Author gone_girl Posted July 1, 2018 Author Posted July 1, 2018 This guy needs a hammer to the head.... he's a stump! He may have women hitting on him, but that doesn't always = confidence/player. You are going to have to be so obvious before he will ever make a move. The subtle brush or touching ain't gonna cut it. Yea, I wanted to shout 'KISS ME YOU FOOL! IM SO INTO YOU!'. Been thinking that he may be a late bloomer, I've seen this before, especially with STEM guys. But honestly, I prefer someone shy a thousand times. Smooth guys who have all the moves? Not interested. I also have a fear of being vulnerable, so this man kind of gets me out of my shell. But there's a long way to go. If he doesn't ask me out by Tuesday I will ask him out, for one last time...
LivingWaterPlease Posted July 1, 2018 Posted July 1, 2018 Yea, I wanted to shout 'KISS ME YOU FOOL! IM SO INTO YOU!'. Been thinking that he may be a late bloomer, I've seen this before, especially with STEM guys. But honestly, I prefer someone shy a thousand times. Smooth guys who have all the moves? Not interested. I also have a fear of being vulnerable, so this man kind of gets me out of my shell. But there's a long way to go. If he doesn't ask me out by Tuesday I will ask him out, for one last time... I'd suggest rereading preraphs last few posts before doing so. A word to the wise...
Author gone_girl Posted July 1, 2018 Author Posted July 1, 2018 He is a confusing mess. But I refuse to believe the touching is going unnoticed, because 1) he's used to it if he's real good looking and 2) he's a man and they wait for any sign of physical permission IF they're interested. If the man is really stunning as you think and other women flock to him, then I still think he's gunshy about women who are overly gung-ho or may be watching for any sign of emotional instability, like you getting so woozy over his eyes that you acting wonky, etc. Why? Because those are the ones getting carried away without even knowing who he really is, just liking him for his looks, and going off the deep end, and those are the ones who become a problem eventually. I say cool it with this guy. See if he asks you out. Don't touch him unless he touches you, don't go woozy on him. Stay in your body and in control of your body, and ask him questions about himself to show you are interested in getting to know him BEFORE you fall in lust. Oh, I was looking at his eyes because he was talking to me! Even though I admit, I would linger a bit. But so did he. I haven't complimented his looks whatsoever, only the conversation and his company. We had 2 four hour dates, they add to 8 hours. That's a shetload of talking, a working day spent talking about everything under the sun. When we looked at our watch we were like WTF. I don't know, how much physical permission is enough when someone on the receiving end is cautious? What if he thought that my leg could have been there accidentally or that I meant to touch the table instead? What if I am touchy because of my culture?
Author gone_girl Posted July 1, 2018 Author Posted July 1, 2018 I'd suggest rereading preraphs last few posts before doing so. A word to the wise... So I should wait? :/
preraph Posted July 1, 2018 Posted July 1, 2018 Oh, I was looking at his eyes because he was talking to me! Even though I admit, I would linger a bit. But so did he. I haven't complimented his looks whatsoever, only the conversation and his company. We had 2 four hour dates, they add to 8 hours. That's a shetload of talking, a working day spent talking about everything under the sun. When we looked at our watch we were like WTF. I don't know, how much physical permission is enough when someone on the receiving end is cautious? What if he thought that my leg could have been there accidentally or that I meant to touch the table instead? What if I am touchy because of my culture? If he's a genuinely good looking guy, stunning as you say, and all the other women can see it and think so too, not just you, then he has no REASON to doubt that you are attracted to him and already knows that all women are attracted to him because there will be women after him and flirting literally every day. He will simply assume all women are attracted to him but he will want to find one who likes him for a reason other than his looks and appreciates him as a person. This is an unlikely scenario, but let's just say he's a stunner but is genuinely shy, he'd STILL have women flirting with him nonstop and be aware they were flirting. And he'd still want one who liked him for more than his looks.
