patooks Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 (edited) Hi All. I met a chick on Tinder, another single mum, she asked me for my number a few days ago after chatting for awhile on the app. We talked for like an hour, we seem to click really well. We arranged for the next day to go to the movies that evening. She lives over an hour away as well, but seeing as I wouldn't get to hers till pretty late, she said to come to her place and we can hang and talk. So I arrived, we clicked like I knew we would. She told me to stay the night as it was too late to go home, we went to bed and just kissed, it didn't go any further then we talked for awhile then went to sleep. So I left the next day, we kissed goodbye, she said it was nice to meet me, and she went to work and I headed home. I messaged her later on to see how she thought our meeting went, she replied she thought it went well, and I'm a nice guy, but she wants time to get to know me, as shes treading carefully, as she's been hurt in the past and her main concern is her young son, who she has all the time bar 2 nights a week, kids father isn't in the picture. Since then I have had to initiate contact by text, she replies all the time though multiple times, and she had to cancel our next meeting due to her sons birthday which is totally fair. If she wasn't keen, surely she wouldn't message me back all the time would she, surely she would of told me straight away there was no connection. Unsure of what to do, any advice.... Edited June 29, 2018 by patooks
ExpatInItaly Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 This woman is talking out both sides of her mouth. She wants to tread carefully and take it slowly, yet she invited a strange man off the internet into her home to spend the night with her? I am sure you're a lovely man, but she's not that concerned about taking it slowly if she opened her home to you the very first time she met you. Something else isn't working for her, and that may be just as well. I side-eye people whose words and actions don't line up. 1
kendahke Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 her main concern is her young son But she wasn't that concerned for him when she invited a stranger to sleep in her house. Even if he was gone... were you not a nice guy, the child would be impacted by her being attacked or worse. She doesn't exercise sound judgment.
SevenCity Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 It’s possble she wanted to have sex with you. Funny how when a woman wants sex and you don’t initiate you become less attractive. If that’s not the case, it sounds like she just likes the attention. You’ll run into a lot of women like this. It’s hard for guys to compute because we are purpose driven and don’t understand the point of going on a dating site unless it’s to date. If we wanted friends, we’d be on Facebook lol. What’s your end goal? Something serious or just sex? If the latter you can probably get it if you know how to play it. If RL, I would back the F off and gauge her interest level. Keep conversations to in person and work from there. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 What do you mean she had to cancel your meeting due to her son's birthday? Who accepts a date knowing it's their kid's birthday? She sounds kinda flakey. The idea that she let a man she met off Tinder sleep in her home the 1st time she met him doesn't give me the impression that she has good judgment. But if you like her, ask for another date. See what happens. You won't get anywhere if you just keep texting but not meeting.
smackie9 Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 Do not...I repeat, DO NOT sleep in a woman's bed when sex is off the table. You are not 12, you stopped having sleep overs years ago, so why are you still doing it. You will become her cuddle cousin...and that's a bad thing to be. Be a grown up, ask her out on a proper date, get to know her, and stay out of her bed unless she is tearing your clothes off. If she gives you the run around, stop all contact. 1
mortensorchid Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 You will get your answer if and when you ask to see her again. If she has another excuse and does not offer an opening (ex. I am free this weekend), then she is not interested in you. 1
MaleIntuition Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 Hmm, I think she was looking for a hookup and when you didn’t “provide” she had to reevaluate you as a potential partner and thus the; “nice guy, but...” and some more lines about commitment issues. She might be interested still, but she definitely knows that You are interested so it might be best to back off a bit...
Lotsgoingon Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 Yeah, she was probably looking for a full hookup ... She also probably liked you a lot ... just in the days afterwards, she's thinking you're not her type ... Don't chase ... she'll make herself available if she's interested.
coolheadal Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 This woman invited you back to sleep with her without sex.. Don't you think there something odd about that? She like you enough to sleep with. But not enough to have fornication. Then she called you a nice guy.. If you were more aggressive you would have rough sex and she might have enjoyed you better. But you had played it safe so no sex with her and you. I wouldn't contact her back for awhile. Let her contact you.. Otherwise move on!
