Pink86 Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 (edited) So I have this crush. We have never dated or anything. When I am around him he is very flirty. He gives eye contact that almost seems like there is sexual tension with him and I. He is a lot older than me as well. His flirting is very subtle too. Ive known him a little while but don’t know him too well, and he just recently started flirting. He mentioned my sex appeal the last time I saw him. But once I go home I don’t hear from him. If I text him something Ill get a playful text back etc. Also, sometimes it seems like he is avoiding me. We work at the same place and if I’m sitting at my desk where his is across the room from mine to get into the office there are 2 doors. He will walk in the firthur door away instead of the door by me which is where his desk is closer to. It seems odd. Why is he acting like he is really attracted and does weird avoid movements like that too? So confused right now! If he isn’t interested why would he flirt so hard and talk about my sex appeal and then do nothing? Edited June 29, 2018 by Pink86 Title messed up
Happy Lemming Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 We work at the same place... Well, maybe he likes his job and doesn't want to put it at risk. It is possible he thought about his previous actions and realized this could turn into an HR mess, so he backed off. For me, I never fished off the company pier. Moreover, I actually became quite "gun shy" about saying anything to any woman I worked with after the Anita Hill / Clarence Thomas situation. Unless it was 100% work related, all I ever said to a woman I worked with was "Good Morning" when I arrived and "Good Night" when I left. 1
Author Pink86 Posted June 29, 2018 Author Posted June 29, 2018 My company doesn’t have a no dating another coworker policy. Actually a lot of people I work with are married or dating one another.
Happy Lemming Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 My company doesn’t have a no dating another coworker policy. Actually a lot of people I work with are married or dating one another. If you really want to pursue this, double check with your HR Department. If they give you the "green light", ask him to lunch (off-site). At lunch you can make your intentions known, then the ball will be in his court. 1
Woggle Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 My company doesn’t have a no dating another coworker policy. Actually a lot of people I work with are married or dating one another. None of that matters. One allegation and he is a metoo case. Not saying you would say anything but it is just not worth it. He might like you but if he has a brain he will stay away. 4
rightondude Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 ask him if he wants to go out for a drink after work. That will answer all your questions. No you don't have to worry about being too forward in this case. This will remove all questions of impropriety (assuming you don't report to him or he to you) and protect him (somewhat) from HR backlash. "Hey she asked me out!" 2
Lotsgoingon Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 Hard to read between the lines ... But I have told a colleague (someone I know pretty well) ... wow, you look so sexy in those boots ... to which she thanked me profusely. I was not, however, hitting on her. So I was taking a bit of a risky ... but I said this ... almost with a tone of disinterest ... wanted to make sure she knew I wasn't coming on to her ... but I did want to acknowledge that she was looking great! So noting that a colleague or friend is looking sexy ... isn't necessarily flirting these days ... sometimes it's must a more forward way of saying "that dress looks great on you." I may be completely wrong ... but I'm not hearing you mention the consistent attentiveness that happens when someone really wants to date you and ask you out.
SevenCity Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 My company doesn’t have a no dating another coworker policy. Actually a lot of people I work with are married or dating one another. A lot of people meet at work. I met my ex wife, ex gf, and gf at work (different jobs). No one ever sued me and I never went to hr. The biggest concern is not losing your job, it’s seeing them if it doesn’t work out. I think it’s silly that people are so afraid they will get fired. Sexual harassment has to be unwanted and persistent. Asking a girl out is hardly a qualifying action. 1
kendahke Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 If he wanted to be with you, OP, it would be obvious and this thread wouldn't be here. As the saying goes, "if you have to ask..." 4
d0nnivain Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 My company doesn’t have a no dating another coworker policy. Actually a lot of people I work with are married or dating one another. The fact that everybody is doing something doesn't mean it's a good thing to do. This guy probably enjoys flirting with you but he has personal standards against interoffice fraternization. If one of you stops working there, ask him out but while you are co-workers respect the boundary he has established. It is 2018. If you push this you could be labeled the aggressor in a hostile work environment / sexual harassment claim. 3
Author Pink86 Posted June 29, 2018 Author Posted June 29, 2018 There def isn’t any attentiveness from him. I’m wondering if he even likes me at all? I just don’t know why guys flirt making me think he likes me if he doesnt? I’d say mentioning my sex appeal is flirting with me and seemed like he was interested. Would you say hes not if hes not chasing?
