JDJ Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 There def isn’t any attentiveness from him. I’m wondering if he even likes me at all? I just don’t know why guys flirt making me think he likes me if he doesnt? I’d say mentioning my sex appeal is flirting with me and seemed like he was interested. Would you say hes not if hes not chasing? He seriously likes you and finds you incredibly sexy. You know because against his better judgement his brain got shut down, and he let those words slip at work. Are you ready to risk your marriage and his job to pursue this? 1
Author Pink86 Posted July 1, 2018 Author Posted July 1, 2018 I am married but we are separated! Been separated for 6 months now! So dont judge me. Am I not allowed to date anyone?
Author Pink86 Posted July 1, 2018 Author Posted July 1, 2018 It’s weird I almost feel like what he said was planned out. I feel like he kinda avoids me because he gets really nervous around me and him saying that was a way to feel me out to see how I’d react for some reason.
Happy Lemming Posted July 1, 2018 Posted July 1, 2018 It’s weird I almost feel like what he said was planned out. I feel like he kinda avoids me because he gets really nervous around me and him saying that was a way to feel me out to see how I’d react for some reason. Stop wondering and ask him out to lunch. Tell him you want to try "_________" (fill in the blank - food) at this lunch bistro around the corner and would he accompany you?? If he says "no", you'll have your answer. If he says "yes", while at lunch try to hint at what you want and see if he takes the hint?? Feel him out, gauge his reaction and steer the conversation towards your goal.
Author Pink86 Posted July 1, 2018 Author Posted July 1, 2018 The problem here is that I am super shy and would hope he would do it! I could never see myself asking a guy to lunch. Not because I don’t want to but I would just freeze up. Especially if he rejected me when I did it.
Happy Lemming Posted July 1, 2018 Posted July 1, 2018 The problem here is that I am super shy and would hope he would do it! I could never see myself asking a guy to lunch. Not because I don’t want to but I would just freeze up. Especially if he rejected me when I did it. Rejection is temporary... Regret is permanent!! Face your fear. Take away its power. What is the worse that could happen, if he says "no", then go take yourself to lunch. You'll know for sure, instead of wondering. I think confidence is sexy in a woman, he may also.
fredflint Posted July 1, 2018 Posted July 1, 2018 If he isn’t interested why would he flirt so hard and talk about my sex appeal and then do nothing? Sounds like you're BOTH doing nothing lol If you are interested, why are you doing nothing?
fredflint Posted July 1, 2018 Posted July 1, 2018 The problem here is that I am super shy and would hope he would do it! I could never see myself asking a guy to lunch. Not because I don’t want to but I would just freeze up. Especially if he rejected me when I did it. Ok I just read this, well I agree with Happy Lemming. Just ask him. I like it when women ask me.
GemmaUK Posted July 1, 2018 Posted July 1, 2018 How old are you and how old is he OP? I think I'm a fair bit older than you and it has (some, possibly) impact on scenarios such as this. When I get to know men at work there has pretty much always been one, two or a handful of men that you work with and get to know to an extent where you don't 'actually fancy' them but one or the other throws out a bit of flirty banter - I've done it and men I've worked with have done it with me also. It's a risk the first time so you gauge how that guy takes it and whether he recognises it for what it is - just flirty banter. The way to know is if the person you risk it with gives it right back or not. Married, partnered or single people have connections with each other to various degrees. Some people are flirts more than others and there is a level of what I call 'inappropriate fun' to be had out of some people. It's not that inappropriate, no lines get crossed and it's just a bit of a laugh to get through a tough day. My boss retired on Friday - we have that connection - he's a fair bit older than me but it's one of those - in another place and time, if we had met and were of similar age something might have happened. As it is and along with that little connection there is one whole tonne of respect and knowing it for what it is - not a single line got crossed where either felt uncomfortable. There's another couple of guys at work with whom on or the other of us has risked saying something and we have different levels of 'just a bit of a connection'. One of the guys is very close to my age and actually, we both keep it very tame as it's a bit too unsafe not to be misconstrued. Another guy - he's around 20. Again, it's a lesser connection but is very safe due to age difference and it's just fun is all it is. I also recall the last place I worked - it was my boss again and we had that connection. He was gay and got married to a wonderful guy. No way was anything going to happen but bits of flirty banter thrown in here and there certainly made light of a tough day. All through my work life these little connections have happened in almost every place I've worked. No lines have ever been crossed, respect is 100% on both sides. It is also an ego boost, but it's harmless. If any one of the handful of guys I have mentioned above had asked me for a drink or made any kind of actual move I would have been very shocked and would have nipped the situation in the bud right there and then by saying something or backing off completely. I think with you, he threw out a bit of flirty banter which you didn't give back so he is aware you may have taken it for more than it is. He has rightly backed off. I don't think you should ask him for lunch or for a drink. I think that it would make things more awkward.