Author gone_girl Posted July 1, 2018 Author Posted July 1, 2018 If he's a genuinely good looking guy, stunning as you say, and all the other women can see it and think so too, not just you, then he has no REASON to doubt that you are attracted to him and already knows that all women are attracted to him because there will be women after him and flirting literally every day. He will simply assume all women are attracted to him but he will want to find one who likes him for a reason other than his looks and appreciates him as a person. This is an unlikely scenario, but let's just say he's a stunner but is genuinely shy, he'd STILL have women flirting with him nonstop and be aware they were flirting. And he'd still want one who liked him for more than his looks. Overall I'm trying to be cautious regarding making assumptions about his confidence levels, at least when it comes to me personally. I'm nothing special, and don't imply I'm pretty, I was just a bit of a jerk at times during our first date. But yea, I obviously don't like him just for his gorgeous eyes. Beyond the great conversation, he did something towards the end of the first date that I thought was amazing. Nothing to do with me or the date, it was a small action/belief that could have gone unnoticed. Can't say what it was, but I was impressed. 1
Author gone_girl Posted July 2, 2018 Author Posted July 2, 2018 Today I woke up at the wrong side of the bed. And feeling totally annoyed. Well, I may not have to worry about kissing him since he hasn't asked me out on a third date. And I'll be going on holidays in some days so if he wanted to see me as much as I wanted to see him he would have asked much much earlier. If he asks me out I may go but I won't do much effort otherwise. Yep, I'm a very moody person.
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2018 Posted July 2, 2018 Maybe a little space / distance will be good for you both. Enjoy your holiday. Allow yourself to become refreshed. Then see where you are.
Author gone_girl Posted July 2, 2018 Author Posted July 2, 2018 Maybe a little space / distance will be good for you both. Enjoy your holiday. Allow yourself to become refreshed. Then see where you are. It's a long holiday, not too long but some weeks. And he knows. Won't he miss me?
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2018 Posted July 2, 2018 I don't know if he will miss you. You should not miss him. There is not much to miss. Go. Enjoy yourself! Have adventures. When you come back he may be able to take another look at how interesting & well traveled you are. Perhaps he's avoiding getting close because you will be traveling. Look at it this way, you are not committed to him so you are free to have fun. 1
Author gone_girl Posted July 2, 2018 Author Posted July 2, 2018 I don't know if he will miss you. You should not miss him. There is not much to miss. Go. Enjoy yourself! Have adventures. When you come back he may be able to take another look at how interesting & well traveled you are. Perhaps he's avoiding getting close because you will be traveling. Look at it this way, you are not committed to him so you are free to have fun. Hey thanks for giving me courage. I don't think he's afraid of getting close to me because of my vacation. I would be delighted to keep in close contact and give him attention during my holidays... He just can't be bothered much about having me in his life. At least I can rest assured that I showed my interest. It's not like I'm normally an open book, I actually tend to be the complete opposite. Maybe it's cultural differences, dunno what to say. But I am not going to expose myself further than that.
preraph Posted July 3, 2018 Posted July 3, 2018 You're kind of assuming he isn't seeing other women. I'd bet he is. You're the one thinking about this a lot. He's probably just going about his business because he's still undecided about you. So stop focusing on him. 1
Author gone_girl Posted July 3, 2018 Author Posted July 3, 2018 I asked him out and he came back immediately saying that he was about to do the same! I'll never learn... 1
Author gone_girl Posted July 8, 2018 Author Posted July 8, 2018 Sooo At some point I grabbed his hand when walking and I could tell that turned him on! (Is that common? I find it intriguing).Then, we were about to part ways, exchanged a really close and loong hug... and BAM. <3 1
fredflint Posted July 8, 2018 Posted July 8, 2018 men sort of enjoy a chase because they're men. I'd like to see some stats on this. I tend to think it might be a common myth. I think most men prefer women to chase them. I believe they only chase because most of them have to. Some come to accept and like it, I guess.
preraph Posted July 8, 2018 Posted July 8, 2018 I think the ones who like to chase the most are the attractive ones who don't get to often, actually. All I know is they devalue you for chasing them. 1
Author gone_girl Posted July 9, 2018 Author Posted July 9, 2018 I know what you mean. Even though personally I am very hesitant in putting people into boxes. I've been getting to know him better, and it seems he was overly concentrated in his studies and work for most of his adult life, and this is why he's so well off career wise. I also think he's deeply shy and a stoic personality. I held his hand and he was literally intoxicated, does a man with many women have this reaction from interlaced fingers? And if I was aloof and pretended not to care, would that create more of a real connection? I've been initiating communication because I like getting to know him and possibly having him in my life for quite some time. I dont mind seeming vulnerable, because the truth is Im consciously choosing to be, going out of my way to be, at least with this one... I want him to see that I have a needy side and make his choice consciously. Nothing is written in stone and tomorrow it's very possible it will end. But in my life I want to keep all things real and my only rule is to keep my actions consistent with what I feel.
