My girlfriends acts nothing like her parents, they are extremely controlling40-50y/o

[Greatly]

It does sound like the parents are a bit controlling, but you also don't know her history with her parents to know where it is coming from.. maybe they have brought her up with certain rules and expectations and she has had issues with those in the past...

 

It also sounds like you got started on the wrong foot with her Dad, you cannot treat him like he is invisible and expect him to like you.

 

I would think her going out on her own would be the best thing she could do but you can't fault her parents for parenting....

 

Well she told me they’ve always been like this so i can’t get overly upset but, they do a lot of things that upsets me like i bought her a T-shirt her father told her in my face to burn it and throw it away. They told her i didn’t like or care about her. They tell her i just want sex and I’ll leave her after i get it (not true) her father hasn’t gave me a chance to be honest. It’s just they gas her head up and i just want to be with her ... they talk for her because they think she’s a pushover

[Greatly]

And that is exactly what you should have done. He has laid out rules and boundaries which he expects his daughter to obey, and he wants you to understand and agree to them. But he doesn't want to have that conversation through a car window.

 

The bottom line is, while she lives under their roof, she must obey their rules, and so must you. It's your GF's choice whether she accepts that or moves out, becomes independent and makes her own rules. And it's your choice whether you accept her choice, or choose to move on...

 

How can he expect me to be comfortable when he comes to my window with an attitude on my first day coming around her house? .. that’s not fair to me

[Greatly]

OP, as long as you're going to refuse to meet them half-way, so to speak, you are part of the problem too.

 

I do what they ask except talk to her father her mother is different I’ve talked to them both but he’s aggresive his mom is nice and she lets me in the house her dad doesn’t want me in the house while he’s not around so i wait on the porch

[ExpatInItaly]

How can he expect me to be comfortable when he comes to my window with an attitude on my first day coming around her house? .. that’s not fair to me

 

And he's probably thinking it wasn't fair to his daughter that you couldn't bother coming to the door to properly meet them or ask for her on your first day coming to their house.

[Art_Critic]

They tell her i just want sex and I’ll leave her after i get it (not true) her father hasn’t gave me a chance to be honest.

 

I think you hit on it right there, perception is everything...

The perception you have left them is once you get sex you will be gone and they will be left to clean up the mess that will leave, they feel you will hurt her.

 

So you are saying that you won't be a "hit it and quit it kinda guy" ?

 

If you want to change his mind you need to come his way and sit down with him, let him get to know you...

[Greatly]

It does sound like the parents are a bit controlling, but you also don't know her history with her parents to know where it is coming from.. maybe they have brought her up with certain rules and expectations and she has had issues with those in the past...

 

It also sounds like you got started on the wrong foot with her Dad, you cannot treat him like he is invisible and expect him to like you.

 

I would think her going out on her own would be the best thing she could do but you can't fault her parents for parenting....

 

I’m the first guy she let meet her parents so maybe that’s what is it ...

[d0nnivain]

How can he expect me to be comfortable when he comes to my window with an attitude on my first day coming around her house? .. that’s not fair to me

 

He never should have been required to come to your window. You caused the initial rift by failing to get out of your car, walk to the door, ring the bell & introduce yourself.

 

Ask your own father how he courted your mother & he will explain to you why your GF's father has such a poor opinion of you. The GF's father knows his daughter is naïve & now she's dating a guy who has no manners (you). What is he supposed to think?

 

If you want this situation to change, YOU have to change it.

[Greatly]

I think you hit on it right there, perception is everything...

The perception you have left them is once you get sex you will be gone and they will be left to clean up the mess that will leave, they feel you will hurt her.

 

So you are saying that you won't be a "hit it and quit it kinda guy" ?

 

If you want to change his mind you need to come his way and sit down with him, let him get to know you...

 

I’ve already had sex with her i love her and i tell her that what they say aren’t true.i just feel like she doesn’t have a backbone either somewhat because I’d never let my parents talk to her they way her parents talk to me and her. The first time they crossed the line to curse at her I’d tell them off that’s also disrespecting me

[Greatly]

He never should have been required to come to your window. You caused the initial rift by failing to get out of your car, walk to the door, ring the bell & introduce yourself.

 

Ask your own father how he courted your mother & he will explain to you why your GF's father has such a poor opinion of you. The GF's father knows his daughter is naïve & now she's dating a guy who has no manners (you). What is he supposed to think?