morrowrd Posted July 1, 2018 Posted July 1, 2018 He's probably sending texts and communicating to others there, besides yourself. Might explain his avoidance except while texting.
d0nnivain Posted July 1, 2018 Posted July 1, 2018 I am married but we are separated! Been separated for 6 months now! So dont judge me. Am I not allowed to date anyone? You weren't clear about this. Here you said you were single. On the other thread you said you were married. Had you put the disclaimer that you are separated in that answer, I wouldn't have jumped all over you. Yes, I am going to judge a married person for infidelity but if you are separated that is another story. The problem here is that I am super shy and would hope he would do it! I could never see myself asking a guy to lunch. Not because I don’t want to but I would just freeze up. Especially if he rejected me when I did it. It's lunch with a work colleague. At the point of the first ask in that context it's not a date. It's about the food & secondarily the companionship. Even if he declined it wouldn't necessarily be about you but about the timing. He may be busy. He may prefer to eat as his desk. An easier way may be to organize an after work happy hour with a few people & include him. Talk to him outside of the office & see how that plays out. You must also realize that if 6 months ago he knew you were married, he might not know you are now separated so he's keeping his distance because he thinks you are unavailable. Even if he knows you are "single" he may fear that he'd be a rebound because oftentimes here on LS we advise people not to be the 1st person a newly divorcing person goes out with. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 1, 2018 Posted July 1, 2018 OP, glad you clarified that you are married but separated (which i asked on another thread) as that is an important bit of context. Have you ever considered along with other reasons that were given for him not making a move and simply flirting is that he doesn't believe in dating separated people? Lots of people think like that and in a workplace it has the possibilities to get very messy (much more risk than a straightforward dating scenario) in some people's minds. My guess is all of these are factors he is taking into consideration--plus he might not even be single himself. 2
PRW Posted July 2, 2018 Posted July 2, 2018 I think he is either afraid of repercussions via HR or doesn't want to be the next "MeToo" victem,...as other have said. But one thing I didn't see anyone suggest is that he could be interested but it just simply "guttless". If he is "guttless" then that is always tied to other insecurities and it is not a good idea to get mixed up with him. Once the "gutless" ones get bumped into action by you somehow encouraging them, then they tend to go to the other extreme and become stalkerish.
PegNosePete Posted July 2, 2018 Posted July 2, 2018 I am married but we are separated! Been separated for 6 months now! So dont judge me. Am I not allowed to date anyone? You absolutely are! But that doesn't change the fact that any man with a brain would steer well clear. 2
Author Pink86 Posted July 2, 2018 Author Posted July 2, 2018 So I should just ignore him altogether then? Maybe if I did that it would make him come around if he was really interested right? If not, then it wasn’t meant to be then right?
Happy Lemming Posted July 2, 2018 Posted July 2, 2018 Here is an idea... You stated that you are too shy to approach this gentleman, directly. Do you have a female co-worker that you trust & like?? If so, ask her to drop some hints about you and feel out this guy?? Maybe she could be the "go between"??
coolheadal Posted July 2, 2018 Posted July 2, 2018 So I should just ignore him altogether then? Maybe if I did that it would make him come around if he was really interested right? If not, then it wasn’t meant to be then right? Is this co-worker higher than you. He might have check your employee record to learn you're still married. So he might have figured your not available. He might be married as well. Pop into his office look at his desk do you see women or kids on the desk? Just tread carefully with people you work with. I've learned so much in 1 year of doing this myself. I left that job for another full-time job. She who I had met at the other job has done the same thing. I think it's better than way. But in 2018 this way of meeting someone at work everyone is doing it today. My new job has a lot of single women there. I already got a few smiles of interest already OMY! Just be careful no one prejudging you sure your still married but your on your own and you can do what you want. But make sure that guy knows you are. Otherwise your husband might be why he's not interested. Get the word out your separated.. If your shy they it's going to be very hard for anyone to get to know you then, if he's not interested you'll know..
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2018 Posted July 2, 2018 So I should just ignore him altogether then? Maybe if I did that it would make him come around if he was really interested right? If not, then it wasn’t meant to be then right? No. Ignoring him hoping that will make him chase you is game playing. If you want to know what's up with him, be an adult & talk to him. If you can't or won't do that, just let it go. Because they it probably wasn't meant to be. You will always have to be professional & cordial at work.
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