califlorgian Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 As you all know, I decided to go NC with him. I blocked him from my messenger list. Wasn't going to answer calls on my cell from him. Wasn't going to go anywhere that I knew he would be. Was going to do everything in my power to avoid him.... because I knew, as soon as I heard his voice or saw him, it was all over. I don't have caller ID on my house phone. I forgot about that. He never calls my house phone. He hadn't called my cell at all so far yesterday afternoon. I was getting better. Then I received a phone call... on my house phone. I answered and on the other line was him saying "Do you realize you are talking to the person you said you would never talk to again?" I paused, shocked, then said "You tricked me." Then a long conversation (filled mostly with silence) ensued. I was hooked again. And he knew it. Why am I so stupid? We have mutual friends. One mutual friend was telling me that me cutting off contact with him and stopping the relationship wasn't fair to him and not cool. Because he had just left his house, family, kids, etc the day before. Whatever. If he was really leaving everything for me, he would have come to my house. Not to his friends so he can think about what he really wants in life (when he just told me the day before i was exactly what he wanted forever) while he gets drunk and high. She said he just needed a day to get his mind clear. When you are smoking weed and drinking alcohol and doing coke on regular basis, your mind will never be clear. I am digressing, sorry. They came over to my apartment last night. Spent the night. Talked with him a lot. Tried to at least... his mind was so far gone off of Lord knows what.... This morning he had to rush out to pick up his daughter from school. I thought he was going to come back later tonight.... instead he went back to his friends to get drunk and high and whatever else his heart feels like doing. I am so sick to my stomach. I hooked up my answering machine. He will not fool me again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. The only way that he would be able to contact me at all is if he came up to the new job I am starting this Friday and Saturday evening. I really hope he doesn't show up there. At least for another month. I know if I see him or speak to him again I will have another relapse. I will be fine. Sad, lonely, depressed, whatever. But fine. I am mending my wounds. It's when he comes back around and messes with my heart that I fall to pieces. I am sick of shattering. I just want to put myself together, without him, and move on. He thinks I want to move on because I have found another guy, when that is so far from the truth. I want to move on because I am sick of the constant torment. It is very detrimental to my emotional stability. I just cannot take it anymore. I can remain NC on my part. But he needs to stop attempting to contact me. It just puts me back to square one. Please..... don't allow this to happen to you again, Ashley....... please.... (on an unrelated note.... if you dont have anything to do, you can go to amazon.com and view/rate a bunch of short films. Keep watching until you run across one called "Daytona." It's a short film I starred in... my first. If we get in the top 5 then we get to go to the screening in NYC and that would be great for my acting career... which is what I am going to be striving hard to get going while I am going through this and of course after I am over it...... plus, if you are just bored and sad, its a good way to take your mind off of things.... some films are pretty good, some are not so good.... bookmark it and keep watching whenever you get a chance.... sooner or later you will come across Daytona.... 5 of my friends already have!!!.... just go to amazon and search for the tribeca amazon short film competition... it won't let me post the link Sorry for this... just trying to get the word out..... and its a great boredom killer....)
Art_Critic Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 One mutual friend was telling me that me cutting off contact with him and stopping the relationship wasn't fair to him and not cool. It is cool ... For you it is and it doesn't hurt him at all.. Don't let the guilt that he is trying to put on you thru his friends damper your spirit.. Keep Up the NC
Author califlorgian Posted September 1, 2005 Author Posted September 1, 2005 It is cool ... For you it is and it doesn't hurt him at all.. Don't let the guilt that he is trying to put on you thru his friends damper your spirit.. Keep Up the NC I am going to try. Very hard. I just hope he doesn't come up to where I will be working. Or show up at my house. It will make it so much harder. And the friend is actually more my friend than his.... that's why it kind of impacted me more than it should have...