MaleIntuition Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 You shouldn’t really make assumption about someone based on how hot you think they are. Introverts aren’t magically transformed to extroverts just because they look good. There are some cultural differences to keep in mind. Our dating culture is much less - for lack of a better word - defined than yours are. I’m not pretending to speak for all Scandinavian men, but for me; handholding in public is reserved for girlfriends while, on the other hand, a hookup wouldn’t necessarily mean much. So, for me, if a girl grabbed my hand... yeah that would be a Very strong signal. 1
Author gone_girl Posted July 9, 2018 Author Posted July 9, 2018 You shouldn’t really make assumption about someone based on how hot you think they are. Introverts aren’t magically transformed to extroverts just because they look good. There are some cultural differences to keep in mind. Our dating culture is much less - for lack of a better word - defined than yours are. I’m not pretending to speak for all Scandinavian men, but for me; handholding in public is reserved for girlfriends while, on the other hand, a hookup wouldn’t necessarily mean much. So, for me, if a girl grabbed my hand... yeah that would be a Very strong signal. It's great having a Scandinavian person in the thread! So how do you mean dating is less defined there? And if a lady you were lukewarm about held your hand would you still press your hand with hers? Im southern european and we are quite physical people, but this kind of hand holding is still for people you re really into. By the way I think he doesnt need more signals since I did kiss him (slyly)
MaleIntuition Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 It's great having a Scandinavian person in the thread! So how do you mean dating is less defined there? And if a lady you were lukewarm about held your hand would you still press your hand with hers? Im southern european and we are quite physical people, but this kind of hand holding is still for people you re really into. By the way I think he doesnt need more signals since I did kiss him (slyly) Well, Internet and dating apps are changing the game rapidly. But the most obvious clue is that we don’t have our own word for date, or dating, but are using the English words instead. And, in a sense, our conceptual understanding comes mostly from American sit-coms and the degree to which people adapt will vary. My point is that dating in America seems to have has more unspoken rules, and stages than in Scandinavia. Casual dating (as in going on formal “dates” with no interest in a relationship) isn’t common, while casual sex seems to be much more common. Lukewarm or not, it’s possible to be caught by the moment, but my guess is that he is interested but perhaps an inexperienced dater. 1
olivetree Posted July 9, 2018 Posted July 9, 2018 You have a lot of masculine/dominant energy in this dating scenario. If you prefer more submissive men, then sure, keep making the first move.
Author gone_girl Posted July 10, 2018 Author Posted July 10, 2018 You have a lot of masculine/dominant energy in this dating scenario. If you prefer more submissive men, then sure, keep making the first move. Why is it masculine if I ask a man to give me his time or if Im tender with him first? I think responding to a woman's need and being stoic is masculine traits. He also chose the venues, opened doors for me, was generous, and I left the navigation to him because Im bad at it! I loved his humour and I am genuinely impressed by his achievements. I love it when a man is more intelligent than I am. He said he hopes I can see him right after my holidays and has been initiating communication much more. So it seems to be going ok. We'll see where we are in a few weeks though, dont want to daydream too much... 1
Author gone_girl Posted July 30, 2018 Author Posted July 30, 2018 Why is it masculine if I ask a man to give me his time or if Im tender with him first? I think responding to a woman's need and being stoic is masculine traits. He also chose the venues, opened doors for me, was generous, and I left the navigation to him because Im bad at it! I loved his humour and I am genuinely impressed by his achievements. I love it when a man is more intelligent than I am. He said he hopes I can see him right after my holidays and has been initiating communication much more. So it seems to be going ok. We'll see where we are in a few weeks though, dont want to daydream too much.. *Cringe* When I wear these rose tinted glasses I just see what I wanna see and romanticise everything! You guys were right, he's probably lukewarm. Blowing hot and cold which is dissappointing.. I am willing to give one last chance, the timeline is until next Wednesday... but truth is I'm 90% turned off and even if he steps up I don't know if I want to continue. Plus there is someone new in the picture who *gasp* is pursuing... I feel that I start to prefer this man now but I'm careful not to overlap, don't like the idea of seeing two people at the same time.
preraph Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 When a man is interested in you and capable of being social, you know it righta way. Glad you have a new love interest. Hope it at least puts this one into perspective.
Author gone_girl Posted July 30, 2018 Author Posted July 30, 2018 When a man is interested in you and capable of being social, you know it righta way. Glad you have a new love interest. Hope it at least puts this one into perspective. Thanks for your honest advice - and you are right! Even if it doesn't work out with the new love interest, at least he helped the landing back to earth.
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