crazybeing Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 (edited) Hi, I'm new to this forum and I'd really like to receive opinions on my current situation. Long story short, I'm in a relationship with my BF for 3 years+. He's 25, I'm 33. He lives with me in a house I bought alone. He's still student and I'm a 10+ experienced IT employee (promoted to manager 4years ago) I'm a transgender woman, he sees me as a completely normal woman even if he knows everything about my past. That is a start. Now let's go for the advice seeking part: I'm so tired of him. He only thinks about videogame, lets everything laying on the ground or on his desk. Doesn't take initiatives concerning washing things up in the house and I feel like I'm assuming his mother's role sometimes. He's a loud person (I love calm environment), can easily videobinge while playing games with both sounds/music aloud. He's not taking care of himself, I do the clothes washing from A to Z, have to ask him when I want something done in the house and I start to feel like it's a service he gives me when he does it. Our sex life is a mess, I get laid only 1 every 2 months or so. (His libido is really low) On the other hand he's kind. He takes care of his parents (both old ppl they can't manage themselves for anything. He takes care of the administrative part, budget, shopping, health follow-ups for them and it's heavy on his shoulders) He's still a student but doesn't take his studies very seriously. I wonder if he will finish it someday. Seeing him, hearing him, and I start to feel my stomach turning around. I physically feel the pain in my belly sometimes just knowing he's near me in the bed. I'm sleep deprived because he would turn in my direction and put his breath in my nose at night. I'm force to turn the other way every night. I want to be free. But I'm transgender, I know finding someone who's not concerned about your past is rare. I don't know what to do. He really seems to enjoy my presence and his love is genuine (or so I think). It seems I'm the only stable piece in his life which makes me think he loves me because he needs me in a way. I don't want to hurt him... If I leave him I'll be alone (which is now perfectly acceptable in my opinion because I'd still be better than now) and I'll destroy him. Should I wait until his studies are finished? Or not? Or should I just be patient? I don't know... Please help Edited June 27, 2018 by crazybeing More details
mossycup Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 It seems like there are a few different parts to this. One, your past. I am not transgender but I do have a trait in my life that people can be judgemental about so I understand in some way that feeling of how it is harder to find someone. And, you have it said yourself, it would be better for you to be alone then to be with someone you don't want to be with. Also, there are other people who will be ok with your past. Second, him. Have you talked to him? It sounds like you might become happier and more attracted to him if he became more responsible at home, so maybe its something you can work on together? Can you bring it up in a way that doesn't insult him? In the end, relationships need communication. If someone was going to leave me, I'd like to have had the opportunity to talk about it first and see if maybe I could make some changes to make them happy. If he really can't change, then no one is to blame, but if he can, why not give him the opportunity? I think the best thing to do is start having gentle conversations with him about this. You will know better what to do after you know more about what he is feeling, I think.
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