Art_Critic Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 I just hope he doesn't come up to where I will be working. Or show up at my house. If he does this remember that he is stepping over the line and you need to remind him of his indescetion and ask him to leave.. Do Not engage a conversation with him and if you have to tell him that you will call the police if he doesn't leave.. If he doesn't leave you need to follow thru with your threat and call the police. Not saying it will happen but you need to be prepared on how to handle it so you don't feel put on the spot and talk to him .. If you do talk with him he will have an opening to suck you back into his Drama.. If your friend is trying to fill your head with guilt crap then he isn't being a good friend to you and is being more of a friend to him
Author califlorgian Posted September 1, 2005 Author Posted September 1, 2005 If he does this remember that he is stepping over the line and you need to remind him of his indescetion and ask him to leave.. Do Not engage a conversation with him and if you have to tell him that you will call the police if he doesn't leave.. If he doesn't leave you need to follow thru with your threat and call the police. Not saying it will happen but you need to be prepared on how to handle it so you don't feel put on the spot and talk to him .. If you do talk with him he will have an opening to suck you back into his Drama.. If your friend is trying to fill your head with guilt crap then he isn't being a good friend to you and is being more of a friend to him Oh Art.... it is all so much easier said than done. When I have invested so much in it and when all these things he has promised and told me are starting to come true... but he still flakes.... I just... I dont even know what I am saying now. I am rambling. I really do love him. He really does love me. He did leave his wife for me. He just isn't here with me right now. I don't know what to think, say or do. I know I can force myself to not contact him or answer/return his calls. But if I do see him, I will melt. That's the thing. If I see him... it is all over for me. It is easy to say I will ask him to leave or whatever... but the reality is, I just don't think I can do it. If, however, I saw him in a month, I probably could. It's just right now I am in such a fragile and vulnerable state that I don't think I could do that. And I can't really ask him to leave, seeing as it is a very popular club and there are hundreds of people that go there a night and he is friends with most of the staff (he used to work there). I just don't know what I am going to do or how to handle the situation if it were to become a reality rather than just a hypothetical scenario. I guess I am just sol then, right? *sigh*
Art_Critic Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 it is all so much easier said than done. Of course it is .. But that is why you have to be strong and keep up the good fight and keep posting here. We will help you to have the strength and maintain your self.. You just have to talk to us. By the way .. You sound to me that you are trying to talk yourself into talking to him again.. Stop it.. Chin up
quankanne Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 I just don't know what I am going to do or how to handle the situation if it were to become a reality rather than just a hypothetical scenario. I guess I am just sol then, right? don't sell yourself short, ever. You love this guy, yes, but life is much to short to keep throwing yourself in the path of this trainwreck of a man. Before he can give completely to a relationship, he's going to need to get his priorities straight, and tossing what he had with his wife -- even tossing aside what he's had with you -- to stay hopped up doesn't sound like anyone but himself will ever come first. it's very hard to walk away when your heart is so tied into someone, but it's something you're going to have to do if you want to keep your sanity intact. At this point, this man is pretty much poison for you mentally and emotionally. Do you honestly want invest in a relationship like that? You don't have to sell yourself short just because you love the guy ...
Author califlorgian Posted September 1, 2005 Author Posted September 1, 2005 Of course it is .. But that is why you have to be strong and keep up the good fight and keep posting here. We will help you to have the strength and maintain your self.. You just have to talk to us. By the way .. You sound to me that you are trying to talk yourself into talking to him again.. Stop it.. Chin up Thank you, Art. Very much. Thank everyone who is helping give me strength. You brought up something that made me really think.... maybe I am trying to talk myself into it. Actually, I just think I know how weak I am. How horrible it is going to be to resist the temptation of seeing him and being with him. It hurts so much....
Author califlorgian Posted September 1, 2005 Author Posted September 1, 2005 don't sell yourself short, ever. You love this guy, yes, but life is much to short to keep throwing yourself in the path of this trainwreck of a man. Before he can give completely to a relationship, he's going to need to get his priorities straight, and tossing what he had with his wife -- even tossing aside what he's had with you -- to stay hopped up doesn't sound like anyone but himself will ever come first. it's very hard to walk away when your heart is so tied into someone, but it's something you're going to have to do if you want to keep your sanity intact. At this point, this man is pretty much poison for you mentally and emotionally. Do you honestly want invest in a relationship like that? You don't have to sell yourself short just because you love the guy ... You are very right. He has even admitted to me that he is a very selfish person. And it is evident in his actions and how he treats me and his wife.... and children for that matter. What exactly does hopped up mean? The drugs and alcohol? It really is so hard. I wish I didn't love him. I wish I never gave in to him. But I did..... and now I am getting the inevitable. It's hard not to sell myself short with him. It's so hard....
brubaker2004 Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 MM is one thing, but coke and weed on a regular basis while having a child? You deserve much more than that.
quankanne Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 just keep reminding yourself that you deserve much better than what he wants to offer you right now. That love doesn't mean dragging yourself into the gutter just because someone refuses to get out of there to meet you halfway ... hopped up -- only term I could think of to describe his behavior, can apply to anything really, that chemically stimulates someone. As in, "my husband is a sugar junkie, I swear he gets hopped up just drinking Big Red!!!"
Miffy Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 I read a really good book called 'stop thinking, start living' - it was really good. It suggests that all the hurt is caused by ourselves thinking, that thinking isn't real and if we stopped overanalysing we'd all be better. To be hurt you've got to have had a hurtful thought seconds before, to feel upset you have got to have thought an upsetting thought. It talks about rather than going to counselling and over analysing, we should instead do selective thinking - as soon as a potentially hurtful thought comes into our mind, try and push it out of your mind. This also helps you to heal because your 'quiet mind' ie your wisdom then has time to offer insights. May help with getting over MM - you are a lovely looking girl and the way you paint him, he sounds like no catch in my opinion.
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