maxi105 Posted August 23, 2018 Posted August 23, 2018 hey yume, ok, so im going to be honest here, I haven't read all of the posts (your original one included!!!!! sorry but I haven't, maybe I should have done, but I skim read it and it sounded a lot like another post I replied to for two other posts that sounded like the same problem from the other side of the person's argument...im not sure if that's clear, so sorry if it is not, what I mean is that it sounds like 2 other posts, one from a guy having trouble with a younger girl he loves and he thought she wasn't that into him, the other from a younger girl who was getting fed up of an older guy stifling her and feeling a bit pressured, fed up of the relationship as it was on and off... what I will reply to as you have commented about no one mentioning the fact of children etc....for me I think the problem is, regardless of what else is going on, and from the length of the post (not that that's a problem for me) but it sounds as though there is a lot of other stuff going on, but for me, if he wants children and you aren't that bothered, then there is a serious problem here!!!! chidren are a big deal and they need love, attention support and should be wanted etc....if he is working 24/7...who is going to get stuck with them for most of the time!!!!! no, I think if you don't want (or are not that bothered by kids, then you need to really think whether this guy is the one for you!!!) its a long commitment that will drain you and the relationship if all you argue about is child issues as well as whatever is going down for you. I don't know how old you are, but you sound younger than him and also have the maturity on one hand, but there also seems some naievety here too, whether that's yours or his I don't know, but what I think or wonder is if you are really compatible. wanting children and not wanting them doesn't come and go (nor shouldn't really), if you both wanted the same thing Id feel easier about it, but I cant see things staying in the planned secure way that you hope from the very small bit ive read. I think it sounds like you have a close connection, but whether this is the dud youre gonna spend the rest of your life with happily!!!!!! id question that!!!!!!! cos I don't think it is...sorry. but only you guys know that for sure...im just not getting that from where youre at right now. good luck, maybe talk to him and just enjoy the trip whilst things are ok, but realistically, I don't feel that this is going to sort itself out for the better. and I think you need to talk to him to let him know that you don't want kids, and ask what that means for him. going along with something for the sake of it wont make either of you happy in the long run, and with the complication and commitments and consequences of children involved, I think its gonna make you first then him really unhappy! sorry to be down for you, but good luck with this, I think you both need to be real honest with where you are at, and not lead the other one on to thinking that things will be ok if you do this or try that....you are feeling angst already and there aren't any children yet!!!!! what the hell are you going to do if you do go along with this or find yourself expecting by mistake!!!! do you love each other enough without kids? (don't let your romantic or ideals of love make you blind to the serious life changing effects, costs and emotional upheavals of having children...) to me, you don't sound ready. and financially, that is another serious problem if you don't even want the same things for the future!! good luck, if it were me I woundlnt want to stay in something that was like this. if you don't talk this through seriously, then I worry that you are going to be going down one real unhappy path. and for the sake of what!!!!! you need to talk to him and find out if you can do this without kids, if not then you need to seriously think of moving on! GOOD LUCK....whatever else is going on may be easier to sort out, but the kids, no kids thing is something that isn't going to go away whilst you are with him, its going to keep comin back to you both, so unless you get things straight right now, you are going to have endless fall outs over this and may probably move on, but with a lot of resentment for each other and feeling of wasted time! I cant help thinking that the real issue here is about compatability! and children is also part of that. very best wishes, maybe you would be better to keep this guy as a friend rather than a lover?!!! maxi.
Miss Clavel Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 I think both of you are imposing your own life goals on the OP, which is a horrible idea. People should NOT have kids while they are unsure about wanting kids! It's not fair to her, and most certainly not fair to the kid. The OP has said that she values a career, financial stability, pets and travel, and she isn't sure she wants children. Those are HER priorities in life, and she is entitled to make that choice for herself. I don't understand what the purpose of giving advice is if you're just going to assume that everyone should have similar priorities to you. she posted this: "I do however think I could have 1 kid provided certain conditions were met prior" and i took it as her maybe wanting a child if things with her BF would change. my priorities? i already have children. biological and discarded ones i "adopted" as well. i never wanted children, growing up or later on until i met the right man. i have them now and don't regret it
Recommended Posts