 

If you want this situation to change, YOU have to change it.

 

I have been in there House way before he came to my car... he just asked me to come talk to him man to man AFTER coming to my car and yelling. I had met her mom and talked to her mom but never her dad

[PegNosePete]

he just asked me to come talk to him man to man AFTER coming to my car and yelling

Right, he gave you a chance to "man up", and because you didn't, he thinks even less of you.

 

It's not his job to make you comfortable. It doesn't matter if it's "fair" or not. If you want your relationship with your GF to last then you need her parents on side. That means you need to play by their rules, or wait for her to move out and become independent.

[Greatly]

Right, he gave you a chance to "man up", and because you didn't, he thinks even less of you.

 

It's not his job to make you comfortable. It doesn't matter if it's "fair" or not. If you want your relationship with your GF to last then you need her parents on side. That means you need to play by their rules, or wait for her to move out and become independent.

 

Understandable

[bathtub-row]

That’s what i don’t get this girl works and bought her own car and they still treat her like she’s 12 , i could see if she was siting on her ass all day that would be a different story but that isn’t the case here

 

Her parents have beaten her down and she probably doesn’t see a way out. Does she ever talk about getting away from these horrible people?

[Greatly]

Her parents have beaten her down and she probably doesn’t see a way out. Does she ever talk about getting away from these horrible people?

 

Yes she mentioned moving out once and her father told her she’s fail because she’s going too fast and she’s going to mess up and she just bought her car and then to told her to save for a house

[bathtub-row]

Yes she mentioned moving out once and her father told her she’s fail because she’s going too fast and she’s going to mess up and she just bought her car and then to told her to save for a house

 

These people are terrible excuses for parents. A parent’s job is to prepare their child to grow up in the world secure and independent. They’re doing the exact opposite of that.

 

Well, she’s just going to have to get herself past that big obstacle and wake up to the fact that her parents are demeaning and cruel. You can encourage her to move out but ultimately she’s the one who has to decide. In the meantime, I wouldn’t agree to see her at her parent’s home anymore. I wouldn’t interact with them at all. Just remember that if you get more deeply involved with her, these people will be in your life. I would personally walk away from this situation for that reason alone.

[Greatly]

These people are terrible excuses for parents. A parent’s job is to prepare their child to grow up in the world secure and independent. They’re doing the exact opposite of that.

 

Well, she’s just going to have to get herself past that big obstacle and wake up to the fact that her parents are demeaning and cruel. You can encourage her to move out but ultimately she’s the one who has to decide. In the meantime, I wouldn’t agree to see her at her parent’s home anymore. I wouldn’t interact with them at all. Just remember that if you get more deeply involved with her, these people will be in your life. I would personally walk away from this situation for that reason alone.

 

I don’t want to pressure her to move but whiles she’s in her parents home they’ll always win. I do love her

[d0nnivain]

bathrub-row

 

I suspect the parents are far nicer then the OP is making them out to be. He has an axe to grind because to him they are preventing him from routinely having sex with his GF.

 

So what the OP sees as controlling may only be protective.

 

From where I sit, this guy has been rude & disrespectful to the parents & as a result they don't like him. If he can't master getting out of the car to shake the dad's hand, you have to wonder what else he got wrong in the whole interaction. So the father may very well be shouting in frustration at his daughter because he wants the best for her & doesn't think the OP is it.

 

Wanting your daughter to not have a car accident & to save money to own her own home & be financially independent are hardly abusive behaviors. Telling her to slow down & that she may screw up her whole life by taking up with a guy the dad views unfavorably doesn't not make the parents horrible. Toning down the volume may be in order but there are 2 sides to every story & we're only getting the OPs view.

[Greatly]

bathrub-row

 

I suspect the parents are far nicer then the OP is making them out to be. He has an axe to grind because to him they are preventing him from routinely having sex with his GF.

 

So what the OP sees as controlling may only be protective.

 

From where I sit, this guy has been rude & disrespectful to the parents & as a result they don't like him. If he can't master getting out of the car to shake the dad's hand, you have to wonder what else he got wrong in the whole interaction. So the father may very well be shouting in frustration at his daughter because he wants the best for her & doesn't think the OP is it.