Author patooks Posted June 30, 2018 Author Posted June 30, 2018 So I messaged her today, and she responded that I'm a great guy and all the signs are there for us but she thinks she still wants to date and not be tied down at this point. I just want to add I never suggested been with her though, it's only been 1 date after all, but she also mentioned she's scared of commitment and weary about people and relationships after been burnt badly the last few times at this stage. So she wants to be friends and see if anything develops.
Author patooks Posted June 30, 2018 Author Posted June 30, 2018 Also, there was never any signs of us sleeping with each other, if there was I would of most likely acted on it. We only kissed for a bit and cuddled....
ExpatInItaly Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 Honestly? I would cut your losses and move along. She is going to date others, and her words are not consistent with her actions. She's claims weary and cautious, but she threw all caution to the wind by inviting a man she had never met into her home the very first time she met him. I would keep your options open and look for a woman whose words are supported by her behaviour. This one will likely turn out to be a headache for you. 1
MaleIntuition Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 Also, there was never any signs of us sleeping with each other, if there was I would of most likely acted on it. We only kissed for a bit and cuddled.... This was your sign: She told me to stay the night as it was too late to go home“ This is fairly straightforward.
kendahke Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 So I messaged her today, and she responded that I'm a great guy and all the signs are there for us but she thinks she still wants to date and not be tied down at this point. I just want to add I never suggested been with her though, it's only been 1 date after all, but she also mentioned she's scared of commitment and weary about people and relationships after been burnt badly the last few times at this stage. So she wants to be friends and see if anything develops. Bump her. If she's always being burned at this stage, then she needs to learn to stop bringing strange men home to sleep in her house with her after seeing them only one time. You had only one date--where is all this projection into the future coming from? She's got some issues and you've dodged a bullet.
kendahke Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 This is fairly straightforward. Not necessarily. You're confusing being hospitable with wanting sex. They aren't the same thing as far as this chick is concerned.
MaleIntuition Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 We arranged for the next day to go to the movies that evening. She lives over an hour away as well, but seeing as I wouldn't get to hers till pretty late, she said to come to her place and we can hang and talk. So I arrived, we clicked like I knew we would. She told me to stay the night as it was too late to go home, we went to bed and just kissed, it didn't go any further then we talked for awhile then went to sleep. I’m not confusing anything. They meet on Tinder, he invites her to the movies: She changes it into a “Netflix and chill”-date and even invites him to her bed. Common, had the genders been reversed we wouldn’t even have this discussion.
SevenCity Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 So I messaged her today, and she responded that I'm a great guy and all the signs are there for us but she thinks she still wants to date and not be tied down at this point. I just want to add I never suggested been with her though, it's only been 1 date after all, but she also mentioned she's scared of commitment and weary about people and relationships after been burnt badly the last few times at this stage. So she wants to be friends and see if anything develops. “When somebody tells you who they are, believe them” She’s basically told you everything you need to know to never call her again. If she was interested at all she would never have said any of this. Her offer of friendship will not lead to her setting you up with her single friends, nor to having sex with her. This is womenease for “I’ll never have sex with you and I’m never going to be your friend but if you want to buy me stuff and meals and be my emotional tampon I’m game”. You’re better than this. Wish her well and find a woman with high interest. 1
kendahke Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 I’m not confusing anything. They meet on Tinder, he invites her to the movies: She changes it into a “Netflix and chill”-date and even invites him to her bed. Her demeanor---what in her demeanor that OP has described throughout his posts leads you to this conclusion? I see nothing written anywhere by OP that she was hot for him, that she was all over him, that she was being unmistakable about wanting sex with him. Could be that she was waiting on him to buy a clue, but from what he's written (and not speculation or anything based on "what if" or "what about" deflection tactics), no, there is nothing presented in this thread that leads me to believe that she intended up having sex with him. What I am reading is a lot of speculation based on nothing presented in the original post of this thread.
