamic characteristic of these kinds of relationships... Edited July 4, 2018 by BaileyB 1
losangelena Posted July 4, 2018 Posted July 4, 2018 Yes, I did say I wanted something fun and casual, but thought we would make it a regular thing when he’s in town. Nothing serious, but meaning he wouldn’t just cut off all contact with the snap of a finger. In other words, I thought we could continue, of course not expecting the communication to be the same prior to us hooking up, but also not completely stopping. This was BEFORE the ring incident. How long has it been now, four days? Give it some time. There is virtually no need for him to be communicating to you the way he was (way too much anyway, in my opinion) before you hooked up. Yes, he was a bit of a cad in how in communicated with you, but I've noticed that men tend to do that in casual situations post hook-up, as a way to reestablish some distance and maintain boundaries. That's literally what this guy is doing, with wearing his ring and all that—he's reinforcing the notion that this is casual. I wouldn't expect to hear from him until he's about to come back to town. Do you want to keep hooking up with a married dude whose wife probably doesn't know? It doesn't sound like you do. 1
Author Lexxi Posted July 4, 2018 Author Posted July 4, 2018 How long has it been now, four days? Give it some time. There is virtually no need for him to be communicating to you the way he was (way too much anyway, in my opinion) before you hooked up. Yes, he was a bit of a cad in how in communicated with you, but I've noticed that men tend to do that in casual situations post hook-up, as a way to reestablish some distance and maintain boundaries. That's literally what this guy is doing, with wearing his ring and all that—he's reinforcing the notion that this is casual. I wouldn't expect to hear from him until he's about to come back to town. Do you want to keep hooking up with a married dude whose wife probably doesn't know? It doesn't sound like you do. Oh gosh, no. It may seem like I do because it shows how much it bothers me, but as stated above, it stems down to embarrassment and a bruised ego. Not a good feeling that I slept with someone who I’m assuming is very much married with children. He’s disgusting. 1
olivetree Posted July 4, 2018 Posted July 4, 2018 You need to keep remembering that this has nothing to do with you. You say you feel humiliated. If you want some of your dignity back, then the best thing to do would be to ignore him when/if he gets in touch again for another hookup. I think your silence will communicate your self worth more than any words can, and I think you'll feel better too. 1
Malin889 Posted July 5, 2018 Posted July 5, 2018 About his situation, or at least what he told me and what I believe is that he and his wife are separated and have two children. I believed his because of all the calls, texts and FaceTimes throughout the day. You know him and his wife are separated because he Facetimes you everyday? How do you know that because of the Facetimes? he texted me saying it was “nice getting to know me this week but we have to act different today now”. I responded saying I understood that of course. After breakfast, it was on to the full day meeting which was very awkward for me. We didn’t really say a word to each other. When the meeting concluded, we all have hugs to each other cause it’s a close knit group. Hmm, why would he say "we have to act different now"- because you're at work? Or because of something else? I've liked/dated some "vague" men who gave mixed messages, but if someone was wearing a wedding ring, that wouldn't be vague for me at all. That is crystal clear. I got home, he was at the airport at that time I’m assuming and he texted me “you ok?” I told him I was. He said I seemed upset or tired. I told him I was just tired and not upset at all. Then he replies with “till next time.” I didn’t respond. Why is he asking if you're ok? What happened that he would think you wouldn't be ok? 1
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