Veronica73 Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 Contrary to what an above poster says is okay, I would never ever tell a colleague that they looked sexy at work. Saying the dress looks nice on them is fine, or they look nice, or something like that is fine though. 2
smackie9 Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 Just because he flirts with you doesn't mean he wants to date you. If it looks like he avoids you, that is his way of saying don't take this so seriously. He's just getting an ego boost out of it. 2
kendahke Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 There def isn’t any attentiveness from him. I’m wondering if he even likes me at all? ? I’d say mentioning my sex appeal is flirting with me and seemed like he was interested. Would you say hes not if hes not chasing? Like I said above, if he was interested, you wouldn't be wondering and this thread wouldn't be here. He was being nice---and yeah, he probably let slip something he had no business saying to you and has been walking it back ever since because, as his behavior is telling you, he doesn't want to take things there with you. I mean, from what you've written, that's pretty clear to me--I'm curious as to why it's not clear to you? He is allowed and is well within his rights to draw the line against dating co-workers. I just don’t know why guys flirt making me think he likes me if he doesnt No one makes you think or do anything. You're grown with agency on how you choose to conduct yourself. He may like you--in a professional, co-worker kind of way, not a "I want you to be my woman" kind of way. 3
SevenCity Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 find out if he's single and available first This is a good idea. Just flat out ask him and offer than you are single if he says he is too.
lurker74 Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 This is a good idea. Just flat out ask him and offer than you are single if he says he is too. Dimes to dollars that he is in a relationship. That would explain his behavior because others in the office know he's in a relationship.
SevenCity Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 Dimes to dollars that he is in a relationship. That would explain his behavior because others in the office know he's in a relationship. Could be. He could also be reading LS threads that imply you will be flogged and go to prison if you ask a girl out at work One way to find out...
mossycup Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 In my experience, some men (well, some people really) just like the fun of flirting. I'm not a guy, but I feel like I know, from my experience of being treated this way by men and by being a human being who notices other human beings. I think the most important thing one can know in the world of love and relationships is that we tend to have very black and white ideas about other people's motivations. If a person flirts in any way, we jump the the question, are they interested in being with me? If it turns out they aren't, then we're like WTF?? You flirted! But the fact is people flirt and say things for many, many reasons, some of them obscure. Recently a man flirted with me so intensely that I really felt he would at least call the next day - nope. Never heard from him again. Found out later he's in a messy divorce. I think he needed to feel good for a night. Other posters have said this: please remember it forever: if a man wants to be your man, you will know it, very, very clearly. Even then, you won't know if he's a good man worth your time, but you're not at that stage yet here. I think this man just wants to have a bit of fun at the office (I'm not making any statements here about whether that is right or wrong or stupid). You can enjoy it for what its worth, but if it was me I'd avoid this guy completely, because you'll end up either getting your hopes up, or getting into an awkward situation. Mainly, if you learn anything from this, it's that flirting means very little in terms of a person's actual intentions towards you. 2
Versacehottie Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 Agree with donavin & smackie. He may have personal reasons not to date people from work even if there is not a rule about it. Especially as someone older than you: maybe he has done it before and come to conclusions about dating at workplace & maybe he has a higher level job thus a higher standard he must or feels he must uphold and more to lose if a relationship goes south, (footnote: see Intel scandal last week). Also I completely agree with smackie about some people just flirt to flirt to occupy their day and it doesn't mean much and perhaps he isn't single. Lots of that going on in my work place. You just need to get savvy about what is flirting with more intention and what is to pass the time and for mutual ego boost. Flirting with more intention, typically if you give the guy the right signals and he is single, he will take the next step if his flirting means that he is interesting in dating you. Considering he hasn't, maybe it's safe to assume he's not interested in dating you? 1
stillafool Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 I really don't understand why lately people are getting so excited on mere flirtation. Doesn't everyone do it to a certain extent? I've never taken a man flirting with me seriously. They would have to be and have always been direct in what they want because I'm terrible at taking hints. 2
JDJ Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 A lot of people meet at work. I met my ex wife, ex gf, and gf at work (different jobs). No one ever sued me and I never went to hr. The biggest concern is not losing your job, it’s seeing them if it doesn’t work out. I think it’s silly that people are so afraid they will get fired. Sexual harassment has to be unwanted and persistent. Asking a girl out is hardly a qualifying action. You may be able to win a lawsuit if all you did was ask a co-worker out, but to think that you might not be sued or fired for such an action in today's world is foolish. In most cases, people will do the cost-benefit analysis --- small chance of being fired or have career advancement derailed due to word spreading about an incident vs. very tiny chance that a particular co-worker has something special that could not be found in hundreds of others who might be available to date OUTSIDE of work. Don't **** where you eat is a rule that most follow. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 I'm a woman but based on this post in another thread I think you should forget about this guy at work & go home & work on your MARRIAGE. I disagree! I was in a year long distance relationship then finally moved out to live with my bf and now we are married. 3
Woggle Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 So you work together and you are married. Any man with a brain will stay clear. 3
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