Author patooks Posted June 30, 2018 Author Posted June 30, 2018 This chick is in no way skanky at all, the reason she told me to stay the night was it took me 1 1/2 hours to get to her place, I arrived at 9.30 pm, there would of been no point going to hers for say 1 1/2 hours to meet then me drive home for another 1 1/2 hours after working a 12 hour day. She is a very nice, caring person I think she just doesn't know what she wants right now, and myself been a down to earth and real guy who accepts her for who she is which she isn't accustomed too has thrown her off. I will still look to meet other girls, I won't invest much time at all into her, but will see what happens in the future.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 The point is that most savvy, cautious women do not invite strange men into their homes without ever having laid eyes on them in person. Full-stop. A woman who is truly cautious would have waited until she could meet outside her home. Trust me on this one. She is not that concerned about caution and moving slowly. Now that she's told you she doesn't want to tie herself down, you need to read between the lines and keep moving, man. 1
MaleIntuition Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 Her demeanor---what in her demeanor that OP has described throughout his posts leads you to this conclusion? I see nothing written anywhere by OP that she was hot for him, that she was all over him, that she was being unmistakable about wanting sex with him. Could be that she was waiting on him to buy a clue, but from what he's written (and not speculation or anything based on "what if" or "what about" deflection tactics), no, there is nothing presented in this thread that leads me to believe that she intended up having sex with him. What I am reading is a lot of speculation based on nothing presented in the original post of this thread. First of all; just because a women wants to have sex doesn’t make her “skanky”, it simply makes her human. These are the facts and my assumptions that lead me to the conclusion: Fact a: She has a child; that means that she at least on one occasion have had sex. Assumption: She, like the majority of humans, enjoys sex. Fact b: She met OP via Tinder and invited him to her home to “chill”. Fact c: Netflix and chill is Tinder code-word for hookup. Fact d: It’s bad dating practice to have a first date as a home date. Assumption: She never had any intention to date OP. Fact e: She invites OP to her Bed - not the couch. The bed. Fact f: The majority of women prefers the man to take the lead and escalate. Assumption: She wanted OP to “show more initiative”. Fact g: She is no longer interested. Assumption: She was never really interested in something serious to begin with. And now she is trying to let OP down gently. Yes. I can be wrong, but it doesn’t really matter; it’s time for op to move on anyway.
SevenCity Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 This chick is in no way skanky at all, the reason she told me to stay the night was it took me 1 1/2 hours to get to her place, I arrived at 9.30 pm, there would of been no point going to hers for say 1 1/2 hours to meet then me drive home for another 1 1/2 hours after working a 12 hour day. She is a very nice, caring person I think she just doesn't know what she wants right now, and myself been a down to earth and real guy who accepts her for who she is which she isn't accustomed too has thrown her off. I will still look to meet other girls, I won't invest much time at all into her, but will see what happens in the future. She may not know what she wants, but she know what she doesn’t want...you. This is no hit on you, just a clue to not wait for her. Trust me, when a woman likes you, there is zero doubt. She makes it very clear and makes things easy for you. She doesn’t say she wants to sleep with other guys. She can never be more than a FB because you aren’t her first choice. Ask any guy who married a girl when he was the second choice. It never ends well....ever.
Author patooks Posted July 5, 2018 Author Posted July 5, 2018 Thanks all. She messaged me today saying she thinks she's not into me, but was very keen on me the night we spent together. Also she mentioned she has no clue how a relationship works, and is scared about been hurt, and is unsure how to function in a normal relationship. If I dodged a bullet, why do I feel like I failed yet again. We seemed to click so well the night we were together.
coolheadal Posted July 5, 2018 Posted July 5, 2018 Also, there was never any signs of us sleeping with each other, if there was I would of most likely acted on it. We only kissed for a bit and cuddled.... She's confused in her head and damaged goods. You do not want a woman like her you need to move on drop your looses and get away from her NOW! She already has placed you in the FRIENDZONE.. Your her buddy, her friend.. Your not her lover, not her BF.. just a Friend. To get to know.
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