 

Wanting your daughter to not have a car accident & to save money to own her own home & be financially independent are hardly abusive behaviors. Telling her to slow down & that she may screw up her whole life by taking up with a guy the dad views unfavorably doesn't not make the parents horrible. Toning down the volume may be in order but there are 2 sides to every story & we're only getting the OPs view.

 

 

 

I may mistake their behaviors for caring but her not driving to see me is a bit extreme. And as i stated her mom is sweet she hasn’t yelled nor cursed at me but not bringing her clothes over,telling her to throw my gifts i give her away, telling her not to buy me things are TOO much. I told him i wanted to spend more time with her and he said “i don’t see why you can’t soend more time with her just by being friends” ... he doesn’t want me with her. I will toughen up and talk to her father

[Veronica73]

I agree with d0nnivain. They don’t seem that bad to me.

 

Also, in some cultures it’s perfectly normal to live with your family until you get married. (Don’t know if that’s a factor in this case.)

 

I think you need to try your best to reset your relationship with her father. And don’t be like “He’s not being fair.” He doesn’t have to be. Maybe read a book about etiquette or being a gentleman or something. I mean really, getting out of your car and going to the door to ring the doorbell should be a no-brainer.

[d0nnivain]

I suspect when you talk to the parents & you let them see that you are a good guy & an honorable man, things will improve.

 

I'm telling you. Right now, all of this is because the parents are worried you are not good enough for their daughter & they see your behavior as proving them right. Show them they are wrong & things should be much better.

 

Do speak to your own father for tips about how to best approach this.

[Greatly]

I agree with d0nnivain. They don’t seem that bad to me.

 

Also, in some cultures it’s perfectly normal to live with your family until you get married. (Don’t know if that’s a factor in this case.)

 

I think you need to try your best to reset your relationship with her father. And don’t be like “He’s not being fair.” He doesn’t have to be. Maybe read a book about etiquette or being a gentleman or something. I mean really, getting out of your car and going to the door to ring the doorbell should be a no-brainer.

 

Honestly it’s her father. Which is understandable considering she’s a girl he just threw me off coming to my car like that

[Greatly]

I understand the points of view here and i will talk to her father

[bathtub-row]

I don’t want to pressure her to move but whiles she’s in her parents home they’ll always win. I do love her

 

I didn’t say anything about pressuring her.

 

It’s simple. Just stop going over to the parent’s house to see her. She can go to your place.

[kendahke]

How was i supposed to know he doesn’t like it ?

 

You're 25, right? That's something you should have been taught about 10 years ago by your father. Why didn't he?

[kendahke]

That’s her car she pays the note but they ask her to use it. She pays her mom money every week to help with bills.

 

She should. She's grown and she's still living with them. She'd have to pay if she wasn't living there because adults have to provide for themselves.

 

Like I said, until your girlfriend decides she wants to be an adult and not their child, you're going to have to figure out how to deal with this.

 

Until then, if they're providing the roof, and she's willing to stay, she stays under their rules and yeah, they're going to use her car and she's going to pay to help out living there. That's the woman you chose to be with, so accept her or leave her alone.

 

But you're not going to force her from up under their roof if she doesn't want to leave and live elsewhere.

[bathtub-row]

bathrub-row

 

I suspect the parents are far nicer then the OP is making them out to be. He has an axe to grind because to him they are preventing him from routinely having sex with his GF.

 

So what the OP sees as controlling may only be protective.

 

From where I sit, this guy has been rude & disrespectful to the parents & as a result they don't like him. If he can't master getting out of the car to shake the dad's hand, you have to wonder what else he got wrong in the whole interaction. So the father may very well be shouting in frustration at his daughter because he wants the best for her & doesn't think the OP is it.

 

Wanting your daughter to not have a car accident & to save money to own her own home & be financially independent are hardly abusive behaviors. Telling her to slow down & that she may screw up her whole life by taking up with a guy the dad views unfavorably doesn't not make the parents horrible. Toning down the volume may be in order but there are 2 sides to every story & we're only getting the OPs view.

 

I didn’t read the part about him not getting out of the car. Regardless, the father’s behavior is over the top, from the way the OP is describing it. The bottom line is they’re far too controlling of their daughter and don’t give her any confidence to be independent. As a young, single woman, the very last thing she needs is the responsibility of owning a home.

 

I do agree with her parents about him not sleeping over at their house but not about her sleeping over at her bf’s. She’s too old to be bossed around this way.